Photo: Entertainment Weekly

Oscar nominations are out and all of the big names and categories are trending: Best Picture, Barbie, America Ferrera, Cillian Murphy, Zac Efron, The Holdovers, Best Actress, Past Lives, Just Ken to name a few.

The six big categories are what most people care about. Best Picture, Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Supporting Actress, Best Supporting Actor, and Best Director are listed at the top of the page for a reason.

No on cares about my (or your) predictions, so let’s just do a little rapid fire chit chat as a self-proclaimed movie critic.

Why the hell are there ten nominations for Best Picture? The Best Actress should probably always just be awarded to Emma Stone. Best Actor should be applauded for giving us the widest range of ugliest to hottest entertainers in Paul Giamatti, Cillian Murphy, and Bradley Cooper.

Best Supporting Actress should also probably just be given to Emma Stone. The Best Supporting Actor category has a 60% chance of the winner’s name starting with “R.” Finally, the Best Director nominees combine for 259 years old, an average of 51.8 years. So, if you’re an aspiring director, just put those plans on hold until you’re AT LEAST a quinquagenarian.

So sit back, grab some popcorn and prosecco, and let’s continue to enjoy award season and all of the Hollywood autofellatio that it brings.