And then there were four. It’s NFL Divisional Playoff Weekend. We recap in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.
The Cincinnati Bengals, also known as Cinderella Their quarterback Joe Burrow sure is one talented fella Bengals went down to Nashville, beat up on the Titans A young team with big talent, NFL should be frightened
Another major upset, Niners over Green Bay Defense and special teams for San Francisco saved the day Jimmy Garoppolo has got to be better next week Otherwise the Niners Super Bowl chances sure look bleak
An NFC West battle, the Super Bowl’s the prize The Rams came down to Tampa and stuck it in their eyes Matt Stafford and that defense ended Tom Brady’s year Rumors are a-floating, will he end his career?
The best for last, Chiefs and Bills Regulation not enough, overtime thrills Time and time again, Mahomes comes out a winner Andy Reid earned himself a nice triple steak dinner
Look at him, drink in every inch of that perfectly tailored suit.
The NFL got better on Friday when the Carolina Panthers announced the hiring of Ben McAdoo as their new offensive coordinator. Before Pete Davidson was the sexiest man in New York, Coach McAdoo held that title. The former Giants head coach last prowled the sidelines in 2017 with the G-men, and had been in consulting roles with the Jaguars and Cowboys since he was unjustly fired in New York.
An undervalued offensive mind, Big Bad Ben brings the twisted steel and sex appeal the Panthers were looking for in their search. The titillating teacher of offense graced the Giants with his beautiful brain during an incredible run that started in 2016 and unfortunately ended in 2017.
2016: ranked 26th in scoring offense, ahead of juggernauts like the Bears, Jets, and Browns
2016: ranked 29th in rushing, beating out dependable runners like Theo Riddick of the Lions and Jerick McKinnon of the Vikings
2016: ranked 17th in passing, out-throwing big arms like Ryan Tannehill of the Dolphins and Brock Osweiler of the Texans
2017: ranked 31st in scoring offense, blowing the Browns out of the water (just like 2016)
2017: ranked 26th in rushing, a huge improvement from 2016 and outrushing big hitters like Kerwynn Williams of the Cardinals and Samaje Perine of the Washington Football Team
2017: ranked 19th in passing, this extremely slight drop from 2016 can easily be explained by the improved rushing attack and becoming a more balanced offense. Even with all of that, that stellar offense had more passing yards than Joe Flacco’s Ravens and Jacoby Brissett’s Colts
Absolute fireworks. If you’re a Carolina Panther fan today, I don’t know how you’re containing your excitement. Go buy those season tickets because they’ll be flying off the shelf after this announcement. Go out and get that “Panthers Super Bowl Champs 2023” tattoo. Name your next born “Benjamin.” There are no rules after organization shifting hires like Coach McAdoo.
You’ve got yourself a stud…ride that pony all the way to the Lombardi Trophy.
One of the best weekends in sports, Super Wildcard Weekend. We’ve still got plenty to go, but in case you missed anything, let’s review in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.
Raiders and the Bengals, first game yesterday Joe Burrow and the boys from Cincy for sure had their way Vegas made it close, almost tied it at the end After the season the Raiders had, we all should commend
Bills and the Pats, Saturday’s nightcap This one was over early, an expeditious wrap Bills Mafia came in force and saw their team ball out Beat the Pats two out of three, some AFC East clout
Bucs and the Eagles, champions verse Philly TB12 and the boys made them look silly The Eagles never got it going, and it really showed Hard to beat the buzzsaw Brady when in playoff mode
An upset down in Big D, Niners and the boys San Fran’s offense was too much, really brought the noise Another big playoff loss for Jerry Jones’ team Ever since the late 90’s that has been their theme
On Thursday, ESPN’s always riveting morning show Get Up held what we’ve all come to expect; lively debate with hard hitting analysis.
During another exhilarating conversation, the panel moved to this week’s opening round of the NFL playoffs. While talking about Josh Allen’s issues with cold weather, Bart Scott gave his best suggestion to improve the Bills quarterback’s chances to lead his team to victory over the Patriots:
“Josh Allen listening? Can people get this message to him? Vi-a-gra. Take a viagra before the game, baby.” — Bart Scott
Added: “A lot of NFL players, at least in my day, took viagra.”
After this clip aired, Scott continued his diatribe and provided some additional tips:
“Soup. Find your best soup place in Buffalo and down that super bowl of broth and noodles.”
“Layer, layer, layer. Throw on 3-4 long sleeves under your shoulder pads to guarantee warmth.”
“Take a shot of hot sauce. Tobasco, Cholula, Frank’s Redhot; anything will do.”
“Halftime shower. X’s and O’s be dammed; in game adjustments pale in comparison to body heat. Boil up a pot of water to 425 degrees, strip down, and engulf yourself in some blazing H20.”
“The cold can cause joint and muscle pain, we all know that. Take some IcyHot, and jam it in any and all orifices of your body. Both nostrils, eyeballs, buttcrack. Stick it in to win is what I always say.”
“This is probably obvious, but train in the ancient art of fire eating.”
It’s always interesting to see the inside tips and tricks that professional athletes do to ensure premium performance. Really looking forward to the playoffs this weekend to see which of these pointers work out for Allen and the Bills.
Like an old friend, SSM is back to review the week that was in sports.
First week 18 in NFL history Helped solved some teams playoff mysteries Titans and Packers are number one seeds Lead the AFC and NFC, respectively
Big upset that changed some plans Jags beat the Colts, now they’re playoff banned Indy won’t move on, their season is done An all time choke, they were on such a run
A football tradition, all gas and no breaks Dolphins beat the Pats in a game with no stakes A one year playoff hiatus for the Pats But they’re back in the dance, and that is that
In the “coaches probably fired” Super Bowl Vikings beat the Bears, Skol skol skol Mike Zimmer and Matt Nagy, things looking grim Both coaches and their staffs may get trimmed
After a sideline dispute and an all-time walk off, Antonio Brown has been released by the Buccaneers. We’re all familiar by now with the he said he said of the dispute between Brown and Bruce Arians. We’re not here to debate who’s right and who’s wrong; but to make fun of all involved.
Antonio Brown is an asshole. Bruce Arians is an asshole. They’re both larger than life characters with flaws. To get to the top of their respective professions means they’re both world class at what they do; but that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh at them when a disaster of magnificent proportions like this happens in front of our eyes.
Brown’s history is just too funny not to look back and reminisce on. Despite the fact that he’s Tom Brady’s old roommate; he’s an eccentric oddball who was literally a homeless person that turned himself into one of the most physically gifted receivers we’ve ever seen. That amazing fact cannot stop us from remembering he habitually does not pay anyone for services rendered, threw furniture out of his 14th story apartment in a childish fit of rage, and rips farts in doctor’s faces. Grade A terrible and comedic behavior for anyone.
Arians is simply funny to look at. He looks like the owner of a shitty bar and grille called “Bruce’s Buoy Bar” in the Florida Keys that offers two for one Landsharks during happy hour. He also looks like the kind of guy who had his stomach pumped twice as a kid for drinking paint; not once…twice. Wrap all of this together with his trademark Kangol hat as a cherry on top, and you’ve got yourself a cartoon character for the ages.
It will be interesting to see how all of this will play out between the Buccaneers and Brown. The NFLPA will inevitably get involved, some more mud slinging will happen between the two sides, and maybe we’ll get a few more funny behind the scenes stories we don’t currently have. Will Brown get another shot in the NFL? Honestly, who cares. Let’s enjoy the shit show we have in front of us now and worry about that another day.
The sports really sported this week, didn’t they? We review in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.
Another Jake Paul fight, a real heavyweight bout Round 2 with Tyron Woodley, knocked his ass out Hard to argue with another knockout blow For the YouTube star, he does put on a show
On the undercard, another wild fight Deron Williams and Frank Gore, yeah you heard that right If I had to choose one side, I’d be on Frank Gore’s team But holy shit he got knocked out, even became a meme
Big upset in the NFL, Lions win again! Not a matter of if they’ll bite, but really only when A second win for Dan Campbell, and a tie to boot Still like Kyler and the Cardinals, that little guy can scoot
The heat’s on in Miami, the Dolphins cannot lose Six straight wins after today, team is set to cruise Their record’s evened up, seven up and seven down Will we see the much familiar late season letdown?
Staying down in Florida, surprise of the season Urban Meyer has been fired for 1,000 reasons We all saw this coming, was a total shit show Funny that the tipping point was kicking Josh Lambo
A fresh new face to lead the Mets in 2022 Thinking way outside the box for the orange and blue Super shocking hire, a clean slate as they say Bright eyed 65 year old Buck Showalter to save the day!
The race is hot the in the NBA, who has COVID the most? Cavs, Nets, and the Hawks currently have the rights to boast The virus not just affecting the world of basketball NFL has issues too, rescheduling and all
Deion Sanders, who needs no introduction, is a stone cold killer. He also played his college ball at Florida State University, where he’s wanted to coach for years. For whatever reason, this seemingly perfect match never (or has yet to) came to fruition. In 2020, Sanders finally got his first college coach gig at Jackson State, a HBCU is Mississippi.
Not that anyone expected it to, but it didn’t take long for Coach Prime to make a splash. His introductory press conference aside, he won the SWAC and was the 2021 SWAC Coach of the Year.
On Wednesday, the splash came in the recruiting game.
The 2022 number one overall recruit Travis Hunter de-committed from Florida State, Deion’s alma mater, to Jackson State:
There it is
Nation’s No. 1 recruit Travis Hunter is officially headed to Jackson State to play for Coach Prime
We are in full blown holiday season, and the gift of sports keeps on giving. We recap the past seven days of presents in this week’s SSM.
NFL afternoon slate, full of overtime Bucs and Bills, Niners and Bengals, teams all in their prime San Francisco, Tampa Bay, both teams with the dubs All four teams might make the playoffs, none of them are scrubs
Another great week in Jacksonville For Urban Meyer, dude is not chill He called his staff losers, things not going well Looking to move to Florida? Urban may be ready to sell
Big COVID outbreak for the Chicago Bulls Nine players in quarantine, protocol list is full Hard to keep momentum going with a thing like this Hopefully all get well soon or Bulls fans will be pissed
A sad day for Lakers, Clippers, Sparks, and Kings fans.
On Monday, pictures surfaced of the famous red blocked “Staples Center” signage being removed from the arena in Los Angeles. The de-signing took place after it was announced the venue would undergo a name change to Crypto.com Arena, with an official name change marked for Christmas Day.
We’re talking Hollywood here, land of entertainment and retreads. So, there has to be some kind of creative venture for these now-homeless letters to stick around LA, right?
What kind of next life could be in store for our old friends S-T-A-P-L-E-S-C-E-N-T-E-R?
Escapees
Escape rooms have really come on in popularity in the past few years. If you’re looking to get into the industry, what better way to get some foot traffic through your doors than naming your business “Escapees,” all while flaunting the caveat that the letters came from Staples Center?
Etcetera
Can we be done with the phrase “Thrift Shop?” For what is indeed a great business, it sounds so degrading. Donators always have more in their closets than they need…some would go as far as to call unmentioned, extra items “Etcetera,” correct? What if those looking for some cheap second hand clothes walked into “Etcetera,” the hottest new co-op downtown?
Pacesetters
Lot of runners out there. Those psychopaths who knock out marathons like it’s their jobs. Doesn’t “Pacesetters” sound like a bar that these physically-gifted freaks could gather and talk about shin splints, nipple chafing, and whatever else happens when you run for extended periods of time?
Caprese
Upscale salad bar, enough said.
Actress
I’m no big time Hollywood agent, but I do know that our entertainers in the TV and movie industries do these things calls “head shots.” If I’m an aspiring actress trying to stand out from the crowd at an audition, I’m buying the Staples Center sign, posing right in front of “Actress,” and watch the bank account overflow.
Teen Crap
Zodiac rings, BTS posters, Tik Tok ideas. Everything you need for your favorite youth all in one place. Come on in to “Teen Crap” and let your favorite 13-19 year old max out your credit card on totally worthwhile stuff!
Relapse
This absolutely sounds like an insensitive name to call a bar in LA. We wouldn’t make that joke though, totally tasteless.
Los Angeles, there you go. Your homework is done for you, you’re welcome. It’s up to you now to make sure the letters of “Staples Center” do not fade into memory as a worthless and out of date member of society…kind of like the actual store Staples.
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