Author: Chris Cook

A Mighty Morphin’ Power Ranking

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Photo: Entertainment Weekly

Millennials rejoice, Power Rangers is back.

On Wednesday, Netflix dropped a nostalgia bomb with a minute and a half trailer of Power Rangers: Once and Always:

If you’re of a certain age, Power Rangers was your number one show for a significant chunk of your childhood. You always had your favorite ranger when playing with your friends, the prop belt was your favorite accessory, and you hated that bitch Rita Repulsa.

It’s been a hot minute since we’ve ranked; now seems like a great time to rank our favorite Rangers.

5. Henrik Lundqvist

I mean c’mon, 15 years betwixt the pipes in one of the biggest media markets in the NHL.

A gold medal win in the 2006 Winter Olympics with Sweden, a 92% career save percentage, and 64 shutouts.

4. Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez

Thirteen seasons in Texas and one of the greatest nicknames of all time.

During his time in Texas, Pudge won the 1999 MVP, thirteen Gold Gloves, and has his famous number seven retired.

3. Mark Messier

Messier was such a great Ranger, they brought him back for a second stint with the team, making it 10 total seasons in New York.

He brought a Stanley Cup to the franchise in 1994, it’s first in 54 years.

2. Nolan Ryan

One of the greatest pitchers not only in Rangers, but baseball history.

The longevity in itself puts Ryan high on our list. He made his MLB debut in 1966, and threw his last pitch in a major league game in 1993.

The man was at the tail end of his career in Texas and still averaged 10.1 strikeouts per nine innings from ages 42-46.

1. Stockton Graves

This is a gimme. One of the biggest name to ever come out of the esteemed educational institution of higher learning, Northwestern Oklahoma State University.

Graves joined the Professional Rodeo Cowboy Association (PRCA) in 1997, culminating with a career-defining win in the RAM National Circuit Finals Rodeo in 2006.

In 2011, Graves decided to let the rest of the PRCA have some, and retired to become the head rodeo coach as his alma mater.

We’re all ready for the Power Rangers reboot, it surely won’t be terrible. I’m just not sure if we can all wait until April 19th; until then we’ll just have to survive on all of the memories from our favorite Rangers.

Sunday State of Mind: March 13th-March 19th

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Photo: National Geographic

We all know March Madness is a circus as usual…but what else happened this week? SSM is here to tell ya.

The World Baseball Classic, still going on
Trea Turner hit a grand slam, going going gone
USA, Cuba, Mexico and Japan
Are the Final Four, who will be greater than?

Couple big NFL deals, other than the Jets
Zeke no longer a Cowboy, Brandin Cooks their new bet
Laremy Tunsil got the bag, so did Orlando Brown
NFL, it never stops, in the news year round

We’ve covered them before, said they’re really fun
That was early season though, maybe we jumped the gun
Turns out we were right though, high praise we still will sing
First time in 16 seasons, a winning record for the Kings

A Transcendental Journey From Green Bay to New York

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Photo: Clutch Points

What a long, strange trip it’s been.

Aaron Rodgers has completed his voyage in Green Bay and is now beginning his expedition with the Jets.

After a stupefying eighteen seasons in America’s Dairyland, including over 63,000 yards though land and air, 510 visits to the end zone, and reaching the mountain top in the most Super of Bowls in 2011, a bipartisan love affair between the quarterback and those who adore him is passing on into the ether.

What awaits this sublime champion in his new trek east? A whole new universe. Buroughs aplenty; a simple guessing game implies Rodgers fits best in Brooklyn. The broadest of ways, ladies with the upmost levels of liberty, and proximity to The World Trade Center for some closer research.

Will any of this work? Will this new amalgamation of quarterback and team result in the success both are seeking? That’s for the higher power, and Nathaniel Hackett, to decide.

Sunday State of Mind: March 6th-March 12th

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Photo: Country Living

It is March, and madness reigns supreme. Selection Sunday is here, and so is this week’s SSM.

The bracket has been set, it is almost time
March Madness is here, and all is sublime
Houston, Kansas, Bama, Purdue all are our one seeds
Large buffet of basketball, and we’re here to feed

A long time partnership is done, and we’ve gotta feelin’
The Minnesota Vikings will miss Adam Thielen
All-time Minnesota guy, made a big impression
There will be a market for his talents, no question

In a surprise to no one, Shohei is a stud
The World Baseball Classic due to him is not a dud
Japan looks like the team to beat, Netherlands good too
Always good to have baseball on TV to view

Bummer in the Valley, KD hurt his leg
Maybe back for the playoffs, CP3 will beg
Suns are still the four seed, in pretty good shape
When KD comes back he’ll have to wear his super cape

Sunday State of Mind: February 20th-February 26th

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Photo: Wallpaper Crafter

We’re writing about anything other than another dumbass Jake Paul fight in this week’s SSM.

Manny Machado, got himself the bag
Eleven for 350, waive all those green flags
Staying with the Padres, not going anywhere
Sending him a DM now to ask if he will share

Crazy week in basketball, college and the pros
Sixers and the Celtics is the first place that we’ll go
Jayson Tatum hit a dagger with 1.3 left
Embiid’s shot went in, but late, 70 foot heft

Earlier this week, Kings and Clippers scored a bunch
Went to two OTs, almost played ’til brunch
Three hundred fifty-one points were scored between the two
Kings won in a thriller, Clippers were subdued

In the college game, Iowa just did it all
Huge comeback for both teams, hero basketball
The men came back from 13 with 1:34 left
Caitlin Clark a buzzer beater, Indiana effed

Dom Capers Went All In On Ash Wednesday

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Photo: Sheena Quick on Twitter

Dom Capers; save some for the rest of us!

The new senior defensive assistant for the Carolina Panthers has clearly bankrupted the entire Catholic church of their ash stockpile on this holy day.

Actually, I have no idea of Capers religious beliefs. I don’t care and neither should you. What I do care about is the generous glob of Flex Seal that sits on top of that 72 year old head.

This guy has forgotten more football than any of us will ever know, and has put more hair dye on this dome than any of us ever should. According to his Wiki, this most recent job he was introduced as this morning is his twenty first position he’s held in either college or pro football since 1972. We’re hearing rumors that he celebrates each job with dumping a vat of hot asphalt on his cabeza.

My guy is lined up better than Jared Leto, Jake Gyllenhal, and Zac Efron put together. Yeah he might look like he has lego hair, but those luscious locks aren’t moving an inch in a F5 tornado.

It’s honestly probably the reason he’s gotten so many jobs in an insanely competitive field. Yeah he can draw up some fun schemes in his patented 3-4 scheme, but that piece he’s working with has got to be good for 3-4 wins each year.

Sunday State of Mind: February 13th-February 19th

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Photo: Wallup

We are living in a post Super Bowl/current NBA All-Star Weekend era, which makes SSM a little more of a wild card these days.

A very special birthday, happened on Friday
A guy who played a little ball while in the NBA
Baseball not so much, but brave enough to try
Michael Jordan’s 60, makes me want to cry

Tiger made a cut this week, the Genesis Open
He won’t win the event though, dry spell won’t be broken
Was able to walk all four days, a good physical sign
Maybe a few more tournaments to get things back in line

Arizona/Florida, batting cages pop
Pitchers running to first base, off the mound they hop
Hope springs eternal, everybody has a chance
Spring Training has started, baseball fans will dance

Speaking of Spring Training, Jacob deGrom is back
Hurt after about an hour, got right back on track
When the guy is healthy he’s as good as it gets
But if he breathes a certain way his body’s on the fritz

Rough week for Purdue, on the basketball floor
Former number one has lost three of their last four
Top ranking in college hoops seems to be a curse
Crimson Tide lost this week too, put the top dogs in a hearse

Tesla Self-Parks 360,000 Tesla Self-Driving Cars That Can’t Self-Drive

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Photo: 1000 Logos

When will Elon Musk catch a break?

Certainly his self-driving cars can’t, as Tesla recalled over 360,000 of their vehicles today due to software issues. I’m not a big car guy, but seems like self-driving cars being able to drive themselves would be an important function.

This setback for the definitely cool, totally normal Elon Musk is a surprise. Who would’ve thought allowing an almost 2,000 pound machine its own AI brain to propel itself upwards of 100 miles per hour would cause issues?

Photo: Market Watch

Musk, seen above trying to comprehend how anyone could make less than four billion dollars a year, now has a metric ton of work on his hands. I can assume trying to fix 360,000 plus cars isn’t a fun job; but Tesla owners have to take solace in the fact that he is clearly not distracted by any other vanity projects or things that would ever take away his focus on providing the safest, purest automotive product in the world.

A little advice for Elon on our way out, as I’m sure he’ll read this blog: beep bop, beep beep boop, boop bobbity beep.

Super Bowl Sunday State of Mind

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Photo: ESPN

We have sadly reached the end of football season, with the Chiefs beating the Eagles in Super Bowl XVII.

A rhythmic retelling of the game (and Rihanna) in this week’s SSM.

Eagles started early, Jalen sneak for six
Chiefs came back quick, Kelce got his fix
First quarter jitters didn’t seam real
Start your beers, chips and dip, Super Bowl meal

Huge second quarter, points all around
Eagles scored thrice, whole roster is sound
Scoop and score for KC, only bright spot here
Mahomes ankle twisted, major Chiefs fans fear

Riri came and did it, awesome halftime show
Hadn’t played in several years, you would never know
Debuted a little baby bump, that was the surprise
Awesome to have Rihanna back in front of our eyes

Second half started, Patrick came right back
Long touchdown drive, was his ankle cracked?
Not much in the third quarter for Fly Eagles Fly
One more quarter left this year, makes us want to cry

Kadarius Toney’s fourth quarter was bright
Tuddy and a punt return, Chiefs a comeback fight
Kudos to KC, another Super Bowl
Two now for Mahomes, guy is on a roll

Doing Some LeBron Math

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Photo: CNN

If you don’t have the internet, you may not have heard that LeBron James broke Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s all-time NBA scoring record last night.

An incredible feat of both talent and longevity, Kareem was attendance in the third quarter when LeBron heroically rose above Kenrich Williams and hit a jump shot that put him over the previous record of 38,387 career points.

That’s a lot of points. We wanted to put in perspective what kind of numbers we’re talking about here:

  • Incredibly, after all these points, he’s only won one season scoring title. That’s the same number of times he returned to Cleveland to bring the Cavs a championship.
  • LeBron’s played for three different franchises, the Cavs, Heat, and Lakers. If you divide his total career points (38,390) and divide it by the number of teams he’s played for, you get 12,796…or the same number of teammates LeBron has traded away in his career.
  • LBJ has deservedly made the All-Star game 19 out of his 20 NBA seasons; that’s an astonishing 95% mark…that matches the same percentage of all of us that laughed at the “Maybe It’s Me” tweet he sent last week when the Lakers didn’t go out and grab Kyrie Irving.
  • The King has won four NBA championships in his incredible career. If you multiply his career points by the amount of championships won, you get 153,560…or the same amount of rings he promised to bring to Miami during that introduction party he had with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh.

This is obviously a huge accomplishment for LeBron, who has done plenty of dumb stuff to make fun of him about as well as great things to be admired. Times like these where career achievements are met are just the perfect vehicle to make fun of him for it all.