Sunday State of Mind: May 9th-May 15th

Photo: New Atlas

We were drowning in series-deciding games in the NBA Playoffs this weekend. Eliminations and game sevens were flying everywhere this week, and SSM is here for it.

Got started on Thursday night, Heat and 76ers
Joel Embiid came back but could not be Philly’s fixer
Jimmy Butler showed up, James Harden disappeared
Both teams said things after the game that were kinda weird

For the Memphis Grizzlies, Friday night was it
The Warriors are back to being the absolute shit
Klay and Steph were back up to their old splash brother ways
Going to the conference finals, hitting threes for days

Sunday was a big one, two game sevens on the slate
Bucks and the Celtics were the first game on our sports plate
This one was at The Garden, and Boston held their ground
With the win the Celtics, are now Miami bound

The finale of the weekend, Suns and the Mavs
Dallas is full of grown up cows, no more baby calves
A tough matchup awaits them, the Warriors are no joke
With Luka and J. Brunson, this team is far from broke

Sunday State of Mind: April 25th-May 1st

Photo: CNN

A jam-packed sports schedule lends itself to a few reminders here and there. That’s what SSM is for, you’re welcome.

The picking of the prospects, the NFL Draft
Fans getting new players finding out how their roster’s staffed
Draft grades make no sense, have to give these guys some time
To see if they’ll be good or bad, substandard or sublime

Round two NBA Playoffs are starting today
Eight teams left, four East four West, still able to play
Injuries aplenty, still plenty guys to see
Best time of the year NBA fans will all agree

Major League Baseball dropped the damn hammer
Threw out pitcher Trevor Bauer in the baseball slammer
A two year suspension, for some bad off field stuff
Search it at your own risk, it is pretty rough

The UDS Draft of NFL Draft Names

Football is back, folks. Tonight, we get round one of the 2022 NFL Draft live from Las Vegas. Much like baseball season, the NFL Draft is always a sign of warmer weather and high hopes for fans league-wide.

With each announcement by human circus peanut Roger Goodell, a dream will be fulfilled for a young man who has worked his entire life to make it to the National Football League.

In terms of mock drafts, predictions, who picks who, I could give two shits. What I care about are the amazing names themselves. With that in mind, it’s time to draft our top 10 names likely to be selected this weekend:

10. Sterling Weatherford, S, Miami (OH): this guy sounds more like a British meteorologist than a football player.
9. Isaiah Likely, TE, Coastal Carolina: any name that can easily turn into a full sentence is a winner.
8. Brock Purdy, QB, Iowa State: have to hope this guy gets drafted to a team in the south, the ad deals basically write themselves.
7. Bailey Zappe, QB, Western Kentucky: maybe the second best QB name since Gunner Kiel.
6. Breece Hall, RB, Iowa State: always love a good prospect with some unknowns…was his name supposed to be Brice? Reece? No one knows!
5. Decobie Durant, CB, South Carolina State: this guy was so close to being named after two of the greatest basketball players ever.
4. Coby Bryant, CB, Cincinnati: not exactly but…close.
3. Smoke Monday, S, Auburn: all-time nickname, this is a no brainer.
2. Snoop Conner, RB, Ole Miss: honestly this is interchangeable with Smoke Monday.
1. Sauce Gardner, CB, Cincinnati: this was as sure fire of a number one pick as Andrew Luck.

Good luck to all of the draftee’s this weekend. May none of you get selected by the Jaguars.

Sunday State of Mind: April 18th-April 24th

Another week come and gone, another Sunday State of Mind.

An always touching tribute, a statue was revealed
This week in Oklahoma this one should have stayed concealed
Poor Baker Mayfield, guy can’t catch a break
If I were him that statue would have ended up in a lake

Big loss in Chicago, Eloy Jimenez
Out for up to two months, so the doctor says
Add another name to the White Sox injury list
Tough break for a good team, that bat will be missed

A happier baseball note, it’s Miguel Cabrera
Joined the 3k hit club, maybe the last in this era
Only 32 other players have reached that career mark
Miggy one of the greatest to do it at the ballpark

NBA playoffs are here, and some teams are in trouble
Raptors, Bulls, Nets and Nuggets are all on the bubble
Mavs and Jazz, Grizz and Wolves both sitting at 2-2
We get action everyday as the games continue

If you’ve ever read this blog, you know we love NASCAR
Driving for 500 miles but not going far
The most famous track in all of motor sports
The Talladega Speedway, running today of course

Kyrie Irving’s Wallet Takes a $50,000 Shot

Photo: @Basketball_SK on Twitter

Kyrie Irving had an absolute day on Sunday.

In Game 1 of the Brooklyn Nets’ first round playoff series against the Boston Celtics, Irving brought it all, on court and off. For the uninitiated, there’s a bit of history between Irving and his former team. It all came to a head Sunday when Celtics fans went at Irving and he responded. On the court, he played 42 minutes and scored 39 points (all while fasting for Ramadan, mind you).

Off the court may have been a more impressive showing of not giving a shit; cursing out Celtics fans, making cry baby faces, and letting numerous freedom rockets fly in their faces, as seen above.

Unfortunately, because we can’t have any fun, Kyrie got a $50k fine for giving the fans exactly what they wanted.

In the long run, this won’t hurt a guy who’s made a shade under $160M in his career. In the short term, Kyrie may have to scale back on the budget a bit. Which got us thinking, what will one of the smoothest guards in the NBA have to hold off on now that he’s $50k lighter in the bank account?

I think we can assume things are going to be OK financially for everyone’s favorite weirdo. That sage budget’s taking a real hit though.

The Aughts Hot or Not – Kim Kardashian “Jam (Turn It Up)”

Photo: Wikipedia

Yeah…this is happening.

After our long national nightmare that seemed to last like six minutes, The Kardashians are finally back where they belong; atop of the reality television mountain. After a 20 year run on E! the krazy klan is back for drama, arguments, and family moments that are all definitely not scripted.

Like many other successful lawyers, Kim K took a stab at the music biz before cracking open a law book. After failing the California bar three times, she announced on Instagram in December that the fourth time was the charm…finally, a Kardashian caught a break in life.

With their long awaited reality TV return this week, we thought it was all but appropriate to fire up the ‘ol Aughts Hot or Not machine for Kim Kardashian’s 2010 banger “Jam (Turn It Up).”

Music Video

Boom, 18 seconds in we get an ass shot. Whoever directed this video (assuming it was Kris Jenner) must’ve thought the inspiring lyrics and heartfelt message behind the song wasn’t as strong as that cake Kim K is so famous for.

We continue on with some random seductive(?) laying and crawling on the ground. Kim looks like she’s worked up quite a sweat throughout the video, so hopefully she was OK.

Eventually, we get back to the butt shots around the 3:18 mark, which shouldn’t have surprised me since I quickly learned this video is about four to five different clips just rolled over and over. Surprised the formula of butt, laying down, crawling, photoshoot didn’t take this video to the moon.

The grand finale of the video was a grainy, pink letter train that, in case you got lost in the majesty of song and video, spells out K-I-M-K-A-R-D-A-S-H-I-A-N to remind you of the songbird giving you this certified hit.

Best Lyric

Girls in the building
Fellas in the club
Boys spending money
Girls looking good
Im on the floor, living my life
Feeling so good, feeling so right
Got my hands up
Celebrate like its my birthday
Five more shots of tequila
I’m thirsty

Shakespeare, is that you?! This is an incredible run on of lines that simply do not rhyme, and I love it. I wish I was as brave as Kim K to put myself out there in music form with building, club, money, good, life, right, up, birthday, tequila.

Now admittedly, I don’t remember all of the times I’ve drank tequila, but I don’t think it has ever quenched my thirst. Celebrities do have crazy health secrets that us common folk don’t, so maybe Kim is on to something here. All I get when I take any shot of tequila (let alone five) is a shriveled face and instant regret.

Worst Lyric

I’ma burn it out tonight, it’s goin’ down
By live via satellite
And all I see is angels in my eyes
Buzz got me way up in the sky

So hard to pick here, so many great options. This set of lyrical magic takes the cake, though. What is being burned out? Where is it being broadcasted live via satellite?

Did Kim temporarily cross over the rainbow bridge and none of us know it? If all you’re seeing is angels, and feeling a buzz that has you way up in the sky…feeling a little worried.

Rating

This is a great song for a punchline, or for writing stupid blogs such as this one. Overall, I think we can all agree this is pretty bad. Apparently Kim is with us as well, telling The Huffington Post in 2014, “Like, what gave me the right to think I could be a singer? Like, I don’t have a good voice.”

Eloquent as always, Kim.

Rating: 2 Carson Dalys

Photo: USA Today

Sunday State of Mind: April 4th-April 10th

Photo: Masters.com

Hello friends…it’s Sunday. More importantly, Sunday at The Masters. One of sports most beautiful, peaceful events deserves prose just as alluring and tranquil. That’s where SSM comes into play.

Big Scottie Scheffler, got his green jacket
Beat the entire field, won the golfer’s bracket
The number one ranked player, lived up to his grade
Adding to his closet, and also got paid

Of course the other story, Eldrick “Tiger” Woods
Bringing all of us back to our nostalgic childhoods
Results weren’t exactly there, but he finished the race
It’s a special thing seeing that guy at that place

Onto other sports, baseball is back!
Summer just around the corner, lookin’ like a snack
Ready for some ballgames, hot dogs pretzels and beer
After an offseason and lockout, we’re glad baseball’s here

Nikola Jokic, big man can do it all
Shoot, rebound, and pass, he knows his basketball
Became the first to score 2k, and grab 1k rebounds
Also 500 assists, MVP all but crowned

The Official UDS 2022 Baseball Preview

Hope springs eternal. It’s finally here, folks; it’s baseball season. Summer is around the corner, and we’ll all soon be sitting in the sun at our favorite ballparks inhaling hot dogs and ice cold beer.

Everyone is doing prediction content, we know that. But our official 2022 prognostications will be coming via the reminiscing route.

Who doesn’t love a good baseball name from from the 90’s or early aughts? So that’s how we’re giving our picks, via our favorite throwback name from each team.

AL East

  1. Toronto Blue Jays – Gregg Zaun, C
  2. Boston Red Sox – Trot Nixon, RF
  3. Tampa Bay Rays – Miguel Cairo, 2B
  4. New York Yankees – Scott Brosius, 3B
  5. Baltimore Orioles – Jerry Hairston Jr., 2B

AL Central

  1. Chicago White Sox – José Valentín, 3B
  2. Minnesota Twins – Matt Lawton, CF
  3. Cleveland Guardians – Carlos Baerga, 2B
  4. Detroit Tigers – José Macías, 3B
  5. Kansas City Royals – Mark Grudzielanek, 2B

AL West

  1. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim – Scott Spiezio, 1B
  2. Houston Astros – Julio Lugo, SS
  3. Seattle Mariners – Mike Cameron, CF
  4. Texas Rangers – Royce Clayton, SS
  5. Oakland A’s – Matt Stairs, DH

NL East

  1. Philadelphia Phillies – Mickey Morandini, 2B
  2. Atlanta Braves – Ryan Klesko, RF
  3. New York Mets – Benny Agbayani, LF
  4. Miami Marlins – Hee-Seop Choi, 1B
  5. Washington Nationals – José Vidro, 2B

NL Central

  1. St. Louis Cardinals – Fernando Vina, 2B
  2. Milwaukee Brewers – Jeromy Burnitz, RF
  3. Chicago Cubs – Ron Coomer, 3B
  4. Cincinnati Reds – Pokey Reese, 2B
  5. Pittsburgh Pirates – Tony Womack, SS

NL West

  1. Colorado Rockies – Dante Bichette, RF
  2. San Francisco Giants – Benito Santiago, C
  3. Los Angeles Dodgers – César Izturis, SS
  4. San Diego Padres – Mark Kotsay, CF
  5. Arizona Diamondbacks – Lyle Overbay, 1B

God, that was amazing…I think I need a cigarette. So many great names, so much boring baseball to have on in the background until October. Let’s go.

Sunday State of Mind: March 28th-April 3rd

We’ve reached a pretty great part of the sports calendar. Top flight college basketball, NBA heating up, baseball right around the corner, and more. It’s all here in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

Final Four weekend, blue blood city
Tar Heels made Duke’s weekend shitty
Kansas beat ‘Nova, the final game’s set
UNC and KU, lock in those bets

Let’s not forget the women, guess who’s back
South Carolina starting a trophy stack
Took out Louisville, then beat up UConn
Lady Gamecocks have been nothing but on

Can you feel it folks, baseball’s almost here
Hot dogs, popcorn, pretzels, beer
Warm weather’s coming, so grab your gloves
It’s baseball season and we’re in love

NBA regular season is winding down
Almost playoff time, handing out a new crown
Two big name teams are in serious trouble
Nets and Lakers down bad, need wins on the double

Brian Cashman Has Great Excuse for One Year of the Yankees Thirteen Year World Series Drought

The Yankees have earned their arrogance. They view themselves as the best organization in the history of baseball, and the may be right. They have 27 World Series championships, 16 more than The St. Louis Cardinals, who come in second with 11.

A once proud franchise was embarrassed by their longtime SVP and GM on Thursday.

Speaking to The Athletic, Cashman said: “The only thing that stopped [the 2017 Yankees] was something that was so illegal and horrific…[s]o I get offended when I start hearing we haven’t been to the World Series since ’09. Because I’m like, ‘Well, I think we actually did it the right way.’ Pulled it down, brought it back up. Drafted well, traded well, developed well, signed well. The only thing that derailed us was a cheating circumstance that threw us off.”

So, we’re going with the cheating excuse, to explain one year of a 13 year drought…got it.

Cashman’s concocted vindication of his inability to deliver New York a championship (in what is a long period for them) is obvious at best, and dense at worst. Buddy, you more often than not have a bottomless pit of cash to buy your championships. Since 2010, the Yankees have been top three in Opening Day payroll every single year other than 2018, when they were seventh.

The Astros were cheating against everyone in 2017, not just the Yankees. Everyone’s hit with injuries, the ball bounces the wrong way for everyone. So save the crocodile tears, add a few zero’s to some contracts, and purchase yourself another trophy, just like the Yankee way dictates.