The Bengals Dropped Their New Uniforms Today and We are Again Fashion Critics

The Cincinnati Bengals had their most exciting day in years Monday as they dropped their latest revamped uniforms. Southwest Ohio was abuzz when their beloved football team, who has suffered double-digit losses in 14 of their last 30 seasons, unveiled the latest threads they’ll be rocking in 2021 and beyond. Let’s break these bad boys down (all photos from Bengals.com).

Helmet

Eh…this an L.

Total missed opportunity to go back to the old school helmet with “Bengals” text written across the helmet. We’re going to have to live with the same old stripes while we watch Joe Burrow throw for 7,000 yards, 40 touchdowns and drag his team to six wins a year for the foreseeable future.

Jersey

Pants


Overall a good, not great uniform update for the proverbial AFC North cellar dwellers. The biggest win here was having Ochocino being a part of this whole project. I’ve always been a believer in the “look good feel good, feel good play good” moniker. If there’s any real credence to that claim, these uniforms may just make Vegas move the Bengals 2021 current win total from 6.5 to 7.5 in a hurry.

Sunday State of Mind: April 12th-April 18th

Sports gave us another week full of entertainment, enjoyment, and great moments. We look back in this week’s SSM.

Trevor Lawrence had himself a rough week
People thought his love for football looked bleak
Nothing’s going to change, he’ll still go number one
The top of this month’s draft is all but done

Another bad football story, about a man that’s large
Aaron Donald caught himself a false assault charge
After the initial statement, the accuser took it back
A quick and fair solution, did not get out of whack

The New York Yankees, not showing face
Through 15 games, sitting in last place
Just like the poor Tigers, Pirates, and Braves
Yanks better start moving before the season caves

Who Wore it Best? 79-70

Photo: Dr. Odd

We continue our fashion countdown of who wore each number best. In this edition, we’re hopping into the 70’s. Will we get more NFL lineman? Will some random hockey or basketball players sneak in? Let’s dive in and find out.

79 – José Abreu

José Abreu has to be up there in the greatest players with the weirdest numbers category. According to Abreu, his mother picked his number so he would stand out. Stand out he has; Abreu was last year’s MVP, has garnered three All-Star selections, and even hit for the cycle in 2017.

Honorable Mention: N/A

78 – Bruce Smith

Bruce Smith is the all-time leader in sacks with an outlandish 200. His resume is long and silly; we won’t waste too much time here, but just know he was named to two different All-Decade teams in the 80’s and 90’s.

Honorable Mention: N/A

77 – Ray Bourque

Bouruqe was one of the best defensemen in NHL history. His offensive numbers are pretty impressive for a defensemen, scoring 1,506 points in 1,518 games played.

Honorable Mention: Vladimir Radmanović

76 – Orlando Pace

Photo: USA Today

Pace was about all you could ask for in a left tackle during his career. In college, he was a finalist for the Heisman Trophy in 1996, which is wild enough for a lineman. In the NFL, he earned seven trips to the Pro Bowl, was a three time first team All-Pro, and a member of the 2000’s All-Decade team.

Honorable Mention: PK Subban

75 – Joe Greene

“Mean” Joe Greene was one of the most dominant nose tackles in NFL history. He was a part of the “Steel Curtain” defense that won four Super Bowls in six years for the Steelers in the 70’s. Mean Joe was also named to the 1970’s All-Decade team on top of the 75th and 100th Anniversary All-Time teams.

Honorable Mentions: Barry Zito, Howie Long

74 – Kenley Jansen

Jansen has been absolutely lights out since entering the Majors in 2010. He’s recorded 312 saves, a 2.39 ERA, and a 0.91 WHIP in 636 innings in his career.

Honorable Mention: TJ Oshie

73 – John Hannah

Hannah was a dominant guard for the Patriots from 1973-1985. Over that time, he went to nine Pro Bowls, was a 10 time All-Pro, is a member of the 70’s and 80’s All-Decade teams as well as the 75th and 100th Anniversary All-Time teams.

Honorable Mention: N/A

72 – Sergei Bobrovsky

Bobrovsky has had an impressive run since coming into the NHL with the Flyers in 2010. Since then, he has an impressive .921 save percentage and a 2.41 goals against average.

Honorable Mentions: Carlton Fisk, Dan Dierdorf

71 – Walter Jones

We’ve gushed over Walter Jones before, and we’re here to gush again. A bonafide Hall of Fame left tackle, nine Pro Bowls, four first team All-Pros, and never missed a start in 180 career games.

Honorable Mention: Evgeni Malkin

70 – Dennis Rodman

Photo: ESPN

Who remembers this weird shit? Rodman played 12 games for the Mavs in the 1999-2000 season. Honestly, this is an awful number for this list and we’re obviously stretching here.

Honorable Mention: N/A

Have to be honest, I thought this edition was going to rely heavy on NFL offensive/defensive lineman. Pleasantly surprised with the baseball, hockey, and basketball representation here. On to the 60’s!

Sunday State of Mind: April 5th-April 11th

We’ve reached the end of a week that was chalked full of sports. We review in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

Another gorgeous weekend at Augusta National
The best golf weekend of the year, not irrational
Hideki Matsuyama is your first time Masters winner
He wins the green jacket and will host next year’s champions dinner

We had our first no-hitter this week against the Texas Rangers
Joe Musgrove made opposing hitters his baby, put them in the manger
It was the first no hitter thrown in Padres history
Musgrove moved to 2-0 this year, great second victory

Another sad chapter in the Jacob DeGrom story
The NY Post crushed the Mets and their chronic purgatory
Fourteen K’s, one mistake, and zero run support
Yet another hard loss to swallow, for one of the best in the sport

A wild cross-sport story, baseball to basketball
Alex Rodriguez breaking the bank as well as the ownership wall
He’s partnering with his boy Marc Lore to buy the Timberwolves & Lynx
The sale is reported to be $1.5 billion, back up the Brinks!

iHeartRadio Announced Their Music Award Nominees…How Old Do You Feel?

It’s a feeling any 30-35 year old knows all too well. You’re cruising along in your 20’s, your Spotify playlists are hot as hell, and no one can tell you a damn thing. Some of you reading this right now still might be in that stage. If so, keep thriving King/Queen.

But then it hits. You’re listening to music one day, a song comes on, and the uncomfortable level of unfamiliarity you feel is so strong you begin to wonder if you’ve ever even heard music in your life. It’s a natural part of the aging process. You’ve reached your 30’s, and it’s become impossible to keep up with today’s hottest acts, social media stars, and trends.

I’m a 32 year old man and feel like I’m generally in the know on what’s going on. But then days like today come around, and iHeartRadio really puts me in my place. The popular streaming service released their 2021 Music Award Nominees today, highlighting the years brightest stars and most influential pop culture figures. I took a peep to see who’s been nominated, and my heart sank. With each year that goes by, each award show that is presented, my confidence in knowing who’s hot out here in these streets with the youths fades ever so slightly.

So I thought I’d put myself to the test. I scanned each category, and marked down simply who I was aware of before today. My final score will be which acts I know divided by the total number of nominees.

So with that said…let’s play America’s favorite game…

*studio audience shouts in unison* “How…Old…Do You Feel?”

Best Lyrics

Nominees: Harry Styles “Adore You,” Lewis Capaldi “Before You Go,” The Weeknd “Blinding Lights,” Taylor Swift “cardigan,” Dua Lipa “Don’t Start Now,” Billie Eilish “everything i wanted,” Gabbie Barrett “I Hope,” JP Saxe “If the World Was Ending,” Justin Bieber “Intentions,” Future “Life is Good.”

I’m Cool Because I Know: Harry Styles, Lewis Capaldi, The Weeknd, Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa, Billie Eilish, Justin Bieber, Future

I’m Old and Don’t Know: Gabbie Barrett, JP Saxe

Category Score: 8/10

Overall Score:
8/10

Thoughts: Alright, decent start.

Best Cover Song

Nominees: Lizzo “Adore You,” Shawn Mendes “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You,” Sam Smith “Fix You,” Miley Cyrus “Heart Of Glass,” Harry Styles “Juice.”

I’m Cool Because I Know: Lizzo, Shawn Mendes, Sam Smith, Miley Cyrus, Harry Styles

I’m Old and Don’t Know: N/A

Category Score: 5/5

Overall Score:
13/15

Thoughts: Small category, but I’ll take the perfect score.

TikTok Bop Of The Year

Nominees: The Weeknd “Blinding Lights,” K Camp “Lottery,” Megan Thee Stallion “Savage,” Jason Derulo “Savage Love,” Doja Cat “Say So,” Cardi B “WAP.”

I’m Cool Because I Know: The Weeknd, Megan Thee Stallion, Jason Derulo, Doja Cat, Cardi B

I’m Old and Don’t Know: K Camp

Category Score: 5/6

Overall Score:
18/21

Thoughts: The title of this category alone made my back hurt. Also if “Savage Love” doesn’t win this then the voting is rigged.

Best Music Video

Nominees: The Weeknd “Blinding Lights,” Dua Lipa “Don’t Start Now,” BTS “Dynamite,” Maluma “Hawái,” BlackPink “How Do You Like That,” Future “Life Is Good,” Lady Gaga “Rain On Me,” Harry Styles “Watermelon Sugar,” Cardi B “WAP,” Justin Bieber “Yummy.”

I’m Cool Because I Know: The Weeknd, Dua Lipa, BTS, Future, Lady Gaga, Harry Styles, Cardi B, Justin Bieber

I’m Old and Don’t Know: Maluma, BlackPink

Category Score: 8/10

Overall Score: 26/31

Thoughts: Yes, I realize there are a lot of duplicates that I’m counting. Clearly looking for a confidence boost here.

Best Fan Army

Nominees: Agnez Mo “Agnation,” Ariana Grande “Arianators,” Justin Bieber “Beliebers,” BlackPink “Blink,” BTS “BTS Army,” Harry Styles “Harries,” Why Don’t We “Limelights,” Louis Tomlinson “Louies,” Shawn Mendes “Mendes Army,” NCT 127 “NCTzens,” Selena Gomez “Selenators,” Taylor Swift “Swifties.”

I’m Cool Because I Know: Ariana Grande, BTS, Justin Bieber, Harry Styles, Shawn Mendes, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift

I’m Old and Don’t Know: Agnez Mo, BlackPink, Why Don’t We, Louis Tomlinson, NCT 127

Category Score: 7/12

Overall Score: 33/43

Thoughts: I want to personally address Agnation, Blink, Limelights, Louis, and NCTzens and just say that I come in peace. I am here to learn, please don’t age shame me. This category has me absolutely leaking confidence.

Social Star Award

Nominees: Dixie D’Amelio, Jaden Hossler, Lil Huddy, Nessa Barrett, Olivia Rodrigo, Tate McRae

I’m Cool Because I Know: N/A

I’m Old and Don’t Know: Dixie D’Amelio, Jaden Hossler, Lil Huddy, Nessa Barrett, Olivia Rodrigo, Tate McRae

Category Score: 0/5

Overall Score: 33/48

Thoughts: Do I need to get a TikTok?

Favorite Music Video Choreography

Nominees: Ariana Grande “34+35,” DaBaby “Bop,” Chloe X Halle “Do It,” BTS “Dynamite,” CNCO “Honey Boo,” Dua Lipa “Physical,” Lady Gaga “Rain On Me,” Doja Cat “Say So.”

I’m Cool Because I Know: Ariana Grande, DaBaby, BTS, Dua Lipa, Lady Gaga, Doja Cat

I’m Old and Don’t Know: Chloe X Halle, CNCO

Category Score: 6/8

Overall Score: 39/56

Thoughts: Really needed a strong finish here.

So, I’m in the know with what makes the Gen Z’ers go at a 70% clip. Not great, not terrible. There’s definitely room for improvement, and I’m willing to do the work. The first step at admitting there’s a problem is acknowledging it, and this is what I’m here to to today. Please respect my privacy during this trying time.

I will be better.

Sunday State of Mind: March 29th-April 4th

Photo: Wallpapers HD

A special Easter edition of Sunday State of Mind. Take some time away from the peeps to read this week’s SSM.

Gonzaga’s heading to the title game
A buzzer beater worthy of the Hall of Fame
Jalen Suggs banked in the buzzer beater
The Bulldogs still riding their season-long heater

So the title game’s set, March Madness winding down
Tomorrow we’ll know who’ll don the crown
It’s Baylor and Gonzaga, the top two squads
Whoever cuts down the nets will be basketball Gods

In other sporting news, baseball is back
America’s pastime’s fans are jacked
First home run of the year, Miggy in the snow!
An awesome start to this year for The Show

Dear Baseball: Welcome Back, We Love You

Dear Baseball,

You made it. You’re back. Every year, Spring rolls around and you reappear in our lives just when we’re all at our wit’s end with Winter.

Your debut is upon us, and league-wide hope is at a premium. Spring Training has wrapped, and all thirty teams have traveled back home to start the long, arduous road to a pennant. The weather is starting to turn; summer is creeping around the corner, and with it, thoughts of cold beer and hot dogs dance in our heads.

Opening Day is a time and feeling unlike any other. It’s like waking up in the middle of the night thinking your alarm’s about to go off, to find you’ve only been asleep for an hour. It’s like taking out your contacts after a long day, or hitting every green light when you’re running late. It’s hard to exactly describe it, but have you ever found a $20 bill in your pants that you forgot about? That’s what it feels like having you back.

From Wrigley to Fenway, Yankee Stadium to Petco Park, let the hum of fastballs and pop of catcher’s mitts fill the air for the next seven months. Let the home runs fly out of Coors Field, pop ups die in the acres of foul territory at RingCentral Coliseum, and Bernie Brewer take all of the home run slides his heart desires.

Who cares if the pace of play is a little slow? Who doesn’t want to to piss in a urinal trough, pay $12 for a mini helmet full of ice cream that melts in five minutes, or step in dropped neon yellow nacho cheese while awkwardly scootching past eight of your fellow attendees all while squeezing into undersized seats in 98 degree weather?

We definitely don’t get embarrassed when our favorite players get injured in hilarious ways while playing a noncontact sport. We don’t care that you make a bunch of old men squeeze into baseball uniforms, or that your Hall of Fame voting is incredibly flawed, or that your fields of play aren’t equal in size like every other legitimate professional sport. No reason to complain about the fact that the DH rule isn’t universal, unwritten rules are dumb, and that hitting at this point is either home runs or strikeouts.

Baseball, we could not be happier that you are back.

Love,

Baseball Fans Everywhere

Sunday State of Mind: March 22nd-March 28th

Photo: Wall Up

The Sweet 16 round of the NCAA Tournament is winding down. We saw some regression to the mean and some big dog’s continue to roll. We recap in this week’s SSM.

Loyola has fallen, no more Sister Jean
Oregon State was tough, looked plenty mean
The Ramblers played well, but OSU played great
The twelfth-seeded Beavers headed to the Elite Eight

Oral Roberts Golden Eagles, this year’s Cinderella
Their parade was rained on by Arkansas, no umbrella
The Razorbacks locked up ORU like an old school jailer
Next up for Arkansas in the Elite Eight? One seed Baylor.

The top seeds keep rolling including Michigan
The Wolverines rolled FSU and won again
Juwan Howard has his boys posed for a deep run
It looks like Michigan is far from done

The third remaining one seed, Gonzaga Bulldogs
Remain clear-minded winners, no signs of fog
An 18 point win in the Sweet Sixteen
The Zags are 29-0, their perfect record’s still clean

Who Wore it Best? 89-80

Photo: Dr. Odd

Round two of who wore it best is here. We’re ranking the GOAT to wear each jersey number. If you missed part one for jersey numbers 99-90, check it out here. For now, let’s dive into numbers 89-80.

89 – Mike Ditka

Everyone knows Ditka lead the Bears to their only Super Bowl in ’85. Did you know on the field he was a five time Pro Bowler, first team all-pro four times, and was the rookie of the year in 1961? Ditka also has the number 89 retired for both the Bears and at the University of Pittsburgh.

Honorable Mention: Alexander Mogilny

88 – Patrick Kane

STRONG number here. Kaner takes the crown as a sure fire Hall of Famer with three Stanley Cups, the 2013 Conn Smythe trophy, and nine all-star selections.

Honorable Mentions: Albert Belle, Antoine Walker, Michael Irvin, Allan Page

87 – Sidney Crosby

Crosby has an even stronger resumé than Kane. Two Conn Smythe trophies, two Olympic gold medals, three Stanley Cups, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Honorable Mention: Rob Gronkowski, Dan Otero

86 – Antonio Freeman

Slim pickings at number 86. Antonio Freeman had a respectable NFL career; in 1998 he led the NFL in receiving yards, was named to the Pro Bowl, and was named first team All-Pro. He also tacked on a Super Bowl win in the 96-97 season.

Honorable Mentions: Buck Buchanan, Nikita Kucherov

85 – George Kittle

Photo: ESPN

Kittle hasn’t been in the NFL for too long, but has already done some serious damage. In three and a half seasons (he only played eight games in 2020), Kittle has made two Pro Bowls, was a first team All-Pro in 2019, and has racked up 3,579 yards and 14 touchdowns.

Honorable Mention: Antonio Gates, Baron Davis

84 – Randy Moss

One of the best athletes to ever play wide receiver. Moss has unreal runs with the Vikings from 98-04 and Patriots from 07-10. He lead the NFL in touchdowns in five different seasons, was a four time first team All-Pro, and is a member of the NFL 100th Anniversary All-Time Team.

Honorable Mentions: Prince Fielder, Chris Webber

83 – Wes Welker

Unreal bad luck for Wes Welker that he played six seasons with Tom Brady and two with Peyton Manning and has exactly zero Super Bowl rings. He did however revolutionize the slot receiver position, collecting two first team All-Pro selections and leading the NFL in receptions in 2007, 2009, and 2011.

Honorable Mention: N/A

82 – Ozzie Newsome

Photo: FanDuel

Ozzie Newsome was one of the first tight ends to stretch the field; he paved the way for the Gronks, Kelces, and Ertzs of the world that we see in the NFL today. He is a member of the Browns Ring of Honor, bringing in 662 catches, almost 8,000 yards, and 47 touchdowns during his career.

Honorable Mention: N/A

81 – Marian Hossa

Our second Blackhawk to crack the list. Hossa was a huge part of the Chicago’s three Stanley Cups in the 2010’s. He also was named to the All-Rookie team in 1999 and made five All-Star games.

Honorable Mentions: Tim Brown, Phil Kessel

80 – Jerry Rice

Photo: USA Today

No doubter here; the original GOAT. The career accomplishments are almost embarrassing: three Super Bowls, ten first team All-Pro, 13 Pro Bowls, member of the 75th and 100th NFL Anniversary Teams, and first team All-80’s and All-90’s Teams. Rice’s career stats are also zany: 1,549 catches, 23,546 yards, and 208 touchdowns.

Honorable Mention: N/A

Heavy football and hockey vibes in this edition. We’ll crack into the 70’s in our next edition of Who Wore It Best.

Sunday State of Mind: March 15th-March 21st

We are coming to the end of one of the greatest weekends on the sports calendar every year. That’s right, March Madness is in full swing, and we’re here to recap opening weekend in this week’s SSM.

Our first big upset, Oral Roberts over Ohio State
The Buckeyes were flat, Golden Eagles were great
Florida’s next in the bracket for ORU
Will the Cinderella story end or continue?

The best team in the country, Gonzaga Bulldogs
Came out smooth in round one, no plugs, no clogs
They took it to Norfolk, 98-55 was the score
Hard not to imagine The Zags in the Final Four

Another huge upset, this time the East bracket
Abilene Christian came in and caused a huge racket
They took out big brother in the Texas Longhorns
Turns out ACU was big brother, Texas were newborns

The Baylor Bears have looked the part
Two strong wins so far, a solid start
Hartford and Wisconsin caught the Bears wrath
Are Scott Drew and the boys on a championship path?