SNL Is Back And It’s Ranking SZN

September 22, 2021 Chris CookBrandi Carlile, Halsey, Jason Sudeikis, Kacey Musgraves, Kim Kardashian, nbc, Owen Wilson, Rami Malek, Saturday Night Live, Young ThugLeave a comment

Some people hate “Saturday Night Live.” Some people love “Saturday Night Live.” It seems to be something that no matter who you are, you have an opinion on the culturally iconic sketch comedy show that’s been on NBC since 1975. Everyone has their opinion on their favorite era, best player, and funniest sketch.

SNL will be back for their 47th season on October 2nd, and announced their host/musical guest lineup for the first month of shows. It’s always an interesting communiqué seeing who gets the call and what the potential is for each episode. With the first four shows announced, and with the love of ranking in my veins, let us erroneously subjugate which shows revs my comedy engine, from worst to first.

4. Rami Malek & Young Thug

Photos: Popsugar & Vulture

Malek’s debut hosting gig falls at four in our preseason SNL rankings that are based on nothing. Hard to imagine Malek, a serious and talented actor, finding his comedy chops and rocking Studio 8H. But, sometimes that’s when we get the best hosts! See Timothée Calamet from last year’s Coronavirus Holiday.

Also as long as Young Thug doesn’t bring out Camilla Cabello to perform “Havana,” which I think has a fairly low chance of happening, I’ll be happy there.

3. Kim Kardashian & Halsey

Photos: E! Online & Vulture

Folks, Kim K just keeps doin’ it. I don’t know how, but the the woman described by Google as an “American Socialite” can find her way into the White House in 2020, and now onto sketch comedy’s most popular stage. Similar concerns as noted above on Malek, but why the hell not try and send her out there, see what happens, and get some ratings in the mean time?

Halsey is a regular in the SNL rotation at this point, both as a musical guest and host. They’ve got the chops, and hopefully take part in a sketch or two.

2. Owen Wilson & Kacey Musgraves

Photos: Vanity Fair & Allure

Will they got for the easy “wow” joke? How about a nose joke? These have to be the biggest questions on the season debut. Owen Wilson has been in some of the greatest comedy movies in recent years, so this is a natural fit.

Kacey Musgraves has a smooth voice that works anywhere; I have no doubt that her second go around on SNL will work just fine.

1. Jason Sudeikis & Brandi Carlile

Photos: GQ & South Florida Sun Sentinel

The fourth and final episode of October comes in first on our completely meritless list; and this one’s all about the host. Jason Sudeikis, fresh off a whole mess of Emmy Awards for his work on “Ted Lasso,” is a top notch comedic actor with deep SNL roots. It would be a crime against comedy if we don’t get another edition of Sudeikis dancing in the background of “What Up With That?”

As for Brandi Carlile, let’s just sit back and enjoy.

Nick Wright Just Dropped a Kyrie Irving Bomb

September 15, 2021 Chris CookBrooklyn Nets, Kyrie Irving, NBALeave a comment

The Brooklyn Nets have a tentative reservation with the Larry O’Brien Trophy scheduled for next June. They are the odds on favorite to win the NBA championship at most reputable sports books, and have the best Big 3 in basketball.

With more time to gel, an already well-connected Kevin Durant, James Harden, and Kyrie Irving are likely to run through the Eastern Conference next season, barring injury or jackass-ery.

So, for some reason, Nick Wright woke up this morning and chose violence:

Some NBA news:

There are a handful of Kyrie trades that potentially make sense for the Nets, Kyrie’s agents have made it known that Kyrie would simply *retire from the NBA* if Brooklyn were to trade him.
— nick wright (@getnickwright) September 15, 2021

What?

This could very well be a (smart) leak by Kyrie and his team, who have yet to get an extension signed with Brooklyn. He’s currently en route to becoming a free agent at the end of next season. At this point, it seems like things are trending towards The Nets and Kyrie sitting down and getting a deal done. This may just be the first round of unofficial contract negotiations: “If you don’t sign me, other teams want me, or I’ll just retire.” Heady play.

Or, if this is actually legit, and Nick Wright and his gang of sources nailed this scoop, would Brooklyn call Kyrie’s bluff? Hopefully not, because it’s truly a joy to watch Kyrie and his style of play. Only time will tell.

Sunday State of Mind: September 6th-September 12th

September 12, 2021 Chris CookAaron Rodgers, Atlanta Falcons, Buffalo Bills, Carolina Panthers, Chicago Bears, Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Browns, Dak Prescott, Dallas Cowboys, Denver Broncos, Detroit Lions, Green Bay Packers, Houston Texans, Indianapolis Colts, Jacksonville Jaguars, Jamies Winston, Joe Burrow, Justin Herbert, Kansas City Chiefs, Los Angeles Chargers, Los Angeles Rams, Matthew Stafford, Melvin gordon, Miami Dolphins, Minnesota Vikings, New England Patriots, New Orleans Saints, New York Giants, New York Jets, NFL, Patrick Mahomes, Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers, poetry, Russell Wilson, Sam Darnold, San Francisco 49ers, Sean McVay, Seattle Seahawks, SSM, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Teddy Bridgewater, Tom Brady, Washington Football Team, Zach WilsonLeave a comment

One of the best weekends in all of sports has arrived. The NFL is back and majority of the games have been played. Our annual tradition (one year running) of dedicating Week 1 a full SSM lives on.

We got started on Thursday, Bucs and the ‘Boys
Another year of Tom Brady making defenses his toys
Bucs held off Dak and his squad, escaped by only two
TB12 keeps playing, wins continue to accrue

Seahawks and the Colts, met up at Lucas Oil
Indy’s Week 1 hopes, did Russell Wilson spoil
Seattle starts their campaign with a big road win
Seahawks may be on a Super Bowl run once again

Jaguars and the Texans, oof these teams are bad
Might see plenty of Urban, eating pizza while so sad
Houston beat the Jags, must give them their due
Texans should enjoy it now, wins likely to be few

Eagles and the Falcons, battle of the birds
Falcons defense is so bad, it’s hard to put in words
Jalen Hurts went out and looked like an All-Pro
Good start for The Eagles, still a long way to go

Chargers and The Football Team, met up in DC
What could be a high powered LA offense only put up 20
It was enough to get the win, Justin Herbert lead the way
Win whatever way you can on any given Sunday

Steelers and the Bills, upset of the week
Pittsburgh should not have have won this game, but played up at their peak
The Bills seem to be loaded, plenty of wins ahead
Getting off to a slow start should be a short term dread

Lions and 49ers, surprisingly high score
Bit of a shocker here, thought this game would be a bore
Still as most of us thought, Niners came out on top
If San Fran keeps this offense up, they will be hard to stop

Bengals and the Vikings, week 1 overtime
Burrow versus Cousins, both were throwing dimes
Cincinnati held on, OT field goal, victory
Brutal for all of us out there with Vikings -3

Panthers and the Jets, Darnold revenge game
Played well against his former team, victory was claimed
Zach Wilson threw two tuddys in his NFL debut
Probably won’t take too long for Jets fans to start to boo

Cardinals and the Titans, down in Tennessee
Arizona offense humming, lead by Kyler Murray
Disappointing start for Derrick Henry, Tractorcito
Shouldn’t be a huge concern, sure he’ll find his flow

Cleveland Kansas City, Browns and the Chiefs
Brownies lead most of the game, their stay on top not brief
Cleveland had more than a shot, fan’s mouths began to foam
But we’ve all seen this before, comeback Patrick Mahomes

Patriots and Dolphins, ‘Bama QB battle
Tua and Mac Jones, young guns back in the saddle
It was Fins Up in New England though, Dolphins with the dub
Mac played well in his debut, joined the NFL Club

Broncos and the Giants, in the Meadowlands
Giants had a chance to win, slipped right through their hands
Teddy Two Gloves did his job, Melvin Gordon too
If Saquon doesn’t get more run, G-Men will be 0-2

Packers and the Saints, Jamies was the best
Quarterback in this game, Rodgers did not impress
New Orleans won the game, difference of five touchdowns
Potential last season for A-Rod, started with a frown

Nightcap in LA, Rams versus the Bears
Rams have themselves a real QB, defenses should be scared
Stafford and McVay could be a coach/QB combo
To get back to the Super Bowl, in short time we’ll know

Cy-Hawk Week Off to a Trolling Start

September 8, 2021 Chris CookESPN, Iowa Hawkeyes, Iowa State Cyclones, NCAA, NCAAFLeave a comment

The biggest sporting event in the great state of Iowa is this week. That’s right, it’s Cy-Hawk football week. While the Cy-Hawk, as noted in the picture above, is technically a series, the biggest event between The University of Iowa Hawkeyes and Iowa State Cyclones is the annual football game. So much so, that the football game itself is worth three points, while the rest of the sports are worth two.

This year’s game is just a bit bigger, though. Both teams are ranked in the top 10, surprisingly the first time both teams have been ranked at all before kickoff. Additionally, ESPN’s College GameDay will be in Ames. Any college football fan knows when Corso and the squad are Comin’ To Your Citaaay, it just hits different.

On Wednesday, the Cyclone Equipment Staff announced their uniform selections for the big game:

#BeatIowa

🌪🏈🚨 pic.twitter.com/6meHzNTFdd
— Cyclone Equipment (@CycloneEQUIP) September 8, 2021

Now, for the uninformed, it must be noted that these are typically Iowa State’s uniforms. In the interest of fairness, these are typically Iowa’s uniforms.

Before we dig any deeper here, transparency is key. I am a graduate of The University of Iowa. Hand up, I have some skin in this game. OK, now I feel better.

This is an ultimate troll by ISU, and I love it. As you can imagine, the troll worked perfectly and the Twitter mentions were an absolute dumpster fire. If you don’t have the time or the heart to look, here’s the generic back and forth:

Every Hawkeye Fan: LOLZ! Why does little brother have to dress like us?!?!

Every Cyclone Fan: I wasn’t aware Iowa owns the color black, dumbass!

This is what sports are all about. Rivalries are always fun, especially ones like this, where there isn’t a whole lot else to get up for sports-wise in my home state. So, let the corn on the cob boil, the Busch Light flow, and all Iowans come together for the most important game in a series that dates back to 1894.

Sunday State of Mind: August 30th-September 5th

September 6, 2021 Chris CookAlabama Crimson Tide, Clemson Tigers, Florida State Seminoles, Georgia Bulldogs, Miami Hurricanes, NCAA, NCAAF, Notre Dame Fighting Irish, poetry, SSMLeave a comment

What a long holiday weekend. So long that SSM was delayed until the following week. Let’s look back at the week that was in last week’s Sunday State of Mind.

College football’s back, a fact you can’t deny
America’s favorite sport’s existence is no longer dry
Had some big time matchups, more on that below
We won’t be without football until we all see snow

Biggest matchup of the week was Georgia and Clemson
Number three and number five, pregame sounded fun
A battle of attrition, final score was 10-3
Georgia with the “upset,” week one victory

The other name brand matchup, ‘Bama and The U
Crimson Tide and Miami, Bama’s lead just grew and grew
Coach Saban and the boys took it to the Canes
A 30+ point win, all that’s left were The U’s remains

Our final review of Week 1, FSU and Notre Dame
Just another one of this debut week’s big time games
The Irish got the dub, that’s the result that’s built in
Best story from the game though, the returning McKenzie Milton

Don’t You Dare Call This Man Brooksy

August 31, 2021 Chris CookBrooks Koepka, Bryson DeChambeau, Jay Monahan, PGA, Rocket Mortgage Challenge, The BMW Championship, The Memorial Tournament, The Open, WGC-FedEx St. Jude InvitationalLeave a comment

His name is not Brooksy. That is not the name of the person in the photo above. His name is Bryson, Bryson DeChambeau.

After Bryson, not Brooksy, continued to take L after L in his very public feud with Brooks Koepka, fans began calling Bryson “Brooksy” (remember, his name is not Brooksy, it’s Bryson).

The PGA Tour had apparently seen enough, and leaped to Bryson’s (not Brooksy’s) defense:

Those who yell out "Brooksy" to Bryson DeChambeau could be ejected from PGA Tour events in the future, commissioner Jay Monahan said on Tuesday. https://t.co/fsyZQJPfmw pic.twitter.com/KApO9IaQTX
— Golf Central (@GolfCentral) August 31, 2021

Listen, we’re an anti-bullying blog here at UDS. But if a professional athlete cannot handle fans calling him the wrong name, maybe your focus isn’t in the right place.

So, just to review:

– Bryson, not Brooksy, argued with rules officials whilst carding a 10 on the 15th hole at The Memorial Tournament last year.

– Bryson, not Brooksy, asked for a free drop because of ants at last year’s WGC-FedEx St. Jude Invitational.

– Bryson, not Brooksy, had his caddie quit on him mere hours before the 2021 Rocket Mortgage Challenge.

– Bryson, not Brooksy, was compared to an “eight-year-old that gets mad” after blaming his clubs in a post round interview after The Open this year.

– Bryson, not Brooksy, told a fan to “get the fuck out” after being called Brooksy (not Bryson), after losing The BMW Championship this past weekend.

Per everyone’s favorite golfer’s wishes, we wanted to make it clear the Bryson DeChambeau, and no one else, is responsible for the above.

Good luck with the non-name change, champ.

More Like Cam NewTown, Amirite?

August 31, 2021 Chris CookCam Newton, COVID19, New England Patriots, NFLLeave a comment

Cam Newton has made his last fashion statement in New England.

The quarterback, one of the best dressed in football, was released by the Patriots Tuesday. The move coincides with rookie first rounder Mac Jones impressing during training camp, on top of the seemingly-unvaccinated Newton recently missing time due to NFL COVID protocol’s rules on leaving team facilities and needing to quarantine.

The 2015 NFL MVP is now a free agent and clear to sign wherever he pleases, and the market is seemingly unknown. Is he still a starter? Does he think he’s still a starter? How many years does he have left after looking dreadful most of last year?

All is well in Camland, however. Shortly after his release was announced, Newton went to Instagram to assure us he’s all good:

Via @CameronNewton Instagram stories: pic.twitter.com/LVTQIcJMA8
— IG: JosinaAnderson (@JosinaAnderson) August 31, 2021

In case you’re worried the device you’re reading this on has a virus; yes that font is correct. As confident as Newton is in his style, he’s as confident in using Wingdings on social media. You honestly have to appreciate the fearless font usage.

NFL team’s love a self-assured quarterback, and Newton’s brave clothing and font selections may just help him land his next gig.

Who Wore it Best? 29-20

August 25, 2021 Chris CookAdrian Beltre, Arizona Cardinals, Atlanta Falcons, Atlanta Thrashers, Baltimore Orioles, Baltimore Ravens, Barry Bonds, Barry Sanders, Bert Blyleven, Boston Celtics, Boston Red Sox, Brian Dawkins, Brooklyn Nets, Chicago Bears, Chicago Blackhawks, Chicago Bulls, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Cincinnati Reds, Clayton Kershaw, Cleveland Cavaliers, Cleveland Guardians, Colorado Avalanche, Curtis Martin, Dallas Cowboys, Darrell Green, Deion Sanders, Denver Broncos, Detroit Lions, Detroit Red Wings, Detroit Tigers, Devin Hester, Ed Reed, Eddie George, Elgin Baylor, Emmitt Smith, Frank Robinson, Fred Biletnikoff, Gary Payton, Houston Astros, Houston Rockets, Houston Texans, Indianapolis Colts, Ken Dryden, Ken Griffey Jr., Kevin Garnett, LaDanian Tomlinson, Las Vegas Golden Knights, Las Vegas Raiders, LeBron James, Los Angeles Angels, Los Angeles Chargers, Los Angeles Dodgers, Los Angeles Lakers, Los Angeles Rams, Manny Ramirez, Marc-André Fleury, Marshall Faulk, Miami Heat, Miami Marlins, Michael Jordan, Miguel Cabrera, Mike Schmidt, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves, Minnesota Twins, MLB, Montreal Canadiens, Montreal Expos, Nashville Predators, New England Patriots, New York Jets, New York Mets, New York Yankees, NFL, Oakland Athletics, Peter Forsberg, Philadelphia Eagles, Philadelphia Flyers, Philadelphia Phillies, Pittsburgh Penguins, Pittsburgh Pirates, Rick Barry, Roberto Clemente, Roger Clemens, Ryne Sandberg, San Antonio Spurs, San Diego Padres, San Francisco 49ers, San Francisco Giants, Scott Rolen, Seattle Mariners, Seattle Seahawks, Seattle Supersonics, St. Louis Cardinals, Tampa Bay Rays, Tennessee Titans, Texas Rangers, Tim Duncan, Toronto Blue Jays, Vladimir Guerrero Sr., Wade Boggs, Washington Football Team, Washington Wizards, Willie MaysLeave a comment

We’ve arrived at an incredibly important edition of “Who Wore It Best.” In our latest, we’re digging into the roaring 20’s. Let’s find out together who made the cut in this extremely paramount, career-defining list.

29 – Eric Dickerson

His athletic excellence barely surpassed that of the rec specs. Dickerson put together the greatest single season rushing the football in 1984, going for an NFL record 2,105 yards. He wasn’t just a one season wonder, however. Before being inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1999, Dickerson was a five time first team All-Pro, four time rushing leader, has his number 29 retired by the LA Rams, and is in the Indianapolis Colts Ring of Honor.

Honorable Mentions: Adrian Beltre, Ken Dryden, Marc-André Fleury

28 – Marshall Faulk

Back to back running backs who played for the Rams and Colts. Much like Dickerson, Faulk both has his number retired by the Rams as well as being a member of the Colts Ring of Honor. Unlike Dickerson, Faulk has a Super Bowl ring. He also tacked on a MVP, three offensive player of the year awards, as well as three first team All-Pro selections.

Honorable Mentions: Bert Blyleven, Curtis Martin, Darrell Green

27 – Vladimir Guerrero Sr.

Vlad the Impaler was a 2018 Hall of Fame inductee. He earned his spot in Cooperstown after winning the 2004 MVP, hitting 449 career home runs while maintaining a .318 career batting average, and winning an incredible eight Silver Slugger awards.

Honorable Mentions: Eddie George, Scott Rolen

26 – Rod Woodson

Rod Woodson was one of the best ball hawks to ever do it; picking off 71 balls in his 17 NFL seasons. He was also a vital member of one of the greatest defenses of all time, the Super Bowl XXXV champion Baltimore Ravens. All of this (and more) cumulated in an induction to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2009.

Honorable Mention: Wade Boggs

25 – Barry Bonds

Even before he went to the Giants and things…changed; Barry Bonds was one of the greatest players in baseball. In his seven seasons in Pittsburgh before moving to San Francisco, Bonds was a three time NL MVP, won five Gold Gloves, and five Silver Slugger awards.

Honorable Mention: Fred Biletnikoff

24 – Willie Mays

Absolute stacked number here, but Mays takes the cake. The stats are gawdy; 660 home runs, 1,903 RBI, and 338 stolen bases. Along the way Mays made 24 All-Star games, won twelve Gold Gloves, two NL MVPs, and a World Series in 1954.

Honorable Mentions: Ken Griffey Jr., Rickey Henderson, Miguel Cabrera, Manny Ramirez, Rick Barry, Champ Bailey, Chris Chelios

23 – Michael Jordan

Next question.

Honorable Mentions: LeBron James, Ryne Sandberg, Devin Hester

22 – Emmitt Smith

Emmitt Smith did it all in his 15 NFL seasons. The league’s all time leading rusher (18,355 yards) won three Super Bowls, the 1993 NFL MVP, was a four time first team All-Pro, and lead the NFL in touchdowns three separate seasons.

Honorable Mentions: Clayton Kershaw, Elgin Baylor, Roger Clemens

21 – Deion Sanders

The swagiest swag that ever swagged. Deion was, and still is, one of the most raw athletes we’ve ever seen. He wasn’t too bad on the field either. Prime’s got two Super Bowl rings, six first team All-Pro selections, and is a member of both the 90’s All-Decade and NFL 100th Anniversary Teams. Oh, and he also played in the MLB for nine seasons. He was a .263 career hitter, with 39 home runs, 168 RBI, and 186 stolen bases. Absolute baller.

Honorable Mentions: Roberto Clemente, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, LaDainian Tomlinson, Stan Mikita, Peter Forsberg

20 – Barry Sanders

The twitchiest running back we’ve ever seen, just absolutely stupid stuff. A combo Heisman winner and NFL MVP, the four time first team All-Pro ran for over 15,000 yards and almost 100 touchdowns. Pretty good for a guy who retired early.

Honorable Mentions: Frank Robinson, Mike Schmidt, Gary Payton, Ed Reed, Brian Dawkins

The numbers get lower, and the lists get better. How about 24 and 21 just absolutely cleaning house? All four major sports represented on each. This was a great edition of “Who Wore It Best,” and we can only assume the names will get hotter the next time around.

Sunday State of Mind: August 16th-August 22nd

August 22, 2021 Chris CookArizona Cardinals, Baltimore Orioles, Buffalo Bills, Chicago Bears, Detroit Tigers, Hall of Fame, Larry Fitzgerald, Los Angeles Angels, Miguel Cabrera, Mitchell Trubisky, MLB, NFL, poetry, Shohei Ohtani, SSMLeave a comment

Yesterday was Saturday, tomorrow is Monday. That can only mean one thing; we’re in a Sunday State of Mind.

A preseason homecoming, for Mitchell Trubisky
Came back to Chicago, was feeling quite frisky
Blew his former team out, Bills took it to the Bears
But keyword is preseason, so honestly who cares

From one quote this weekend, we may have seen the last
Of Larry Fitzgerald, sounds like football’s in his past
If this is it for Fitz, would be a full blown shame
On the other hand, he’d be en route to the Hall of Fame

It finally happened, 500 for Miggy
Went deep today, and this one’s a biggy
The 28th member of the 500 club
Big guy’s always been far from a baseball scrub

The poor Baltimore Orioles, just can’t win a game
Their last W was August 2nd, from then the L’s came
When given the chance the win, the O’s just simply scoff
I guess the preseason numbers where right on their chances at the playoffs

ShoTime continues in LA, Ohtani keeps mashing
Hit his 40th home run this week, greatness continues flashing
The probable AL MVP, not only doing it at the dish
Is 8-1, 2.79 ERA pitching, a baseball fan’s true wish

Kevin Durant and Draymond Green Sat Down For an All Time Interview

August 18, 2021 Chris CookBleacher Report, Brooklyn Nets, Draymond Green, Golden State Warriors, Kevin Durant, NBALeave a comment

This was incredible.

Draymond Green dropped his latest episode of “Chips,” his interview series on Bleacher Report on Wednesday. This was a special one, as he sat down with former teammate and fellow chip-on-shoulder haver Kevin Durant. The best player in the NBA was open, introspective, and refreshing in the 24-minute video released on YouTube.

Off the jump, KD’s headgear selection was intriguing. You have to wonder if the selection of an Oakland A’s hat was a tip of the cap (bad joke) to Warriors fans for his time in the Bay. Even if it wasn’t on purpose, it was ironic.

Despite being teammates on back-to-back championship teams, in today’s environment, the pair are probably better known for their blowout argument (start’s at about 0:56 in the link) that went fully viral. It does appear the two got over the argument, and rather quickly. KD made an interesting comparison between their “conversation” and the infamous Scottie Pippen sitting out incident; saying it was better to “get all that shit out” in the moment instead of letting anything fester. Can’t say I disagree with him.

Another subject Green breached with The Slim Reaper was his apparent change in personality between his clean, “kid who wears the book bag” he was assigned while in Oklahoma City to what we’ve seen since then. In terms of the much maligned career move of leaving the Thunder to join the Warriors, KD said “[i]t was a basketball decision, but I knocked it down to not giving a fuck.”

When discussing how his attitude change towards the media, he also provided compelling openness in admitting he believed they knew more than he did. With age and experience, he was able to find more of himself; noting “the questions they ask me now don’t move me like they used to.” Another encouraging viewpoint of a person finding out more about who they are and not being afraid to be that person.

This interview included a man who seems to be at peace with the person he has become. When asked about his happiest professional moment, Durant expressed his dislike for the word “happy,” saying “it’s a fleeting feeling. I just want to enjoy every day being alive…I don’t want to chase happiness, I want to stay even.”

It was exceptional seeing a personable, accessible, and seemingly unburdened KD. I hope we get to see more of this in the future.

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Author: Chris Cook