“Saved by the Bell” is Back and It Looks Awful

Photo: The Playlist

What the hell is this?

So I’m going about my Tuesday, getting caught up on Twitter, and I’m accosted by this absolute train wreck of a preview:

Who’s asking for this? Why do we need this? “Saved by the Bell” was an absolute masterpiece when it came to early 90’s sitcoms. It ran for four seasons from 1989-1993, amassing 86 episodes. I don’t need to explain the wacky high school hijinks we saw from Zach, Slater, Screech; or the “real life” lessons we were taught from Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa.

The show had a perfect lifespan. From Kelly getting a zit while running for homecoming queen, the gang breaking Screech’s parent’s Elvis statue, and the big fight between Zach and Slater, the show did all it needed in its four seasons. It had a perfect ending, with the fourth season ending at high school graduation.

Then…things started going to shit. After graduation, those greedy fat cats at NBC tried to keep the party going:

Embarrassing.

Two made for TV movies (“SBTB Hawaiian Style” got a 63% on Rotten Tomatoes, “SBTB Wedding in Las Vegas” got a 69%) and a cheap spinoff series that lasted 18 episodes (and a 9% on Rotten Tomatoes) weren’t enough? Now we have to deal with a FOURTH spinoff? I won’t stand for it. I’m out.

In the current age we’re in with endless, top shelf content to choose from, we shouldn’t have to waste our time even having to consider this cash-grab trash heap. I’ll apologize on behalf of the fine folks at NBC: I’m sorry you had to watch this trailer, and in turn read a blog about it.

Sunday State of Mind: October 19th-October 25th

Photo: Frank McKenna on Unsplash

We took a bit of a break from SSM last week. We couldn’t be more excited to return, please enjoy.

Dodgers and Rays, not even here
To talk about tonight’s game, because Saturday was so weird
Game Four ended with two errors and a slip
It was so insane, an absolute trip

A sentence I thought I would never say
Things aren’t going great with the Patriot Way
Three picks for Cam, and a loss to San Francisco
After all their success, hard to feel bad for New England Massholes

Big 10 Football is back, and we had a wild one
Indiana beat Penn State on a last second run
The call was so close, and was impossible to call
How can you not love college football?

On the flip side of college football, Jaylen Waddle
Sadly fractured his ankle while going full throttle
Another week one star, Badger QB Graham Mertz
Tested positive for COVID, both injuries must hurt

Kevin Malone is the Best Character from “The Office” and You Can’t Tell Me Any Different

Photo: Uproxx

Look at that beautiful angel.

Kevin Malone; the burly, lovable oaf from accounting in “The Office,” was the comedic lynchpin of the entire show. I’m not here to disparage Michael, Dwight, Jim, etc., but Kevin was without question the best character that came out of Dunder Mifflin.

According to The Office Wiki, Kevin is the drummer in a Police cover band named “Scrantonicity,” his favorite foods are cookies, Cup O’ Noodles, and M&M’s, and his favorite number is 69. He’s never afraid to speak his mind, and hates vegetables. One could say he’s a child in man’s body.

Let’s reminisce on some of Kevin’s greatest moments.

Casino Night

The finale of the second season was “Casino Night” in the office. The warehouse was turned into a series of games and slots, including poker. Kevin comes in confident, sporting a bracelet that he later, quite self-assuredly, reveals that he won at a $2500 No-Limit Deuce-Seven Draw Tournament.

Kevin’s confident, and he’s ready to outsmart his coworkers and take their money. But, as luck would have it, he loses it all. Phyllis, a beginner with no history of knowledge or success in cards, deals the final blow to Kevin’s chip pile. This is one of the first “bad luck for the lovable dunce” scenarios poor Kevin finds himself in during the show’s run.

New Years Resolution

One year, our sweet prince Kevin decides to make one of his resolutions to eat more vegetables. A very good resolution for a man of Kevin’s plumpness, and something we probably all should shoot for. After a series of different members of the office not holding themselves to their resolutions, Michael forces Kevin to stick to his.

He hates it. He hates it so much. Despite the fact that raw broccoli can’t be the best way to get into vegetables, Kevin gives it the ‘ol college try and goes to town. He tries even after starting to eat the stem (it’s a brand new food for Kevin, remember) as well as asking for cheese wiz and hollandaise sauce to put on top of the broccoli. I keep saying he tries, because eventually, like a sweet little puppy, he hides the broccoli under his tongue and eventually spits it out.

Kevin’s Famous Chili

Maybe the most memorable cold open in “The Office” series. Our guy brings in “Kevin’s Famous Chili” once a year to share with the office. One year, after hours preparing, we see above what happens. The bumbling, stumbling, slipping, and eventual dropping of an oversized pot of the brown concoction is so perfect.

The hapless look on Kevin’s face after he drops the pot is so sad and hysterical at the same time. An absolute perfect reaction that any of us in the same situation would have. Kevin doesn’t ever seem to have much going on in life outside of work, and you feel how proud he is of his chili. To have that all literally come crashing down is what makes this scene so incredible.

These are just a few examples of what makes Kevin Malone what he is; and that is the funniest character to come out of “The Office.” It’s really saying something because there was so much great writing and character creation to come out of the show. There’s just no convincing me that Kevin wasn’t the character with the highest comedic value.

I guess the only way to confirm would to hear it from the horse’s mouth. Kevin, are you the funniest character to come out of “The Office?”

Case settled.

LeBron James Saved “The Bachelorette” and We Should All Be Kneeling Before Him

There are a lot of LeBron James haters in our world today. You cannot count this blogger as one of them. I won’t spend time listing all of the good he has done on and off the court, because I would probably lose the majority of you as readers, if I haven’t already.

Simply put, people love to hate LeBron James. People also love “The Bachelor/Bachelorette” franchise. The Venn Diagram of these types of people might be close to one singular circle.

That may have just changed.

The Los Angeles Lakers, lead by James, beat the Miami Heat in Game 6 on Sunday to win the franchise’s first NBA Championship since 2010. With this victory, two pillars of American sports and pop culture have finally crossed paths.

Bachelor Nation has been anxiously awaiting Clare Crawley’s season to debut for months, and they will be getting the first episode of the season tonight at 7PM Central on ABC. The rub here is that if LeBron had not lead the Lakers to victory in Game 6 on Sunday, “The Bachelorette” would have been pushed back another week to October 20th so the (now unnecessary) Game 7 of the NBA Finals could have been played.

That’s right, King James is such a gracious and humble ruler that he’s allowing Bachelor Nation their precious season when he could have easily taken it all away from us. The affable King has shown us all mercy in his ever compassionate, chivalrous, and amicable rise (again) to the top of the NBA. We should all consider ourselves so lucky. We are not worthy, King James.

So this is for all of you LeBron haters/Bachelorette lovers out there. Why don’t you take this generous favor bestowed upon you, and reconsider your feelings on your King. For the second best player to ever play in the NBA (we all know who the GOAT is), there is surprisingly a lot of room on the LeBron bandwagon. Join me, won’t you?

Sunday State of Mind: October 5th-October 11th

Photo: Amanda Phung on Unsplash

SSM after dark! Some late night sports poetry to send you into your week.

We’ve crowned a new champ, The Lakers have won
LeBron, AD, and the squad made sure The Heat were done
With the win comes the end of the NBA bubble
King James lead the way with a series winning triple double

Huge comeback story in the NFL
Alex Smith is back, that’s a buy, not a sell
Even if his team lost, him being back was a great scene
A rare feel good story for The Washington Football Team

Opposite Alex Smith, poor Dak Prescott
His seasons over, and the ankle’s shot
If you haven’t seen the video, I would suggest not
The pressure on Jerry Jones now has to feel quite hot

Moving on to the MLB
The bracket’s down to four teams to see
Who will take home the World Series Trophy
Since it won’t be The Cubs, it doesn’t matter to me

The Aughts Hot or Not – Fleetwood Mac “Dreams”

We are going way off track on this one, but it must be done. As you may remember, we typically review our favorite songs from The Aughts (2000-2010) in this series. However, due to a certain recent viral video, we’re breaking our own rules.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, I’m sure you’ve seen the now famous TikTok by America’s new best friend, user @420doggface208:

This video is all of the vibes, as the kids say these days. It went hugely viral, enough for Mick Fleetwood to actually respond via TikTok:

@mickfleetwood

@420doggface208 had it right. Dreams and Cranberry just hits different. #Dreams #CranberryDreams #FleetwoodMac

♬ Dreams (2004 Remaster) – Fleetwood Mac

So, as you may have now gathered, in this edition of “The Aughts Hot or Not,” we are traveling back to 1977 to review Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams.”

Music Video

Well, this is going to be short and sweet. The music video for “Dreams” is severely lacking in any special effects, CGI, or general substance….and that’s OK!

The production of music videos wasn’t as big of a business back in the 1970’s as it was in The Aughts. What we get here is Stevie, Mick, and the crew in their element, simply performing the song on a stage for presumably an adoring crowd. While everyone gets their moments to shine, the video mostly focuses on lead singer Steve Nicks, who belts out the painful lyrics as only she can.

Best Lyric

Now here you go again, you say you want your freedom
Well, who am I to keep you down?
It’s only right that you should play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness

We’re jumping right in here with the best lyrics; the very first verse of the song. While writing the album “Rumours” (in which “Dreams” was featured), each member of the band was going through some incredible hardship.

According to Rolling Stone: “Stevie Nicks had just split with her longtime lover and musical partner, Lindsey Buckingham, while Christine was in the midst of divorcing her husband, bassist John McVie. Meanwhile, Mick Fleetwood’s extra-band marriage was on the rocks, leading to an affair with Nicks before the year was out. This inner turmoil surfaced in brutally honest lyrics, transforming the album into a tantalizing he-said-she-said romantic confessional.”

You can feel all of the calamity and misery surrounding the band come through in the song, and this first verse really paints that picture. Not a surprise that our guy 420doggface208 made his viral TikTok using the best part of the song.

Worst Lyric

Women they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know

Bo-riiiiing. Fleetwood Mac is widely appreciated as one of the greatest bands of the 70’s. Their list of hits is quite long: “Go Your Own Way,” “Rhiannon,” “Landslide,” etc. All of these songs have incredible lyrics. I think we as Fleetwood Mac fans came to expect consistently top notch lyrics. Which, of course, is both unreasonable and unfair. However, when Stevie blurted out the two above lines, I was quite disappointed at the blandness.

Rating

This song was surprisingly the only hit for Fleetwood Mac to reach number one on the US Billboard charts. I think it’s a really solid mix of lyrics, message, and performance. Stevie Nicks’ voice alone probably gives any Fleetwood Mac song a one to two point boost, I think it’s just one of the greatest we’ve ever been privileged to hear. With all of this considered:

Rating: 8 Carson Daly’s

Photo: USA Today

Sunday State of Mind: September 28th-October 4th

Sunday evening: a time to sit back, reflect on your weekend, and read this week’s SSM.

The NBA Finals is in full swing
The Heat are decimated, The Lakers are getting the ring
It probably was always going to end this way
With only Jimmy Butler for Miami, and LeBron and AD for LA

The MLB playoffs have advanced a round
Only half of the playoff teams are left and still taking the mound
It is a bit sad, that we won’t have a chance
For a Cubs/White Sox World Series, since neither advanced

Russell Wilson continues to be
In this blogger’s opinion, NFL MVP
He balled out again today, carved Miami with a knife and fork
Don’t think we forgot though, he’s still a dork

The big NFL story, another COVID outbreak
Cam Newton tested positive, a sad truth to take
The cases are clearly rising in the NFL
I think we all wish this virus would just go to hell

Oh No…

Here we go.

The Titans beat the Vikings 31-30 on Sunday. The win took Tennessee to 3-0 on the year, and dropped the Vikings to 0-3. The result wasn’t exactly the story:

Nooooooooooooo!

This is the first outbreak we’ve seen since the NFL came back three weeks ago. According to the AP, three Titans players and five personnel tested positive for the coronavirus (as of now). Both teams will completely shut down for the foreseeable future. Of course the Titans with the positive tests, and correctly the Vikings due to being in close proximity to the Titans.

The most important thing here is that thus far everyone is safe. As long as that’s the case, the next thing you worry about is the schedule & season getting totally wrecked. The Steelers are scheduled to come to Nashville to play the Titans this coming Sunday. The Vikings are supposed to go on the road to play the Texans.

With the prototypical quarantine period being 14 days, this could absolutely muck up the NFL season moving forward. Unlike baseball, you can’t really squeeze any double headers in a day, let alone a week. Stretching this out a bit, you start to think how this would effect playoff seedings if teams end up not playing the same number of games, the spider web of contact tracing if the Titans and Vikings continue to play, etc.

This was a gamble that the NFL, and honestly all sports, took when deciding to come back when they did. I would hope Roger Godell and the big brains running the show out of the NFL’s headquarters in Manhattan have a safe and logical back up plan to make sure the season can safely move forward.

Sunday State of Mind: September 21st-September 27th

Sunday, it’s here…so is this week’s SSM. Let’s hop in:

Last week of baseball, wrapping as we speak
The MLB made it through, and reached their seasons’s peak
The postseason starts next week, will be a wild story
To see who takes home the COVID World Series Trophy

The NBA is winding down, Lakers took out the Nugs
The Heat and Celts could be done soon, makes me sadly shrug
Either way, it’ll be the Lakers and LeBron
A few more games and before you know it, the NBA will be gone

The NHL is also close to closing out their year
The Lightning and Stars are wrapping up, with their grown out playoff beards
If the Lightning win on Monday, they’ll be hoisting up Lord Stanley
If the Stars pull it out, we’re talking game 7, the cup won’t be won handily

Your NFL surprise of the year, the Chicago Bears
Moved to 3-0 today, and this writer cares
Trubisky was benched, Nick Foles was the hero
Who would’ve thought after three weeks the Bears losses would be at zero?

Injecting Our Opinion on the Tyrod Taylor Injury

Photo: Bolt Beat

A truly wild story came out about Los Angeles Chargers quarterback Tyrod Taylor today. After coming out and warming up for their game on Sunday against the Chiefs, Taylor did not start the game. Rookie Justin Herbert made his NFL debut against the defending Super Bowl champions. This absence was simply not explained, only with the Chargers releasing an injury report stating Taylor had a chest injury.

Well…today we found out exactly what went down:

Uh…what?

This is point blank ridiculous. A real stab in the heart. How does this team doctor implant himself into the Chargers staff, insert his medical “skills,” and almost kill the team’s starting quarterback?!

This doctor seems like a real prick. He needled his way into the position, had his shot, and administered a total screw up into Taylor’s lung. His forced administration of medical malfeasance can not stand, the team must interject.

A real skin crawling, forced issue for the Chargers and NFL. I truly hope this issue isn’t pushed aside, and that it causes all of us to shoot up and realize the importance of legitimate medical professionals to ensure the safety of our athletes. Feel better, Tyrod, and don’t be afraid to inject yourself into righting this wrong.