What are the Funniest Names in Sports?

Who doesn’t love a good name? We’ve had some great ones in the past, but who really rises to the top? Let’s investigate the top five funniest sports names of all time:

Boof Bonser

Photo: NJ.com

Boof Bonser was a below average pitcher who hung around the MLB for four seasons. He spent time with the Twins, Red Sox, and A’s while in the majors, and ended his career after a year with the Uni-President Lions of the Chinese Professional Baseball League. After all was said and done, Boof hung up his spikes with a 19-25 record, 5.18 ERA, and 1.46 WHIP. Some truly incredible subpar numbers.

This guy’s name sounds like a fight sequence in the 1960’s Batman TV series: *BANG!* *KAPOW!* *BOOF!*

Boof Bonser sounds like an “As Seen on TV” cleaning product that will “magically, with a secret scientific formula, clear away any and all rust or grime from your old household items! For five easy payments of $49.99, you can try Boof Bonser today!”

Chris Fuamatu-Ma’afala

What a beast. I remember running about 60 straight FB Dive plays in Madden ’98 to Chris Fuamatu-Ma’afala back in the day. Not only did it work all day every day, I got to say Chris Fuamatu-Ma’afala each time. For the sake of my writing and your reading time, let’s call him CFM.

CFM rumbled, stumbled, and bumbled his way to seven seasons in the NFL, five with the Steelers and two with the Jaguars.

Chris Fuamatu-Ma’afala sounds like a drunk dude trying to call me a very specific NSFW combination of words…which I’ve been called plenty of times in my day.

D’Brickashaw Ferguson

Photo: SB Nation

Quite possibly the greatest name for an offensive lineman in NFL history. This dude came in at a menacing 6’6, 310 pounds, and had the name to go along with the prototypical left tackle build.

He somehow lived up to an impossibly perfect name for a NFL lineman. Ferguson never missed a start in his 10 seasons with the Jets, was selected to the 2006 All-Rookie team, and was a three time Pro Bowler.

D’Brickashaw is, not surprisingly, the inspiration of one of the funniest sketches of all time, the Key & Peele East-West College Bowl.

Fabián Assmann

Photo: Diagonales

Now it’s getting weird, folks. Even though the Argentine goalkeeper pronounces his name “ahss-mon,” you know what we’re doing here. There’s honestly not too much to say, due to Assmann’s short career and my severe lack of soccer knowledge.

I was able to do some digging and find footage of Fabian parking at his building:

Honrable mention in this category: John David Booty.

God Shammgod

A name has never contradicted itself more. First name actual God, surname fake God; pretty impressive flexibility. God’s journey has taken him all around the world; after being drafted by the Wizards in 1997, he played in China, Saudi Arabia, Poland, Kuwait, and Croatia.

Perhaps the most remarkable thing about this legend, besides his name, was his dribbling ability. Shammgod had such incredible handles, he created his own move that’s still used in today’s NBA, “The Shammgod.”

Boof, Fuamatu-Ma’afala, D’Brickashaw, Assman, and Shammgod; a collection of athlete’s names not easily forgotten. Who did we miss?

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