I Joined a Cult

Quarantine does strange things to the mind. Being cooped up in a house for months on end with extremely limited access to other humans can make the mind wonder. When the mind wonders, where does one go? The internet. What does a mind-wondering internet user eventually run into? Weird shit.

I never planned on investing my time and money into something like this. But…I read the literature, I listened to the testimonials, and made a decision. This new family that I’ve joined has become more important to me than my individual self. This group sees me for more than I’ve ever seen myself. The belief and support I’ve received just in my first few days with my newfound lifestyle group has been something I’ve never felt before. With that said, I would like to formally announce…

I’ve joined the Peloton family.

Photo: Forbes

That’s right. The exercise bike that has been sweeping the nation was (finally) delivered to my house just this week. Full bicycle, 22 inch touchscreen, weights, clip-in bike cleats, the works. All squeezed into my office to complete my new workspace/gym. Life is sweet.

Now, if you’ve been living under a rock, let me fill you in on what you’re missing out on if you haven’t joined the cul…I mean Peloton Fam. Not only are we talking live spin classes, we’re talking weight training, yoga classes, meditation, cardio, and more. I’ve ran into the issue of boredom when exercising in the past, so the variety that the Peloton membership and its subsequent app you get with said membership really goes a far way in keeping things fresh.

Now, I know one of the first kickbacks I hear on the Peloton: it’s too expensive. Totally fair concern, especially right now. However, the fine folks at Peloton do offer a financing plan ($58/month) so you don’t have to put down the full $2,200+ on the bike upfront if it’s not something that works financially for you.

The way I look at it, most gym memberships nowadays cost approximately $50/month anyways. Simply getting rid of the gym membership and shifting that money towards a monthly Peloton payment essentially has you covered. Also, let’s be honest, who the hell knows how bad the brick and mortar gym industry is going to be hit once full reopening is complete. Your gym might be out of business and leave you high and dry. Even if gyms stay open, we’re still talking about enclosed, germ filled spaces where large groups of tightly-packed together people are sweating, huffing, and puffing everywhere. Now, I’ve never needed much motivation to not go to the gym, but in a post-COVID world, that would definitely keep me away.

In summary, as much as this sounds like a sponsored ad for Peloton, it unfortunately is not. First, because there are shredded, jacked up instructors out there who would seem to represent the brand a tad bit better than myself and my current physical condition. Secondly, UDS isn’t quiiiiite big enough to start ad work just yet. All I’m saying is, in this seemingly new age of fitness, think about joining me in the Peloton cult. When you do, find my profile at chris_cook, and let’s go for a ride.

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