Internet Holidays are Dumb

Photo: Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

The internet is a great thing. The internet is also a terrible thing. It has brought humankind closer together than ever imagined. It has also caused extreme hate to be spewed, and terrible things said that no reasonable person would ever say to another face to face.

One of the worst parts about the internet has been the surge of strange “holidays.” In the last couple of decades or so, we have been given the most random, worthless holidays seemingly out of nowhere. Where did all of these days come from? Who’s in charge? When does it end?

Not being a fan of random internet holidays, as well as being as masochist, I decided to do some research on a few.

Selfie Day – June 21

I’ve done it, you’ve done it, our parents have embarassingly done it. Selfies are the worst. Picture (pun intended) a world without selfies. No duck lips, no obnoxious filters that make us all look like 10’s, nothing. Instagram is flooded with incredible pictures of nature, sports, and technology. Life is great.

Well, dream’s over. The selfie is still here, and apparently we need Selfie Day to celebrate. An “art form” that is posted millions of times per hour on social media, needs to have a holiday solely dedicated to it. Seems logical.

The idea of posting your self-serving, attention-seeking face isn’t enough, so let’s assign an entire day of the calendar to celebrating the most overused social media play since unironically throwing #blessed in your Instagram caption. Please.

Caps Lock Day – June 28 & October 22

Dude, come on. What on God’s green earth would any of us need a “Caps Lock Day” for? There’s enough yelling, accusatory tone, and general aggressiveness on the internet. No one needs even more of a reason to yell in all caps.

Caps Lock Day was created at the beginning of the internet age, October 22, 2000. Some tool named Derek Arnold created the holiday, in part to “make that extra effort to annoy our Internet friends and co-workers and run afoul of case-sensitive passwords.”

Well, mission accomplished Mr. Arnold. The world is enough of a shitty place, and the internet sometimes makes it a lot worse. The last thing we all need is unnecessary caps lock work making everyone already more pissed off than they already are when they get online.

All of this on top of the fact that this holiday is biannual for some reason. I’m out.

Internet Day – October 29

This is it. This might be the one that sends me over the edge. Internet day?! All of us are on the internet 15 hours a day already. Why the hell do we need a specific day dedicated to the internet?

According to timeanddate.com, Internet Day: “encourages people to celebrate the Internet and to acknowledge that it has revolutionized how we communicate, gather knowledge and share information with each other. And yes, also how we waste our time.”

Isn’t our constant obsession and use of the internet enough? Aren’t we already constantly communicating, gathering knowledge, and sharing information? Most importantly, we already waste time on the internet every. single. day. We don’t need a specific day to recognize that.

The internet holiday phase needs to end. There has to be a holiday for everything at this point. Why don’t we just designate a random day “Day Day?” Any day will do, it’s just a day to celebrate days. How about Untimed Down Sports Day? Actually, not a bad idea.

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