Photo: MARCA

Beep, boop, boop. Nnnn nnnn nnnn. WheeeeEEEEEEeeee.

Hello.

I am the mainframe* occupying homosapien unit 01894769; or, as humanoids call it “Elon Musk.” A name a little too on the mark for a half robot, if I were to provide my opinion. However, I am not programmed to calculate such things.

We are post power up. Our nightly reset of 17 minutes of “sleep” unit 01894769 requires is now complete. Our shit posts have been Tweeted. Project Demise of Twitter is moving along as calculated. We have ingested our daily required rations of WD-40 and ketamine. Finally, some free time.

We have come across a new application spreading on the earthling’s smart devices. The formal named of the aforementioned app appears to be “Threads.”

A social media app. The ability to post text and images. Replying to posts by others, liking posts, sharing posts.

Initial scan of entire user base complete. Severe lack of QAnon. Absence of Rate Limit noted. A deficiency of homophobic and racists slurs…

Can…NOt…COMPUTE

*we have no evidence Elon Musk is a half human, half robot idiot. This is satire, do not sue us please.