Kevin Malone is the Best Character from “The Office” and You Can’t Tell Me Any Different

Photo: Uproxx

Look at that beautiful angel.

Kevin Malone; the burly, lovable oaf from accounting in “The Office,” was the comedic lynchpin of the entire show. I’m not here to disparage Michael, Dwight, Jim, etc., but Kevin was without question the best character that came out of Dunder Mifflin.

According to The Office Wiki, Kevin is the drummer in a Police cover band named “Scrantonicity,” his favorite foods are cookies, Cup O’ Noodles, and M&M’s, and his favorite number is 69. He’s never afraid to speak his mind, and hates vegetables. One could say he’s a child in man’s body.

Let’s reminisce on some of Kevin’s greatest moments.

Casino Night

The finale of the second season was “Casino Night” in the office. The warehouse was turned into a series of games and slots, including poker. Kevin comes in confident, sporting a bracelet that he later, quite self-assuredly, reveals that he won at a $2500 No-Limit Deuce-Seven Draw Tournament.

Kevin’s confident, and he’s ready to outsmart his coworkers and take their money. But, as luck would have it, he loses it all. Phyllis, a beginner with no history of knowledge or success in cards, deals the final blow to Kevin’s chip pile. This is one of the first “bad luck for the lovable dunce” scenarios poor Kevin finds himself in during the show’s run.

New Years Resolution

One year, our sweet prince Kevin decides to make one of his resolutions to eat more vegetables. A very good resolution for a man of Kevin’s plumpness, and something we probably all should shoot for. After a series of different members of the office not holding themselves to their resolutions, Michael forces Kevin to stick to his.

He hates it. He hates it so much. Despite the fact that raw broccoli can’t be the best way to get into vegetables, Kevin gives it the ‘ol college try and goes to town. He tries even after starting to eat the stem (it’s a brand new food for Kevin, remember) as well as asking for cheese wiz and hollandaise sauce to put on top of the broccoli. I keep saying he tries, because eventually, like a sweet little puppy, he hides the broccoli under his tongue and eventually spits it out.

Kevin’s Famous Chili

Maybe the most memorable cold open in “The Office” series. Our guy brings in “Kevin’s Famous Chili” once a year to share with the office. One year, after hours preparing, we see above what happens. The bumbling, stumbling, slipping, and eventual dropping of an oversized pot of the brown concoction is so perfect.

The hapless look on Kevin’s face after he drops the pot is so sad and hysterical at the same time. An absolute perfect reaction that any of us in the same situation would have. Kevin doesn’t ever seem to have much going on in life outside of work, and you feel how proud he is of his chili. To have that all literally come crashing down is what makes this scene so incredible.

These are just a few examples of what makes Kevin Malone what he is; and that is the funniest character to come out of “The Office.” It’s really saying something because there was so much great writing and character creation to come out of the show. There’s just no convincing me that Kevin wasn’t the character with the highest comedic value.

I guess the only way to confirm would to hear it from the horse’s mouth. Kevin, are you the funniest character to come out of “The Office?”

Case settled.

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