What The Hell Do We Do Now? Facebook & Instagram Outages Strike The Internet

Photo: People

Influencers grasping at any avenue to push fitness teas, political extremists fleeing to YouTube to gleefully project the end of times, your racist relatives wondering where they’ll get their “news.”

Facebook and Instagram outages, AAAAAHHHHH!

Facebook CEO/Owner of Instagram Mark Zuckerberg, pictured above viewing a video of a baby panda dying in a forest fire, had his hands full on Monday. The hours-long outages cost the cyborg humanoid a reported $7 Billion, leaving him out in the cold with only $120-ish Billion left to his name.

The world without two of the internets largest social media platforms is a different place. At time of publishing, both platforms are still out of service but reports have been trickling in on just what the world has been up to without FB & IG:

  • Chores that have been ignored for months have been addressed at unforeseen rates
  • Naps have been seeing record breaking numbers
  • Food shelters are seeing all time high volunteer hours
  • Math questions on white boards across the country are been easily solved
  • Local dogs have reported raising averages in both walk times & distances
  • Gaggles of the elderly have been helped across busy streets
  • Books are seeing plummeting dust rates
  • Outside has submitted instances of marked increases in occupancy
  • Free thinking has seen their numbers at near capacity
  • Smiles have broken out at a near pandemic rate across the planet

A truly life-altering event when these two behemoth internet destinations go dark. It would be a real shame if none of us were able to access either of these sites for hours, days, weeks, months…a real shame.

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