Dom Capers

Your 2023 UDS Wrapped is Here

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We thought, for no reason whatsoever, that today was a great day for a look back.

Your 2023 Untimed Down Sports (not Spotify) Wrapped is here!

5. The Aughts Hot or Not – Blink 182 “First Date”

We were all ecstatic to see our favorite teenage angsty emo band get back together this year. While this blog was an absolute banger, I’m sure that played a part in traffic on this bad boy pop into your top five this year.

4. Russell Wilson is a Dork

The gift that keeps on giving; to us in terms of pageviews, and to you as the reader. Our systematic takedown of Russell Wilson is three and a half years old, and was still the fourth-most read blog in 2023. Let us all continue to make fun of Mr. Unlimited.

3. The USMNT Enters Their Jerry Springer Era

Ahhhh soccer, probably our biggest expertise here at UDS. Remember all of the drama with Gregg Berhalter, Gio Reyna, and his parents? Total shit show, but you sickos loved it to the tune of our third most read blog in 2023. Could you imagine if Berhalter was still leading this program? Would be a total disaster.

2. The Alphabet of Best Players in NFL History

Another throwback! You guys love the classics, and we love your love for the classics. This was a blog from August 2020, and because the NFL is king, was our second most read blog this year.

1. Dom Capers Went All In On Ash Wednesday

This fills my amateur-blogging heart with pure joy. Your top read story from this year had to do with Dom Capers insane hair/hairline. The fact that this had the highest page view count this year is confirmation we have the right people reading us.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; as long as you keep reading, we’ll keep writing. An absolutely insane UDS Wrapped. You guys are the best.

Dom Capers Went All In On Ash Wednesday

Chris Cook, , 2 Comments

Photo: Sheena Quick on Twitter

Dom Capers; save some for the rest of us!

The new senior defensive assistant for the Carolina Panthers has clearly bankrupted the entire Catholic church of their ash stockpile on this holy day.

Actually, I have no idea of Capers religious beliefs. I don’t care and neither should you. What I do care about is the generous glob of Flex Seal that sits on top of that 72 year old head.

This guy has forgotten more football than any of us will ever know, and has put more hair dye on this dome than any of us ever should. According to his Wiki, this most recent job he was introduced as this morning is his twenty first position he’s held in either college or pro football since 1972. We’re hearing rumors that he celebrates each job with dumping a vat of hot asphalt on his cabeza.

My guy is lined up better than Jared Leto, Jake Gyllenhal, and Zac Efron put together. Yeah he might look like he has lego hair, but those luscious locks aren’t moving an inch in a F5 tornado.

It’s honestly probably the reason he’s gotten so many jobs in an insanely competitive field. Yeah he can draw up some fun schemes in his patented 3-4 scheme, but that piece he’s working with has got to be good for 3-4 wins each year.