Rob Manfred Heroically Comes Out Pro Poverty

Thank you for your service, Commissioner Manfred.

As the sport of baseball thrives in popularity, the fearless leader of Major League Baseball bravely came out against the biased and unfair notion that minor league baseball players are criminally underpaid:

Amen Commissioner…amen.

According to the New York Times, MLB “raised pay for minor league players in 2021, with Class A minimum salaries rising from $290 to $500 a week and Class AAA salaries increasing from $502 to $700.”

These prima donna minor leaguers, $290 per week wasn’t enough? You really need half a grand a week like some kind of galavanting fast food worker? Shame on you. Last time I checked, $290 was more than enough to survive on ramen noodles, a pay by the minute phone, and an annual shopping trip to Goodwill.

What else do you need? One of this country’s biggest issues is the 1%’s hogging all of the wealth. Our lionhearted Commissioner tried as hard as he could to eliminate the unjust wage gap in America, but these greedy minor leaguers, grabbing at every dime in the couches they sleep on, overran him.

So, congratulations on living the American dream, minor league baseball players. Enjoy those mammoth paychecks and looking down at all the peasants.

Keep fighting the good fight, Commissioner Manfred. We’re proud of you.