The CW

A Statement From President of The CW, Dennis Miller

Chris Cook, , Leave a comment

Photo: The CW

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE*

(BURBANK, CA, June 2, 2023) – upon today’s shocking announcement of an agreement between The PGA Tour and our dear, dear friends at LIV Golf, we felt it necessary to clear the air.

As you all are aware, we were the only media outlet to be brave enough to embrace LIV Golf when it was not a popular decision. Rumors of declined deals from ESPN, Netflix, CBS, NBC, ABC, Discovery, FOX Sports, and The Food Channel ran rampant before we came into the picture. We were happy to work with the fine folks at LIV to platform the Saudi-backed golf league that the entire nation so widely embraced.

Now that LIV has merged with The PGA, we assume they’re going to be leaving us. The CW, often referred to as the leader in entertainment and foresight, would assume this new super golf league will start their own channel, go the streaming route, or potentially VR when configuring their viewing experience moving forward.

We wish LIV and The PGA the best in their new venture, and this statement was in no way forced upon us by our Saudi overlords.

*please note this is satire, The CW/LIV seem like people who love litigation

LOL at LIV on The CW

Chris Cook, Leave a comment

Photo: CWTV.com

LIV Golf: billionaires, private jets, beautiful tournaments and…The CW?

In one of the funniest announcements we’ve heard in recent memory, the Saudi-backed grime balls of professional golf announced Thursday that they (finally) have a TV rights agreement. An agreement that took so long because no one wanted to touch this league with a 10 foot sword, LIV is now partnered with the powerhouse TV station The CW.

That’s right…The CW. Don’t be ashamed, we had to double check that The CW was still a channel also. But it is, and it’s the new home of the bogey blood money league.

According to Variety, The CW is the 25th ranked TV station in the United States, only edged out by the major entertainment players at Me TV, INSP, and Ion, whoever the hell all of those channels are. Digging a little deeper, let’s look at the actual content The CW is pumping out with their year to year viewership changes from 2021-2022:

  • All American, -21.01%
  • All American: Homecoming, -5.19%
  • Walker, -17.05%
  • DC’s Stargirl (cancelled) -32.87%
  • Kung Fu, -17.19%
  • Coroner, -54.17%

This is when it all clicked. LIV is so dedicated to the game of golf, they want everything having to do with their league to match the game. This lead them to their perfect partner in The CW; they wanted to partner with a TV channel whose year to year ratings are extremely under par.

LIV’s new content brethren are showing some real solid golf scores that I’m sure they appreciate. Turns out while we’re all playing checkers, LIV’s playing chess.