Football is back, folks. Tonight, we get round one of the 2022 NFL Draft live from Las Vegas. Much like baseball season, the NFL Draft is always a sign of warmer weather and high hopes for fans league-wide.

With each announcement by human circus peanut Roger Goodell, a dream will be fulfilled for a young man who has worked his entire life to make it to the National Football League.

In terms of mock drafts, predictions, who picks who, I could give two shits. What I care about are the amazing names themselves. With that in mind, it’s time to draft our top 10 names likely to be selected this weekend:

10. Sterling Weatherford, S, Miami (OH): this guy sounds more like a British meteorologist than a football player.
9. Isaiah Likely, TE, Coastal Carolina: any name that can easily turn into a full sentence is a winner.
8. Brock Purdy, QB, Iowa State: have to hope this guy gets drafted to a team in the south, the ad deals basically write themselves.
7. Bailey Zappe, QB, Western Kentucky: maybe the second best QB name since Gunner Kiel.
6. Breece Hall, RB, Iowa State: always love a good prospect with some unknowns…was his name supposed to be Brice? Reece? No one knows!
5. Decobie Durant, CB, South Carolina State: this guy was so close to being named after two of the greatest basketball players ever.
4. Coby Bryant, CB, Cincinnati: not exactly but…close.
3. Smoke Monday, S, Auburn: all-time nickname, this is a no brainer.
2. Snoop Conner, RB, Ole Miss: honestly this is interchangeable with Smoke Monday.
1. Sauce Gardner, CB, Cincinnati: this was as sure fire of a number one pick as Andrew Luck.

Good luck to all of the draftee’s this weekend. May none of you get selected by the Jaguars.