Ladies and gentlemen…let’s all welcome to the stage, the hottest new talent in Brooklyn, James “The Beard” Hardeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen!

It’s about to rain in Brooklyn. The (fish)Nets have brought in a smokin’ hot new entertainer to grace the stage at The Barclays Center. On Tuesday, James Harden went full bare ass, railed the Rockets organization, and has been traded. He will be bringing his wild, some might even say exotic, style of play to Brooklyn moving forward.

No reports have been filed as to how Harden traveled from his old home to his new one. Was it in a mile high plane? Did he run onto a train? Possibly traveled via waterway in a motorboat? No one knows.

Harden has made many, many dollar bills putting a ball through a hole, and has been tipped exceptionally well. His career highlight may have been when he climbed to the top of the pole in the 2018 MVP race. Harden erected himself to the tip top of the league, and looked down at everyone in the crowd who couldn’t take their eyes off of everything he was willing to let us see. The spotlight was on The Beard; he put on a show, and did not disappoint. The MVP became a VIP.

But here we are, in 2021, and the show is over. The club in Houston has shut down, if you will. Harden will no longer own any Houston Rockets jerseys; if that were all he owned before the trade, he would be totally topless. He has turned the other cheek on The Rockets. The Beard will now need to learn a whole new offense, and become abreast of his new Nets teammates.

Here’s hoping this fresh start will spring new life into Harden, and that he opens himself up to his new organization.