Let’s Meet New Detroit Lions Head Coach Dan Campbell, Shall We?

Photo: Indy Star

On Thursday, the Detroit Lions officially announced the hiring of their new head coach, Dan Campbell. The new leader of the Lions inked a six year deal to become the next man in a long line of coaches attempting to bring the Lions out of proverbial irrelevancy. Campbell is tasked with improving a franchise that hasn’t won their division since 1993, and won their last playoff game a year before that, in 1992.

A tall task indeed, but Campbell may just be crazy enough to get the job done. This man is an absolute character. A total meathead in the most sincere form of the word. Let’s learn a few fun facts about the man, the myth, the legend…Dan Campbell.

He Loves Metallica

Campbell took over for Joe Philbin as the interim coach for the Miami Dolphins in 2015. In one of his first press conferences, “Dantallica” provided some insight on his musical preferences:

“I’m a big country/Metallica fan. That’s kind of who I am…I like classic rock, too, but that was something…I really wanted to see them. So I stayed up and I knew the ticket box was going to be open at 8 and it was probably going to be packed, so I just decided to stay up. Anyway, I got there, I think I was fourth in line. So it worked out.”

Dantallica is a man of passion. That passion might just be enough to get the Lions to the promised land.

His Power Stance is an All-Timer

Raw power.

How anyone could think they could line up against the man responsible for putting out these kind of vibes?

If I were Dan Campbell, my interview strategy would be to come in the room, slap this picture down on the desk, and as whoever I’m talking to how much they’re willing to pay me.

I can only assume this man is keeping this amount of space betwixt his legs for all of the Super Bowl trophies he’s planning on bringing to Detroit.

He is an Supercharged Electric Quote Factory

The entire internet rarely agrees on anything; but we are all in agreement that Dan Campbell won his introductory press conference; a few examples:

“[W]e’re going to kick you in the teeth, all right, and when you punch us back, we’re going to smile at you and when you knock us down, we’re going to get up, and on the way up, we’re going to bite a knee cap off.

“[W]hen you come into Detroit, you’re going to leave beat up. And I’m talking about as a team. I’m not saying we get – the tourists come in. People want to come in.”

Now, hopefully Dantallica meant all of these things metaphorically, as I don’t think these ideas are going to work too well in terms of a game plan when the Lions take the field next season. What I can say, though, is that Detroit seems to have their guy. This is such an insane hire that Detroit may have just struck gold.

Super Bowl LVI is scheduled for February 6, 2022 in Los Angeles….just sayin’.

One thought on “Let’s Meet New Detroit Lions Head Coach Dan Campbell, Shall We?

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