Alright, alright…you win Mr. Snyder.

On Thursday, ESPN dropped an incredible story that the owner of the Washington Commanders and human skin tag Dan Snyder was ready to go full snitch on his fellow NFL owners.

With his back seemingly against the wall and facing the possibility of having to sell his team, Snyder’s ready to go down with the ship and take the other 31 billionaire NFL owner’s with him.

Well, we’re not going to call his bluff. If one man can take out 31 of the most powerful people in the country, who says he won’t come after a dumb amateur sports satire blog next? With that in mind, we have a confession that we’d like to send Mr. Snyder.

We think you’re the least handsome owner in the NFL East***.

In a division full of Jerry Jones, Jeffrey Lurie, and John Mara…you simply cannot match this much sex appeal:

Photos: The Spun, NFL.com, SB Nation.

Look at these striking beasts. Stunning, gorgeous, well proportioned. You honestly can’t even blame Mr. Snyder for his position in our rankings with competition this stiff.

Wow…feels great to get that off of our chest.

***we are a satire site, please do not sue us. You seem like the kind of guy to do that sort of thing.