Unlike Netflix, we’ll never ghost you on Sundays. SSM is live.
We’re past the play in tournament, the real playoffs are here The NBA is trying now, and to that we cheer Sixers came out strong, Lakers and Heat too Brooklyn and the Cavaliers have some work to do
The bad man’s gone in DC, Commanders fans rejoice Dan Snyder has sold the team and it was not his choice Twenty four years of shit, team’s a total mess Anyone could do it better, and we’ll be impressed
We all shared a dream, and we were on the way An undefeated baseball season from the Tampa Rays A cloud rolled in on Friday, a loss was in the air The Blue Jays won an crushed us all, unable to bear
Some Thursday thoughts for the boys and girls as we reflect back on 2022.
We had the completely original idea to recap our top 10 stories of the year.
A sincere thank you to all who check out any of our stuff, please continue to do so. For those that don’t, we have an idea for your New Year’s resolution.
The sports and pop culture worlds were both crushed at the completely surprising split of super couple Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley back in February.
This one we’re still enjoying as the year comes to a close. Jim Irsay went full Jim Irsay and hired a guy who played for him over a decade ago with zero non-high school coaching experience. We wanted to hop on the train and fill out the remainder of Mr. Irsay’s dream coaching staff.
This blog was written in May 2020, and was still our eighth most read in 2022. That’s a compliment to both how many times Russ makes all of us cringe and how great you readers are that you keep coming back to this blog.
Remember in October when the human version of Mr. Burns Daniel Snyder threatened to take down the other 31 NFL owners? That was great, and scared us into some serious confessions.
We all deserve a second chance in life, right? Kyle Jenner certainly believes so, as she renamed her son after a month and a half or so trail period of naming him “Wolf.” Ever the helpers we are, we put together some names we thought might fit. We really liked “Skip TheLine Jenner” but that’s just us.
Amidst a hurricane tornado of controversy (non of his own doing) Steve Nash was finally freed of his duties of having to coach the Brooklyn Nets last month. We used an AI generator to create his cover letter for his next job.
4. Heard vs. Depp, the Shit Show Trail of the Century
News exploded in January that the Carolina Panthers were bringing in former Giants head coach and fashion icon Ben McAdoo as their offensive coordinator. It didn’t really work, but was fun while it lasted.
You guys love reading these, and we love writing them. This yearly blog is always up there on page views; making dumb jokes about each jersey is something we all enjoy.
1. The Over Hits on Calvin Ridley Suspensions (0.5)
Our top-read blog in 2022 was an easy bet: Calvin Ridley was suspended in March for gambling on NFL games. We did some serious journalism and analyzed his Twitter account to find if we missed any signs before his gambling habit was discovered.
Wow, what a look back at the year that was. We truly went to some interesting and dumb places together, didn’t we? If you enjoy what we do, tell a friend to tell a friend.
In all seriousness, we truly appreciate your eyes and readership. On to 2023, where maybe Russell Wilson won’t be such a goober.
The Philadelphia Eagles took their first loss this season harder than any NFL team in history.
After taking an L to Taylor Heinicke and those feisty Washington Commanders on Monday Night Football, Howie Roseman and the boys upstairs in Philadelphia went to WORK. On Wednesdsay they signed Linval Joseph, and Thursday followed up with more beef in signing former head bashing person stomper Ndamukong Suh.
With all this action going on in The City of Brotherly Love, we tapped into our sources to see who else the 8-1 Eagles may be looking to add for a deep playoff run that they hope ends in Glendale in February.
Odell Beckham Jr.
The Eagles traded for AJ Brown in the offseason, addressing a huge hole in their roster configuration. Why not keep adding?
All 32 teams would love a fresh OBJ for the long run, but the Eagles may just be the right fit.
Johnny Manziel
Manziel, the current QB for the legendary FCF Zappers of the Fan Controlled Football League, could bring some stability to the QB room.
Sources indicate Manziel could be interested in a NFL comeback if the fit seems right.
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson
While Manziel is currently (?) an active football player, Johnson has had experience in the past.
The owner of The XFL, seen here celebrating reading his first entire magazine article, would be a great fit even after recently turning 50 years old.
League circles say The Rock’s recent statements confirming he wouldn’t run for president came from a yearning to make it in the NFL.
Jesus Christ
The carpenter from Bethlehem has recently had his team leak information to teams that he may finally be ready to join an NFL roster.
Christ did not immediately return our request for comment.
Some big names floating around the rumor mills these days. One thing about the NFL, it’s never boring. It will be incredibly interesting to see how these free agents and others fit in as the season progresses.
On Thursday, ESPN dropped an incredible story that the owner of the Washington Commanders and human skin tag Dan Snyder was ready to go full snitch on his fellow NFL owners.
With his back seemingly against the wall and facing the possibility of having to sell his team, Snyder’s ready to go down with the ship and take the other 31 billionaire NFL owner’s with him.
Well, we’re not going to call his bluff. If one man can take out 31 of the most powerful people in the country, who says he won’t come after a dumb amateur sports satire blog next? With that in mind, we have a confession that we’d like to send Mr. Snyder.
We think you’re the least handsome owner in the NFL East***.
In a division full of Jerry Jones, Jeffrey Lurie, and John Mara…you simply cannot match this much sex appeal:
Look at these striking beasts. Stunning, gorgeous, well proportioned. You honestly can’t even blame Mr. Snyder for his position in our rankings with competition this stiff.
Wow…feels great to get that off of our chest.
***we are a satire site, please do not sue us. You seem like the kind of guy to do that sort of thing.
We continue a longstanding tradition here at UDS by dedicating an entire SSM to Week One NFL action.
Big start on Thursday night, Rams and the Bills Pregame program was legit, full of fluff and frills The game was in LA, but plenty Bills fans there Josh Allen and the boys came out and won the game with flair
Sunday start in the dirty, Falcons and the Saints Start of football season, we have no complaints Something so familiar, Falcons had an early lead They coughed it up and lost, almost guaranteed
Browns and the Panthers, Baker revenge bowl He wanted to win this game with his entire soul Browns came out and played, got a surprising win Panthers almost came back, there’s a positive spin
The San Francisco 49ers are used to good weather The conditions in Chicago, they were different all together It rained and rained and rained some more, really came down strong A nice win for the Bears in a season that might be long
Steelers and the Bengals, an AFC North tilt Bengals came in walking tall, like a man on stilts Five turnovers for Joe Burrow, not like him at all Even so, we had OT, but the Bengals did fall
Eagles and the Lions, closer than we expected! Coming into the day, thought this game would be neglected Lions got down early, then almost came back Lot of money on the Eagles, banks almost attacked
Texans and the Colts, folks we have a tie Same score in regulation, OT, and then the game died Feels like a win for Houston, Indy can not be psyched Have to think a blowout win is what they would’ve liked
Patriots and Dolphins, Miami’s brand new look Mike McDaniel’s offense had Bill Belichick’s D shook Tua looked OK, Tyreek and Waddle balled Dolphin fans ecstatic, Pats fans are appalled
Ravens and the Jets, Flacco revenge game Cool Joe did play pretty well, can’t give him much blame Lamar Jackson’s on a mission, wants to get that big money Three touchdowns and Ravens win, L-Jack sweet as honey
Jags and the Commanders, this game just seemed weird First game for Carson Wentz in DC, brought his big red beard Jaguars were close to grabbing a week one win At least until week two for victories to begin
Giants and the Titans, King Henry and Saquon The Titan bruised along, Giant looked like a swan Another crazy comeback, as New York did their job Titans played tough in the first half, but ended like slobs
Cardinals and the Chiefs, and a new look KC Went to Arizona, first opportunity To see if they still had it after losing some big stars Five tuddy’s for Pat Mahomes, he did not go too far
Chargers and the Raiders, matchup in LA Justin Herbert is a stud, and he was on display Three touchdowns and no picks, his team is 1-0 Raiders have a nice roster, only upwards to go
Vikings and the Packers, A-Rod needs to some talent He can’t go out and win himself, they guy’s only so gallant Story is not about him though, Vikings looked pretty good Kirk Cousins was really sharp, was he misunderstood?
Buccaneers and Cowboys, Sunday night in Dallas Jerry Jones must love it when we’re focused on his palace Tough break for Big Jer, as Tom Brady is still here TB12 wins again, will for 100 years
Home 