Untimed Down Sports 2022 in Review

Photo: Matrix Group

Some Thursday thoughts for the boys and girls as we reflect back on 2022.

We had the completely original idea to recap our top 10 stories of the year.

A sincere thank you to all who check out any of our stuff, please continue to do so. For those that don’t, we have an idea for your New Year’s resolution.

10. Aaron Rodgers & Shailene Woodley Split

Photo: People

The sports and pop culture worlds were both crushed at the completely surprising split of super couple Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley back in February.

9. Jeff Saturday Hired as New Colts Head Coach

Photo: Colts.com

This one we’re still enjoying as the year comes to a close. Jim Irsay went full Jim Irsay and hired a guy who played for him over a decade ago with zero non-high school coaching experience. We wanted to hop on the train and fill out the remainder of Mr. Irsay’s dream coaching staff.

8. Russell Wilson Continues to Be a Dork

Photo: Sports Illustrated

This blog was written in May 2020, and was still our eighth most read in 2022. That’s a compliment to both how many times Russ makes all of us cringe and how great you readers are that you keep coming back to this blog.

7. Daniel Snyder is Going to Get All of Our Asses

Photo: Commanders.com

Remember in October when the human version of Mr. Burns Daniel Snyder threatened to take down the other 31 NFL owners? That was great, and scared us into some serious confessions.

6. Kylie Jenner’s Baby is a Horse With No Name

Photo: Refinery29

We all deserve a second chance in life, right? Kyle Jenner certainly believes so, as she renamed her son after a month and a half or so trail period of naming him “Wolf.” Ever the helpers we are, we put together some names we thought might fit. We really liked “Skip TheLine Jenner” but that’s just us.

5. Steve Nash Gets the Brooklyn Boot

Photo: Fadeaway World

Amidst a hurricane tornado of controversy (non of his own doing) Steve Nash was finally freed of his duties of having to coach the Brooklyn Nets last month. We used an AI generator to create his cover letter for his next job.

4. Heard vs. Depp, the Shit Show Trail of the Century

Photo: E! News

This trail was dumped on us for over a month. It was foul, repugnant, and stunk. But we wrote about it anyways.

3. Finally, Some Sex Appeal Back in the NFL

Photo: NY Daily News

News exploded in January that the Carolina Panthers were bringing in former Giants head coach and fashion icon Ben McAdoo as their offensive coordinator. It didn’t really work, but was fun while it lasted.

2. NBA “City Edition” Jerseys are Back

Photo: NBA.com

You guys love reading these, and we love writing them. This yearly blog is always up there on page views; making dumb jokes about each jersey is something we all enjoy.

1. The Over Hits on Calvin Ridley Suspensions (0.5)

Photo: atlantafalcons.com

Our top-read blog in 2022 was an easy bet: Calvin Ridley was suspended in March for gambling on NFL games. We did some serious journalism and analyzed his Twitter account to find if we missed any signs before his gambling habit was discovered.

Wow, what a look back at the year that was. We truly went to some interesting and dumb places together, didn’t we? If you enjoy what we do, tell a friend to tell a friend.

In all seriousness, we truly appreciate your eyes and readership. On to 2023, where maybe Russell Wilson won’t be such a goober.

In Light of Dan Snyder’s Threats, We’d Like to Confess

Alright, alright…you win Mr. Snyder.

On Thursday, ESPN dropped an incredible story that the owner of the Washington Commanders and human skin tag Dan Snyder was ready to go full snitch on his fellow NFL owners.

With his back seemingly against the wall and facing the possibility of having to sell his team, Snyder’s ready to go down with the ship and take the other 31 billionaire NFL owner’s with him.

Well, we’re not going to call his bluff. If one man can take out 31 of the most powerful people in the country, who says he won’t come after a dumb amateur sports satire blog next? With that in mind, we have a confession that we’d like to send Mr. Snyder.

We think you’re the least handsome owner in the NFL East***.

In a division full of Jerry Jones, Jeffrey Lurie, and John Mara…you simply cannot match this much sex appeal:

Photos: The Spun, NFL.com, SB Nation.

Look at these striking beasts. Stunning, gorgeous, well proportioned. You honestly can’t even blame Mr. Snyder for his position in our rankings with competition this stiff.

Wow…feels great to get that off of our chest.

***we are a satire site, please do not sue us. You seem like the kind of guy to do that sort of thing.

Sunday State of Mind: August 24th-August 30th

Photo: Photo by Kunal Shinde on Unsplash

Happy Sunday evening, all. Please enjoy this late night version of SSM.

Boycotts and protests, all over sports
NBA, MLB, NHL, demonstrations of all sorts
Athletes taking a social lead
No way you haven’t seen it, all over social media feeds

Alex Smith, the comeback is here
Did a full team practice, in half-padded gear
Any good news for the Washington Football Team
The owner, Dan Snyder, a piece of shit it seems

The MLB hot stove is totally back!
Baseball trades are here, good players and hacks
Jose Martinez, Mitch Moreland, and Tommy La Stella
All have new homes, big moves for these fellas

The NBA Playoffs are moving along
Celtics took it to the Raptors, beat them like a gong
The Lakers, Clippers, and Bucks, have all advanced
The quality of remaining teams has highly enhanced