We thought, for no reason whatsoever, that today was a great day for a look back.
Your 2023 Untimed Down Sports (not Spotify) Wrapped is here!
5. The Aughts Hot or Not – Blink 182 “First Date”
We were all ecstatic to see our favorite teenage angsty emo band get back together this year. While this blog was an absolute banger, I’m sure that played a part in traffic on this bad boy pop into your top five this year.
4. Russell Wilson is a Dork
The gift that keeps on giving; to us in terms of pageviews, and to you as the reader. Our systematic takedown of Russell Wilson is three and a half years old, and was still the fourth-most read blog in 2023. Let us all continue to make fun of Mr. Unlimited.
3. The USMNT Enters Their Jerry Springer Era
Ahhhh soccer, probably our biggest expertise here at UDS. Remember all of the drama with Gregg Berhalter, Gio Reyna, and his parents? Total shit show, but you sickos loved it to the tune of our third most read blog in 2023. Could you imagine if Berhalter was still leading this program? Would be a total disaster.
2. The Alphabet of Best Players in NFL History
Another throwback! You guys love the classics, and we love your love for the classics. This was a blog from August 2020, and because the NFL is king, was our second most read blog this year.
1. Dom Capers Went All In On Ash Wednesday
This fills my amateur-blogging heart with pure joy. Your top read story from this year had to do with Dom Capers insane hair/hairline. The fact that this had the highest page view count this year is confirmation we have the right people reading us.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; as long as you keep reading, we’ll keep writing. An absolutely insane UDS Wrapped. You guys are the best.
Days like today make the internet not the worst place ever.
Spotify dropped a new feature allowing us to rank our #SpotifyTop5 Taylor Swift Eras. A very smart play by the folks running all of our favorite place to stream music and podcasts.
For the hundreds of millions who have been reading us since the start, you know we love a good ranking.
So, let’s get meta AF with it, yeah? Here’s our #UDSTop5 ranking of things to rank.
5. Athletes
Automatic conversation starter.
LeBron/MJ, Mahomes/Allen, Ohtani/Ruth; it’s a never ending conversation with zero correct answers.
By the way, the correct answers are MJ, Mahomes, and Ohtani.
4. Airports
Traveling is great; airports are not.
We’ve all had bad airport experiences that had nothing to do with airlines. Some are clearly better than others.
All I hope for is that you never find yourself stuck in Minneapolis–Saint Paul International Airport.
3. Streaming Services
Where do you most prefer to snort your hours and hours of entertainment?
Will you sacrifice a shittier user interface for slightly better content?
FWIW, my favorite streaming service is Peacock…it’s the one platform that properly defines the main function of the penis.
2. Seasons
A slightly condensed ranking here. Only four options, but fierce opinions whatever you prefer.
Of course, the only correct order is Summer, Spring, Fall, Winter. Fight me.
1. Food
Unlike seasons, there are thousands of food takes and opinions out there. Plenty of sustenance discourse to be had.
For those of us in our late 20’s to mid 30’s, the aughts (2000-2010) was an incredible time for entertainment. Britney was doing weird stuff with snakes at the VMAs (#FreeBritney), we were all squeezing enormous iPods into our baggy jeans, and Chapelle Show was the best thing on television. It was truly a time to remember, and unbelievably over a decade ago.
As terrible as some of it was, I am still in love with the music from the aughts. I’ll throw any 2000’s playlist on Spotify and be entertained for hours. So, what I wanted to do with this new recurring blog is review some of the bangers that came out of this decade. There were some post-2010 songs that also slapped, so I’m giving myself some room for decade hopping. However, we’re here to focus on the incredible time in music that was 2000-2010.
I was thinking of what would be the quintessential, early aughts song that would be generally loved and remembered. After throwing a few ideas around, there was really only one choice…
Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go shaaaaawty, it’s ya birthday. How many friends have you drunkenly yelled this to on their birthday since this all-time banger dropped in in 2003? This song was an absolute monster introduction for 50 Cent, and the guy has been relevant since then. I remember this CD being of the first “parental advisory” CDs I was allowed to have, and wow what a choice. I don’t think I knew what “the X” 50 was referring to was at the time, turns out I wasn’t into takin’ drugs.
Music Video
The intro to the music video is just dripping with 2003-ness. The neon green font setting the scene at the “Shady/Aftermath Artist Development Center,” generally terrible CGI, and of course Eminem & Dr. Dre playing the doctor role and creating the next great rapper. It is *chef’s kiss* perfect. That leads us to 50 dropping into the frame upside down (apparently he can stand on the ceiling?). From there, we’re off to the races to one of the most successful music careers we’ve ever seen.
Naturally, we’re treated to plenty of scenes in the club (with a Xzibit cameo! Pimp My Ride, also suuuuper 2000’s), bottles pouring, and plenty of shots of G-Unit and D12 grinding with the other fine patrons in the club. We have a break closer to the end of the video that 50 is taking a polygraph test? Not exactly sure what was going on there, but it was 2003 and there were no rules.
Best Lyric
“When my junk get to pumpin’ in the club it’s on I wink my eye at ya chick, if she smiles she gone.”
A classic “Mr. Steal Your Girl” line. The top line really put my 15 year old brain in a pretzel: “I would assume 50’s proud of his music, why is he calling it junk? Further, if he believes his music is junk, why would it provide him the confidence to wink at another man’s chick in hopes of stealing her away?”
Worst Lyric
“I’m feeling’ focused man, my money on my mind I got a mill out the deal, and I’m still on the grind.”
Listen, 50…you’re a man who knows about money, clearly. Of course you’re still on the grind after making $1 million dollars! That’s a good chunk of change, but let’s be honest with ourselves. Even with inflation, a mill isn’t getting you very far these days. Our guy 50 did indeed stay on the grind, as his current net worth is estimated at $30 million.
Rating
The rap game forever changed with “In Da Club.” 50 went ahead and dropped this my freshman year of high school, and I ran that CD into the ground until graduation day. He has had plenty of other hits since then, but I’m not sure anything reached the level of his debut hit.
I’m going to try and rate each song on a scale of 1-10. No one’s ever thought of a rating system before; I know, pretty ingenious. The only appropriate way to rate any song from the early aughts, Mr. TRL himself…
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