Panthers Hire Noted Sex Symbol Ben McAdoo as Their New Offensive Coordinator

Look at him, drink in every inch of that perfectly tailored suit.

The NFL got better on Friday when the Carolina Panthers announced the hiring of Ben McAdoo as their new offensive coordinator. Before Pete Davidson was the sexiest man in New York, Coach McAdoo held that title. The former Giants head coach last prowled the sidelines in 2017 with the G-men, and had been in consulting roles with the Jaguars and Cowboys since he was unjustly fired in New York.

An undervalued offensive mind, Big Bad Ben brings the twisted steel and sex appeal the Panthers were looking for in their search. The titillating teacher of offense graced the Giants with his beautiful brain during an incredible run that started in 2016 and unfortunately ended in 2017.

According to Pro Football Reference and The Football Database, this polymath of passing and play action’s highlights include, but are not limited to:

  • 2016: ranked 26th in scoring offense, ahead of juggernauts like the Bears, Jets, and Browns
  • 2016: ranked 29th in rushing, beating out dependable runners like Theo Riddick of the Lions and Jerick McKinnon of the Vikings
  • 2016: ranked 17th in passing, out-throwing big arms like Ryan Tannehill of the Dolphins and Brock Osweiler of the Texans
  • 2017: ranked 31st in scoring offense, blowing the Browns out of the water (just like 2016)
  • 2017: ranked 26th in rushing, a huge improvement from 2016 and outrushing big hitters like Kerwynn Williams of the Cardinals and Samaje Perine of the Washington Football Team
  • 2017: ranked 19th in passing, this extremely slight drop from 2016 can easily be explained by the improved rushing attack and becoming a more balanced offense. Even with all of that, that stellar offense had more passing yards than Joe Flacco’s Ravens and Jacoby Brissett’s Colts

Absolute fireworks. If you’re a Carolina Panther fan today, I don’t know how you’re containing your excitement. Go buy those season tickets because they’ll be flying off the shelf after this announcement. Go out and get that “Panthers Super Bowl Champs 2023” tattoo. Name your next born “Benjamin.” There are no rules after organization shifting hires like Coach McAdoo.

You’ve got yourself a stud…ride that pony all the way to the Lombardi Trophy.

SNL Is Back And It’s Ranking SZN

Some people hate “Saturday Night Live.” Some people love “Saturday Night Live.” It seems to be something that no matter who you are, you have an opinion on the culturally iconic sketch comedy show that’s been on NBC since 1975. Everyone has their opinion on their favorite era, best player, and funniest sketch.

SNL will be back for their 47th season on October 2nd, and announced their host/musical guest lineup for the first month of shows. It’s always an interesting communiqué seeing who gets the call and what the potential is for each episode. With the first four shows announced, and with the love of ranking in my veins, let us erroneously subjugate which shows revs my comedy engine, from worst to first.

4. Rami Malek & Young Thug

Photos: Popsugar & Vulture

Malek’s debut hosting gig falls at four in our preseason SNL rankings that are based on nothing. Hard to imagine Malek, a serious and talented actor, finding his comedy chops and rocking Studio 8H. But, sometimes that’s when we get the best hosts! See Timothée Calamet from last year’s Coronavirus Holiday.

Also as long as Young Thug doesn’t bring out Camilla Cabello to perform “Havana,” which I think has a fairly low chance of happening, I’ll be happy there.

3. Kim Kardashian & Halsey

Photos: E! Online & Vulture

Folks, Kim K just keeps doin’ it. I don’t know how, but the the woman described by Google as an “American Socialite” can find her way into the White House in 2020, and now onto sketch comedy’s most popular stage. Similar concerns as noted above on Malek, but why the hell not try and send her out there, see what happens, and get some ratings in the mean time?

Halsey is a regular in the SNL rotation at this point, both as a musical guest and host. They’ve got the chops, and hopefully take part in a sketch or two.

2. Owen Wilson & Kacey Musgraves

Photos: Vanity Fair & Allure

Will they got for the easy “wow” joke? How about a nose joke? These have to be the biggest questions on the season debut. Owen Wilson has been in some of the greatest comedy movies in recent years, so this is a natural fit.

Kacey Musgraves has a smooth voice that works anywhere; I have no doubt that her second go around on SNL will work just fine.

1. Jason Sudeikis & Brandi Carlile

Photos: GQ & South Florida Sun Sentinel

The fourth and final episode of October comes in first on our completely meritless list; and this one’s all about the host. Jason Sudeikis, fresh off a whole mess of Emmy Awards for his work on “Ted Lasso,” is a top notch comedic actor with deep SNL roots. It would be a crime against comedy if we don’t get another edition of Sudeikis dancing in the background of “What Up With That?”

As for Brandi Carlile, let’s just sit back and enjoy.