Bucs at a Crux With Their Roster In Flux

Who could’ve seen it ending this way?

After a sideline dispute and an all-time walk off, Antonio Brown has been released by the Buccaneers. We’re all familiar by now with the he said he said of the dispute between Brown and Bruce Arians. We’re not here to debate who’s right and who’s wrong; but to make fun of all involved.

Antonio Brown is an asshole. Bruce Arians is an asshole. They’re both larger than life characters with flaws. To get to the top of their respective professions means they’re both world class at what they do; but that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh at them when a disaster of magnificent proportions like this happens in front of our eyes.

Brown’s history is just too funny not to look back and reminisce on. Despite the fact that he’s Tom Brady’s old roommate; he’s an eccentric oddball who was literally a homeless person that turned himself into one of the most physically gifted receivers we’ve ever seen. That amazing fact cannot stop us from remembering he habitually does not pay anyone for services rendered, threw furniture out of his 14th story apartment in a childish fit of rage, and rips farts in doctor’s faces. Grade A terrible and comedic behavior for anyone.

Arians is simply funny to look at. He looks like the owner of a shitty bar and grille called “Bruce’s Buoy Bar” in the Florida Keys that offers two for one Landsharks during happy hour. He also looks like the kind of guy who had his stomach pumped twice as a kid for drinking paint; not once…twice. Wrap all of this together with his trademark Kangol hat as a cherry on top, and you’ve got yourself a cartoon character for the ages.

It will be interesting to see how all of this will play out between the Buccaneers and Brown. The NFLPA will inevitably get involved, some more mud slinging will happen between the two sides, and maybe we’ll get a few more funny behind the scenes stories we don’t currently have. Will Brown get another shot in the NFL? Honestly, who cares. Let’s enjoy the shit show we have in front of us now and worry about that another day.

SNL Is Back And It’s Ranking SZN

Some people hate “Saturday Night Live.” Some people love “Saturday Night Live.” It seems to be something that no matter who you are, you have an opinion on the culturally iconic sketch comedy show that’s been on NBC since 1975. Everyone has their opinion on their favorite era, best player, and funniest sketch.

SNL will be back for their 47th season on October 2nd, and announced their host/musical guest lineup for the first month of shows. It’s always an interesting communiqué seeing who gets the call and what the potential is for each episode. With the first four shows announced, and with the love of ranking in my veins, let us erroneously subjugate which shows revs my comedy engine, from worst to first.

4. Rami Malek & Young Thug

Photos: Popsugar & Vulture

Malek’s debut hosting gig falls at four in our preseason SNL rankings that are based on nothing. Hard to imagine Malek, a serious and talented actor, finding his comedy chops and rocking Studio 8H. But, sometimes that’s when we get the best hosts! See Timothée Calamet from last year’s Coronavirus Holiday.

Also as long as Young Thug doesn’t bring out Camilla Cabello to perform “Havana,” which I think has a fairly low chance of happening, I’ll be happy there.

3. Kim Kardashian & Halsey

Photos: E! Online & Vulture

Folks, Kim K just keeps doin’ it. I don’t know how, but the the woman described by Google as an “American Socialite” can find her way into the White House in 2020, and now onto sketch comedy’s most popular stage. Similar concerns as noted above on Malek, but why the hell not try and send her out there, see what happens, and get some ratings in the mean time?

Halsey is a regular in the SNL rotation at this point, both as a musical guest and host. They’ve got the chops, and hopefully take part in a sketch or two.

2. Owen Wilson & Kacey Musgraves

Photos: Vanity Fair & Allure

Will they got for the easy “wow” joke? How about a nose joke? These have to be the biggest questions on the season debut. Owen Wilson has been in some of the greatest comedy movies in recent years, so this is a natural fit.

Kacey Musgraves has a smooth voice that works anywhere; I have no doubt that her second go around on SNL will work just fine.

1. Jason Sudeikis & Brandi Carlile

Photos: GQ & South Florida Sun Sentinel

The fourth and final episode of October comes in first on our completely meritless list; and this one’s all about the host. Jason Sudeikis, fresh off a whole mess of Emmy Awards for his work on “Ted Lasso,” is a top notch comedic actor with deep SNL roots. It would be a crime against comedy if we don’t get another edition of Sudeikis dancing in the background of “What Up With That?”

As for Brandi Carlile, let’s just sit back and enjoy.

Sunday State of Mind: November 2nd-November 8th

Photo: Matthew Smith on Unsplash

It’s Sunday. The weekend is slipping away from us. Let’s enjoy this week’s SSM while we still can.

Dalvin Cook just keeps going and going
Last week and this week, after his injured groin
He’s topped 200 yards two games in a row
What a gift for the Vikings, wrap that man in a bow

Notre Dame bested Clemson in a top five battle
The Golden Domers now sit in college football’s saddle
Students rushed the field, said “we can’t stop” like Miley Cyrus
Here’s hoping this scene doesn’t lead to a spread of the Coronavirus

Not a sports topic, but what the heck
We want to pay tribute to Alex Trebek
The GOAT game show host, his memory won’t cease
All the best to his loves ones, may he rest in peace

“Saved by the Bell” is Back and It Looks Awful

Photo: The Playlist

What the hell is this?

So I’m going about my Tuesday, getting caught up on Twitter, and I’m accosted by this absolute train wreck of a preview:

Who’s asking for this? Why do we need this? “Saved by the Bell” was an absolute masterpiece when it came to early 90’s sitcoms. It ran for four seasons from 1989-1993, amassing 86 episodes. I don’t need to explain the wacky high school hijinks we saw from Zach, Slater, Screech; or the “real life” lessons we were taught from Kelly, Jessie, and Lisa.

The show had a perfect lifespan. From Kelly getting a zit while running for homecoming queen, the gang breaking Screech’s parent’s Elvis statue, and the big fight between Zach and Slater, the show did all it needed in its four seasons. It had a perfect ending, with the fourth season ending at high school graduation.

Then…things started going to shit. After graduation, those greedy fat cats at NBC tried to keep the party going:


Two made for TV movies (“SBTB Hawaiian Style” got a 63% on Rotten Tomatoes, “SBTB Wedding in Las Vegas” got a 69%) and a cheap spinoff series that lasted 18 episodes (and a 9% on Rotten Tomatoes) weren’t enough? Now we have to deal with a FOURTH spinoff? I won’t stand for it. I’m out.

In the current age we’re in with endless, top shelf content to choose from, we shouldn’t have to waste our time even having to consider this cash-grab trash heap. I’ll apologize on behalf of the fine folks at NBC: I’m sorry you had to watch this trailer, and in turn read a blog about it.

Friends Sucks

Photo: All The Tests

There, I said it.

The 1990’s were the heyday of sitcoms. With successful shows like “Home Improvement,” “Full House,” “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” etc…we were kept entertained for years with wacky situations and heart-warming endings. You’ve got a hero, anti-hero, love story, and a buddy character. Throw everyone into a setup, present a problem/complicated scenario, and get to a resolution. It’s simple math, and it worked.

“Friends” was one of the many sitcoms to dominate the 90’s, and was probably the second most popular show of the decade. This blog isn’t meant for power rankings, but if we’re talking best sitcom of the 90’s, “Seinfeld” blows it away by a million miles. But I’m not here to compare the two most popular sitcoms of the decade, and how one blows the other out of the water. We’re here to focus on how objectively bad Friends was.

Two driving forces behind a sitcom (according to this veteran TV executive) is premise and character development. Friends severely lacked in both of these dynamics, while at the same time becoming one of the most iconic sitcoms of all time. Simply dumbfounding.

According to IMDB, the show “Follows the personal and professional lives of six twenty to thirty-something-year-old friends living in Manhattan.” What the hell kind of premise is this? Give me something a little more here to lure me in to your show. This would be like trying to get a sitcom off of the ground with the premise “Stuff happens.” If your premise to your show is to be about nothing…then own it. Go ahead and Google “a show about nothing” right now. I bet you’ll find a show better than Friends, just a hunch.

To be fair, this overtly broad premise does allow for a huge space to be creative. If you don’t tack down exactly what your show is about, you can spread your wings to do pretty much whatever the hell you want. What did the writers & producers of Friends do with this relentlessly fertile blank slate? Fat jokes at high school Monica’s expense, a fringe character saying “Oh…My…God,” and an ugly naked guy these six perverts continuously watch through a window. A shameful waste of creative space.

The ensemble cast of Friends was, admittedly, a super team. Jennifer Aniston is still one of the hottest women on the planet and is a bonafide movie star. Courteney Cox, Matt LeBlanc, and Matthew Perry have all at one time or another gotten their own shows. Lisa Kudrow and David Schwimmer have had solid post-Friends career success as well. So, with this all-star cast, you would think it would be impossible for bad character development, right?

WRONG. (***spoilers ahead***)

Rachel Green. What’s the deal here? She was introduced to the show after running away from her wedding in season one. Many jobs and boyfriends later, she remained a a completely boring character. If your biggest contribution was a haircut, something’s missing.

Monica Geller. Monica does have some redeeming qualities; she’s a certified chef, and is incredibly clean. I’m the exact same way, except I can’t cook. Monica ends up marrying Chandler (we’ll get to that psychopath shortly) and adopting twins. Monica is Rachel’s best friend, if that tells you anything about her judgement.

Joey Tribbiani. A struggling actor who ended up romantically crossing paths with Rachel in season 10, woof. Joey eventually gets his big break on “Days of Our Lives,” a real-life soap opera that has been on television for approximately 220 years. I don’t have much against this character, to be honest. Guy took a shot at acting (and it paid off) and loves food, two things I whole-heartedly respect.

Chandler Bing. Here’s my impression of Chandler, “Could there BE a more annoying character?!” The answer of course, is no. I always hoped for more clarity out of this guy. I still don’t think I understood his occupation. Why didn’t he make a decision to dump Janice earlier? Give me some clarity, Bing!

Phoebe Buffay. Here’s your classic 90’s sitcom wacky and wild character. Phoebe’s a masseuse and musician(?) who has an evil twin sister, how hilarious! Phoebe did end up with Paul Rudd (or his character at least), which is a win I suppose.

Ross Geller. Maybe the whiniest, most self-absorbed character of all time. He did have a few legit jobs though during the show. He was a paleontologist and professor of paleontology at NYU, but that’s where the praise stops. This guy is the king of indecision. He can’t make his mind up on Rachel throughout the series, which leads to three divorces (one literally from Rachel). Ross could never seem to get out of his own way, which was of course the arc of the character, but incredibly annoying.

While I can’t deny the success the show had, I can debate its legitimacy. I’m ready to hear it from Friends army. The show was boring, predictable, and not for me, which is OK! All I’m saying is, give me Jerry & Kramer, Will & Uncle Phil, or Tim & Al any day of the week and I will be infinitely more entertained than watching “the personal and professional lives of six twenty to thirty-something-year-old friends living in Manhattan.”