Unless you live under a rock under a mega yacht under a skyscraper, you know Taylor Swift announced 1989 (Taylor’s Version) is on the way.
T-Swift, as her friends call her, is well known for the Easter eggs she loves to drop. With that in mind, what sports takes from the soon to be re-released song titles is Taylor giving us?
All You Had to Do Was Stay
Is TS taking the side of Bill Belichick in the Tom Brady divorce? We all had an opinion of who was right and wrong here, she does too.
TB12 went on to win a Super Bowl without BB, but it sounds like TS wanted TB and BB to be together forever…can’t blame her for believing in love, folks.
Wildest Dreams
One of the greatest sports photos of all-time; Muhammad Ali (then still Cassius Clay) upset Sonny Liston as a 8-1 underdog.
A fine tribute by one of today’s biggest entertainers to one of the most polarizing athletes and performers in history.
Bad Blood
Who doesn’t remember the Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton story?
A nice throwback by Tay Tay to teammates casually pulling loaded guns on each other in the actual locker room.
Blank Space
Taylor’s pretty New York adjacent; and for her to take the time to write and dedicate an entire song to former Giants’ quarterback Eli Manning’s face is a touching tribute.
Out of the Woods
In 2016, the Chicago Cubs broke their 108 year World Series drought lead by Anthony Rizzo, Kris Bryant, and Jon Lester, among others.
Even if the team has mostly been disbanded at this point, they brought generations of fans and an entire franchise out of the woods.
If we’ve learned anything, it’s that sports and entertainment are forever intertwined. It’s no surprise that one of the largest names in modern entertainment has so many blatant sports takes that are totally correct and in no way made up for blogging purposes.
Days like today make the internet not the worst place ever.
Spotify dropped a new feature allowing us to rank our #SpotifyTop5 Taylor Swift Eras. A very smart play by the folks running all of our favorite place to stream music and podcasts.
For the hundreds of millions who have been reading us since the start, you know we love a good ranking.
So, let’s get meta AF with it, yeah? Here’s our #UDSTop5 ranking of things to rank.
5. Athletes
Automatic conversation starter.
LeBron/MJ, Mahomes/Allen, Ohtani/Ruth; it’s a never ending conversation with zero correct answers.
By the way, the correct answers are MJ, Mahomes, and Ohtani.
4. Airports
Traveling is great; airports are not.
We’ve all had bad airport experiences that had nothing to do with airlines. Some are clearly better than others.
All I hope for is that you never find yourself stuck in Minneapolis–Saint Paul International Airport.
3. Streaming Services
Where do you most prefer to snort your hours and hours of entertainment?
Will you sacrifice a shittier user interface for slightly better content?
FWIW, my favorite streaming service is Peacock…it’s the one platform that properly defines the main function of the penis.
2. Seasons
A slightly condensed ranking here. Only four options, but fierce opinions whatever you prefer.
Of course, the only correct order is Summer, Spring, Fall, Winter. Fight me.
1. Food
Unlike seasons, there are thousands of food takes and opinions out there. Plenty of sustenance discourse to be had.
It’s a feeling any 30-35 year old knows all too well. You’re cruising along in your 20’s, your Spotify playlists are hot as hell, and no one can tell you a damn thing. Some of you reading this right now still might be in that stage. If so, keep thriving King/Queen.
But then it hits. You’re listening to music one day, a song comes on, and the uncomfortable level of unfamiliarity you feel is so strong you begin to wonder if you’ve ever even heard music in your life. It’s a natural part of the aging process. You’ve reached your 30’s, and it’s become impossible to keep up with today’s hottest acts, social media stars, and trends.
I’m a 32 year old man and feel like I’m generally in the know on what’s going on. But then days like today come around, and iHeartRadio really puts me in my place. The popular streaming service released their 2021 Music Award Nominees today, highlighting the years brightest stars and most influential pop culture figures. I took a peep to see who’s been nominated, and my heart sank. With each year that goes by, each award show that is presented, my confidence in knowing who’s hot out here in these streets with the youths fades ever so slightly.
So I thought I’d put myself to the test. I scanned each category, and marked down simply who I was aware of before today. My final score will be which acts I know divided by the total number of nominees.
So with that said…let’s play America’s favorite game…
*studio audience shouts in unison* “How…Old…Do You Feel?”
Best Lyrics
Nominees: Harry Styles “Adore You,” Lewis Capaldi “Before You Go,” The Weeknd “Blinding Lights,” Taylor Swift “cardigan,” Dua Lipa “Don’t Start Now,” Billie Eilish “everything i wanted,” Gabbie Barrett “I Hope,” JP Saxe “If the World Was Ending,” Justin Bieber “Intentions,” Future “Life is Good.”
I’m Cool Because I Know: Harry Styles, Lewis Capaldi, The Weeknd, Taylor Swift, Dua Lipa, Billie Eilish, Justin Bieber, Future
I’m Old and Don’t Know: Gabbie Barrett, JP Saxe
Category Score: 8/10
Overall Score: 8/10
Thoughts: Alright, decent start.
Best Cover Song
Nominees: Lizzo “Adore You,” Shawn Mendes “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You,” Sam Smith “Fix You,” Miley Cyrus “Heart Of Glass,” Harry Styles “Juice.”
I’m Cool Because I Know: Lizzo, Shawn Mendes, Sam Smith, Miley Cyrus, Harry Styles
I’m Old and Don’t Know: N/A
Category Score: 5/5
Overall Score: 13/15
Thoughts: Small category, but I’ll take the perfect score.
TikTok Bop Of The Year
Nominees: The Weeknd “Blinding Lights,” K Camp “Lottery,” Megan Thee Stallion “Savage,” Jason Derulo “Savage Love,” Doja Cat “Say So,” Cardi B “WAP.”
I’m Cool Because I Know: The Weeknd, Megan Thee Stallion, Jason Derulo, Doja Cat, Cardi B
I’m Old and Don’t Know: K Camp
Category Score: 5/6
Overall Score: 18/21
Thoughts: The title of this category alone made my back hurt. Also if “Savage Love” doesn’t win this then the voting is rigged.
Best Music Video
Nominees: The Weeknd “Blinding Lights,” Dua Lipa “Don’t Start Now,” BTS “Dynamite,” Maluma “Hawái,” BlackPink “How Do You Like That,” Future “Life Is Good,” Lady Gaga “Rain On Me,” Harry Styles “Watermelon Sugar,” Cardi B “WAP,” Justin Bieber “Yummy.”
I’m Cool Because I Know: The Weeknd, Dua Lipa, BTS, Future, Lady Gaga, Harry Styles, Cardi B, Justin Bieber
I’m Old and Don’t Know: Maluma, BlackPink
Category Score: 8/10
Overall Score: 26/31
Thoughts: Yes, I realize there are a lot of duplicates that I’m counting. Clearly looking for a confidence boost here.
Best Fan Army
Nominees: Agnez Mo “Agnation,” Ariana Grande “Arianators,” Justin Bieber “Beliebers,” BlackPink “Blink,” BTS “BTS Army,” Harry Styles “Harries,” Why Don’t We “Limelights,” Louis Tomlinson “Louies,” Shawn Mendes “Mendes Army,” NCT 127 “NCTzens,” Selena Gomez “Selenators,” Taylor Swift “Swifties.”
I’m Cool Because I Know: Ariana Grande, BTS, Justin Bieber, Harry Styles, Shawn Mendes, Selena Gomez, Taylor Swift
I’m Old and Don’t Know: Agnez Mo, BlackPink, Why Don’t We, Louis Tomlinson, NCT 127
Category Score: 7/12
Overall Score: 33/43
Thoughts: I want to personally address Agnation, Blink, Limelights, Louis, and NCTzens and just say that I come in peace. I am here to learn, please don’t age shame me. This category has me absolutely leaking confidence.
I’m Old and Don’t Know: Dixie D’Amelio, Jaden Hossler, Lil Huddy, Nessa Barrett, Olivia Rodrigo, Tate McRae
Category Score: 0/5
Overall Score: 33/48
Thoughts: Do I need to get a TikTok?
Favorite Music Video Choreography
Nominees: Ariana Grande “34+35,” DaBaby “Bop,” Chloe X Halle “Do It,” BTS “Dynamite,” CNCO “Honey Boo,” Dua Lipa “Physical,” Lady Gaga “Rain On Me,” Doja Cat “Say So.”
I’m Cool Because I Know: Ariana Grande, DaBaby, BTS, Dua Lipa, Lady Gaga, Doja Cat
I’m Old and Don’t Know: Chloe X Halle, CNCO
Category Score: 6/8
Overall Score: 39/56
Thoughts: Really needed a strong finish here.
So, I’m in the know with what makes the Gen Z’ers go at a 70% clip. Not great, not terrible. There’s definitely room for improvement, and I’m willing to do the work. The first step at admitting there’s a problem is acknowledging it, and this is what I’m here to to today. Please respect my privacy during this trying time.
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