Author: Chris Cook

Best NBA Dunk Contest Dunks

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The NBA does their All-Star festivities better than any of the other big four sports. The rookie-sophomore game, three point contest, and dunk contest allow some of the best athletes we have to showcase their skills in unimaginable ways. We have seen some insane things over the years in the dunk contest. Why don’t we relive some of the greatness?

5. Dee Brown, “The No Look,” 1991

Video: Youtube

You know what makes dunking harder? Not being able to see. Dee went ahead and covered his eyes with the right, and threw it down with the left. Brown stood shorter than your average dunker at 6’1, making this dunk even more impressive.

4. Spud Webb, “The 360,” 1986

Video: Youtube

Spud Webb really did it for all of us short kings out there. Standing at the seemingly-undunkable height of 5’7, Spud couldn’t even palm a basketball. The athleticism to not only be able to dunk, but throw a 360 degree turn on top of it doesn’t even make sense.

3. Gerald Green, “The Cupcake,” 2008

Video: Youtube

This is by far the least athletic dunk on our list. However, it may be the most creative. Gerald Green brought a cupcake out, threw down a dunk, and simaltaneously blew the lit candle out mid-air. This dunk didn’t get points for freak athletic ability, but for thinking outside the (cupcake) box.

2. Aaron Gordon, “The Mascot,” 2016

Video: Youtube

My goodness. Aaron Gordon has always been a better dunker than a basketball player, so he clearly shined here. It seemed so effortless. Quick grab from the mascot, nice scoop under the legs, and a clean cut flush through the hoop. All while floating approximately seven feet in the air.

1. Vince Carter “It’s Ova,” 2000

Video: Youtube

This still gives me goosebumps. Vince Carter is the GOAT dunker, and there is no debate. This dunk itself, everything considered, is why it ends up at the top of our list. The visuals were so smooth, through the legs, flush, double point, and the cut throat statement afterwards: “it’s ova.” So simple, and so true. Long live Vinsanity.

The dunk contest has taken a hit over the last few years due to lack of creativity. I unfortunately tend to agree; how many different ways can one throw a ball into a hoop? Every once and a while though, we’ll see something that we haven’t seen before, which keeps me coming back every year.

Sunday State of Mind: August 17th-August 23rd

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Photo: Photo by Jeremy Bishop on Unsplash

Happy Sunday, all. Please enjoy this week’s SSM…

Earl Thomas, in trouble a bunch
Sketchy activity with his brother, now a teammate punch
The Baltimore Ravens lost their defensive toy
Don’t be surprised if Earl is the next Dallas Cowboy

One of my new favorite teams, the San Diego Padres
They’ve hit five grand slams in the last six days
Hosmer, Machado, Fernando Tatis
Pitchers serving it up, and the Padres feast

No more Brooks Kopeka in 2020
The 2019 patella injury, still bugging him plenty
This week he withdrew from the Northern Trust
Ending his season, a total bust

This is a stanza I don’t want to write
The White Sox have taken it to the Cubs the last two nights
Jose Abreu is on an absolute tear
Sox beating up on the Cubs, a sight too sad to bare

Internet Holidays are Dumb

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Photo: Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

The internet is a great thing. The internet is also a terrible thing. It has brought humankind closer together than ever imagined. It has also caused extreme hate to be spewed, and terrible things said that no reasonable person would ever say to another face to face.

One of the worst parts about the internet has been the surge of strange “holidays.” In the last couple of decades or so, we have been given the most random, worthless holidays seemingly out of nowhere. Where did all of these days come from? Who’s in charge? When does it end?

Not being a fan of random internet holidays, as well as being as masochist, I decided to do some research on a few.

Selfie Day – June 21

I’ve done it, you’ve done it, our parents have embarassingly done it. Selfies are the worst. Picture (pun intended) a world without selfies. No duck lips, no obnoxious filters that make us all look like 10’s, nothing. Instagram is flooded with incredible pictures of nature, sports, and technology. Life is great.

Well, dream’s over. The selfie is still here, and apparently we need Selfie Day to celebrate. An “art form” that is posted millions of times per hour on social media, needs to have a holiday solely dedicated to it. Seems logical.

The idea of posting your self-serving, attention-seeking face isn’t enough, so let’s assign an entire day of the calendar to celebrating the most overused social media play since unironically throwing #blessed in your Instagram caption. Please.

Caps Lock Day – June 28 & October 22

Dude, come on. What on God’s green earth would any of us need a “Caps Lock Day” for? There’s enough yelling, accusatory tone, and general aggressiveness on the internet. No one needs even more of a reason to yell in all caps.

Caps Lock Day was created at the beginning of the internet age, October 22, 2000. Some tool named Derek Arnold created the holiday, in part to “make that extra effort to annoy our Internet friends and co-workers and run afoul of case-sensitive passwords.”

Well, mission accomplished Mr. Arnold. The world is enough of a shitty place, and the internet sometimes makes it a lot worse. The last thing we all need is unnecessary caps lock work making everyone already more pissed off than they already are when they get online.

All of this on top of the fact that this holiday is biannual for some reason. I’m out.

Internet Day – October 29

This is it. This might be the one that sends me over the edge. Internet day?! All of us are on the internet 15 hours a day already. Why the hell do we need a specific day dedicated to the internet?

According to timeanddate.com, Internet Day: “encourages people to celebrate the Internet and to acknowledge that it has revolutionized how we communicate, gather knowledge and share information with each other. And yes, also how we waste our time.”

Isn’t our constant obsession and use of the internet enough? Aren’t we already constantly communicating, gathering knowledge, and sharing information? Most importantly, we already waste time on the internet every. single. day. We don’t need a specific day to recognize that.

The internet holiday phase needs to end. There has to be a holiday for everything at this point. Why don’t we just designate a random day “Day Day?” Any day will do, it’s just a day to celebrate days. How about Untimed Down Sports Day? Actually, not a bad idea.

The Milwaukee Bucks Have a Point Spread Problem

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The Milwaukee Bucks are, by all accounts, the best team in the Eastern Conference. Arguably the NBA. They have one of, if not the best player in the NBA in Giannis Antetokoumpo, finished the shortened season with the best record in the NBA at 56-17, and ranked first overall in margin of victory (10.7 points per game) by a large mark over the second-ranked Clippers (6.44 points per game).

That last stat is interesting, because the Bucks have a point spread problem.

Earlier this month, the Brooklyn Nets upset the Bucks. A fairly significant upset if you know anything about the NBA. However, as Action Network points out, the Nets 119-116 victory was the largest in the history of point spreads. The Nets closed as anywhere between an 18.5 to 19 point underdogs, and won outright. An absolute improbable bet that would have netted anyone willing to take the Nets money line $1,500 on a $100 bet.

Photo: UPI
Photo: Fansided

But, anyone can have a bad night, right? Injuries, off shooting night, rest, anything can all come together and cause the statistically largest upset in NBA history. No way it could happen again.

WRONG. The Bucks opened up today’s NBA playoff schedule with Game 1 of their series against the Orlando Magic. The Bucks, the top seed in the Eastern Conference Playoffs, closed at a -13.5 point favorite over the eighth-seeded Magic. Giannis and the boys laid another betting egg. Not only did they not cover the -13.5 point spread, the lost outright. The Magic upset the Bucks 122-110, dealing another embarrassing blow the Milwaukee and their large point spread issues.

I luckily stayed away from this one, but feel for all of those poor souls out there who thought the Bucks would blow out a poor Magic team. Keep your chins up, Bucks bettors, we still have three more games to go today. Shake it off and get back up there on that horse.

Sunday State of Mind: August 10th-August 16th

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Photo: Shifaaz shamoon on Unsplash

Hello, and welcome to this week’s SSM.

The NBA playoffs are ready to go
The postseason tournament starts tomorrow
The champions will pop some champagne bottles
Big loss for the players though, no Instagram models

We already know The Masters have been pushed back
But come November, golf fans will be jacked
Unfortunately, Augusta announced this week
No fans due to COVID this year, not one in-person peek

The COVID ravaged Cardinals actually played a game!
Their first since July 29th, what a shame
They swept the White Sox in a double header
Hopefully lesson learned, and the players will be better

Ohio State QB Justin Fields, not a quitter
Started a MoveOn.org petition, asking the B1G to reconsider
A continued push of the #WeWantToPlay movement
If this petition goes anywhere, we could see some college football improvement

The Alphabet of Best Players in NFL History

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There’s two things I love: sports and lists. Why not combine two of my loves to create the the irrefutable, unequivical, perfect list of best players in NFL history by letter. Now that college football is essentially ruined and this list is posted, there will be no further questions at this time. Let’s get to it.

A – Troy Aikman

Troy Aikman was the quarterback when the Dallas Cowboys won Super Bowls in ’93, ’94, and ’96. He was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame as a member of the class of 2006.

Photo: Jelly Share

B – Tom Brady

My personal vote for the GOAT at the quarterback position. Brady has done incredible things in his 20 years (thus far) in the NFL. Tommy Terrific brings his six Super Bowl rings to Tampa Bay next season.

Photo: People

C – Earl Campbell

As the cross-barred helmet in the picture to the left might intimate, Earl Campbell was a bit before my time. However, I’ve seen enough to know this dude was a monster. Check out this YouTube highlight reel if you don’t believe me.

Photo: Complex

D – Eric Dickerson

Another member of our list that was before my time. But Dickerson is a bonafide Hall of Famer. Also, the rec specs, neck roll, and oversized shoulder pads basically solidify ED’s place on our list.

Photo: Sports Illustrated

E – John Elway

John Elway was such a great athlete he had his pick between baseball and football after college. He made the right choice. Elway finished his career in fairy tale fashion with two straight Super Bowl victories in ’98 and ’99.

Photo: Sporting News

F – Brett Favre

Biased opinion alert – Brett Favre is my favorite player of all time. The joy and freedom he played the game with was incredible to watch. Add a Super Bowl victory in ’97, and you’ve made the list. Congrats, Brett.

Photo: Pens & Patron

G – Joe Greene

“Mean” Joe Greene; one of the simplest and best nicknames in NFL History. The number one overall pick in ’69, Mean Joe played 13 seasons for the Pittsburgh Steelers, won four Super Bowls, and was a 10-time Pro Bowler on top of five first team all-pro selections.

Photo: Sports Illustrated

H – George Halas

Papa Bear! This one is admittedly kind of cheating. George Halas was of course better known for founding, owning, and coaching my beloved Chicago Bears rather than playing. Little known fact – Halas was also a professional baseball player for The Yankees.

Photo: YouTube

I – Michael Irvin

Not a lot of options in the “I” category, but still a fine choice here. Irvin won three Super Bowls with the aforementioned Troy Aikman in Dallas, and was inducted into the Hall of Fame, with an incredibly long (but great!) teary-eyed speech in 2007.

Photo: CBS Sports

J – Walter Jones

In a world that criminally under appreciates offensive linemen, Walter Jones may be the most overlooked of them all. Jones was an absolute brick wall for the Seattle Seahawks from 1997-2009. He started all 180 games of his career, was called for holding only 9 times, and allowed only 23 sacks out of 5,703 career snaps.

Photo: ESPN

K – Jim Kelly

If it weren’t for Jim Kelly, the Buffalo Bills may have never seen any legitimate success as a franchise. After playing for a season in the USFL, Kelly joined the Bills in 1986. Despite going 0-4 in the big game, he brought Buffalo to four straight Super Bowls (a feat no one else has accomplished) from 1990-1993.

Photo: York Dispatch

L – Vince Lombardi

I’m cheating again here. While Vince Lombardi was one of the greatest coaches to ever do it, he did technically play for the Wilmington Clippers and Brooklyn Eagles of the American Association in 1937-1938. The NFL named the Super Bowl trophy after the guy, he has to make the list.

Photo: Packerville, USA

M – John Madden

Look at that stud! John Madden was a practice squad player for the Philadelphia Eagles in 1958. Obviously, Madden contributed to the game more as a Super Bowl winning head coach of the Raiders, and became a cultural icon for his video game series.

Photo: Sports Illustrated

N – Bronko Nagurski

Aside from having a great name, Bronko Nagurski was one of the greatest Chicago Bears in the 30’s and 40’s. A three-time champion, he was also a four-time first-team all-pro and a member of the NFL 75th Anniversary All-Time Team.

Photo: Encyclopedia Britannica

O – Jonathan Ogden

Jonathan Ogden, a very Walter Jones-esque career (see above). Ogden was the first ever draft selection of the Baltimore Ravens in 1996. Ogden played his entire career for the Ravens, racking up 11 Pro Bowl appearances, and won a Super Bowl in 2001.

Photo: Bleacher Report

P – Walter Payton

Walter Payton is the best running back in Chicago Bears history. He was a member of the 1985 Super Bowl winning team, rushed for an (at the time) NFL record 275 yards in a game, and was a nine-time Pro Bowl selection.

Photo: Bleacher Report

Q – Robert Quinn

I have to be honest here; this was pretty slim pickings. Robert Quinn has played for the Rams, Dolphins, Cowboys, and signed with the Bears this offseason. He has recorded 290 tackles and made two Pro Bowls in his seven seasons.

Photo: USA Today

R – Jerry Rice

Jerry Rice is thought of by many smart people as the overall best football player of all time, the true GOAT. His numbers are simply outrageous: 1,549 receptions, 22,895 yards, and 197 receiving touchdowns.

Photo: American Football International

S – Barry Sanders

Barry Sanders might be the best running back ever (see: all of his stats ever) with the worst luck (see: drafted by the Lions). Widely considered one of the nicest men to ever play the game, Sanders retired in 1998 after only 10 years of breaking everyone’s ankles.

Photo: Sports Illustrated

T – Lawrence Taylor

LT might have been the scariest player to ever lace them up in the NFL. This dude was an absolute freak; he recorded 132.5 sacks, was an eight-time first team all-pro, and won two Super Bowls in his 13 seasons with the Giants.

Photo: SB Nation

U – Brian Urlacher

Brian Urlacher is a card carrying member of the long history of all-time Chicago Bear linebackers; following in the footsteps of Dick Butkus, Mike Singletary, etc. He was the NFL Defensive Player of the Year in 2005, and lead a defense that dragged Rex Grossman and the Bears to the Super Bowl in 2006.

Photo: Chicago Tribune

V – Adam Vinatieri

The ageless wonder. Vinatieri is incredibly 47 years old, and has spent more than half of his life (24 seasons) kicking for the Patriots and Colts. He was instrumental in three Super Bowl victories for New England, and one for Indianapolis.

Photo: Seattle Times

W – Reggie White

Reggie White, AKA “The Minister of Defense,” known for his outgoing religious beliefs, was also a mauler defensive tackle. White recorded over 1,000 tackles, is a member of both the 75th and 100th NFL Anniversary All-Time Teams, and has his number retired by both the Philadelphia Eagles and Green Bay Packers. Reggie was a Pro Bowler in 13 of his 15 seasons, and won Super Bowl XXXI with Green Bay.

Photo: Lombardi Ave

X – Oshane Ximines

Oshane Ximines is the only player in NFL history with a last name that starts with “X.” He played one season for the Giants in 2019, recording 4.5 sacks and 25 tackles. He is by default the greatest player of all-time in the “X” category.

Photo: Giants Wire

Y – Steve Young

Steve Young is the best left handed quarterback that the NFL has ever seen. He won three Super Bowls, and was the MVP of the ’95 win over the Chargers. He wasn’t just a thrower either, and was a threat with his legs. Young rushed for 4,239 yards and 43 touchdowns in his career.

Photo: San Francisco Chronicle

Z – Gary Zimmerman

Fun fact: Gary Zimmerman is the only player in the Hall of Fame with a last name starting with “Z.” Zimmerman started all 184 games he played in his 12-year career, was a seven-time Pro Bowler, and won Super Bowl XXXII with the Broncos in 1998.

Photo: Bronco Talk

The NFL has been an American institution since its inaugural season in 1920. With tens of thousands of players coming in and out of the league since then, these 26 players have worked to become the best of the best. The greatest thing about this list is that it can change at any point. Hopefully we continue to see incredible talent come through the NFL for years to come.

I’m in a Glass Case of Emotion

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College football fans, we all knew this was coming. The Big 10 and Pac 12 have officially cancelled their football seasons for this fall. At the time of this blog, leagues still moving forward are the ACC, AAC, Big 12, Conference USA, SEC, and Sun Belt.

Mixed emotions here. I love college football as much as anyone, and was really hoping there would be some way to make it work. But, at some point it seemed like a logistical nightmare to try and get a season in with the pandemic. The #WeWantToPlay movement on Twitter has been received loud and clear, but I also understand the university president’s and conference commissioner’s hesitancy to try and make this work.

I think this timely, very recent GIF should sum up how I feel.

RIP to the 2020 college football season.

Sunday State of Mind: August 3rd-August 9th

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Photo: Photo by Blake Richard Verdoorn on Unsplash

Happy Sunday, everyone. Please enjoy this journey back in time on the week that was in sports in this week’s SSM.

At the time of this blog, the PGA Championship is still live
DJ, Finau, Scheffler…who will survive?
To be completely honest, the most important thing though
Is the continued trolling, of Bryson DeChambeau

The Cubs and Cardinals, cancelled this weekend
St. Louis’ COVID positives have gone off the deep end
It’s the best rivalry in baseball, there’s no debate
Yankees/Red Sox? Giants/Dodgers? Not that great.

This week us NBA fans lost a good one
76ers standout Ben Simmons is done
According to this tweet, Ben had a left knee subluxation
He left the NBA Bubble, on a surgical vacation

Connor McGregor is engaged! The Notorious MMA.
Asked his girlfriend of 12 years, announced on Saturday
Seems like Connor’s enjoying his “retirement” so far
Engaged and staying out of trouble, no hitting old men in bars

The Aughts Hot or Not

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Photo: All Music

New recurring blog alert!

For those of us in our late 20’s to mid 30’s, the aughts (2000-2010) was an incredible time for entertainment. Britney was doing weird stuff with snakes at the VMAs (#FreeBritney), we were all squeezing enormous iPods into our baggy jeans, and Chapelle Show was the best thing on television. It was truly a time to remember, and unbelievably over a decade ago.

As terrible as some of it was, I am still in love with the music from the aughts. I’ll throw any 2000’s playlist on Spotify and be entertained for hours. So, what I wanted to do with this new recurring blog is review some of the bangers that came out of this decade. There were some post-2010 songs that also slapped, so I’m giving myself some room for decade hopping. However, we’re here to focus on the incredible time in music that was 2000-2010.

I was thinking of what would be the quintessential, early aughts song that would be generally loved and remembered. After throwing a few ideas around, there was really only one choice…

Photo: Complex

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go! Go shaaaaawty, it’s ya birthday. How many friends have you drunkenly yelled this to on their birthday since this all-time banger dropped in in 2003? This song was an absolute monster introduction for 50 Cent, and the guy has been relevant since then. I remember this CD being of the first “parental advisory” CDs I was allowed to have, and wow what a choice. I don’t think I knew what “the X” 50 was referring to was at the time, turns out I wasn’t into takin’ drugs.

Music Video

The intro to the music video is just dripping with 2003-ness. The neon green font setting the scene at the “Shady/Aftermath Artist Development Center,” generally terrible CGI, and of course Eminem & Dr. Dre playing the doctor role and creating the next great rapper. It is *chef’s kiss* perfect. That leads us to 50 dropping into the frame upside down (apparently he can stand on the ceiling?). From there, we’re off to the races to one of the most successful music careers we’ve ever seen.

Naturally, we’re treated to plenty of scenes in the club (with a Xzibit cameo! Pimp My Ride, also suuuuper 2000’s), bottles pouring, and plenty of shots of G-Unit and D12 grinding with the other fine patrons in the club. We have a break closer to the end of the video that 50 is taking a polygraph test? Not exactly sure what was going on there, but it was 2003 and there were no rules.

Best Lyric

“When my junk get to pumpin’ in the club it’s on
I wink my eye at ya chick, if she smiles she gone.”

A classic “Mr. Steal Your Girl” line. The top line really put my 15 year old brain in a pretzel: “I would assume 50’s proud of his music, why is he calling it junk? Further, if he believes his music is junk, why would it provide him the confidence to wink at another man’s chick in hopes of stealing her away?”

Worst Lyric

“I’m feeling’ focused man, my money on my mind
I got a mill out the deal, and I’m still on the grind.”

Listen, 50…you’re a man who knows about money, clearly. Of course you’re still on the grind after making $1 million dollars! That’s a good chunk of change, but let’s be honest with ourselves. Even with inflation, a mill isn’t getting you very far these days. Our guy 50 did indeed stay on the grind, as his current net worth is estimated at $30 million.

Rating

The rap game forever changed with “In Da Club.” 50 went ahead and dropped this my freshman year of high school, and I ran that CD into the ground until graduation day. He has had plenty of other hits since then, but I’m not sure anything reached the level of his debut hit.

I’m going to try and rate each song on a scale of 1-10. No one’s ever thought of a rating system before; I know, pretty ingenious. The only appropriate way to rate any song from the early aughts, Mr. TRL himself…

Rating: 8 Carson Daly’s

Photo: USA Today

An Important Discussion on the Death Penalty

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Photo: Stuff Nobody Cares About

The electric chair, lethal injection, lethal gas. The death penalty is one of the most politically charged debates still raging in our country today. Those who have been sentenced to death must have a million things running through their mind on a daily basis. I simply couldn’t imagine being dealt the strongest hand that capital punishment can play.

Of all of the insane things that those on death row might be thinking about, one of the most important things might be their last meal. According to crimemuseum.org, some of the world’s worst people chose some interesting last meals:

  • Saddam Hussein: boiled chicken, rice, and hot water with honey.
  • Timothy McVeigh: two pints of mint chocolate-chip ice cream.
  • Danny Rolling: lobster tail, butterfly shrimp, baked potato, sweet tea and strawberry cheesecake.

So, what would your last meal be? Plenty of options out there. I would assume that a prison isn’t going to let you go completely bonkers and order everything on the menu, so you would think that you’d have to be smart in what a hypothetical last meal would be. Let’s check out some popular options.

Steak

Probably fair to assume that steak would be one of the most popular choices in the last meal discussion. You’ve got your filet, ribeye, sirloin, etc. Normally I’d be a snob and say if you don’t order your steak medium rare, then you’re an idiot. But hey, if we’re talking last meal, do whatever the hell you want.

Pizza

If I was about to meet my maker, pizza would be an absolute fine choice. I’d make it a deep dish with sausage, onions, and green peppers. Side of ranch dipping sauce to spice it up, and I’d be ready for the chair. Pizza would definitely let you leave this earth with a satisfied belly.

Fried Chicken

Another fine choice. Really anything fried could fall under this category; but when I think of fried food, chicken is at the top of the list. There has to be some kind of 40-piece bucket of death out there that would put you in a food coma before being put out of your misery. Have to be honest, floating into the afterlife on the wings of some deliciously deep fried poultry seems like an ideal way to do it.

As for me, I’m not taking any of the three above options, as delicious as they all sound. If I’m on hypothetical death row (because I never plan on being on real death row), I am starving myself for a week, and ordering anywhere between 10-15 pounds of fettuccine alfredo. That’s right. Pile on the grilled chicken, broccoli, and a foot of parmesan cheese on top as well. While you’re at it, throw me a few bread sticks to pair with my pile of carbs, fatty sauce, and thick noodles. All I need is a fork and a mindset that I’m going to eat myself to death, because I know what’s waiting for me for dessert.