Our Third Annual NBA “City Edition” Jersey Analysis

Photo: NBA.com

It’s that time of year! For the third consecutive season, the fashion department here at UDS has been called upon to make stupid jokes about the latest versions of the NBA “City Edition” jerseys. Let’s get right down to business.

Atlanta Hawks – slick font, but use the peach font you cowards.
Boston Celtics – very cool to hit copy and paste from the Bucks normal uni’s.
Brooklyn Nets – just like last years, using the “Friends” font makes this jersey dumb…but there’s not much the Nets could’ve done that’s worse than what’s going on with that organization right now.
Charlotte Hornets – more like Charlotte Hornys, amirite?

Chicago Bulls – I think the designer for this one forgot the assignment was due at midnight and remembered at 11:53PM.

Cleveland Cavaliers – these jerseys are giving an original Mario level feel; for that reason this one gets a pass.
Dallas Mavericks – another good effort here. Still irrationally angry that a player as great as Luka Dončić wears number 77.
Denver Nuggets – we may have our annual winner of “high school team from a Disney movie” uniforms.
Detroit Pistons – eh, this is an L. Just give us the Grant Hill throwbacks and call it a day.
Golden State Warriors very cool to dip the bottom of your jerseys in pollen; bumblebees everywhere loving this.
Houston Rockets – same look as last year, same result. These are a winner.
Indiana Pacers – we have enough shortages in this country; the Pacers have now added a thread shortage to the list.
Los Angeles Clippers – uh…these are at least the best uniforms in LA.
Los Angeles Lakers – there needs to be a federal investigation into why the Lakers keep trying to incorporate black into their uniforms.
Memphis Grizzlies – very lazy to copy the Vlade Divac/Peja Stojaković era Kings uniforms.
Miami Heat these are pretty similar to last year, but Miami wins this race every year and they’re right up there again.
Milwaukee Bucks – these are a mix of last year’s uniforms and the Kevin Garnett era Timberwolves…yucky.
Minnesota Timberwolves – speaking of the T’wolves…these are like the rough draft of the Nets uni’s.
New Orleans Pelicans – these are fine…would be way better if there were sewed on beads across the front.
Oklahoma City Thunder – this poor organization has never done this well; so not much to expect here. Much like the Pistons, they should just do the Supersonics uniforms.
Orlando Magic – while these aren’t a huge jump from their normal ‘fits, the fact that they didn’t incorporate orange this year like they have in the past is a win.
Philadelphia 76ers – as good as these are, the fact that they’re sponsored by a crypto website make these super sus.
Phoenix Suns – the Suns have nailed these in the past; but I think the Spurs have a case for copyright infringement with these bad boys.
Portland Trailblazers – these are like the away jerseys of the Suns jerseys, and should be included in the Spurs lawsuit. Big year for teal in the NBA.
Sacramento Kings – these are the “high school team from a Disney movie” runner ups, boring.
San Antonio Spurs – exhibit A in the aforementioned legal action suggested in this blog. These are the winners.
Toronto Raptors – so the Bulls designer also worked with the Raptors? Got it.
Washington Wizards – some very flowy flowers heavily featured here…can we start the Wizards to Hawaii rumors?

Wow…another year, another set of middle-of-the-road uniforms with even worse jokes to go with them. Thanks for the opportunity to create content, NBA.

Sunday State of Mind: May 13th-June 19th

It’s a special Juneteenth and Father’s Day edition of SSM.

Only one place to start, and that’s out in The Bay
The Warriors are champions again as of Thursday
Steph Curry was the MVP, a well earned award
The stupid “No Steph with KD” talk can now be ignored

The Colorado Avalanche are the perfect name
The Lightning are the target, and they’ve got perfect aim
Up 2-0 in the series, looking absolutely tough
Only two wins away from hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup

The Atlanta Braves, 14-game winning streak
Weekend series in Chicago, Cubbies looking bleak
Baseball did the baseball thing, Cubs won the series
After losing 10 in a row, beat Atlanta two of three

Sunday State of Mind: May 6th-June 12th

Guess who’s back? SSM, that’s who.

We’ve got our first pink slip handed out in MLB
The Angles fired Joe Maddon during a losing spree
The Halos started strong this year, formerly first place
Twelve straight losses gets you canned, an unfortunate case

Another manager made waves, and not the calming kind
Tony La Russa made a move and seemed to lose his mind
Gave Trea Turner a free base, the count was 1-2
Any way you look at it, that call really blew

The NBA Finals are tight, all tied at two a piece
Both teams are two wins away from making the series cease
Steph Curry’s a monster, but we all knew that
He’s all the Warriors have, rest of the team’s been flat

The battle for Lord Stanley is now set in stone
Lightning and the Avalanche for the hockey throne
Tampa Bay will go for their third straight championship
Colorado’s young, could be champs in their first trip

Sunday State of Mind: May 30th-June 5th

The weather has turned as we are past the unofficial opening of summer. The beautiful forecast calls for some beautiful sports poetry.

The NBA Finals, Boston and The Bay
Warriors and Celtics are here to play
Al Horford and the boys took game one on the road
If they win again tonight Draymond might explode

Capital One’s The Match, the QB edition
Four of our top quarterbacks in the competition
Brady, Rodgers, Patty, Josh, young guns verse the old
ARod and TB12 took it to them for the gold

Baseball staying relevant, thanks to the NFL
Tommy Pham’s a wildcard, we’re saying “what the hell?”
Who hasn’t wanted to slap a fellow league member
Fantasy football means a lot, Tommy’s got a temper

Avalanche and Rangers, not a lot of spoilers
Both looking for a sweep against the Lightning and the Oilers
Only a few shots left for Tampa and Edmonton
If they don’t get it in gear both squads will soon be done

Sunday State of Mind: May 9th-May 15th

Photo: New Atlas

We were drowning in series-deciding games in the NBA Playoffs this weekend. Eliminations and game sevens were flying everywhere this week, and SSM is here for it.

Got started on Thursday night, Heat and 76ers
Joel Embiid came back but could not be Philly’s fixer
Jimmy Butler showed up, James Harden disappeared
Both teams said things after the game that were kinda weird

For the Memphis Grizzlies, Friday night was it
The Warriors are back to being the absolute shit
Klay and Steph were back up to their old splash brother ways
Going to the conference finals, hitting threes for days

Sunday was a big one, two game sevens on the slate
Bucks and the Celtics were the first game on our sports plate
This one was at The Garden, and Boston held their ground
With the win the Celtics, are now Miami bound

The finale of the weekend, Suns and the Mavs
Dallas is full of grown up cows, no more baby calves
A tough matchup awaits them, the Warriors are no joke
With Luka and J. Brunson, this team is far from broke

Sunday State of Mind: April 25th-May 1st

Photo: CNN

A jam-packed sports schedule lends itself to a few reminders here and there. That’s what SSM is for, you’re welcome.

The picking of the prospects, the NFL Draft
Fans getting new players finding out how their roster’s staffed
Draft grades make no sense, have to give these guys some time
To see if they’ll be good or bad, substandard or sublime

Round two NBA Playoffs are starting today
Eight teams left, four East four West, still able to play
Injuries aplenty, still plenty guys to see
Best time of the year NBA fans will all agree

Major League Baseball dropped the damn hammer
Threw out pitcher Trevor Bauer in the baseball slammer
A two year suspension, for some bad off field stuff
Search it at your own risk, it is pretty rough

Sunday State of Mind: April 18th-April 24th

Another week come and gone, another Sunday State of Mind.

An always touching tribute, a statue was revealed
This week in Oklahoma this one should have stayed concealed
Poor Baker Mayfield, guy can’t catch a break
If I were him that statue would have ended up in a lake

Big loss in Chicago, Eloy Jimenez
Out for up to two months, so the doctor says
Add another name to the White Sox injury list
Tough break for a good team, that bat will be missed

A happier baseball note, it’s Miguel Cabrera
Joined the 3k hit club, maybe the last in this era
Only 32 other players have reached that career mark
Miggy one of the greatest to do it at the ballpark

NBA playoffs are here, and some teams are in trouble
Raptors, Bulls, Nets and Nuggets are all on the bubble
Mavs and Jazz, Grizz and Wolves both sitting at 2-2
We get action everyday as the games continue

If you’ve ever read this blog, you know we love NASCAR
Driving for 500 miles but not going far
The most famous track in all of motor sports
The Talladega Speedway, running today of course

Kyrie Irving’s Wallet Takes a $50,000 Shot

Photo: @Basketball_SK on Twitter

Kyrie Irving had an absolute day on Sunday.

In Game 1 of the Brooklyn Nets’ first round playoff series against the Boston Celtics, Irving brought it all, on court and off. For the uninitiated, there’s a bit of history between Irving and his former team. It all came to a head Sunday when Celtics fans went at Irving and he responded. On the court, he played 42 minutes and scored 39 points (all while fasting for Ramadan, mind you).

Off the court may have been a more impressive showing of not giving a shit; cursing out Celtics fans, making cry baby faces, and letting numerous freedom rockets fly in their faces, as seen above.

Unfortunately, because we can’t have any fun, Kyrie got a $50k fine for giving the fans exactly what they wanted.

In the long run, this won’t hurt a guy who’s made a shade under $160M in his career. In the short term, Kyrie may have to scale back on the budget a bit. Which got us thinking, what will one of the smoothest guards in the NBA have to hold off on now that he’s $50k lighter in the bank account?

I think we can assume things are going to be OK financially for everyone’s favorite weirdo. That sage budget’s taking a real hit though.

Sunday State of Mind: February 28th-March 6th

It’s Sunday, there were sports this week, and we’re in a certain State of Mind.

A special week in Indy, the NFL Combine
A chance for NFL prospects to jump, run, and shine
Some major workout numbers, athletic freaks galore
NFL coaches and GMs jaws dropping to the floor

Surprise news out of Dallas about one of their best
Amari Cooper likely gone, Cowboys fans must be stressed
The wideout’s too expensive for Jerry Jones’ liking
So now their number one receiver will be gone, sent hiking

Still in a holding pattern in the MLB
The lockout continues as both sides will not agree
On a new CBA, games continue to be lost
The longer this goes on, more baseball games get tossed

We talked last week about big scores in the NBA
Repeating this week, Jayson Tatum and LBJ
JT scored 54 tonight, Bron 56 on Saturday
Defenses sat on the sideline and watched the big dogs play

We’ve got our first few tickets punched in the NCAA
March Madness is so close, let’s get this underway
Murray State, Longwood, and Loyola Chicago
You know what that means; Sister Jean’s ready to roll!

Who Wore it Best? 9-0

Photo: Dr. Odd

What a long, strange journey it’s been. We started all the way at 99, and have now arrived at our final edition of “Who Wore It Best?” Single digits can be tough, but we’re up for the challenge.

9 – Gordie Howe

Photo: Pinterest

I mean, “Mr. Hockey” has to make the list, right? Howe’s career spanned nearly 40 years, in which he won four Stanley Cups, six Hart Trophies, and appeared in the All-Star game 23 times.

Honorable Mentions: Ted Williams, Drew Brees, Bobby Hull, Mike Modano

8 – Kobe Bryant

Photo: Newsday

Maybe the closest we’ll ever get to MJ. We all know Kobe ended his career rocking 24, but he was great enough to take the eight cake. He spent his entire 20 year career with the Lakers, in which he won five NBA Championships, the 2008 MVP, and made 11 All-NBA First Teams.

Honorable Mentions: Joe Morgan, Carl Yastrzemski, Cal Ripken Jr., Yogi Berra, Steve Young, Troy Aikman, Alexander Ovechkin

7 – John Elway

The greatest player who was a doppelgänger of their team mascot. But that’s not the only reason Elway makes our list. He held the “couldn’t win the big one” tag his entire career, until he shut everyone up and won back-to-back Super Bowls his last two seasons in the NFL. Even if he wouldn’t have won the two Lombardis, Elway racked up an MVP, nine Pro Bowl selections, and passing title in 1993.

Honorable Mentions: Mickey Mantle, Phil Esposito

6 – Bill Russell

Photo: Photos.com

The man who ran out of fingers for all of his championship rings. Russell won five MVPs, was a four time rebounding champion, and a member of the NBA’s 25th, 35th, and 50th Anniversary Teams.

Honorable Mention: Stan Musial

5 – Albert Pujols

Photo: LA Times

We’ve shown our appreciation for The Machine on this blog before. Pujols’ first 11 years in St. Louis were enough to get the guy in the Hall of Fame. His time with the Angels and Dodgers, while not as great, hasn’t done anything to diminish that. His approximate career numbers have him as a .300 hitter, closing in on 700 home runs, and well over 3,000 hits.

Honorable Mentions: Joe DiMaggio, George Brett, Johnny Bench, Kevin Garnett, Donovan McNabb

4 – Lou Gherig

Next to Babe Ruth, Lou Gherig was the best player on the Yankees during their incredible run in the 20’s and 30’s. Gherig was a part of six World Series championships, was a two time MVP, and won the Triple Crown in 1934.

Honorable Mentions: Brett Favre, Adam Vinatieri, Bobby Orr

3 – Babe Ruth

Keeping it young and fresh with back to back 1920’s Yankees. This one’s a no doubter though; Shohei Ohtaini before Shohei Ohtani. At the plate, The Great Bambino hit 714 home runs, slugged .690, and ended his career with an 1.164 OPS. On the mound, The Colossus of Clout went 94-46, with a 2.28 ERA, and threw 107 complete games.

Honorable Mention: Allen Iverson

2 – Derek Jeter

Christ, enough with the Yankees already. Jeets is an easy choice in a not extremely tough field. The recent Hall of Fame inductee wrapped up an illustrious career with a very succinct five World Series rings, Gold Gloves, and Silver Slugger Awards, as well as 14 All-Star appearances.

Honorable Mention: David Akers, Brian Leetch

1 – Ozzie Smith

Photo: MLB

The best defensive shortstop of all time, and possibly best overall defender ever. Smith won 13 Gold Gloves in 19 seasons. Along the way, he was a part of the 1982 World Series Championship Cardinal team, made 15 All-Star games, and was inducted to the Hall of Fame in 2002.

Honorable Mention: Warren Moon

0 – Russell Westbrook

A nice, easy choice to get us to the finish line; not a whole lot of competition at the zero spot. The 2017 MVP is a nine time All-Star, two time All-NBA First Teamer, and is essentially a walking triple double.

Honorable Mention: N/A

We made it, friends. All the way from 99 down to 0. We laughed, we cried, and made some friends along the way. This was a fun project to complete and remember some names that haven’t been brought up in a while. Hopefully this was as interesting to read as it was to write. Who knows what our next series will be…stay tuned.