Last Saturday, we all saw Patrick Mahomes get bent in a way no normal human being should. If not, see the work of art above from the fine folks at Larry Brown Sports.
It was gross, we all cringed, and hoped we didn’t just see the end of Mahomes’ season. Somehow, he’s a super human freak and came back one one and a half legs and lead the Chiefs to the AFC Championship game.
The official diagnosis seems to be a high ankle sprain, which are three words no athlete wants to hear. But this is Patrick Mahomes we’re talking about. The aforementioned super human freak, who could maybe win this Sunday with zero legs if needed.
Because of that, we are here to rank the top body parts even sweet Patrick will need this weekend:
This thing got bent so bad it caused a national shortage of medical tape.
If Mahomes wants to have any level of mobility in the pocket this weekend, that ankle needs to be somewhere near normal.
We all know he can launch a football 175 yards with a flick of the wrist.
If the ankle’s not going to be a full go, he needs that right elbow there to utilize his arm strength.
Mahomes has been lauded for his ability to see.
This leads to our number three most important body part, as he’ll need his eyes to see where he’s going against a tough Bengals defense.
An extension of the eyes, Mahomes will need to make sure his head is attached to his torso if he wants to get to the Super Bowl.
As the old saying goes “need your head to get this bread, fam.”
As we’ve come to learn since Mahomes has been in the league; this dude has big ‘ol cajones.
He can do it all, all the time. The testicular fortitude on this man is already Hall of Fame level, and he needs to lug those stones into Arrowhead Stadium to advance this weekend.
The body is a temple, and Patrick Mahomes’ is feeling a little rough at the moment. If he indeed brings all of the above, the rematch of last year’s AFC Championship against Joe Burrow and them boys is going to be a thriller.
Chiefs, Eagles, Bengals, 49ers win; Jaguars, Giants, Bills, and Cowboys lose. SSM reviews the NFL Divisional Round.
Started out in KC, a scary injury Mahomes got folded up weird, seemed to hurt his knee It was a ankle sprain, says he’ll play next week Jags lost to the Chiefs but their future isn’t bleak
One blowout this weekend, an NFC East bout Eagles railed the Giants, really left no doubt Danny Dimes was bad, Jalen Hurts was good The one seed in the NFC playing just like they should
Bengals and the Bills, snow globe in Buffalo One QB was on his game and that was Joe Burrow A rematch with the Chiefs for a trip to Arizona Talking grad school NFL, winner gets a diploma
An all-time uni matchup, 49ers and Cowboys Brock Purdy did it again with his offense full of toys Next one on the docket, big one against the Eagles Football was so good this weekend it should be illegal
If you’re not a Bengals, Jaguars, Chargers, Ravens, or Dolphins fan, odds are that you’re hoping to see the Bills and Chiefs play in the AFC Championship Game.
Mahomes v. Allen, Bills Mafia v. Chiefs Kingdom, McDermott vs. Big Red Andy Reid; this matchup would have the most storylines by far of any AFC pairing we as football fans could get for a shot to go to the Super Bowl.
Well, it appears if our collective dreams are answered, there’ll be one more: the game will be played in the most logical place of all, Atlanta.
Yes, beautiful Atlanta. The A. The Dirty. Home of the NFC South’s own Falcons who haven’t seen the playoffs in six years. Whose most memorable postseason is still meme’d to death almost a decade later.
There has to be one of the dozens of Falcon fans out there that really hopes this potential AFC Championship game being held in their stadium is going to brainwash the internet into forgetting that the Falcons blew a 28-3 lead against the Patriots. If you are that person and are reading this, please reach out to email@example.com; I would love to speak with you and get inside your brain.
For now, let’s all enjoy Super Wild Card Weekend and root for the Dolphins not to pull the biggest upset in playoff history by beating the Bills on Saturday. Because if they do, all of this Atlanta mess will be for not and me writing and you reading this blog will have been a massive waste of time.
The NFL Playoffs are officially set. There were other sports happenings as well; and it’s all here in this week’s SSM.
Can only start in one place, and that’s Damar Hamlin A terrible event to start, but something good begins The response took our breaths away, honors and donations It showed the power of kindness has no limitations
AFC and NFC, both top seeds are set Philly and Kansas City, two offenses like jets Both great quarterbacks, defenses are strong too Chiefs would be and old story, but Eagles would be new
On the other end, those Chicago Bears Worst team in the league, falling down the stairs Took their 14th loss of the season on the chin But got the number one pick, so kind of a win
Hottest team in the NBA, place your Finals bets Won 13 of 14, those pesky Brooklyn Nets The boys are on a roll more than halfway through the season Surely no way anything will change, no way for no reason
Another week where sports just unmercifully punched us in the face…and we liked it. Let’s review the pounding with prose in this week’s SSM.
Your NL pennant winners, those pesky Fightin’ Phils! Took the Padres out, this team is full of thrills Harper, Schwarber, Wheeler, the list goes on and on If they play the Astros, series won’t be a yawn
Something rare happened this week, an NFL trade Niners’ Christian McCaffrey, Frisco not afraid Made his debut today, got a few plays in Chiefs came to The Bay however, got themselves the win
Speaking of the Panthers, took it to the Bucs? Hard to say but it seems like Tampa Bay just sucks Lot of season left for TB and the boys Don’t be shocked if they come back and make postseason noise
The NBA is back, first games have come and gone Just another sport this time of year loves to add on Some early surprises, Sixers and the Lakers blank The Jazz keep winning even though they’re clearly trying to tank
Save for a few more games, the sports have completed their sportsing this weekend. Let’s look back together at all the happenings in this week’s SSM.
The Albert Pujols show, big episode this week Joined the 700 club, not bad for an antique He did it in style, two bombs out in LA The Yankees home run record keeping Aaron Judge at bay
Tough week in Miami, The U indeed not back MTSU came to town, Hurricanes blue and black First year, new coach for the ‘canes, so this isn’t the end Another upset like this though, things may just start to bend
TB12 and A-Rod, who’s your favorite old QB On field goat debate, what a thing to see Could not care less who won the game, what matters to us most Was how the hell did a bee swarm end up on the goal post?
Colts and the Chiefs, thought this would be easy By the end of the game Kansas City fans were queasy Big upset for Indy, Matt Ryan won a big one Tough loss for the Chiefs, Andy Reid had no fun
We continue a longstanding tradition here at UDS by dedicating an entire SSM to Week One NFL action.
Big start on Thursday night, Rams and the Bills Pregame program was legit, full of fluff and frills The game was in LA, but plenty Bills fans there Josh Allen and the boys came out and won the game with flair
Sunday start in the dirty, Falcons and the Saints Start of football season, we have no complaints Something so familiar, Falcons had an early lead They coughed it up and lost, almost guaranteed
Browns and the Panthers, Baker revenge bowl He wanted to win this game with his entire soul Browns came out and played, got a surprising win Panthers almost came back, there’s a positive spin
The San Francisco 49ers are used to good weather The conditions in Chicago, they were different all together It rained and rained and rained some more, really came down strong A nice win for the Bears in a season that might be long
Steelers and the Bengals, an AFC North tilt Bengals came in walking tall, like a man on stilts Five turnovers for Joe Burrow, not like him at all Even so, we had OT, but the Bengals did fall
Eagles and the Lions, closer than we expected! Coming into the day, thought this game would be neglected Lions got down early, then almost came back Lot of money on the Eagles, banks almost attacked
Texans and the Colts, folks we have a tie Same score in regulation, OT, and then the game died Feels like a win for Houston, Indy can not be psyched Have to think a blowout win is what they would’ve liked
Patriots and Dolphins, Miami’s brand new look Mike McDaniel’s offense had Bill Belichick’s D shook Tua looked OK, Tyreek and Waddle balled Dolphin fans ecstatic, Pats fans are appalled
Ravens and the Jets, Flacco revenge game Cool Joe did play pretty well, can’t give him much blame Lamar Jackson’s on a mission, wants to get that big money Three touchdowns and Ravens win, L-Jack sweet as honey
Jags and the Commanders, this game just seemed weird First game for Carson Wentz in DC, brought his big red beard Jaguars were close to grabbing a week one win At least until week two for victories to begin
Giants and the Titans, King Henry and Saquon The Titan bruised along, Giant looked like a swan Another crazy comeback, as New York did their job Titans played tough in the first half, but ended like slobs
Cardinals and the Chiefs, and a new look KC Went to Arizona, first opportunity To see if they still had it after losing some big stars Five tuddy’s for Pat Mahomes, he did not go too far
Chargers and the Raiders, matchup in LA Justin Herbert is a stud, and he was on display Three touchdowns and no picks, his team is 1-0 Raiders have a nice roster, only upwards to go
Vikings and the Packers, A-Rod needs to some talent He can’t go out and win himself, they guy’s only so gallant Story is not about him though, Vikings looked pretty good Kirk Cousins was really sharp, was he misunderstood?
Buccaneers and Cowboys, Sunday night in Dallas Jerry Jones must love it when we’re focused on his palace Tough break for Big Jer, as Tom Brady is still here TB12 wins again, will for 100 years
The weather has turned as we are past the unofficial opening of summer. The beautiful forecast calls for some beautiful sports poetry.
The NBA Finals, Boston and The Bay Warriors and Celtics are here to play Al Horford and the boys took game one on the road If they win again tonight Draymond might explode
Capital One’s The Match, the QB edition Four of our top quarterbacks in the competition Brady, Rodgers, Patty, Josh, young guns verse the old ARod and TB12 took it to them for the gold
Baseball staying relevant, thanks to the NFL Tommy Pham’s a wildcard, we’re saying “what the hell?” Who hasn’t wanted to slap a fellow league member Fantasy football means a lot, Tommy’s got a temper
Avalanche and Rangers, not a lot of spoilers Both looking for a sweep against the Lightning and the Oilers Only a few shots left for Tampa and Edmonton If they don’t get it in gear both squads will soon be done