Joe Burrow

We’ve Got a Chili Cook Off Winner in Cincinnati

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Photo: @Bengals on Twitter

Today’s professional athletes have all health advantages at their fingertips. World class nutritionists, body scan reports, team physicians…the list goes on an on. So, when a NFL team switches sponsorships of a certified food pyramid product, it’s a huge deal.

Enormous news from the Cincinnati Bengals account this morning, as they announced after a successful, healthy 20 year relationship with Gold Star, their new official chili sponsor is now Skyline.

News of the new chili sponsor has rocked the sports world. Skyline’s 160 chain restaurants that primarily cover Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky, and Florida are celebrating by drowning themselves in spaghetti topped with a gang of brown, chunky sludge. If you’re looking for a new NFL team and love chili hot dogs with a light accent of eight pounds of shredded cheese, the 2021 AFC Champions are the squad for you.

With the new corporate announcement, we’re looking forward to seeing how Joe Burrow plays quarterback next year at 350 pounds. Will Ja’Marr Chase continue to make unbelievable grabs when his gloves are covered in dirt-colored muck? Orlando Brown, the team’s shiny new left tackle, is currently listed at 345 pounds…can we assume he’s going to suit up week one at 645?

Nothing but positives can come out of this fresh, new sponsorship. Top level athletes and chili, an absolute perfect match.

Ranking Body Parts Patrick Mahomes Needs for the AFC Championship

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Photo: Larry Brown Sports

Last Saturday, we all saw Patrick Mahomes get bent in a way no normal human being should. If not, see the work of art above from the fine folks at Larry Brown Sports.

It was gross, we all cringed, and hoped we didn’t just see the end of Mahomes’ season. Somehow, he’s a super human freak and came back one one and a half legs and lead the Chiefs to the AFC Championship game.

The official diagnosis seems to be a high ankle sprain, which are three words no athlete wants to hear. But this is Patrick Mahomes we’re talking about. The aforementioned super human freak, who could maybe win this Sunday with zero legs if needed.

Because of that, we are here to rank the top body parts even sweet Patrick will need this weekend:

5. Ankle

This thing got bent so bad it caused a national shortage of medical tape.

If Mahomes wants to have any level of mobility in the pocket this weekend, that ankle needs to be somewhere near normal.

4. Elbow

We all know he can launch a football 175 yards with a flick of the wrist.

If the ankle’s not going to be a full go, he needs that right elbow there to utilize his arm strength.

3. Eyes

Mahomes has been lauded for his ability to see.

This leads to our number three most important body part, as he’ll need his eyes to see where he’s going against a tough Bengals defense.

2. Head

An extension of the eyes, Mahomes will need to make sure his head is attached to his torso if he wants to get to the Super Bowl.

As the old saying goes “need your head to get this bread, fam.”

1. Nuts

As we’ve come to learn since Mahomes has been in the league; this dude has big ‘ol cajones.

He can do it all, all the time. The testicular fortitude on this man is already Hall of Fame level, and he needs to lug those stones into Arrowhead Stadium to advance this weekend.

The body is a temple, and Patrick Mahomes’ is feeling a little rough at the moment. If he indeed brings all of the above, the rematch of last year’s AFC Championship against Joe Burrow and them boys is going to be a thriller.

Sunday State of Mind: Super Bowl LVI

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Photo: Marca

It is with profound sadness we write this week’s SSM, as the football season is officially over. Since we don’t want to see football go, we’re recapping the game that just happened; with the Los Angeles Rams winning the Lombardi Trophy in Super Bowl 56.

First quarter some action, a 7-3 score
An OBJ touchdown, but there would be more
Bengals mustered a field goal, but scoring was not hearty
Final score in mind, may have kept them from the Lombardi

A busy second quarter, plenty to talk about
Cooper Kupp scored once, Bengals ended their end zone drought
Terrible sight to see, Odell Beckham hurt his knee
Rams were down a playmaker after the injury

Maybe better than the game, the Pepsi Halftime Show
A collection of nostalgia singing songs that we all know
Snoop and Dre were great, Em, Kendrick, Mary J
How about Mr. In Da Club, please give us a replay

Cincinnati came out hot after the halftime break
A Burrow bomb to Higgins, would LA start to shake?
The 75 yard touchdown would be the highIight here
Other than trading field goals, the game’s ending was near

Only one score in the final frame, but it was the winner
Stafford to Cooper Kupp a second time, chicken dinner
With that touchdown the Rams secured a Super victory
Cemented themselves as champions, NFL history

Sunday State of Mind: January 17th-January 23rd

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Photo: Touchdown Trips

And then there were four. It’s NFL Divisional Playoff Weekend. We recap in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

The Cincinnati Bengals, also known as Cinderella
Their quarterback Joe Burrow sure is one talented fella
Bengals went down to Nashville, beat up on the Titans
A young team with big talent, NFL should be frightened

Another major upset, Niners over Green Bay
Defense and special teams for San Francisco saved the day
Jimmy Garoppolo has got to be better next week
Otherwise the Niners Super Bowl chances sure look bleak

An NFC West battle, the Super Bowl’s the prize
The Rams came down to Tampa and stuck it in their eyes
Matt Stafford and that defense ended Tom Brady’s year
Rumors are a-floating, will he end his career?

The best for last, Chiefs and Bills
Regulation not enough, overtime thrills
Time and time again, Mahomes comes out a winner
Andy Reid earned himself a nice triple steak dinner

Sunday State of Mind: January 10th-January 16th

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Photo: Wallpaper Cave

One of the best weekends in sports, Super Wildcard Weekend. We’ve still got plenty to go, but in case you missed anything, let’s review in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

Raiders and the Bengals, first game yesterday
Joe Burrow and the boys from Cincy for sure had their way
Vegas made it close, almost tied it at the end
After the season the Raiders had, we all should commend

Bills and the Pats, Saturday’s nightcap
This one was over early, an expeditious wrap
Bills Mafia came in force and saw their team ball out
Beat the Pats two out of three, some AFC East clout

Bucs and the Eagles, champions verse Philly
TB12 and the boys made them look silly
The Eagles never got it going, and it really showed
Hard to beat the buzzsaw Brady when in playoff mode

An upset down in Big D, Niners and the boys
San Fran’s offense was too much, really brought the noise
Another big playoff loss for Jerry Jones’ team
Ever since the late 90’s that has been their theme

Sunday State of Mind: September 6th-September 12th

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Photo: Phys.org

One of the best weekends in all of sports has arrived. The NFL is back and majority of the games have been played. Our annual tradition (one year running) of dedicating Week 1 a full SSM lives on.

We got started on Thursday, Bucs and the ‘Boys
Another year of Tom Brady making defenses his toys
Bucs held off Dak and his squad, escaped by only two
TB12 keeps playing, wins continue to accrue

Seahawks and the Colts, met up at Lucas Oil
Indy’s Week 1 hopes, did Russell Wilson spoil
Seattle starts their campaign with a big road win
Seahawks may be on a Super Bowl run once again

Jaguars and the Texans, oof these teams are bad
Might see plenty of Urban, eating pizza while so sad
Houston beat the Jags, must give them their due
Texans should enjoy it now, wins likely to be few

Eagles and the Falcons, battle of the birds
Falcons defense is so bad, it’s hard to put in words
Jalen Hurts went out and looked like an All-Pro
Good start for The Eagles, still a long way to go

Chargers and The Football Team, met up in DC
What could be a high powered LA offense only put up 20
It was enough to get the win, Justin Herbert lead the way
Win whatever way you can on any given Sunday

Steelers and the Bills, upset of the week
Pittsburgh should not have have won this game, but played up at their peak
The Bills seem to be loaded, plenty of wins ahead
Getting off to a slow start should be a short term dread

Lions and 49ers, surprisingly high score
Bit of a shocker here, thought this game would be a bore
Still as most of us thought, Niners came out on top
If San Fran keeps this offense up, they will be hard to stop

Bengals and the Vikings, week 1 overtime
Burrow versus Cousins, both were throwing dimes
Cincinnati held on, OT field goal, victory
Brutal for all of us out there with Vikings -3

Panthers and the Jets, Darnold revenge game
Played well against his former team, victory was claimed
Zach Wilson threw two tuddys in his NFL debut
Probably won’t take too long for Jets fans to start to boo

Cardinals and the Titans, down in Tennessee
Arizona offense humming, lead by Kyler Murray
Disappointing start for Derrick Henry, Tractorcito
Shouldn’t be a huge concern, sure he’ll find his flow

Cleveland Kansas City, Browns and the Chiefs
Brownies lead most of the game, their stay on top not brief
Cleveland had more than a shot, fan’s mouths began to foam
But we’ve all seen this before, comeback Patrick Mahomes

Patriots and Dolphins, ‘Bama QB battle
Tua and Mac Jones, young guns back in the saddle
It was Fins Up in New England though, Dolphins with the dub
Mac played well in his debut, joined the NFL Club

Broncos and the Giants, in the Meadowlands
Giants had a chance to win, slipped right through their hands
Teddy Two Gloves did his job, Melvin Gordon too
If Saquon doesn’t get more run, G-Men will be 0-2

Packers and the Saints, Jamies was the best
Quarterback in this game, Rodgers did not impress
New Orleans won the game, difference of five touchdowns
Potential last season for A-Rod, started with a frown

Nightcap in LA, Rams versus the Bears
Rams have themselves a real QB, defenses should be scared
Stafford and McVay could be a coach/QB combo
To get back to the Super Bowl, in short time we’ll know

The Bengals Dropped Their New Uniforms Today and We are Again Fashion Critics

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Photo: @Bengals on Twitter

The Cincinnati Bengals had their most exciting day in years Monday as they dropped their latest revamped uniforms. Southwest Ohio was abuzz when their beloved football team, who has suffered double-digit losses in 14 of their last 30 seasons, unveiled the latest threads they’ll be rocking in 2021 and beyond. Let’s break these bad boys down (all photos from Bengals.com).

Helmet

Eh…this an L.

Total missed opportunity to go back to the old school helmet with “Bengals” text written across the helmet. We’re going to have to live with the same old stripes while we watch Joe Burrow throw for 7,000 yards, 40 touchdowns and drag his team to six wins a year for the foreseeable future.

Jersey

Way better than the helmet. They simplified and cleaned up the look here compared to their most recent jerseys, which always seemed way too busy. They also nailed the “Bengals” text across the chest, which maybe answers my question on why it wasn’t on the helmet.

The weird thing about the jerseys though is the number font. What kind of cockamamie numbering are we looking at here? According to the team website, “the number font saw a slight change, adding a sharp angle to mimic the modern design of Paul Brown Stadium and the claw marks of a ferocious bengal.” Um…cool.

It looks as if the Bears and Texans numbers had a baby, and that baby was delivered onto the Bengals new jerseys.

Pants

The update here isn’t as much in the stripes idea, but the shape that the stripes take. Last year’s trousers took a thin stripe to a curved tip. However, your 2021 Bengals will be rocking more of a blocked shape pattern as shown above. I think this is generally an improvement, and seems more of an up to date feel.

The press release says that in addition to the orange on black and black on white above, there’s a third “orange with a black stroke on white” option. Despite this seeming like the slickest combo, it doesn’t seem like the team included a clear picture like the two above of this option. Even in an offseason uniform photo shoot…Bengals gonna Bengal.


Overall a good, not great uniform update for the proverbial AFC North cellar dwellers. The biggest win here was having Ochocino being a part of this whole project. I’ve always been a believer in the “look good feel good, feel good play good” moniker. If there’s any real credence to that claim, these uniforms may just make Vegas move the Bengals 2021 current win total from 6.5 to 7.5 in a hurry.

Sunday State of Mind: September 7th-September 13th

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Photo: Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

Football. Is. Back. Enjoy this week’s SSM dedicated solely to the NFL’s return.

Texans and Chiefs, Thursday night
Football is back, no need to fright
Patrick Mahomes picked up right where he left off
So happy to see the NFL kickoff

Bears and Lions, Matt and Mitch
Football’s back, our scratch is itched
Three fourth quarter Trubisky touchdowns
Bears fans quickly changed to smiles from frowns

Seahawks and Falcons, offensive show
Both teams came out and let us know
Both teams are fine wines, and popped their corks
Russell Wilson won it, and is still a dork

Jets and Bills, breaking news
Jets fans better start chugging their booze
Brand new season, but same results
Unfortunate roster, full of football dolts

Packers and Vikings, guess who’s back
Aaron Rodgers came on in a full blown attack
Dalvin Cook, first game after signing a new deal
Low scrimmage yards but two scores, guy’s the real deal

Dolphins and Patriots, no more TB12
But Cam Newton’s talents, did New England delve 
Fins didn’t look great, have to knock off some grime
Sooner rather than later, it will be Tua time

Eagles and Washington, the football team
Philly started out hot, it seemed like a dream
But Washington came back and got the win
Eagles not made of metal, seem more like tin

Raiders and Panthers, down in Charlotte
High scoring game, offenses moving a bit
Raiders got a tough win on the road
Three tuddys for Josh Jacobs, guy was ready to explode

Colts and Jags, AFC South
Jacksonville came out and hit the Colts in the mouth
Only one incompletion for Gardner Minshew
Tough L for Phil Rivers, his first game in Colts blue

Browns and Ravens, the MVP Lamar
Looks like he’ll take Baltimore, again pretty far
Baltimore said let’s go out and wreck ‘em
The end of a shitty week for Odell Beckham

Chargers and Bengals, Joe Burrow time
First over all pick, he looked just fine
Chargers won though, lead by Tyrod Taylor
Plenty of future Burrow wins, guy’s not a failure

Cardinals and 49ers, battle in the Bay
DeAndre Hopkins came to play
Fourteen catches, 150+ yards
Great week one road win for the Arizona Cards

Buccaneers and Saints, Brady and Brees
Two future Hall of Famers, yes please
The Saints won at home this time around
Tom and Drew, round two, week eight, how’s that sound?

Cowboys and Rams on Sunday night 
The end of a great Sunday, it just felt right
New stadium for LA and they started with a win
No more Sundays without football, it felt like a sin

Steelers and Giants, Titans and Broncos
Two games on Monday night, anything goes
These games haven’t happened yet, so here’s a preview
There’s nothing better, than a NFL season anew