Author: Chris Cook

Sunday State of Mind: April 24th-April 30th

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Photo: Wallpapers.com

The week has ended, the sports have sports’d. Sunday State of Mind is here to recap.


The champs are still alive, won another game seven
Steph and Klay both continue to be a gift from heaven
The Kings were fun all year, a young and good fun team
This won’t be the only year that they will light the beam

Some major big man pains, showing in round two
Joel Embiid, Julius Randle both have bad boo boos
Neither one will play in either of their game ones
When they both come back, will help their teams a ton

All the picks are in, the NFL has drafted
A slew of brand new rookies, rosters been recrafted
Only a few surprises, always some feel good stories
Will your team’s boom or bust? The two big categories

Hard to comprehend, a team with that much skill
A double digit losing streak, major fire drill
Something needs to change, think outside the box
A terrible beginning of the year for the White Sox

The Jets are Benching Tom Brady, Dan Marino, and Joe Montana Combined

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Photo: New York Jets

It’s official, Zach Wilson has been replaced by Aaron Rodgers for the New York Jets’ foreseeable future.

What the hell are they doing?

According to Jets GM Joe Douglas, they’ve shot themselves in the foot by benching a guy who has the potential to be the greatest quarterback of all-time:

“I spoke to guys at the Combine, and Zach’s ceiling is unlimited. No one works harder, no one loves ball more than Zach Wilson.” Douglas told reporters Tuesday.

So, if we’re playing the logical game here, Douglas is telling us that Zach Wilson is the spawn of some insanely football-centric orgy that includes Tom Brady, Dan Marino, Joe Montana, and more.

This thing goes deep, pun intended. Johnny Unitas, Bart Starr, Roger Staubach were involved because we don’t age shame. Brett Favre, Michael Vick, and Ben Roethlisberger are the bad boys that brought some edge. Cam Newton, Kenny Stabler, and Johnny Manziel even dipped in to keep things weird and loosey-goosey.

All of these stalwarts of the most important position in sports came together to give birth to Zach Wilson, this all according to Joe Douglas. To deprive not only us as fans, but more importantly the rest of the Jets roster, from seeing this gunslinging unicorn is simply a travesty.

Douglas has admittedly done some great work putting together this roster. However, on one hand acknowledging that he has this unbridled creature sitting in his quarterback room at the Jets facility and on the other saying they’re not giving him the keys to the franchise is not only imbecilic, it’s downright irresponsible.

Sunday State of Mind: April 17th-April 23rd

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Photo: UNEP

Unlike Ben Simmons…we’re not sitting this round out. SSM is live.

Bring out the brooms in Philly, Sixers roll the Nets
Beat Brooklyn on Friday to win the series in straight sets
Injuries and suspensions became the big headline
A first round series sweep is the perfect design

The hottest team in baseball, you will never guess
It’s usually a team who by this time’s always a mess
A team who’s name is usually followed by the word “sucks”
It’s the Pittsburgh Pirates, seven game win streak for the Bucs

We shouldn’t give it more attention than it really deserves
But all we have to say about Dillon Brooks is, THE NERVE
Tried to come at LeBron, was thoroughly embarrassed
A poorly failed attempt to gain some ground on The King’s terrace

We’ve Got a Chili Cook Off Winner in Cincinnati

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Photo: @Bengals on Twitter

Today’s professional athletes have all health advantages at their fingertips. World class nutritionists, body scan reports, team physicians…the list goes on an on. So, when a NFL team switches sponsorships of a certified food pyramid product, it’s a huge deal.

Enormous news from the Cincinnati Bengals account this morning, as they announced after a successful, healthy 20 year relationship with Gold Star, their new official chili sponsor is now Skyline.

News of the new chili sponsor has rocked the sports world. Skyline’s 160 chain restaurants that primarily cover Ohio, Indiana, Kentucky, and Florida are celebrating by drowning themselves in spaghetti topped with a gang of brown, chunky sludge. If you’re looking for a new NFL team and love chili hot dogs with a light accent of eight pounds of shredded cheese, the 2021 AFC Champions are the squad for you.

With the new corporate announcement, we’re looking forward to seeing how Joe Burrow plays quarterback next year at 350 pounds. Will Ja’Marr Chase continue to make unbelievable grabs when his gloves are covered in dirt-colored muck? Orlando Brown, the team’s shiny new left tackle, is currently listed at 345 pounds…can we assume he’s going to suit up week one at 645?

Nothing but positives can come out of this fresh, new sponsorship. Top level athletes and chili, an absolute perfect match.

Sunday State of Mind: April 10th-April 16th

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Photo: Wallpaper Mania

Unlike Netflix, we’ll never ghost you on Sundays. SSM is live.

We’re past the play in tournament, the real playoffs are here
The NBA is trying now, and to that we cheer
Sixers came out strong, Lakers and Heat too
Brooklyn and the Cavaliers have some work to do

The bad man’s gone in DC, Commanders fans rejoice
Dan Snyder has sold the team and it was not his choice
Twenty four years of shit, team’s a total mess
Anyone could do it better, and we’ll be impressed

We all shared a dream, and we were on the way
An undefeated baseball season from the Tampa Rays
A cloud rolled in on Friday, a loss was in the air
The Blue Jays won an crushed us all, unable to bear

Police Officer Wins One Billion Dollar Wager

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Photo: Hales Photo

Officer Shaq reporting for payment.

On Tuesday night, TNT’s Inside the NBA, the best pregame show in sports, hosted a retired police officer for a segment. In the lead up to the Hawks vs. Heat game, the always outspoken Charles Barkley let his mouth write a check his round mound might not be able to cash:

Not a whole lot of information about the recipient of the Chuck’s billion, but it appears he had career stops in Orlando, Los Angeles, Miami, Phoenix, Cleveland, and Boston. He seemed to have been pretty good at his job; a very overpowering force who had acquired a slew of fun nicknames during his service time.

You always love to see when someone who has made so much money in his career be so willing to give back. Another reason we all love Charles. What a kind, kind gesture to be so free with his hard earned income.

Sunday State of Mind: April 3rd-April 9th

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Photo: Southern Living

It’s Easter Sunday, John Rahm is the Masters champion, and SSM is here.

We start at Augusta, they did it again
Jon Rahm is the champion, a green jacket win
Took over in the final round, took it away from Brooks
Lost it in the end, and Rahm gave him the hook

Hottest start in baseball, your Tampa Bay Rays
Won their first nine game and did it in so many ways
Best start to a baseball season since 2003
Rays sitting at 9-0, start drinking the tea

The NBA is winding down, almost playoff time
Play will start to ratchet up, they’ll actually try
Milwaukee and Denver will be your one seeds
Regular season sucks, postseason’s what we need

We love college hockey, we say it all the time
No mention of Quinnipiac, it would be a crime
NCAA champions, won in overtime
Beat the Golden Gophers, has to feel sublime

The Masters Pairings Are Out and They STINK

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Photo: Logos World

It’s Masters Week, folks.

First and second round pairings have been released, and we’ve got opinions.

As always, there’s great groups and bad groups. To golf fans collective chagrin, the majority of these groups are substandard, unsatisfactory, and dreadful…or so says the synonym list for “bad.”

8:12 a.m. – Vijay Singh, Scott Stallings, Matthew McClean (A): Vijay is still somehow doing it…just locked in the amateur to finish higher than him and that ticket will CASH.

9:48 a.m. – Bubba Watson, Seamus Power, Mateo Fernandez de Oliveira (A): this group has taken the early Masters lead for best collective names.

10:18 a.m. – Tiger Woods, Viktor Hovland, Xander Schauffele: probably the strongest group we’ll get, and will definitely be an episode of Full Swing season two.

10:42 a.m. – Justin Thomas, Jon Rahm, Cameron Young: another robust group, only missing the greatest golfer of all time like the previous group mentioned above.

12:24 p.m. – Phil Mickelson, Tom Hoge, Si Woo Kim: one of LIV’s biggest and reddest faces is paired up with a collective five PGA Tour wins.

1:12 p.m. – Dustin Johnson, Corey Conners, Justin Rose: this group actually plays. Two big names and the guys who carded a sixth place finish in last years Masters.

2:00 p.m. – Jordan Spieth, Tommy Fleetwood, Tony Finau: strong name recognition in the last group of Day 1; advantage to Fleetwood here if his body’s still on European time.

The Masters always seems to come at just the right time, almost like they planned it. The weather’s getting warmer, college basketball is over, and the post Opening Day excitement of baseball has already faded. So fill your work calendar with bogus meetings, check your inbox once an hour, and enjoy the beautiful sights and fake bird chirps of Augusta once more.

Sunday State of Mind: March 27th-April 2nd

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Photo: Reddit

Caitlin Clark’s run is done, Opening Day came and went, and more in this week’s SSM.

Women’s hoops got all the shine, and it was well deserved
Caitlin Clark’s a superstar, her ending threw a curve
LSU just could not miss, rolled on the Hawkeyes
Bayou Bengals are the champs, to the top they rise

In the other bracket, the men were playing too
Aztecs beat the Owls, and UCONN beat the U
The final is tomorrow, Huskies looking strong
If SDSU end up champs, wouldn’t it feel wrong?

Baseball’s back and holy shit, are the rule changes great
The pitch clock makes the pitchers hurry up to the plate
Other changes too have sped the game up big time
If they keep this up the sport will be back to sublime

In the NBA, rough look for Minnesota
If their goal was being bad, Sunday they met their quota
The biggest loss in history, an L to the Trailblazers
Might as well just sell the team, someone call the appraiser

A Mighty Morphin’ Power Ranking

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Photo: Entertainment Weekly

Millennials rejoice, Power Rangers is back.

On Wednesday, Netflix dropped a nostalgia bomb with a minute and a half trailer of Power Rangers: Once and Always:

If you’re of a certain age, Power Rangers was your number one show for a significant chunk of your childhood. You always had your favorite ranger when playing with your friends, the prop belt was your favorite accessory, and you hated that bitch Rita Repulsa.

It’s been a hot minute since we’ve ranked; now seems like a great time to rank our favorite Rangers.

5. Henrik Lundqvist

I mean c’mon, 15 years betwixt the pipes in one of the biggest media markets in the NHL.

A gold medal win in the 2006 Winter Olympics with Sweden, a 92% career save percentage, and 64 shutouts.

4. Ivan “Pudge” Rodriguez

Thirteen seasons in Texas and one of the greatest nicknames of all time.

During his time in Texas, Pudge won the 1999 MVP, thirteen Gold Gloves, and has his famous number seven retired.

3. Mark Messier

Messier was such a great Ranger, they brought him back for a second stint with the team, making it 10 total seasons in New York.

He brought a Stanley Cup to the franchise in 1994, it’s first in 54 years.

2. Nolan Ryan

One of the greatest pitchers not only in Rangers, but baseball history.

The longevity in itself puts Ryan high on our list. He made his MLB debut in 1966, and threw his last pitch in a major league game in 1993.

The man was at the tail end of his career in Texas and still averaged 10.1 strikeouts per nine innings from ages 42-46.

1. Stockton Graves

This is a gimme. One of the biggest name to ever come out of the esteemed educational institution of higher learning, Northwestern Oklahoma State University.

Graves joined the Professional Rodeo Cowboy Association (PRCA) in 1997, culminating with a career-defining win in the RAM National Circuit Finals Rodeo in 2006.

In 2011, Graves decided to let the rest of the PRCA have some, and retired to become the head rodeo coach as his alma mater.

We’re all ready for the Power Rangers reboot, it surely won’t be terrible. I’m just not sure if we can all wait until April 19th; until then we’ll just have to survive on all of the memories from our favorite Rangers.