It’s official, Zach Wilson has been replaced by Aaron Rodgers for the New York Jets’ foreseeable future.
What the hell are they doing?
According to Jets GM Joe Douglas, they’ve shot themselves in the foot by benching a guy who has the potential to be the greatest quarterback of all-time:
“I spoke to guys at the Combine, and Zach’s ceiling is unlimited. No one works harder, no one loves ball more than Zach Wilson.” Douglas told reporters Tuesday.
So, if we’re playing the logical game here, Douglas is telling us that Zach Wilson is the spawn of some insanely football-centric orgy that includes Tom Brady, Dan Marino, Joe Montana, and more.
This thing goes deep, pun intended. Johnny Unitas, Bart Starr, Roger Staubach were involved because we don’t age shame. Brett Favre, Michael Vick, and Ben Roethlisberger are the bad boys that brought some edge. Cam Newton, Kenny Stabler, and Johnny Manziel even dipped in to keep things weird and loosey-goosey.
All of these stalwarts of the most important position in sports came together to give birth to Zach Wilson, this all according to Joe Douglas. To deprive not only us as fans, but more importantly the rest of the Jets roster, from seeing this gunslinging unicorn is simply a travesty.
Douglas has admittedly done some great work putting together this roster. However, on one hand acknowledging that he has this unbridled creature sitting in his quarterback room at the Jets facility and on the other saying they’re not giving him the keys to the franchise is not only imbecilic, it’s downright irresponsible.
Aaron Rodgers has completed his voyage in Green Bay and is now beginning his expedition with the Jets.
After a stupefying eighteen seasons in America’s Dairyland, including over 63,000 yards though land and air, 510 visits to the end zone, and reaching the mountain top in the most Super of Bowls in 2011, a bipartisan love affair between the quarterback and those who adore him is passing on into the ether.
What awaits this sublime champion in his new trek east? A whole new universe. Buroughs aplenty; a simple guessing game implies Rodgers fits best in Brooklyn. The broadest of ways, ladies with the upmost levels of liberty, and proximity to The World Trade Center for some closer research.
Will any of this work? Will this new amalgamation of quarterback and team result in the success both are seeking? That’s for the higher power, and Nathaniel Hackett, to decide.
There you have it; one of the greatest quarterbacks of all time’s future being decided in a pitch black cabin.
Along with the aforementioned “Isolation Retreat” sounding like a chart-topping 80’s hair band, in four-ish minutes the always efficient Rodgers pumped out these other names that sound like ensembles our parents smoked weed to when they were kids:
“Art of Contemplation”
“Four Nights of Complete Darkness”
“Highest Interest of Happiness”
“Isolation and Darkness”
“Adult Diapers”
Rodgers fancies himself as a “free thinker,” which is for the most part fine. He’s said some dumb stuff that doesn’t need to to rehashed here.
But isn’t something like an “isolation retreat” determining your future make for a better interview than the classic “well, I need to sit down with my family, pray about it, and come to a decision in due time with my family” that we hear 10,000 times every offseason?
Some Thursday thoughts for the boys and girls as we reflect back on 2022.
We had the completely original idea to recap our top 10 stories of the year.
A sincere thank you to all who check out any of our stuff, please continue to do so. For those that don’t, we have an idea for your New Year’s resolution.
The sports and pop culture worlds were both crushed at the completely surprising split of super couple Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley back in February.
This one we’re still enjoying as the year comes to a close. Jim Irsay went full Jim Irsay and hired a guy who played for him over a decade ago with zero non-high school coaching experience. We wanted to hop on the train and fill out the remainder of Mr. Irsay’s dream coaching staff.
This blog was written in May 2020, and was still our eighth most read in 2022. That’s a compliment to both how many times Russ makes all of us cringe and how great you readers are that you keep coming back to this blog.
Remember in October when the human version of Mr. Burns Daniel Snyder threatened to take down the other 31 NFL owners? That was great, and scared us into some serious confessions.
We all deserve a second chance in life, right? Kyle Jenner certainly believes so, as she renamed her son after a month and a half or so trail period of naming him “Wolf.” Ever the helpers we are, we put together some names we thought might fit. We really liked “Skip TheLine Jenner” but that’s just us.
Amidst a hurricane tornado of controversy (non of his own doing) Steve Nash was finally freed of his duties of having to coach the Brooklyn Nets last month. We used an AI generator to create his cover letter for his next job.
4. Heard vs. Depp, the Shit Show Trail of the Century
News exploded in January that the Carolina Panthers were bringing in former Giants head coach and fashion icon Ben McAdoo as their offensive coordinator. It didn’t really work, but was fun while it lasted.
You guys love reading these, and we love writing them. This yearly blog is always up there on page views; making dumb jokes about each jersey is something we all enjoy.
1. The Over Hits on Calvin Ridley Suspensions (0.5)
Our top-read blog in 2022 was an easy bet: Calvin Ridley was suspended in March for gambling on NFL games. We did some serious journalism and analyzed his Twitter account to find if we missed any signs before his gambling habit was discovered.
Wow, what a look back at the year that was. We truly went to some interesting and dumb places together, didn’t we? If you enjoy what we do, tell a friend to tell a friend.
In all seriousness, we truly appreciate your eyes and readership. On to 2023, where maybe Russell Wilson won’t be such a goober.
Save for a few more games, the sports have completed their sportsing this weekend. Let’s look back together at all the happenings in this week’s SSM.
The Albert Pujols show, big episode this week Joined the 700 club, not bad for an antique He did it in style, two bombs out in LA The Yankees home run record keeping Aaron Judge at bay
Tough week in Miami, The U indeed not back MTSU came to town, Hurricanes blue and black First year, new coach for the ‘canes, so this isn’t the end Another upset like this though, things may just start to bend
TB12 and A-Rod, who’s your favorite old QB On field goat debate, what a thing to see Could not care less who won the game, what matters to us most Was how the hell did a bee swarm end up on the goal post?
Colts and the Chiefs, thought this would be easy By the end of the game Kansas City fans were queasy Big upset for Indy, Matt Ryan won a big one Tough loss for the Chiefs, Andy Reid had no fun
The weather has turned as we are past the unofficial opening of summer. The beautiful forecast calls for some beautiful sports poetry.
The NBA Finals, Boston and The Bay Warriors and Celtics are here to play Al Horford and the boys took game one on the road If they win again tonight Draymond might explode
Capital One’s The Match, the QB edition Four of our top quarterbacks in the competition Brady, Rodgers, Patty, Josh, young guns verse the old ARod and TB12 took it to them for the gold
Baseball staying relevant, thanks to the NFL Tommy Pham’s a wildcard, we’re saying “what the hell?” Who hasn’t wanted to slap a fellow league member Fantasy football means a lot, Tommy’s got a temper
Avalanche and Rangers, not a lot of spoilers Both looking for a sweep against the Lightning and the Oilers Only a few shots left for Tampa and Edmonton If they don’t get it in gear both squads will soon be done
Total annihilation of the heart. Woodley indicated that Rodgers was too football-focused to be committed to their relationship. Now whether that’s a Big Little Lie or not, we may never know. All we can ascertain at this point is that she has become Divergent of the relationship with the Packers quarterback. We aren’t here to put The Fault on either of these Stars.
Rodgers, one of the best to ever do it, has seen this play out before. It, of course, being losing family. The reigning NFL MVP will now get a Discount Double Check on meals as he’ll no longer be paying for two. After today’s excruciating news, Rodgers will not be adding a wedding ring to his one Super Bowl ring; and has been immunized from being in a relationship.
With the status of his engagement no longer in Jeopardy, will the NFL’s Most Valuable Player commit to another year of football? Only time will tell.
The colors are changing, but the sports world is not. We look back at the week that was in this week’s SSM.
World Series Champs, your Atlanta Braves A bonus Astros loss, what baseball fans crave A total random champ in the MLB Finally Atlanta fans filled with major glee
Bad week for the Bills, lost to the Jags No TD’s on either side, not riches but rags Real life Spiderman meme, two Josh Allens Final score of 9-6, two teams with no talons
Speaking of bad weeks, Odell Beckham Junior Got divorced from the Browns, should’ve happened sooner OBJ got his wish, went and got waived Time for a new team, and a path to be paved
Aaron friggin’ Rodgers, what a wild week Talked on McAfee’s show, one hell of a streak He missed this week in KC, after a positive test For COVID 19, needs a PR life vest
More bad PR, from the NBA Two awful owners, who maybe just might pay For their terrible actions, probably time to go The Suns and The Blazers, both guys really blow
Starting off young, fresh, and hip. While 19 turns out to be an incredibly strongly represented number, Unitas is widely known as one of the best quarterbacks to ever play in the NFL. Four championships, three MVPs, and a member of all three of the 50th, 75th and 100th NFL Anniversary Teams gives Johnny U the nod.
Honorable Mentions: Tony Gwynn, Willis Reed, Steve Yzerman, Jonathan Toews
Back to back Colts quarterbacks to get us started here. A member of the most recent Pro Football Hall of Fame inductee class, Manning put up some unreal numbers en route to two Super Bowl wins. Manning’s trophy case is busting at the seams with five MVPs, the 2012 Comeback Player of the Year Award, and number retirement plaques for his number 18 in both Indianapolis and Denver.
Todd Helton played baseball and football at University of Tennessee, and was a teammate of Peyton Manning’s. However, Helton makes our list for his accomplishments on the diamond. Helton retired in 2013 with a career average of .316, 369 home runs, and 2,519 hits. Along the way, he won three Gold Gloves, four Silver Sluggers, and a batting title in 2000.
Much like Unitas, Montana is a firm part of the “best quarterback of all-time” conversation. Montana lead the 49ers to four Super Bowl rings, while being the MVP in three of those four wins. One of the more accurate quarterbacks of his time, he lead the NFL in completion percentage five separate seasons.
If we’re including Johnny Unitas, it’s only fair to involve Bart Starr. The quarterback who lead the Packers to victories in Super Bowls I and II, while winning MVP in both games, finished his career with five championships, a regular season MVP award, and four Pro Bowls.
Taking a bit of gamble including Rose on our list, but here we are. The all-time hit king (4,256) does have a stellar on-field resumé. Seventeen All-Star games, three World Series rings, the 1973 NL MVP, and two Gold Gloves.
Honorable Mentions: Ernie Banks, Oscar Robertson, Dan Fouts
Of course the only man to score 100 points in an NBA game is making our list. Wilt the Stilt averaged a silly 30.9 points per game and 22.9 rebounds per game over his 15 year career. He also won two rings, four MVPs, was a seven time scoring champion, as well as an 11 time rebound champion.
The greatest quarterback of all time at the most important position in sports. TB12’s resumé is too long to outline here; but it’s headlined by his seven Super Bowl rings. On top of that, Brady has lead the league at one point in his career in passing touchdowns, yards, and rating.
Honorable Mentions: John Stockton, Terry Bradshaw, Roger Staubach, Jim Kelly, Joe Namath, Bob Griese, Aaron Rodgers, Jarome Iginla
Being the center piece of a dynasty goes a long way in lists like these. Messier was the unquestioned leader & captain in Edmonton, where he lead the Oilers to five Stanley Cups. He also became the only player to captain two separate teams to Stanley Cup victories when he lead the Rangers to the cup in 1994.
Honorable Mentions: Barry Larkin, Larry Fitzgerald
Fran Tarkenton walked to Steve Young, Michael Vick, and the like could run. Not only did Tarkenton sling it for 47,003 yards and 342 touchdowns, he also ran for 3,674 yards and 32 touchdowns in his career. Another fun fact: his only MVP season came in 1975, his 15th year in the NFL.
Honorable Mentions: Walt Frazier, Guy Lafleur
Heavy quarterback representation here. Any other noise was a faint whisper from baseball. Abysmal showing by hockey and basketball. We’ll bid farewell to our ongoing series in the next edition of “Who Wore It Best.”
One of the best weekends in all of sports has arrived. The NFL is back and majority of the games have been played. Our annual tradition (one year running) of dedicating Week 1 a full SSM lives on.
We got started on Thursday, Bucs and the ‘Boys Another year of Tom Brady making defenses his toys Bucs held off Dak and his squad, escaped by only two TB12 keeps playing, wins continue to accrue
Seahawks and the Colts, met up at Lucas Oil Indy’s Week 1 hopes, did Russell Wilson spoil Seattle starts their campaign with a big road win Seahawks may be on a Super Bowl run once again
Jaguars and the Texans, oof these teams are bad Might see plenty of Urban, eating pizza while so sad Houston beat the Jags, must give them their due Texans should enjoy it now, wins likely to be few
Eagles and the Falcons, battle of the birds Falcons defense is so bad, it’s hard to put in words Jalen Hurts went out and looked like an All-Pro Good start for The Eagles, still a long way to go
Chargers and The Football Team, met up in DC What could be a high powered LA offense only put up 20 It was enough to get the win, Justin Herbert lead the way Win whatever way you can on any given Sunday
Steelers and the Bills, upset of the week Pittsburgh should not have have won this game, but played up at their peak The Bills seem to be loaded, plenty of wins ahead Getting off to a slow start should be a short term dread
Lions and 49ers, surprisingly high score Bit of a shocker here, thought this game would be a bore Still as most of us thought, Niners came out on top If San Fran keeps this offense up, they will be hard to stop
Bengals and the Vikings, week 1 overtime Burrow versus Cousins, both were throwing dimes Cincinnati held on, OT field goal, victory Brutal for all of us out there with Vikings -3
Panthers and the Jets, Darnold revenge game Played well against his former team, victory was claimed Zach Wilson threw two tuddys in his NFL debut Probably won’t take too long for Jets fans to start to boo
Cardinals and the Titans, down in Tennessee Arizona offense humming, lead by Kyler Murray Disappointing start for Derrick Henry, Tractorcito Shouldn’t be a huge concern, sure he’ll find his flow
Cleveland Kansas City, Browns and the Chiefs Brownies lead most of the game, their stay on top not brief Cleveland had more than a shot, fan’s mouths began to foam But we’ve all seen this before, comeback Patrick Mahomes
Patriots and Dolphins, ‘Bama QB battle Tua and Mac Jones, young guns back in the saddle It was Fins Up in New England though, Dolphins with the dub Mac played well in his debut, joined the NFL Club
Broncos and the Giants, in the Meadowlands Giants had a chance to win, slipped right through their hands Teddy Two Gloves did his job, Melvin Gordon too If Saquon doesn’t get more run, G-Men will be 0-2
Packers and the Saints, Jamies was the best Quarterback in this game, Rodgers did not impress New Orleans won the game, difference of five touchdowns Potential last season for A-Rod, started with a frown
Nightcap in LA, Rams versus the Bears Rams have themselves a real QB, defenses should be scared Stafford and McVay could be a coach/QB combo To get back to the Super Bowl, in short time we’ll know
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