New York Jets

Where is Aaron Rodgers?

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Photo: Wisconsin Sports Heroics

Aaron Rodgers is an unexcused absence from Jets minicamp today. Coach Robert Saleh claims the 40 year old was not at camp due to an event that was “important to him.”

So…where is he?

Hard to tell; in the last few years, Rodgers, who was forever known as a fairly boring interview who kept things close to the chest, has absolutely opened himself up to the public. For better or for worse, we now know what this guy’s all about.

Maybe he just needed a shot of ayahuasca for a one day trip. Perhaps he is considering a fourth party candidate to team up with for this year’s election. Is he finalizing a celebrity boxing match with Dr. Fauci? Does he need to take a break after realizing his anti Big Pharma stance has zero legitimacy since he chose to work for the heir to the Johnson & Johnson fortune?

There is nothing wrong with professional athletes having interests outside of their sport. Those who do are probably better off then those who don’t. So really, this isn’t a big deal.

But will we make fun of it? Of course.

The Jets’ Achilles Heel Tore His Achilles – Now What?

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Photo: SB Nation

Jets’ fans Super Bowl dreams were dashed in four plays last night when Aaron Rodgers’ achilles exploded.

The roster is in place for a run right now, but since no one loves Zach Wilson like we do, reports are already surfacing that the Jets are making calls on other quarterbacks:

The roster has been impeccably assembled, and the main reason that Rodgers came to New York in the first place.

So, lets hash out the Jets’ best options.

Marcus Mariota

The current backup in Philadelphia has plenty of not terrible starting experience.

Sitting behind Jalen Hurts is a pretty good gig, but another shot to start after things didn’t end well in Atlanta might be tempting.

Cooper Rush

Rush showed he was more than capable while subbing in for noted weirdo Dak Prescott last year.

If he could do that with a good Dallas roster, who says he can’t recapture the magic with the Jets?

Tom Brady

Obviously, the photoshops are already there…hay’s in the barn as they say.

This would be the funniest result, especially after the suck fest the Patriots and TB12 just had a few days ago.

If Brady’s not coming back with the Jets, he’s coming for Jimmy Garoppolo (again) anyways.

Dan Marino

You’re telling me this mf who was throwing for almost 50 tuddy’s and 5,000 yards in the 80’s couldn’t stand back and sling it in 2023?

Marino to the Jets is at LEAST 10-7, guaranteed.

A Fire Hydrant

This roster is so stupid good this thing to the left could stand back there and lead Gang Green to their first Lombardi Trophy since 1969.

Hey HBO, Here’s Your Hard Knocks Episode One Script

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Photo: AM NY

The NFL and HBO announced today that Aaron Rodgers and the New York Jets will be the subject of this year’s Hard Knocks.

As we are always ready to sell out; we wrote the entire script for episode one, and are publishing a few crumbs of our soon-to-be award winning writing to sell to HBO.

Hard Knocks: New York Jets, Episode 1

“Endless Possibilities”

Written By:

Chris Cook

FADE IN.

INT: drone shot of New York Jets practice field. Perfectly aligned pads set for individual player drills. A sprinkler ticks in the background. Cut to Head Coach Robert Saleh, sitting in his office twirling a pen, in the middle of a coaches meeting.

ROBERT SALEH
You guys see 12 out at that conference in Denver? What was it, a psychedelics thing?

Montage of multicolored flashes, “Comfortably Numb” by Pink Floyd begins to play. Slow motion clips of Aaron Rodgers smiling and running his hand through his long, flowing hair.

DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR
Yeah, yeah. That was…somethin’, huh?

SALEH
Hey man, guy must be doing something right, ya know? Couple of MVPs and a Lombardi Trophy don’t lie.

“Hard Knocks” theme music begins. Montage of Jets players running drills, scrimmaging, and working out in the weight room accompanies.

VOICE OVER
Aaron Rodgers has done a lot in his life, on and off the field. The former Packers quarterback used to avoid the “Purple Haze” of the Vikings and other teams in the NFC North; now the Jets quarterback, his next trip will be to get Gang Green high in the AFC East standings.

Ball’s in your court, HBO…we won’t consider any offer that doesn’t include six zeros.

The NFL Went Banana Sandwich on This Schedule Release

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Photo: YouTube

Those crazy bastards at NFL HQ have done it again.

The 2023 schedule release has been dropped, and there are some absolute bangers we’re in for next season.

After crunching the numbers and reviewing the entire history of NFL schedule releases, we are flabbergasted at how the NFL came up with some of these matchups.

Patriots vs. Jets – Week 3

I mean, holy shit. This is insane!

The New England Patriots and New York Jets. So much history between coaches, players, and regional hate.

Two franchises that have both had Bill Parcells and Bill Belichick as head coaches at one point in time.

The fact that those crazy fucks from the NFL came up with this matchup is borderline psychotic.


Ravens vs. Steelers – Week 5

You didn’t think the NFL would be this maniacal? You’re wrong, jabroni. These schedule makers are sadistic AF.

You really throw the record book out when these two teams get together. The fact that it happens so rarely makes it even better when we get this clash.

The uniform combos are pure, the defenses are always tough, and we are shook that we get to see these two light it up next year.


Cowboys vs. Eagles – Week 14

They can’t really get away with this, can they?

These NFL schedule makers are just going to schedule Bears/Packers and act like they just didn’t pull of a miracle?!

Both of these teams are loaded with talent. This matchup may just be decided by who’s fanbase can be more unbearable by the fourth quarter, when it counts.


Bears vs. Packers – Week 1


Light me on fire, slap me in the face, and throw me over a cliff, this matchup is deranged.

The Packers have had some serious playoff woes, coming off another first round exit last season.

In fact, Green Bay has lost nine postseason matchups since 2011 (the Bears losing only twice in that span), but this early season matchup may set the tone for both of these franchise’s 2023-2024 seasons.


At this point, the NFL schedule reveal is overwhelming. They’re just pounding us over the head with wackadoodle pairings that I’m not sure we as football fans deserve, nor will be able to handle. The NFL is king, and they proved it once again today.

The Jets are Benching Tom Brady, Dan Marino, and Joe Montana Combined

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Photo: New York Jets

It’s official, Zach Wilson has been replaced by Aaron Rodgers for the New York Jets’ foreseeable future.

What the hell are they doing?

According to Jets GM Joe Douglas, they’ve shot themselves in the foot by benching a guy who has the potential to be the greatest quarterback of all-time:

“I spoke to guys at the Combine, and Zach’s ceiling is unlimited. No one works harder, no one loves ball more than Zach Wilson.” Douglas told reporters Tuesday.

So, if we’re playing the logical game here, Douglas is telling us that Zach Wilson is the spawn of some insanely football-centric orgy that includes Tom Brady, Dan Marino, Joe Montana, and more.

This thing goes deep, pun intended. Johnny Unitas, Bart Starr, Roger Staubach were involved because we don’t age shame. Brett Favre, Michael Vick, and Ben Roethlisberger are the bad boys that brought some edge. Cam Newton, Kenny Stabler, and Johnny Manziel even dipped in to keep things weird and loosey-goosey.

All of these stalwarts of the most important position in sports came together to give birth to Zach Wilson, this all according to Joe Douglas. To deprive not only us as fans, but more importantly the rest of the Jets roster, from seeing this gunslinging unicorn is simply a travesty.

Douglas has admittedly done some great work putting together this roster. However, on one hand acknowledging that he has this unbridled creature sitting in his quarterback room at the Jets facility and on the other saying they’re not giving him the keys to the franchise is not only imbecilic, it’s downright irresponsible.

Sunday State of Mind: March 13th-March 19th

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Photo: National Geographic

We all know March Madness is a circus as usual…but what else happened this week? SSM is here to tell ya.

The World Baseball Classic, still going on
Trea Turner hit a grand slam, going going gone
USA, Cuba, Mexico and Japan
Are the Final Four, who will be greater than?

Couple big NFL deals, other than the Jets
Zeke no longer a Cowboy, Brandin Cooks their new bet
Laremy Tunsil got the bag, so did Orlando Brown
NFL, it never stops, in the news year round

We’ve covered them before, said they’re really fun
That was early season though, maybe we jumped the gun
Turns out we were right though, high praise we still will sing
First time in 16 seasons, a winning record for the Kings

A Transcendental Journey From Green Bay to New York

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Photo: Clutch Points

What a long, strange trip it’s been.

Aaron Rodgers has completed his voyage in Green Bay and is now beginning his expedition with the Jets.

After a stupefying eighteen seasons in America’s Dairyland, including over 63,000 yards though land and air, 510 visits to the end zone, and reaching the mountain top in the most Super of Bowls in 2011, a bipartisan love affair between the quarterback and those who adore him is passing on into the ether.

What awaits this sublime champion in his new trek east? A whole new universe. Buroughs aplenty; a simple guessing game implies Rodgers fits best in Brooklyn. The broadest of ways, ladies with the upmost levels of liberty, and proximity to The World Trade Center for some closer research.

Will any of this work? Will this new amalgamation of quarterback and team result in the success both are seeking? That’s for the higher power, and Nathaniel Hackett, to decide.

Sunday State of Mind: November 14th-November 20th

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Photo: Wallpaper Crafter

It’s a cold hard fact that the sports week is coming to an end. We review in this week’s SSM.

Let’s start with the world’s game, AKA jogo bonito
The World Cup is finally back, a fact you cannot veto
Always great to see the best footballers, smooth like butter
The only question left; do you say it Qatar or Qatar?

Cowboys and the Vikings, game of the week potential
Result of this game is without question consequential
Thought it would be a good one, battle of some studs
Cowboys blew them out, Vikings may be duds

Patriots and Jets, setting football back
Decades with this one, neither team on track
Pats won on a walk off, a punt return touchdown
Jets punted 10 times, offense full of clowns

It is time we talk about the best NBA team
These guys just come out every night with a head full of steam
They’ve won six straight, are very hot, doing some crazy things
Our current favorite team is the Sacramento Kings

A brutal crash and burn for Tennessee football
Big tumble for a team that was just standing so tall
Lost their starting quarterback, and the game by 25
Any playoff chances for them are no longer alive

Liz Truss Follows Sports Greats After Resigning 44 Days Into Regime

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Photo: CNN

Liz Truss, the new/former UK Prime Minister, has resigned after a 44-day rollercoaster ride leading Great Britain’s government.

Truss’ short reign as leader sure sounded like a smooth, exiting time in the UK. However, all good things must come to an end. With the major announcement this morning, Truss joins some of the greatest/shortest leadership occupancies in sports.

5. Lane Kiffin, Tennessee Volunteers

Look at how happy the Lane Train was in Knoxville!

Kiffin is one of the longer tenured head coaches on our list; lasting an entire season with the Volunteers, going 7-6 in 2009.

4. Magic Johnson, Los Angeles Lakers

After becoming one of the greatest Lakers of all time on the court, why wouldn’t Magic want to lead The Lake Show as head coach?

Well, he did; racking up a stellar 5-11 record in 1994 before resigning and giving us some of the the greatest foreshadowing in history.

3. Lou Holtz, New York Jets

Before Lou Holtz was spitting on all of us on ESPN from 2005-2015, he was actually a pretty good coach.

Not in 1976, however. Holtz took the head coaching job for the New York Jets. He lasted one breathtaking season, killing it with a 3-11 record.

2. Billy Donovan, Orlando Magic

As you can see to the right, Billy Donovan pulled a Magic trick on Orlando back in 2007.

One of the greatest coaches in franchise history, he never lost a game; only because talked Orlando into releasing him from his contract five days after putting pen to paper.

1. Bill Belichick, New York Jets

Two of the rarest images to find on the internet: Bill Belichick with the Jets, and Bill Belichick smiling.

In what clearly changed the history of the NFL, Belichick resigned after being head coach of the Jets for one day in January 2000.


So fear not, Liz Truss. No one laughed at any of the above coaches after or since these jobs. I’m sure no one’s laughing at you after your historical reign in the UK.

Sunday State of Mind: October 10th-October 16th

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Photo: You and the Mat

This week in sports has been absolutely banana sandwich. SSM is here to relive it all.

Alabama/Tennessee, singing Rocky Top
Volunteer offense was rolling, and refused to stop
Hendon Hooker and the boys put up 52
Bama defense, usually good, but last night they blew

Playoff baseball heating up, and upsets galore
Dodgers out, Braves out, who surprised you more?
NLCS matchup of the Padres and the Phillies
Yes you read that matchup right, no not joking, really

Over in the AL, Astros wrecked the M’s
A 3-0 series sweep, Houston played a gem
Guardians and Yankees play to see who gets the ‘stros
Yankees ahead at time of writing, can the bombers close?

We have to ask the question: are the Jets for real?
Went on the road and got a dub down at Lambeau Field
Impressive for a young team, tough place to play for sure
And against Aaron Rodgers, a win they procure