Doing Some LeBron Math

Photo: CNN

If you don’t have the internet, you may not have heard that LeBron James broke Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s all-time NBA scoring record last night.

An incredible feat of both talent and longevity, Kareem was attendance in the third quarter when LeBron heroically rose above Kenrich Williams and hit a jump shot that put him over the previous record of 38,387 career points.

That’s a lot of points. We wanted to put in perspective what kind of numbers we’re talking about here:

  • Incredibly, after all these points, he’s only won one season scoring title. That’s the same number of times he returned to Cleveland to bring the Cavs a championship.
  • LeBron’s played for three different franchises, the Cavs, Heat, and Lakers. If you divide his total career points (38,390) and divide it by the number of teams he’s played for, you get 12,796…or the same number of teammates LeBron has traded away in his career.
  • LBJ has deservedly made the All-Star game 19 out of his 20 NBA seasons; that’s an astonishing 95% mark…that matches the same percentage of all of us that laughed at the “Maybe It’s Me” tweet he sent last week when the Lakers didn’t go out and grab Kyrie Irving.
  • The King has won four NBA championships in his incredible career. If you multiply his career points by the amount of championships won, you get 153,560…or the same amount of rings he promised to bring to Miami during that introduction party he had with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh.

This is obviously a huge accomplishment for LeBron, who has done plenty of dumb stuff to make fun of him about as well as great things to be admired. Times like these where career achievements are met are just the perfect vehicle to make fun of him for it all.

Sunday State of Mind: January 23rd-January 29th

The Super Bowl is set, we all know that. But what else happened in sports this week other than the Eagles and Chiefs advancing? SSM knows, and now you will too.

Streep, Denzel, Robert De Niro, best actors today
A new entry has joined the group, also plays in LA
A small slap of the wrist, felt like a broken arm
LeBron threw a hissy fit, keeps adding to his charm

More NBA antics, a bad repeat offender
Bad boy of the league Steph Curry, big fine money spender
Ejected from the game on Thursday, a disgusting act
Threw his mouthpiece on the ground, we all should feel attacked

Don’t look up to athletes kids, they’ll always let you down
Stetson Bennett had a night, then acted like a clown
A few too many Miller Lites and things can go awry
One month you’re a champion, the next you’re the bad guy

Phil was feeling feisty, on the internet
Cracking jokes between placing million dollar bets
Fashion trends and travel plans were in his stand up set
The internet did their job though, people don’t forget

Our Third Annual NBA “City Edition” Jersey Analysis

Photo: NBA.com

It’s that time of year! For the third consecutive season, the fashion department here at UDS has been called upon to make stupid jokes about the latest versions of the NBA “City Edition” jerseys. Let’s get right down to business.

Atlanta Hawks – slick font, but use the peach font you cowards.
Boston Celtics – very cool to hit copy and paste from the Bucks normal uni’s.
Brooklyn Nets – just like last years, using the “Friends” font makes this jersey dumb…but there’s not much the Nets could’ve done that’s worse than what’s going on with that organization right now.
Charlotte Hornets – more like Charlotte Hornys, amirite?

Chicago Bulls – I think the designer for this one forgot the assignment was due at midnight and remembered at 11:53PM.

Cleveland Cavaliers – these jerseys are giving an original Mario level feel; for that reason this one gets a pass.
Dallas Mavericks – another good effort here. Still irrationally angry that a player as great as Luka Dončić wears number 77.
Denver Nuggets – we may have our annual winner of “high school team from a Disney movie” uniforms.
Detroit Pistons – eh, this is an L. Just give us the Grant Hill throwbacks and call it a day.
Golden State Warriors very cool to dip the bottom of your jerseys in pollen; bumblebees everywhere loving this.
Houston Rockets – same look as last year, same result. These are a winner.
Indiana Pacers – we have enough shortages in this country; the Pacers have now added a thread shortage to the list.
Los Angeles Clippers – uh…these are at least the best uniforms in LA.
Los Angeles Lakers – there needs to be a federal investigation into why the Lakers keep trying to incorporate black into their uniforms.
Memphis Grizzlies – very lazy to copy the Vlade Divac/Peja Stojaković era Kings uniforms.
Miami Heat these are pretty similar to last year, but Miami wins this race every year and they’re right up there again.
Milwaukee Bucks – these are a mix of last year’s uniforms and the Kevin Garnett era Timberwolves…yucky.
Minnesota Timberwolves – speaking of the T’wolves…these are like the rough draft of the Nets uni’s.
New Orleans Pelicans – these are fine…would be way better if there were sewed on beads across the front.
Oklahoma City Thunder – this poor organization has never done this well; so not much to expect here. Much like the Pistons, they should just do the Supersonics uniforms.
Orlando Magic – while these aren’t a huge jump from their normal ‘fits, the fact that they didn’t incorporate orange this year like they have in the past is a win.
Philadelphia 76ers – as good as these are, the fact that they’re sponsored by a crypto website make these super sus.
Phoenix Suns – the Suns have nailed these in the past; but I think the Spurs have a case for copyright infringement with these bad boys.
Portland Trailblazers – these are like the away jerseys of the Suns jerseys, and should be included in the Spurs lawsuit. Big year for teal in the NBA.
Sacramento Kings – these are the “high school team from a Disney movie” runner ups, boring.
San Antonio Spurs – exhibit A in the aforementioned legal action suggested in this blog. These are the winners.
Toronto Raptors – so the Bulls designer also worked with the Raptors? Got it.
Washington Wizards – some very flowy flowers heavily featured here…can we start the Wizards to Hawaii rumors?

Wow…another year, another set of middle-of-the-road uniforms with even worse jokes to go with them. Thanks for the opportunity to create content, NBA.

Sunday State of Mind: October 24th-October 30th

Photo: Wallpaper Cave

This week, SSM stands for Spooky Spooky Memories. It’s Halloween week and we remember the past seven days of scary sports.

A horrifying football game
Out in Virginia, what a shame
Four OTs, no TDs, frightening thing to see
Petrifying football from UVA and Miami

‘Phils and ‘Stros, baseball’s best
Tied at one, no time to rest
World Series shaping up to be
A scary good watch for you and me

Tractorcito running strong
Scarred the Texans all day long
Titans rolling, looking tough
With Henry running, chilling stuff

Christian McCaffrey, holy shit
Just kept scoring, wouldn’t quit
Ran one, caught one, threw one more
Rams got wrecked, ruthless gore

Lakers and Nets, appalling starts
From winning games, they’re far apart
LeBron, AD, Kyrie, KD
Combined wins is less than three

It Gets Better, Laker Fans

Photo: The Spun

Laker fans…we’re here to help.

As LeBron, AD, and the boys fell to 0-4 on Wednesday night in Denver, we knew you would need us. It’s low right now, we won’t lie. Times are tough. But you know what, you can’t have sunshine without a little rain, right?

Who cares if you’ve lost three of four by 11+ point margins, that you’re second to last and last in three point and shooting percentage, respectively, or that you have one of the most unhappy superstars of all time in a bench role he hates?

You know what, things can only go up from here, right?!

…right?

Hey, your Cowboys are looking decent! Cooper Rush really held down the fort while Dak Prescott was injured. Number four came back and looked OK against the Lions, that’s always great. Don’t even worry about the fact that they’ve only won three playoff games since 1998. You’ve got Micah Parsons!

How could we forget about your Yankees? Season just ended, understood. But Aaron Judge took all of baseball on a hell of a ride to only come up 11 home runs short of Barry Bonds. Something none of us will soon forget. You have to love the “World Series or bust” attitude…even if you’ve only won one in the last 21 years. It’s still a great feat!

Well, hopefully this helps. Lakers fans, you are some of the best and most dedicated in all of sports. I’m sure this season will turn around eventually. LeBron will right the ship, Russell will get shipped, and it’ll be back to The Lake Show in no time.

…right?

Sunday State of Mind: October 17th-October 23rd

Another week where sports just unmercifully punched us in the face…and we liked it. Let’s review the pounding with prose in this week’s SSM.

Your NL pennant winners, those pesky Fightin’ Phils!
Took the Padres out, this team is full of thrills
Harper, Schwarber, Wheeler, the list goes on and on
If they play the Astros, series won’t be a yawn

Something rare happened this week, an NFL trade
Niners’ Christian McCaffrey, Frisco not afraid
Made his debut today, got a few plays in
Chiefs came to The Bay however, got themselves the win

Speaking of the Panthers, took it to the Bucs?
Hard to say but it seems like Tampa Bay just sucks
Lot of season left for TB and the boys
Don’t be shocked if they come back and make postseason noise

The NBA is back, first games have come and gone
Just another sport this time of year loves to add on
Some early surprises, Sixers and the Lakers blank
The Jazz keep winning even though they’re clearly trying to tank

Liz Truss Follows Sports Greats After Resigning 44 Days Into Regime

Photo: CNN

Liz Truss, the new/former UK Prime Minister, has resigned after a 44-day rollercoaster ride leading Great Britain’s government.

Truss’ short reign as leader sure sounded like a smooth, exiting time in the UK. However, all good things must come to an end. With the major announcement this morning, Truss joins some of the greatest/shortest leadership occupancies in sports.

5. Lane Kiffin, Tennessee Volunteers

Look at how happy the Lane Train was in Knoxville!

Kiffin is one of the longer tenured head coaches on our list; lasting an entire season with the Volunteers, going 7-6 in 2009.

4. Magic Johnson, Los Angeles Lakers

After becoming one of the greatest Lakers of all time on the court, why wouldn’t Magic want to lead The Lake Show as head coach?

Well, he did; racking up a stellar 5-11 record in 1994 before resigning and giving us some of the the greatest foreshadowing in history.

3. Lou Holtz, New York Jets

Before Lou Holtz was spitting on all of us on ESPN from 2005-2015, he was actually a pretty good coach.

Not in 1976, however. Holtz took the head coaching job for the New York Jets. He lasted one breathtaking season, killing it with a 3-11 record.

2. Billy Donovan, Orlando Magic

As you can see to the right, Billy Donovan pulled a Magic trick on Orlando back in 2007.

One of the greatest coaches in franchise history, he never lost a game; only because talked Orlando into releasing him from his contract five days after putting pen to paper.

1. Bill Belichick, New York Jets

Two of the rarest images to find on the internet: Bill Belichick with the Jets, and Bill Belichick smiling.

In what clearly changed the history of the NFL, Belichick resigned after being head coach of the Jets for one day in January 2000.


So fear not, Liz Truss. No one laughed at any of the above coaches after or since these jobs. I’m sure no one’s laughing at you after your historical reign in the UK.

A Full List of LeBron’s Demands After Claiming the Future NBA Franchise in Las Vegas

Photo: Heavy

The King has called dibs.

In a wildly brash answer during a press conference in Las Vegas, LeBron James called out NBA Commissioner Adam Silver regarding the NBA potentially expanding to Sin City.

“He probably sees every single interview and transcript that comes through from NBA players…so, I want the team here, Adam.” said James.

Of course, LeBron is (AKA earned the right to be) the only current player in the NBA to come out and say something so bold while, obviously, still being on a roster. Even so, hearing a guy outwardly planning his next career move in Vegas while still having a lot of work to do for the Lakers is worth noting

While The King’s begging of the commissioner is getting the headlines, there were a number of other demands the 37-year-old James made during the Q&A session:

  • Officially outlawing traveling.
  • Requiring the entire NBA to activate “Zero Dark Thirty-23” during the playoffs.
  • All Klutch Sports clients provided a seventh foul before being fouled out of games.
  • Evolving “All-Star Weekend” to “All-Star Month and a Half.”
  • Any references to receding hairlines meriting a 41-game suspension.
  • LeBron provided an eighth foul before being fouled out of games.

A pretty burdensome list from LeBron. Without question he still has enough sway going into his 20th season to effect some changes in the NBA in the spirit of improving the league as a whole, and definitely not just himself.

Sunday State of Mind: March 28th-April 3rd

We’ve reached a pretty great part of the sports calendar. Top flight college basketball, NBA heating up, baseball right around the corner, and more. It’s all here in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

Final Four weekend, blue blood city
Tar Heels made Duke’s weekend shitty
Kansas beat ‘Nova, the final game’s set
UNC and KU, lock in those bets

Let’s not forget the women, guess who’s back
South Carolina starting a trophy stack
Took out Louisville, then beat up UConn
Lady Gamecocks have been nothing but on

Can you feel it folks, baseball’s almost here
Hot dogs, popcorn, pretzels, beer
Warm weather’s coming, so grab your gloves
It’s baseball season and we’re in love

NBA regular season is winding down
Almost playoff time, handing out a new crown
Two big name teams are in serious trouble
Nets and Lakers down bad, need wins on the double

Sunday State of Mind: February 28th-March 6th

It’s Sunday, there were sports this week, and we’re in a certain State of Mind.

A special week in Indy, the NFL Combine
A chance for NFL prospects to jump, run, and shine
Some major workout numbers, athletic freaks galore
NFL coaches and GMs jaws dropping to the floor

Surprise news out of Dallas about one of their best
Amari Cooper likely gone, Cowboys fans must be stressed
The wideout’s too expensive for Jerry Jones’ liking
So now their number one receiver will be gone, sent hiking

Still in a holding pattern in the MLB
The lockout continues as both sides will not agree
On a new CBA, games continue to be lost
The longer this goes on, more baseball games get tossed

We talked last week about big scores in the NBA
Repeating this week, Jayson Tatum and LBJ
JT scored 54 tonight, Bron 56 on Saturday
Defenses sat on the sideline and watched the big dogs play

We’ve got our first few tickets punched in the NCAA
March Madness is so close, let’s get this underway
Murray State, Longwood, and Loyola Chicago
You know what that means; Sister Jean’s ready to roll!