Happy Sunday, dear readers…gently glide into your Sunday evening with this week’s SSM.
Bad news first, in the MLB COVID is spreading, Miami and St. Louie The Marlins and Cardinals, positive tests aplenty Cardinals with six, Marlins with upwards of twenty
The list of NFL opt outs continues to grow The pandemic drags on, and players won’t show The Lions previewed, what may be the future of locker rooms Hopefully this and other precautions work, as football season looms
Some non-pandemic news, from the NFL Patrick Mahomes roots in KC further fell The Super Bowl MVP, now part owner of the Royals Ten year football contract and baseball team ownership, can’t say the man’s not loyal
The NBA is back, and in full swing Full schedule and no positive testing, a beautiful thing It seems in the bubble, things are going pretty well The Association is thriving, while baseball is going to hell
For those of you who don’t remember, the Houston Astros got in to some trouble this offseason after being outed as sign-stealing cheaters who legitimately stole a World Series from the Dodgers in 2017. They have, appropriately, been mocked beyond repute. One of my favorite Twitter accounts to follow is @AsteriskTour, the 2020 Astros Shame Tour, go follow now if you haven’t yet (also, follow @untimed_down while you’re there). Unless you’re on the Astros roster, or a fan with your head in the sand, most of us agree that the Astros have everything that’s coming to them this season.
This is where our hero, Joe Kelly comes in. Last night, the Dodgers played the Astros for the first time this season, and Kelly took it upon himself to show his displeasure. After falling behind 3-0 to Astros third baseman Alex Bregman, one of the most defiant Astros in the cheating scandal, Kelly buzzed one high and tight right past Bregman’s dome for ball four. After Bregman went to first, Kelly fired two pickoff attempts that, if not caught by Dodgers first basemen Max Muncy, would have caught Bregman square in the ribcage. The unwritten rules of baseball were in full affect.
The Dodgers reliever wasn’t done at that point. Kelly later faced Carlos Correa, who was as, if not more defiant than Bregman in response to the cheating scandal. Correa got a breaking ball thrown over his head before being struck out by Kelly. The post-strike period is where the fun began.
From the aforementioned @AsteriskTour Twitter feed:
The tongue, the pouty face, the “shut the fuck up” to end the performance. It’s all perfect. Mockery at the highest level to the biggest villain in sports today.
All of this eventually lead to “benches clearing,” which is usually pretty weak in general when it comes to baseball. However, with COVID rules in the MLB this season, any chance of any actual fights happening is even lower, so it’s all worthless. I’m just glad Joe Kelly stepped up, did his duty as a Dodger, and made the first of what I can only assume will be many spectacles of beaning Astros this season.
Edit: right after publishing this blog, the MLB announced Kelly has been suspended for eight games. CBS Baseball Writer Danny Vietti put things into prespective:
Dodgers players suspended from aftermath of sign-stealing scandal: 1
Hello friends…please enjoy this week’s SSM on this beautiful, warm Sunday.
We finally made it, baseball is here Opening week, a reason to cheer It’s a whole different ballgame, pardon the pun No fans in the stands, but watching is still fun
We keep adding sports, here comes the NBA No more scrimmages, real games start Thursday Jazz vs. Pels and Clippers vs. Lakers I’m riding with LeBron and AD, any bet takers?
Big Ten football, hit hard with COVID19 this week Michigan State and Rutgers quarantining, no leaks The Spartans and Scarlet Knights, have to get it fixed If team-wide quarantines keep happening, season’s going to get nixed
The offensive line of the Kansas City Chiefs Lost their starting right guard, Laurent Duvernay-Tardif Not only a football player, he’s also a doctor He’s decided to treat patients, over being a pass & run blocker
Opening Day is here, and baseball is officially back. More importantly, this means that fantasy baseball is back. Apologies to MLS, but I’m not sure how many of us are in fantasy soccer (fútbol) leagues. There’s also daily fantasy sports, FanDuel, DraftKings, etc. But I’m talking legit, season long fantasy sports.
I had my fantasy baseball draft last night and felt like a king. The push notification from the ESPN Fantasy app informing me that the draft room was open was enough to make my week. Getting into the draft room, seeing I was randomly given the seventh overall pick (what up Francisco Lindor), and hopping on a draft Zoom with the boys was a stellar way to spend my Wednesday evening.
For the few of you out there who haven’t yet dipped the proverbial toe into the fantasy sports water, there are some things to know about participating in a league, whether it be football, baseball, basketball, or hockey. Now, I’ve only ever participated in football and baseball, so I’m focusing my experience and thoughts on those two.
Maximum Number of Leagues: Two
This one might be a bit of a hot take. I know plenty of people who regularly throw themselves into three leagues, which to me is still too much. This point is geared towards all of you nut jobs who are in five, six, SEVEN leagues. How the hell do you do it?!
One of the worst things being in TWO leagues is when I check my matchups, and find out I’m going against one of my starters in my other league. If I’m going in depending on a minimum 15 points from Julio Jones in League A, then flip over to my matchup in League B and see he’s going against me, what’s the thought process? Do I just root for a decent game, and not for my guy to go off and get me 30 points? Total mess.
This example is only dealing with two leagues. How tough does that math get when you have Julio in three leagues, but are going against him in two? I get a headache even thinking about it. That’s why holding yourself to two leagues is your best play.
Pay Your Damn League Fees
Don’t be this person. You know who I’m talking about. The person in your league who, despite being asked upwards of 17 times, just keeps forgetting to send in those pesky fees to throw into the pot for the season. No matter how many times you ask or how many reminders are sent, “Oh yeah my bad, I’ll get it over,” always seems to end in a $0 balance in your Venmo account.
If there was a Venn diagram of people who don’t pay their league fees and who finish last every year, it would be a one perfect circle. This is the same person who doesn’t know the difference between “there,” “their,” and “they’re.” The person who doesn’t pay their league fees are the worst. Don’t, just…don’t.
When You Win Your League, Own It
Once the dust settles, and you end up on top of your league (something I’ve only experienced once in however many years I’ve played), you have to let it be known. Throw a picture of your trophy on Instagram, Tweet that bad boy, make a Facebook status…the whole nine yards. Make sure you tag all of your fellow league members as well.
If you’re playing for money, even better. Flaunt that recently acquired windfall and go out and pick yourself up something nice. Don’t be afraid to Snapchat yourself making that big purchase with all of your fellow league member’s hard earned money. This is one area in which public shaming is completely acceptable.
I think we’re all happy to see sports, and by extension, fantasy sports officially back with the start of baseball tonight. I personally cannot wait to see how the 60-game baseball season unfolds. I hope everyone is feeling good about their drafts and have a great fantasy baseball season…besides the nine other dudes in my league.
To quote one of the greatest broadcasters to ever do it, Mr. Al Michaels: “Do you believe in miracles? Yes!”
The White Sox have dethroned the Cubs, folks. The peak has been reached, the mountain has been scaled, and any of the other sports clichés you can insert here have been accomplished. After taking it to the Cubs in Game One by 7-3 final on Sunday, they came back last night and continued on their exhibition season tear by again defeating The North Siders 5-3.
The Sox used a six-run fifth inning in Game One to take a lead they would never relinquish. The barrage started with an Adam Engel home run off of Cubs Opening Day starter Kyle Hendricks, and continued with two singles by Tim Anderson and José Abreu, three doubles by Yasmani Grandal, Edwin Encarnación, and Luis Robert, and capped off by a triple by Leury García. This built the lead out to 6-2, and The Cubs would only add one more run via a David Bote RBI single in the seventh inning.
Yu Darvish took the bump in Game Two, only to be rudely greeted by a first inning grand slam by Eloy Jiménez. One of the Cubs’ former top prospects, who was dealt to The Sox in the 2017 trade for José Quintana, Jiménez showed his power surge by taking the first pitch he saw to straight away center. Dallas Keuchel started for the White Sox, and threw five innings of one hit, scoreless baseball. The Cubs got the offense moving a bit in the seventh, with Hernan Perez scoring on a fielder’s choice, Kyle Schwarber driving in Bote, and finally Javy Baez scoring on a double play ball from Steven Souza Jr.
This is The White Sox’s first Crosstown Classic victory since 2014, when they beat the Cubs in their annual season series 3-1. After ties in 2015 and 2016, The North Siders took the illustrious trophy back home to Wrigley in 2017 and 2018. As for 2019, we can all remember that unbeleivable 2-2 series tie that kept the trophy with The Cubs.
This feat is something that might not ever be topped, and White Sox fans should be immensely proud. So pop that champagne, order your tee shirts and caps, and enjoy this victory. No one can take this away from you, South Side.
Good evening, friends. Please enjoy this week’s SSM as we drift off into the end of our weekend…
The Washington Football Team Decided to change their name Then got hit with the WaPo story The entire franchise is a shame
The week is finally here Baseball is officially back A little slice of normalcy Slowly getting our lives back on track
The NBA bubble is up and running Players are fishing and beer chugging There’s also a snitch line, which is so funny Slowly getting sports back, absolutely money
Player ratings are out For Madden 21 Going to put my preorder in now I gotta run
How did people live before cellphones? I find myself asking this question multiple times a day. For example, I don’t have the best sense of direction…hand up, I own that. I live in a big city. The Google Maps app has quite literally likely saved my life on multiple occasions. I can not picture myself either trying to walk or drive around downtown Chicago with the steering wheel in one hand and an old, floppy, possibly outdated map in the other like I’m living in the 80’s.
Directions to the entire world at your fingertips, endless entertainment, answers to questions that Google can’t answer, etc…there’s an app for everything. I’ve got a few that I really enjoy. I know we all have Instagram, Twitter, etc., so I decided to throw out a few that maybe not everyone is aware of.
The phone game has been such a great time killer since we were all playing snake on our Nokia’s back in the day. I typically find a game, play it for a few months, and delete that thing the second I get bored. Onto the next without an ounce of commitment. For some reason, this one has stuck. I’ve been playing this game for over a year, and I can’t stop. There’s absolutely nothing special about it, you drive a boat, you hit waves and ramps, do flips and collect coins. That’s it. It’s the prototypical racing game, but it has its claws into me and I can’t quit. Highly recommended if you’re looking for a new game.
This one may be a little more well known, and obviously not for everyone. However, this is the best app I’ve come across to book tee times anywhere at anytime. You have the option to turn on location services for the app to find courses near you, or you can simply search on your own. The app provides available tee times, cart availability, and lets you pay in app when you find the tee time you want.
Have you ever wondered “what are the signs you’re wasting your life?” Here you go. “What is the biggest culture shock you’ve ever faced?” Check it here. “What are some street smart tips that could potentially help me one day?” Well, look no further. The Quora website (and subsequent app) is a mostly interesting, sometimes weird corner of the internet where anyone can ask anything. You can follow certain subjects/ideas/things if you’d like. It can be worth your time to learn anything from facts about a new part of the world to people’s best experience at a job. The possibilities are endless here, and can answer questions not exactly made for a prototypical search engine like Google.
So there you go; a few apps that hopefully you don’t have and can now try out. There is an entire world of apps out there, good and bad, that make our lives easier. If not easier, at least more interesting. Anything that can keep me occupied and kill some time when needed is what makes an app worthwhile to me.
Being a sports fan is one of the best things in the world. Putting your time, effort, and hope into something completely out of your control lets us as fans experience the highest highs and the lowest lows. Another great part of being a fan of a team is the traditions. This could be anything from a certain chant at a game, a simple “Go ____” when you see a stranger wearing your team’s gear out in public, or throwing out a hashtag on social media when the game starts to show support.
But what are the best traditions we’ve seen? In no particular order…
Say what you will about Notre Dame, this sign is great. Simple, succinct, and certainly motivational. Each of the Irish football players gives a quick tap to the sign before taking the field. The origins of this sign are a bit hazy, but former coach Lou Holtz reinstated the sign placement while he was head coach and it doesn’t seem like it’s going anywhere anytime soon.
In the early 1990’s, The Brewers began this gag as a virtual race on their scoreboard. Originally, it was only a three way race between Bratwurst, Polish, and Italian. In the mid-90’s, Hot Dog made his debut. The lineup became complete in 2006, when Chorizo was installed into the competition. Rumors have swirled that actual Brewer players have donned a sausage suit from time to time to join in on the festivities.
At the end of every pregame performance from Ohio State’s marching band, they write out “Ohio” in script, as seen above. The ultimate honor for a marching Buckeye is to “dot the I.” The honor is typically reserved for an upperclassman sousaphone player, and was first performed in 1936.
Self-imposed bias here, but this one might be one of the best traditions we have in sports today. Starting in 2017, after a social media suggestion, Iowa fans turned and waved to the patients at the top floor of Children’s Hospital overlooking Kinnick Stadium at the end of every first quarter. The kids often make signs and messages to put on the windows in a response to the fan’s wave.
It’s a truly moving tradition, and if you haven’t had the chance to participate or see it live, here’s a great example.
The slow building theme song, terrible CGI Bulls running through Chicago landmarks, Benny the Bull waving the Bulls flag at center court, absolutely iconic. If you were a team visiting The United Center in the 90’s, you were basically down by 10 as soon you heard this song come over the loud speakers. Unfortunately, the Bulls continued using this intro after the Jordan era, kind of watering down the tradition. This is one that should have been retired as soon as MJ, Phil, and the dynasty as we all knew it left town (speaking of the end of the Jordan era, if you haven’t checked out our review of “The Last Dance,” check it out here).
Touching a sign, blowing a horn, or simply waving a hand. All things that would seem to be normal activities. But when they are included in sports, these simple tasks can take on a whole new meaning that can be appreciated by competitors and fans alike. There are thousands of sports traditions out there, which ones did we miss?
Good evening everyone, namaste. Please enjoy this week’s SSM…
Patrick Mahomes, Chiefs quarterback Finally cashed in, bank account stacked A contract extension worth half a billion bucks Twenty-four years old with $500 Million, in a row are his ducks
MLB COVID testing issues, not a good look Situation unprecedented, they can’t go by the book Some teams are getting quick test results, some are not Things keep going this way, the season will be shot
The Ryder and President’s Cup have both been delayed Whistling Straights and Quail Hollow won’t be displayed Quite a shame that we’re losing out On two of golf’s best events, without any doubt
NBA teams have begun bubble migration The meal plan for players, not exactly a vacation Games are set to resume at the end of July We’re so close to real basketball, the season is nigh
Quarantine does strange things to the mind. Being cooped up in a house for months on end with extremely limited access to other humans can make the mind wonder. When the mind wonders, where does one go? The internet. What does a mind-wondering internet user eventually run into? Weird shit.
I never planned on investing my time and money into something like this. But…I read the literature, I listened to the testimonials, and made a decision. This new family that I’ve joined has become more important to me than my individual self. This group sees me for more than I’ve ever seen myself. The belief and support I’ve received just in my first few days with my newfound lifestyle group has been something I’ve never felt before. With that said, I would like to formally announce…
That’s right. The exercise bike that has been sweeping the nation was (finally) delivered to my house just this week. Full bicycle, 22 inch touchscreen, weights, clip-in bike cleats, the works. All squeezed into my office to complete my new workspace/gym. Life is sweet.
Now, if you’ve been living under a rock, let me fill you in on what you’re missing out on if you haven’t joined the cul…I mean Peloton Fam. Not only are we talking live spin classes, we’re talking weight training, yoga classes, meditation, cardio, and more. I’ve ran into the issue of boredom when exercising in the past, so the variety that the Peloton membership and its subsequent app you get with said membership really goes a far way in keeping things fresh.
Now, I know one of the first kickbacks I hear on the Peloton: it’s too expensive. Totally fair concern, especially right now. However, the fine folks at Peloton do offer a financing plan ($58/month) so you don’t have to put down the full $2,200+ on the bike upfront if it’s not something that works financially for you.
The way I look at it, most gym memberships nowadays cost approximately $50/month anyways. Simply getting rid of the gym membership and shifting that money towards a monthly Peloton payment essentially has you covered. Also, let’s be honest, who the hell knows how bad the brick and mortar gym industry is going to be hit once full reopening is complete. Your gym might be out of business and leave you high and dry. Even if gyms stay open, we’re still talking about enclosed, germ filled spaces where large groups of tightly-packed together people are sweating, huffing, and puffing everywhere. Now, I’ve never needed much motivation to not go to the gym, but in a post-COVID world, that would definitely keep me away.
In summary, as much as this sounds like a sponsored ad for Peloton, it unfortunately is not. First, because there are shredded, jacked up instructors out there who would seem to represent the brand a tad bit better than myself and my current physical condition. Secondly, UDS isn’t quiiiiite big enough to start ad work just yet. All I’m saying is, in this seemingly new age of fitness, think about joining me in the Peloton cult. When you do, find my profile at chris_cook, and let’s go for a ride.
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