Beer. One of the greatest creations to grace our dear Mother Earth. The best thing about doing outdoor chores (mowing, pulling weeds, etc.) on a hot summer day is the victory beer waiting for you in fridge upon completion of your duties. That fresh *sssst* of popping open a tab en route to 12 ounces of glory, the crack of popping a twist off, the burst of life from the separation of cap from bottle, all good things…maybe the best of things.
But what’s your favorite beer? It probably depends on where you’re from or where you currently reside. There’s a whole wide world of beers out there, begging to be explored. I did some research for my own purposes, and thought it would be worthwhile to share with my fellow beer drinkers.
West Coast: Sculpin IPA – Ballast Point Brewing Company, San Diego, California
Ballast Point Brewing was founded in San Diego in 1992 as Home Brew Mart. One of their most popular exports is this beauty to the left, the Sculpin IPA. This IPA is described as “bright with aromas of apricot, peach, mango and lemon. Its lighter body also brings out the crispness of the hops.”
Let’s pretend we haven’t all been quarantined for a second. We’re in San Diego, cool breeze flowing through the beach bar. We’re bellied up with one of these bad boys and it’s 7.0% ABV sweating in front of us. Life is good.
The Ballast Point Sculpin IPA, while a tad expensive ($14.99 for a six pack of 12 ouncers), seems like a real winner. I will be ordering shortly and looking forward to trying this delectable beverage.
Moody Tongue Brewing Company has two locations in downtown Chicago. They brew their beer with a focus on infusing elements of food into their drinks. The brewery essentially takes the idea of a bar/restaurant and flips it on its head. A very cool idea that has inspired a lot of interesting brewing.
The beer I found most interesting was the Steeped Emperor’s Lemon Saison. At 6.3% ABV, the story behind this libation reads “The lemon combination within the Steeped Emperor’s Lemon Saison highlights intense flavors and aromas that are balanced by the acidity and fruit flavors of the Saison yeast and Sorachi Ace hops. We use a double-steep process to showcase the lemon profile and the resulting Saison highlights flavors of lemon meringue pie with the aromatics of a Meyer lemon.”
Brewmaster Jared Rouben suggests if having this beer with dinner, pairing the Lemon Saison with lighter seafood fare like grilled shrimp or sautéed scallops. The beer is a bit of a utility player as well, and can be had with dessert if paired with something light, such as a lemon tart or lemon sugar cookie.
East Coast: Atmosphera Tripel – Sugar Creek Brewing Company, Charlotte, North Carolina
If you’re looking for Belgian style beer in the Carolinas; look no further than Sugar Creek Brewing Company. This brewery was founded in 2014 and lives by their credo to #BreakTheRules when it comes to traditional brewing, you can read more about that here.
What caught my eye about the Atmosphera Tripel, besides the 9.7% ABV, was the enticing combination of complex fruit and spice flavors. The brewers at Sugar Creek describe it better than I can, calling the beer “a delightfully tart and refreshing hint of lemon zest, supported by a soft pilsner malt backbone and a warming alcoholic finish.” That’s certainly enough to get me hooked.
To quote the great Celine Dion: “near, far, wherever you are…there is beer to be found.” While there will always be time for Miller Lites and Naturdays, it is nice to get a little deeper into the brewing game and discover what kind of interesting creations these brewmasters come up with. So cheers friends, and if you ever have any recommendations for your boy, I’m all ears.
We hope everyone had a wonderful, safe, socially-distanced holiday weekend. With all of the loud fireworks, long days at the pool and on the boat, and late nights around the bonfire, it’s time to take the foot off of the gas, slow it down, and find your center with this week’s SSM…
The NBA is getting close, to a return to play Positive tests for players and staff, causing some dismay Adam Silver, the commish, says it’s no guarantee That if the virus continues to spread, the season will finish completely
More COVID news effecting sports, this time the NFL Teams are allowing fans to change their season tickets, opt out or sell Bears, Bills, Jets, Texans, Giants and Patriots have so far allowed this plan Who wants to see any of these teams live anyways, not even die hard fans
Speaking of the NFL, Tom Brady at it again Flirting on Instagram, with his boy Julian Edelman Cam Newton is now in town, the new king of Foxborough With Belichick and Cam, Pats might go 16-0
Deron Williams is finally off the books, for The Brooklyn Nets Bobby Bonilla continues to fleece The New York Mets A big week for hilarious contracts, we have to say Good for Deron Williams, and Happy Bobby Bonilla Day!
The 1990’s were the heyday of sitcoms. With successful shows like “Home Improvement,” “Full House,” “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air,” etc…we were kept entertained for years with wacky situations and heart-warming endings. You’ve got a hero, anti-hero, love story, and a buddy character. Throw everyone into a setup, present a problem/complicated scenario, and get to a resolution. It’s simple math, and it worked.
“Friends” was one of the many sitcoms to dominate the 90’s, and was probably the second most popular show of the decade. This blog isn’t meant for power rankings, but if we’re talking best sitcom of the 90’s, “Seinfeld” blows it away by a million miles. But I’m not here to compare the two most popular sitcoms of the decade, and how one blows the other out of the water. We’re here to focus on how objectively bad Friends was.
Two driving forces behind a sitcom (according to this veteran TV executive) is premise and character development. Friends severely lacked in both of these dynamics, while at the same time becoming one of the most iconic sitcoms of all time. Simply dumbfounding.
According to IMDB, the show “Follows the personal and professional lives of six twenty to thirty-something-year-old friends living in Manhattan.” What the hell kind of premise is this? Give me something a little more here to lure me in to your show. This would be like trying to get a sitcom off of the ground with the premise “Stuff happens.” If your premise to your show is to be about nothing…then own it. Go ahead and Google “a show about nothing” right now. I bet you’ll find a show better than Friends, just a hunch.
To be fair, this overtly broad premise does allow for a huge space to be creative. If you don’t tack down exactly what your show is about, you can spread your wings to do pretty much whatever the hell you want. What did the writers & producers of Friends do with this relentlessly fertile blank slate? Fat jokes at high school Monica’s expense, a fringe character saying “Oh…My…God,” and an ugly naked guy these six perverts continuously watch through a window. A shameful waste of creative space.
The ensemble cast of Friends was, admittedly, a super team. Jennifer Aniston is still one of the hottest women on the planet and is a bonafide movie star. Courteney Cox, Matt LeBlanc, and Matthew Perry have all at one time or another gotten their own shows. Lisa Kudrow and David Schwimmer have had solid post-Friends career success as well. So, with this all-star cast, you would think it would be impossible for bad character development, right?
WRONG. (***spoilers ahead***)
Rachel Green. What’s the deal here? She was introduced to the show after running away from her wedding in season one. Many jobs and boyfriends later, she remained a a completely boring character. If your biggest contribution was a haircut, something’s missing.
Monica Geller. Monica does have some redeeming qualities; she’s a certified chef, and is incredibly clean. I’m the exact same way, except I can’t cook. Monica ends up marrying Chandler (we’ll get to that psychopath shortly) and adopting twins. Monica is Rachel’s best friend, if that tells you anything about her judgement.
Joey Tribbiani. A struggling actor who ended up romantically crossing paths with Rachel in season 10, woof. Joey eventually gets his big break on “Days of Our Lives,” a real-life soap opera that has been on television for approximately 220 years. I don’t have much against this character, to be honest. Guy took a shot at acting (and it paid off) and loves food, two things I whole-heartedly respect.
Chandler Bing. Here’s my impression of Chandler, “Could there BE a more annoying character?!” The answer of course, is no. I always hoped for more clarity out of this guy. I still don’t think I understood his occupation. Why didn’t he make a decision to dump Janice earlier? Give me some clarity, Bing!
Phoebe Buffay. Here’s your classic 90’s sitcom wacky and wild character. Phoebe’s a masseuse and musician(?) who has an evil twin sister, how hilarious! Phoebe did end up with Paul Rudd (or his character at least), which is a win I suppose.
Ross Geller. Maybe the whiniest, most self-absorbed character of all time. He did have a few legit jobs though during the show. He was a paleontologist and professor of paleontology at NYU, but that’s where the praise stops. This guy is the king of indecision. He can’t make his mind up on Rachel throughout the series, which leads to three divorces (one literally from Rachel). Ross could never seem to get out of his own way, which was of course the arc of the character, but incredibly annoying.
While I can’t deny the success the show had, I can debate its legitimacy. I’m ready to hear it from Friends army. The show was boring, predictable, and not for me, which is OK! All I’m saying is, give me Jerry & Kramer, Will & Uncle Phil, or Tim & Al any day of the week and I will be infinitely more entertained than watching “the personal and professional lives of six twenty to thirty-something-year-old friends living in Manhattan.”
SSM is back in a big way this week. We are glad to be back serving up some shitty poetry about this week in sports.
So please, sit back, settle in, and enjoy this week’s SSM…
Just like the blog, baseball is back We can’t believe our ears There likely will not be any fans in stadiums Still, a reason for plenty of beers
Our best American export Christian Pulisic Beautiful I must say Thriving in the EPL Usually not done by someone from the ‘ol U-S of A
The Texas Rangers released, photos of Globe Life Park It’s only fair to ask, did they build it in the dark? It looks like a toolbox that I built in eighth grade metal shop class An abuse on the eyes, the park is simply crass
Jay Cutler became 2020’s social media hero Incredible response to an account who’s usage rate was close to zero Documenting catching who’s eating his chickens, our dear, sweet Cutty The guy is totally endearing, I wish he could be my buddy
The birth of #TompaBay got us thinking; what are the wildest player/team combinations we’ve seen in sports?
These kind of late-career transactions have happened for numerous reasons; a player got fed up with a coach/team *cough Tom Brady cough*, the team got sick of the player, or maybe the player was ring chasing or looking for one more payday with a big contract, and was willing to go wherever needed to get that money. Nothing wrong with that.
For whatever reason, the below combos make me feel quite uncomfortable:
As a Cubs fan, this one cut deep. While I don’t hate the Yankees, Kerry Wood was who you thought of when you brought up The Chicago Cubs during his time in the majors. Kid K spent his best years (1998-2008) on the North Side. After singing a two-year deal with Cleveland, Wood was traded to the Yankees on July 31, 2010. He primarily worked as Mariano Rivera’s setup man.
Luckily for us Cubs fans, Woody came home after his half year in New York. He signed a one year deal to come back to the Cubs and end his career in the blue pinstripes instead of the black ones. The way it was meant to be.
Patrick Ewing is arguably the best player in New York Knicks history. I’m not old enough to realize how great Walt “Clyde” Frazier or Willis Reed were, but seems only appropriate to throw them in the discussion with more current Knicks like Carmelo Anthony & Allan Houston. For such a “storied” franchise, this is actually a pretty brutal top five list.
On September 20th, 2000, one of the largest trades in NBA history ended Ewing’s 15-year run in New York. The trade included The Knicks, Phoenix Suns, Los Angeles Lakers, and of course the Seattle Supersonics. Tough break for Patrick in my opinion; nothing against Seattle but I think the Emerald City would come in third place of places I would prefer to move if I had the choice between there, LA, or Phoenix.
When Emmitt Smith was released from the The Cowboys in 2003 after 12 years in Dallas, he was the all-time leading rusher in NFL history. He had racked up 17,162 yards, scored 153 touchdowns, and won three Superbowls. He was a part of the “triplets” in Dallas with Troy Aikman & Michael Irvin. The guy was the Dallas Cowboys.
When Bill Parcells took over the Cowboys, he decided it was time for a change, and released Smith on February 26, 2003. I think we all would have been happy to see Emmitt call it a career at that point. However, he decided he still had some left in the tank, and signed a two-year deal with The Arizona Cardinals. What resulted were two forgetful seasons highlighted by his return to Dallas to play the Cowboys on October 5, 2003, where he rushed six times for negative one yard.
The Big Shamrock! One of the cornerstone’s of the Lakers early aughts dynasty ended his career with the rival Celtics, tragic.
I think it’s fair to say once The Big Aristotle’s runs with The Lakers and Heat were over, it was pure ring chasing time for the big fella. Shaq’s tenures in Phoenix, Cleveland, and of course Boston were a bit hard to watch as his body began to break down.
The silver lining we can take from all of these stops are the nicknames that we were given along the way: Superman, The Big Diesel, Big Daddy, MDE (Most Dominant Ever), Wilt Chamberneazy, and my personal favorite from the Phoenix days…Shaqtus.
Randy “Imma Play When I Wanna Play” Moss. One of the most supremely athletic wide receivers we’ll ever see. If you haven’t, I would suggest taking some time out and watching any highlight tape of Moss’ career, like this one. He was so good that his name became a verb. If you ever get “Moss’d,” you might as well hang up your cleats.
After setting records with Tom Brady in New England, things started to unravel for Moss. His second tenure with The Vikings lasted less than a month, he made six catches with The Titans in eight games, retired for a year, and played his final season with The San Francisco 49ers in 2012.
More often than not, these late-career moves do not worked out well. While it’s nearly impossible in today’s business of professional sports for a player to spend an entire career with one team, loyalty is still something that can be appreciated. However, when the business side makes itself prevalent, we as fans can be given the gift of some hilarious and awkward visuals with players in new uniforms.
Welcome back! We’ve taken some time away, but are excited to be back in full force and discussing incredibly unimportant topics like, “How do you tie your shoes?”
I’m wondering how many of you are reading this and thinking, “what a dumbass, there’s only one way to tie my shoes. Why I am I wasting my precious time on this useless blog?”
Au contraire, my friend! Turns out the way I learned how to tie my shoes (discussed further below) is only one way to achieve this daily feet.
There was a long period of time in which I thought my preferred method was the only way to lace up sneakers. How wrong and inconsiderate I was.
I think we can all agree this is the general consensus of how the majority us who tie our shoes go about our business. A simple process in which one creates a loop with one lace, wraps the other freewheeling lace around the aforementioned loop, and finally pulls through hole in the middle. The ‘ol loop, swoop, and pull technique. A classic part of a lot of our collective childhood, that many of us still use today.
But, what if I told you there was…a different way? Dare I say, a better way? Let me introduce the uninformed to “The Bunny Ears.”
This is how yours truly has, and always will, tie his shoes. The level of ease in The Bunny Ears method pales in comparison to the basic knot. Let me show you the way.
You start by folding each lace into their own “bunny ear,” simple enough, right? Once you have your set of ears, simply cross one ear over the other (does not need to be one way or the other, your choice). Take your bottom ear, throw that bad boy over and through the top ear. Once everything is set, give a quick pull on both ears to complete the process.
How easy is that?!
No chance of losing your grip on a rouge lace, no worries of being too loose with a wildcard swoop and totally blowing the entire process, no chance that the entire foundation of your lace-tying will crumble on the pull through stage.
Simply put, if you don’t use The Bunny Ears method, you’ve been tying your shoes wrong your entire life. I implore you to keep an open mind. With so much stress in our lives, why not make an easy change that would bring such a huge relief in your day-to-day? Do yourself a favor; give Bunny Ears a chance, I promise you will not regret it.
Think of some of greatest sports teams in cinematic history; Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez and the boys from “The Sandlot,” The 1989 Cleveland Indians, The Mighty Ducks, and the 1971 TC Williams football team just to name a few. These groups all had the captain, the hero, the go-to-guy who kept the team afloat through the ups and downs. But not everyone can rise to the top and throw the team on their back when they need it the most, can they?
As the old saying goes, a team is only as strong as its weakest link. These clubs had some players who had major accountability issues on and off the field. It’s time that these burdens of success be held accountable. Let’s look back at the worst athletic liabilities in film.
What a dope. I’ve never been the new kid in town, but I did change schools a few times as a young lad. What’s the number one rule when trying to fit in? Keep a low profile. Not only did Smalls awkwardly peep in on The Jet, Ham, Squints and the boys; when he got his time to shine, he threw that wayward baseball with a wet noodle that might not ever be replicated.
He had a plastic baseball glove. He didn’t know who Babe Ruth was. He went clout chasing and swiped a Great Bambino-signed baseball to actually play with. He didn’t know how to catch until Benny put one right in his (non-plastic) glove. Total disruption on what was a solid team.
I have to give it to Roger Dorn, the guy was a planner, which I can appreciate. He was ready to get out of that hell hole in Cleveland, hit free agency for one more pay day, and had an eye on a lucrative post-playing career as well. You can’t blame a man for trying to secure his future, unless it gets in the way of the goals of the team in his present.
The man had a contract clause that stipulated he didn’t have to do any calisthenics. Again, heady play by Dorn and his agent. But if your starting third baseman isn’t taking care of his body, how is that helping you out on the field? Luckily for the ’89 Indians, they overcame Dorn’s lack of enthusiasm and went on to beat the Yankees in a one-game playoff to win the AL East.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend like I’m some hockey czar. But, a goalie seems to be a fairly critical part of assembling a successful team. As far as I know, the main responsibility of a goalie is to stop the puck from heading into the back of the net.
Let’s break down one of Goldberg, the goalie’s, most noteworthy lines:
Goldberg: Be careful, man. It almost hit me that time! Charlie Conway: Goldberg, you’re the goalie. It’s supposed to hit you. Goldberg: Does that sound stupid to anyone else?
Do you sound as stupid as anyone else, Goldberg? Plop yourself between the pipes, secure the crease, and quit being such a burden to the rest of the Ducks. Thank God Julie “The Cat” Gaffney eventually came around and supplanted this loaf.
Alan Bosley was a cornerback on the TC Williams Titans football team in one of the greatest football movies ever made. As good as this movie was, Bosley was equally as bad on the field. Watching Alan try to lock down high school wide receivers was like a toddler trying to solve a Rubik’s Cube…just wasn’t going to happen.
Alan became such a liability in the Titans’ secondary that he was eventually replaced by Petey Jones; a running back (THEE, runnin’ back, ya’ll) with fumbling issues. It was a good look by Alan to take the demotion as well as he did; but man, he did some serious damage while he was out there. Even worse, turns out Alan Bosley wasn’t even a real player on the team. I wonder what ever happened to that actor that played him, seemed like a nice kid.
Despite all of the disadvantages these duds put their teams at, each squad ended up successful. The Sandlot boys handed a strong “L” to an organized little league team, we already talked about the Indians winning the AL East, and TC Williams & The Mighty Ducks both won their respective state championships. The power of cinema, folks.
Have you heard about this Coronavirus? Pretty wild stuff that’s been in the news lately. It sucks, and I hate it just like everyone else does. But let’s focus on the positives, shall we?
There has been some pretty incredible innovation we’ve seen since we’ve all been quarantined for what seems like 78 years. Wether it be a virtual happy hour with your team at work, contactless food delivery, or replays of old classic games, there’s been some pretty creative ideas out there to keep us occupied.
There have been a few that have really gone above in beyond in both creativity and innovation to both keep our minds busy and inch us back to some type of normal.
Bumper Tables
This genius idea came from a bar in Maryland that ensures social distancing for restaraunt visitors or those gathering publicly. The large inner tubes measure out to six feet, and the wheels on the bottom allow for easy movement.
Such a great idea. I would love to have my own personal space where I could set my drink, phone, and whatever the hell else I want in my own special zone. On top of this contraption assisting with social distancing, the pure visual of this is hysterical. Can you imagine 15-20 of these things slowly gliding through a bar and accidentally knocking into each other like a run down set of bumper cars with low batteries?
Zoos, Aquariums, and Museums
What do you do if you can’t go and see your favorite lions, tigers, and bears in real life? You throw up a webcam, and boom, all of your problems are solved! I mean, free range penguins in The Shedd Aquarium, come on.
Insider has done a great job of collecting all of these links in one central place. You can see in the link that you can visit the Monterey Bay Aquarium, The Guggenheim, the NASA Space Center, and more all from the comfort of your favorite quarantine spot in your house or apartment.
Virtual Concerts
Have you ever seen Dropkick Murphys on St. Patrick’s Day? Been front row for an exclusive DJ set from Quest Love? Hung out in the studio with Garth Brooks?
Well thanks to the Coronavirus, we’ve all got the chance! Musicians & artists have done what they do best and streamed at-home concerts and AMA sessions for fans. I think this is such a great idea; it of course helps pass the time, but also humanizes these artists, brings us into their homes or studios, and creates a connection point during a time that many out there can very easily feel alone.
As the old saying goes, “With Great Change Comes Great Opportunity.” As much as these past few months have sucked, seeing creative minds go to work has been pretty inspiring. None of us hopes this goes on for too much longer, but if it does, hopefully the creative content continues to flow.
Throwing on your favorite jersey or gear, making sure you have your ticket, tailgating in freezing weather…all important parts of attending a live sporting event. Since none of us have done this in a while, and may not be able to for the coming months, it’s time we outline the 10 commandments of going to a live sporting event.
I. Thou Shalt Pregame to Thy Heart’s Content
This is where it all begins. You can really make or break your entire day here with so many variables to consider. When’s kickoff/first pitch/tipoff/puck drop? What kind of state do I want to be in when I get to my seat? Do I have my flask properly concealed and filled enough to get me through the game?
All of these things need to be considered when determining exactly what you’re throwing back (and how much) during the pregame. Food intake is also a major consideration; do I really need to knock out this third walking taco if I’ve already mentally committed to my second bratwurst? Have to do some serious body algebra in order to avoid a complete black out by game time.
II. Thou Shalt Present Thyself Admirably to the Gate Checker
Once the pregame’s over, it’s go time for the real athletes on the field as well as your ability to present yourself sober enough to actually enter the game. Not only for yourself, but for the ticket workers at the gate. The last thing these poor people need are drunk assholes giving them a hard time.
Keep it straight, throw on some sunglasses to avoid any glossy eye recognition, and ask how your ticket taker’s doing today. Show them your phone/hand them the ticket, agree with them that it’s a beautiful day for a ballgame, and be on your merry way.
Pro tip: don’t get your foot caught on the gate trying to walk in…it may or may not prompt some questions that might end in you watching the game from home. Happened to a friend of mine in college.
III. Thou Shalt Not Dillydally Whilst at the Urinal
Let me foreshadow this commandment by noting I’ve only experienced bathrooms with urinals at live sporting events in my life, so that’s all I can pontificate on at this point. No further comment will be made on this point at this time.
That being said, whether it be first thing on the to do list post-pregame (a must do for me), in intermissions, or during live play, you have to keep things moving in a timely fashion in the baño. A lot of packed, hot, sweaty bodies in a confined space that aren’t performing the most pleasant functions the human body can perform.
Chit chat is fair game, but getting caught up in it is not. Of course we can commiserate at how even we could’ve done better than what we’re seeing out there.
“Bro, did you see that? You gotta be kidding me. I’m honestly not just saying this, I think I could’ve made that catch dude.”
“I was literally thinking the same thing bro, total bullshit.”
Listen, Pissin’ Pete Maravich; you couldn’t and wouldn’t. Keep it moving.
IV. Thou Shalt Not Leave Thy Seat in the Midst of Live Action
Ball’s in the air on a 50 yard bomb downfield? Scorching grounder to third base? A half court heave to end a quarter’s about to hit rim? Don’t you dare move from your seat.
This abominable sin is so disrespectful to your fellow section mates. Would I try and shuffle in front of your driveway when you’re trying to pull out of your garage? Would I block your view when you’re trying to see the birth of your firstborn child? Absolutely not. So don’t even think about getting in my line of vision when my team’s down two runs with the bases chucked in the bottom of the seventh inning, pal.
V. Thou Shalt Have Thy Chosen Form of Payment Ready for Disbursement
How many times have you been in line for beer, pizza, or a pretzel and the schmuck at the front of the line hasn’t even gone to the wallet to get cash or card? Complete buffoonery.
I don’t care if you decide to be wrong and pay with cash (and waste everyone’s time getting change), at least have it at the ready. If you’re a logical person who pays with a credit card, have that bad boy in hand and prepared to tap or swipe as soon as the vendor tells you your total is $84 for two beers and a hot dog.
VI. Thou Shalt Do Thy Best to Buy an Equal Amount of Food & Beverage with Thy Group
This could be a sub-commandment of commandment V. This is really easy to do the smaller your group is that you’re at a game with. Group of four? Perfect. We’ll each buy a round per quarter, and we’re all square. You two want a snack in the third inning and then some nachos after singing the stretch? Cool. I’ll get the snacks now, you get us later. A symphonic economic approach.
We’ve all gone to a game with a group of 8-10; total nightmare scenario for trying to make sure everything comes out semi-even. People naturally eat and drink at different paces. Someone wants a mixed drink instead of beer, another wants a slice of pizza while the other wants a bag of peanuts. Differing prices, differing paces, just a total mess.
You just have to do as best you can to keep it close without being the person who’s doing long division before a food and beer run making sure everyone spends the exact same amount on each other.
VII. Thou Shalt Sing, Cheer, and Generally Participate in In-Game Shenanigans
The worst kind of fan? The unenthusiastic bump on a log. One of the best parts of live sports is being a part of thousands people all rooting for the same thing. Fight songs, organized cheers, and congregated boos are all vital activities to take part in while at a live event.
The best part about being an idiot at a sports game is that most other people are also being idiots. In what other portion of your life can you yell “GO!” at the top of your lungs without being looked at or escorted out from wherever you are?
Live sports are a total shame free zone. Let that freak flag fly and support your team like you should.
VIII. Thou Shalt Make Friends with Other Attendees Within Thy Section
This is a simple one to accomplish, simply by adhering to commandment VII. There’s nothing better than making a few obnoxious statements to an opposing team’s outfielder or batter in the box and hearing some audible chuckles from a few rows behind you. It’s a total vindication of both your fandom and comedic ability.
Once that connection’s made, you’ve established a built in stable of in-game chatter for the rest of the game. Also, should you wish to proceed in such a manner, you’ve got yourself a squad of high five givers and takers every time your team scores a touchdown, hits a three, or takes a home run out of the park. An absolute win win situation.
IX. Thou Shalt Provide the Appropriate Amount of Mockery
Whether it be authentically to the opposing team or sarcastically to your own, mockery is one of the greatest responsibilities as an attendee at a live sporting event. A quarterback starting a game by throwing five incompletions, then finally hitting a receiver on his sixth attempt can illicit a hilarious reaction either way.
There’s nothing better than a knowledgable fan base (and being a part of one) giving a satirical ovation to a shortstop who makes a successful throw to first base after booting the first three balls hit to him earlier in the game. It’s one of life’s simple pleasures that we are awarded when we shell out our hard earned money to watch grown adults who play a game for a living.
X. Thou Shalt Not Leave the Premises Until the Game Result is Final
I’ve been on the wrong end of this one, and it hurts. The feeling of walking away from a stadium and hearing your left behind comrades getting up for your team isn’t something I’d wish on my worst enemy. It’s a virtual stake in the heart as you follow along on your phone and slowly realize what you’re missing. Then the comeback is complete and you feel like a cheap hack celebrating something you had the chance to witness with your own eyes. A completely avoidable situation.
Follow all of the above, and you’ll be sure to have an enjoyable and worthwhile day at the ballpark, stadium, or arena. Hopefully we will all have the chance sooner rather than later to abide by these commandments. Once that chance is presented, make yourself proud and be the best fan you can be for your team.
Tiger, Peyton, Phil, and Tom “The Match: Champions for Charity” Phil loves to say he’s “hitting bombs” Tiger and Peyton cruised to victory
Baseball’s trying to get itself back Agreement between owners and players, is something we lack COVID testing, ballpark locations, revenue splits Need it solved soon so we can start popping mitts
Potentially closer than baseball, the NBA Woj Bombs dropping, we’re on the way! The league could resume at the Wild World of Sports When the league comes back, they better bring Jorts
Ryan Fitzpatrick had a chat Square hair, square beard, both ends flat He’s had a great career, and it’s not quite over But change is coming; Fitzmagic to Tagovailoa
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