Boston Celtics

Is Derrick Rose the Greatest Plant Name in Sports?

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Photo: LALSOFT

Derrick Rose announced his retirement today. The youngest MVP in NBA history has called it a career after 15 seasons with the Bulls, Knicks, Cavaliers, Timberwolves, Pistons, and Grizzlies.

The only thing that may have surpassed his athleticism is his name. But does he have the best botanical name in sports? Let’s dig in.

Basil McRae – played 18 seasons in the NHL, recording 52 goals and 83 assists.

Bud Adams – former owner of the Tennessee Titans.

Jasmine Jones – fourth place finisher in the 2024 Olympic 400 meter hurdles.

Ted Lilly – won 130 games, career ERA of 4.14.

Clover – the 2024 NBA champion Boston Celtics.

The Masters Azaleas – beautiful.

Pretty clear cut here. The seeds of interest have lead us down this interesting road, but our opinion here is pretty deep rooted. Derrick Rose is one of the greatest “what ifs” stories in sports, but we won’t make this blog too sappy. So, we wish a happy retirement to Pooh.

Joe Mazzulla Continues to be a Nutjob

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Photo: Associated Press

Joe Mazzulla is a NBA Championship coach, that is a fact. Joe Mazzulla is also a crazy person, both can be true.

On the Locked On Celtics podcast, Mazzulla was asked a variant of the “how do you defend your title?” question that every single championship coach has been asked in the history of sports. But our boy is not one for coach speak, no no no. Joey Mazz decided to give us this gem:

This man is a national treasure. He’s so weird you can’t be mad at him.

He works hard, he does not hardly work. He takes lemonade and makes lemons. He makes chicken shit out of chicken salad.

The only ice cream Joe Mazzulla will eat is Rocky Road because he’s so god damn gritty. When the countertops at his house get dusty, don’t you dare offer a rag and a bottle of Pledge. Coach will take a swig of lukewarm water and spit shine those bad boys. Money’s always a concern these days…that’s why Mazzulla still balances his checkbook.

As long as this man is leading the Boston Celtics, I don’t see any reason they can’t repeat as champions. I only say “as long as,” because there’s a non zero chance that if Mazzulla discovers something he finds more difficult than repeating as NBA champions, he might just quit and go do that.

It’s Called Fashion, Look It Up: 2023 NBA “City Edition” Jerseys

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Photo: NBA.com

Our fourth annual NBA City Edition Jersey fashion blog is here and it’s spectacular.

One of our favorite traditions since the 2020-2021 season, we dive deep into each jersey and provide the finest fashion commentary on the internet.

Atlanta Hawks – very modern choice going with the Sex and the City opening credit font.

Boston Celtics – groundbreaking to use a different team’s current jersey as your City Editions.

Brooklyn Nets – much like fashion and art, I’m finding it difficult to comprehend Ben Simmons’ modeling mean mug.

Charlotte Hornets – if a team’s going to be boring, at least make their City Edition jerseys exciting.

Chicago Bulls – a lot of empty surface area on the right side, a black hole signifying the current state of the franchise.

Cleveland Cavaliers – if the Cavs had any self awareness, their City Edition jerseys would have Comic Sans as the font every year.

Dallas Mavericks – hopefully Kyrie Irving doesn’t demand a trade before he gets a chance to wear these.

Denver Nuggets – there are more numbers on this jersey than times Nikola Jokić has smiled on a basketball court.
Detroit Pistons – these aren’t the Grant Hills…and therefore are dumb.

Golden State Warriors – the Dubs have always been a progressive franchise, and they continue with this look dedicated to Caitlin Clark.

Houston Rockets – the H in H-Town here stands for habanero because these bad boys are fire.

Indiana Pacers – congratulations to the Pacers for breaking the color barrier; this tweet is exactly what Jackie Robinson fought for.

Los Angeles Clippers – after trading for James Harden, they’re using their City Edition jerseys to try and get Wizards Michael Jordan to also join the squad.

Los Angeles Lakers – always smart to connect with the youth. The Lakers do it perfectly here with their Minecraft Edition jerseys.

Memphis Grizzlies – the lettering here is really cool, almost as uncool as the size six number font.

Miami Heat – they usually win this thing every year, but these are a rare L.

Milwaukee Bucks – anytime you tweet “Electric,” you simply cannot have Kris Middleton as your main feature.

Minnesota Timberwolves – I am as shocked at these jerseys as I am to learn Mike Conley plays is still in the league.

New Orleans Pelicans – I don’t think the Pelicans realized their City Editions were going to be released after spooky season.

New York Knicks – are you dizzy looking at these like I am?

Oklahoma City Thunder – the Jason Richardson Warriors would like a word.

Orlando Magic – the Disney patch always perplexes me…does that company really need to advertise?

Philadelphia 76ers – I’m no advertising expert, but wondering the strategy behind having the MVP cross his arms over the entire design.

Phoenix Suns – the Suns always do City Editions the right way, no change this year.

Portland Trailblazers – this year, “Rip City” stands for the Blazers ripping apart Damian Lillard’s lust for the Miami Heat.

Sacramento Kings – a sad depature from the past few years having “Sac Town” pasted across the chest.

San Antonio Spurs – while these are great, the front of the jersey should’ve just been the Eiffel Tower with Wemby’s face on top.

Toronto Raptors – as of the publishing this blog, the Raptors have not put these jerseys on their socials…and I can understand why.

Utah Jazz – remember when Grimace was taking everything over?

Washington Wizards – tank the season, tank your City Edition jerseys.

Some fun ones, some trash, all fun to talk about. The NBA is back!

Sunday State of Mind: May 22nd-May 28th

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Photo: Wallpaper Access

A special Memorial Day and Indy 500 edition of SSM is now live.

Eastern Conference Finals, what is going on?
Jimmy Butler and the Heat were all but good and gone
Lost the first three, won the rest, the series is tied
Whoever wins game seven, been a real fun ride

The rare football transaction, in the month of May
DeAndre Hopkins and the Cardinals will be parting ways
Three years in the desert, still some catches in those hands
Will be very interesting to see where he lands

As mentioned above, the Indy 500 was today
Josef Newgarden is the champ, will take home the pay
The 32 year old from Nashville is kissing the bricks
If he wins it five more times, his total would be six

Sunday State of Mind: May 8th-May 14th

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Photo: Wallpapers.com

This Mother’s Day, SSM stands for Sweet, Sweet Moms.

Conference Finals set, NBA winding down
Still a bunch of good games left, so we should not frown
Lakers and the Nuggets, Celtics and the Heat
Next round is the finals, East and West champs set to meet

Weird story in St. Louis, involves their big offseason signing
Moving around positions ’cause the team’s not really shining
Willson Contreras back and forth from the outfield
Cards have not been good so far, reasons seem concealed

This guy Ja Morant, can’t wrap my brain around it
Waving a gun around again, second wave of clown shit
So much for that interview, said he would be better
In dangerous Insta stories, this guy is the pacesetter

Sunday State of Mind: May 1st-May 7th

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Photo: Good Fon

NBA Playoffs are raging, NFL court cases are blazing, MLB players are healing. All this and more in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

Every series, NBA, looking pretty even
All eight teams remaining still have something to believe in
No 3-0 series leads, every team is on the board
The Larry O’Brien Trophy is what were looking toward

Bussin’ With The Boys? More like bringing law suit noise
Taylor Lewan is suing cause he’s no longer employed
Feel bad for the guy, his career may be cooked
Sounds like Dr. Andrews didn’t take a second look

Speaking of injuries, other side of the stick
Bryce Harper is back in a period quicker than quick
Less than six months post op, the big one Tommy John
Already mashin’ taters, hitting bombs just like a Don

An awkward time is over out in Baltimore
Lamar Jackson wanted his contract, and he finally scored
Two hundred sixty million, is what was settled on
Lamar returning now is a conclusion that’s foregone

Sunday State of Mind: February 20th-February 26th

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Photo: Wallpaper Crafter

We’re writing about anything other than another dumbass Jake Paul fight in this week’s SSM.

Manny Machado, got himself the bag
Eleven for 350, waive all those green flags
Staying with the Padres, not going anywhere
Sending him a DM now to ask if he will share

Crazy week in basketball, college and the pros
Sixers and the Celtics is the first place that we’ll go
Jayson Tatum hit a dagger with 1.3 left
Embiid’s shot went in, but late, 70 foot heft

Earlier this week, Kings and Clippers scored a bunch
Went to two OTs, almost played ’til brunch
Three hundred fifty-one points were scored between the two
Kings won in a thriller, Clippers were subdued

In the college game, Iowa just did it all
Huge comeback for both teams, hero basketball
The men came back from 13 with 1:34 left
Caitlin Clark a buzzer beater, Indiana effed

Our Third Annual NBA “City Edition” Jersey Analysis

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Photo: NBA.com

It’s that time of year! For the third consecutive season, the fashion department here at UDS has been called upon to make stupid jokes about the latest versions of the NBA “City Edition” jerseys. Let’s get right down to business.

Atlanta Hawks – slick font, but use the peach font you cowards.
Boston Celtics – very cool to hit copy and paste from the Bucks normal uni’s.
Brooklyn Nets – just like last years, using the “Friends” font makes this jersey dumb…but there’s not much the Nets could’ve done that’s worse than what’s going on with that organization right now.
Charlotte Hornets – more like Charlotte Hornys, amirite?

Chicago Bulls – I think the designer for this one forgot the assignment was due at midnight and remembered at 11:53PM.

Cleveland Cavaliers – these jerseys are giving an original Mario level feel; for that reason this one gets a pass.
Dallas Mavericks – another good effort here. Still irrationally angry that a player as great as Luka Dončić wears number 77.
Denver Nuggets – we may have our annual winner of “high school team from a Disney movie” uniforms.
Detroit Pistons – eh, this is an L. Just give us the Grant Hill throwbacks and call it a day.
Golden State Warriors – very cool to dip the bottom of your jerseys in pollen; bumblebees everywhere loving this.
Houston Rockets – same look as last year, same result. These are a winner.
Indiana Pacers – we have enough shortages in this country; the Pacers have now added a thread shortage to the list.
Los Angeles Clippers – uh…these are at least the best uniforms in LA.
Los Angeles Lakers – there needs to be a federal investigation into why the Lakers keep trying to incorporate black into their uniforms.
Memphis Grizzlies – very lazy to copy the Vlade Divac/Peja Stojaković era Kings uniforms.
Miami Heat – these are pretty similar to last year, but Miami wins this race every year and they’re right up there again.
Milwaukee Bucks – these are a mix of last year’s uniforms and the Kevin Garnett era Timberwolves…yucky.
Minnesota Timberwolves – speaking of the T’wolves…these are like the rough draft of the Nets uni’s.
New Orleans Pelicans – these are fine…would be way better if there were sewed on beads across the front.
Oklahoma City Thunder – this poor organization has never done this well; so not much to expect here. Much like the Pistons, they should just do the Supersonics uniforms.
Orlando Magic – while these aren’t a huge jump from their normal ‘fits, the fact that they didn’t incorporate orange this year like they have in the past is a win.
Philadelphia 76ers – as good as these are, the fact that they’re sponsored by a crypto website make these super sus.
Phoenix Suns – the Suns have nailed these in the past; but I think the Spurs have a case for copyright infringement with these bad boys.
Portland Trailblazers – these are like the away jerseys of the Suns jerseys, and should be included in the Spurs lawsuit. Big year for teal in the NBA.
Sacramento Kings – these are the “high school team from a Disney movie” runner ups, boring.
San Antonio Spurs – exhibit A in the aforementioned legal action suggested in this blog. These are the winners.
Toronto Raptors – so the Bulls designer also worked with the Raptors? Got it.
Washington Wizards – some very flowy flowers heavily featured here…can we start the Wizards to Hawaii rumors?

Wow…another year, another set of middle-of-the-road uniforms with even worse jokes to go with them. Thanks for the opportunity to create content, NBA.

Sunday State of Mind: May 13th-June 19th

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Photo: Nature & Garden

It’s a special Juneteenth and Father’s Day edition of SSM.

Only one place to start, and that’s out in The Bay
The Warriors are champions again as of Thursday
Steph Curry was the MVP, a well earned award
The stupid “No Steph with KD” talk can now be ignored

The Colorado Avalanche are the perfect name
The Lightning are the target, and they’ve got perfect aim
Up 2-0 in the series, looking absolutely tough
Only two wins away from hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup

The Atlanta Braves, 14-game winning streak
Weekend series in Chicago, Cubbies looking bleak
Baseball did the baseball thing, Cubs won the series
After losing 10 in a row, beat Atlanta two of three

Sunday State of Mind: May 6th-June 12th

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Photo: Farmer’s Almanac

Guess who’s back? SSM, that’s who.

We’ve got our first pink slip handed out in MLB
The Angles fired Joe Maddon during a losing spree
The Halos started strong this year, formerly first place
Twelve straight losses gets you canned, an unfortunate case

Another manager made waves, and not the calming kind
Tony La Russa made a move and seemed to lose his mind
Gave Trea Turner a free base, the count was 1-2
Any way you look at it, that call really blew

The NBA Finals are tight, all tied at two a piece
Both teams are two wins away from making the series cease
Steph Curry’s a monster, but we all knew that
He’s all the Warriors have, rest of the team’s been flat

The battle for Lord Stanley is now set in stone
Lightning and the Avalanche for the hockey throne
Tampa Bay will go for their third straight championship
Colorado’s young, could be champs in their first trip