We’re writing about anything other than another dumbass Jake Paul fight in this week’s SSM.
Manny Machado, got himself the bag Eleven for 350, waive all those green flags Staying with the Padres, not going anywhere Sending him a DM now to ask if he will share
Crazy week in basketball, college and the pros Sixers and the Celtics is the first place that we’ll go Jayson Tatum hit a dagger with 1.3 left Embiid’s shot went in, but late, 70 foot heft
Earlier this week, Kings and Clippers scored a bunch Went to two OTs, almost played ’til brunch Three hundred fifty-one points were scored between the two Kings won in a thriller, Clippers were subdued
In the college game, Iowa just did it all Huge comeback for both teams, hero basketball The men came back from 13 with 1:34 left Caitlin Clark a buzzer beater, Indiana effed
It’s that time of year! For the third consecutive season, the fashion department here at UDS has been called upon to make stupid jokes about the latest versions of the NBA “City Edition” jerseys. Let’s get right down to business.
Brooklyn Nets – just like last years, using the “Friends” font makes this jersey dumb…but there’s not much the Nets could’ve done that’s worse than what’s going on with that organization right now.
Oklahoma City Thunder – this poor organization has never done this well; so not much to expect here. Much like the Pistons, they should just do the Supersonics uniforms.
Orlando Magic – while these aren’t a huge jump from their normal ‘fits, the fact that they didn’t incorporate orange this year like they have in the past is a win.
Portland Trailblazers – these are like the away jerseys of the Suns jerseys, and should be included in the Spurs lawsuit. Big year for teal in the NBA.
Sacramento Kings 2022-23 Nike NBA City Editing Uniform – a tribute to Fans and City
Deadline Day in the NBA has come and gone. With it, countless useless names moving from city to city that will have little to no impact on anything.
BUT, there are a few moves every year that draw interest. For every Daniel Thies or George Hill there’s a Pau Gasol or Carmelo Anthony. This year was no different; the league was dressed head to toe with deadline deals.
Another trade deadline day for the league with the most fashion forward athletes did not disappoint. With that in mind, what would some of the trades we saw today be if they were clothing items?
Kings/Bucks/Clippers/Pistons: Donte DiVincenzo, Trey Lyles, Josh Jackson, Serge Ibaka, two second round picks, Rodney Hood, Semi Ojele, Marvin Bagley III:
A lot going on for something that is essentially useless.
It doesn’t really matter which players are ending up where in this deal. Just an absolute assembly of disarray happening here for a considerable amount of impracticability.
Mavericks/Wizards: Kristaps Porzingas for Spencer Dinwiddie:
These have to be two of the funnest names to say in the NBA; and they were traded for each other.
Spencer Dinwiddie sounds like a cartoon protagonist from a 90’s Nickelodeon show. Kristaps Porzingas sounds like a sommelier who takes his job way too seriously.
Just fun all around.
Nets/76ers: James Harden for Ben Simmons, Seth Curry, Andre Drummond and two first round picks
Look at those names above. The Nets gave up an aging forward who can’t stay in once place for too long and got a superstar point guard, a three point sniper, a top five rebounder, and reloaded on draft picks.
There’s nothing else to say here; the 76ers got fleeced.
One more year of Woj bombs and Shams slams at their peak deadline day performance. Now we have the buyout market, and a flurry of other big name moves that likely won’t change anything down the stretch either. This league!
A sad day for Lakers, Clippers, Sparks, and Kings fans.
On Monday, pictures surfaced of the famous red blocked “Staples Center” signage being removed from the arena in Los Angeles. The de-signing took place after it was announced the venue would undergo a name change to Crypto.com Arena, with an official name change marked for Christmas Day.
We’re talking Hollywood here, land of entertainment and retreads. So, there has to be some kind of creative venture for these now-homeless letters to stick around LA, right?
What kind of next life could be in store for our old friends S-T-A-P-L-E-S-C-E-N-T-E-R?
Escapees
Escape rooms have really come on in popularity in the past few years. If you’re looking to get into the industry, what better way to get some foot traffic through your doors than naming your business “Escapees,” all while flaunting the caveat that the letters came from Staples Center?
Etcetera
Can we be done with the phrase “Thrift Shop?” For what is indeed a great business, it sounds so degrading. Donators always have more in their closets than they need…some would go as far as to call unmentioned, extra items “Etcetera,” correct? What if those looking for some cheap second hand clothes walked into “Etcetera,” the hottest new co-op downtown?
Pacesetters
Lot of runners out there. Those psychopaths who knock out marathons like it’s their jobs. Doesn’t “Pacesetters” sound like a bar that these physically-gifted freaks could gather and talk about shin splints, nipple chafing, and whatever else happens when you run for extended periods of time?
Caprese
Upscale salad bar, enough said.
Actress
I’m no big time Hollywood agent, but I do know that our entertainers in the TV and movie industries do these things calls “head shots.” If I’m an aspiring actress trying to stand out from the crowd at an audition, I’m buying the Staples Center sign, posing right in front of “Actress,” and watch the bank account overflow.
Teen Crap
Zodiac rings, BTS posters, Tik Tok ideas. Everything you need for your favorite youth all in one place. Come on in to “Teen Crap” and let your favorite 13-19 year old max out your credit card on totally worthwhile stuff!
Relapse
This absolutely sounds like an insensitive name to call a bar in LA. We wouldn’t make that joke though, totally tasteless.
Los Angeles, there you go. Your homework is done for you, you’re welcome. It’s up to you now to make sure the letters of “Staples Center” do not fade into memory as a worthless and out of date member of society…kind of like the actual store Staples.
A great start to the week for all of us uniform analysts out there. The NBA dropped their 2021-2022 “City Edition” jerseys on Monday. One of our favorite traditions around here is being completely uninformed fashion critics. As we did last season, we are here once again to provide commentary that no one asks for or needs.
The 404 has always held us down. We bring you this jersey as our ultimate tribute to the 🅰️ pic.twitter.com/Lpxa9yzNlZ
Brooklyn Nets – always a good idea to throw back to the Jason Kidd/Richard Jefferson/Kenyon Martin era. Turns out the Nets Big 3 in the early aughts might end up being better than their current Big 3.
Chicago Bulls – the throwback font on “Chicago” is cool, but the basic number font doesn’t pair well, be better Bulls.
Cleveland Cavaliers – at time of writing, the Cavs have yet to post about their City Edition jerseys; simply shocking that an organization so well run would miss something like this. If you really want to get an idea, go watch Hoosiers.
Denver Nuggets – not only are these fun, but educational! I liked that Denver incorporated the ABA ball, and had no idea before today that their old logo was a miner. Also, the rainbow/mountain look always plays for the Nuggets in the uniform game.
Introducing… our #NBA75 City Edition jersey & uniform. Savvy and skilled, with grit and a never-back-down attitude, it’s a style of play that can only come from the Motor City. We hustle 𝒹𝒾𝒻𝒻𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓃𝓉.
Detroit Pistons – aren’t these pretty much just…their normal uniforms with the colors flipped? Only redeeming quality here is a that hint of Grant Hill era green/turquoise on the shorts.
Golden State Warriors – same vibes as the Pistons here for me. These are basically jerseys we’ve seen before, with one saving grace: the “splash” feature is awesome.
Houston Rockets – these are slick. I always liked the Barkley/Pippen/early Yoa Ming era Rockets jerseys, and it’s a nice touch incorporating that with their current logo on the shorts without it looking dumb.
Los Angeles Clippers – wowzers these are clean. Nothing crazy, crisp letter & number font, great shade of baby blue. Not many wins for the Clips so far this year, but this is one.
Los Angeles Lakers – “lost” is an appropriate word the Lakers used in the above tweet. I get what they were going for here, but I think it’s a miss. If you’re one of the most storied franchises in NBA history and you City Edition jersey looks like the Charlotte Hornets Starter pullover jacket we all had in the 90’s, you missed.
Memphis Grizzlies – anytime you have the opportunity to lean into some of the greatest uniforms of all time, you need to take it. Opportunity squandered.
Miami Heat – year in and year out, the Heat are at the top of any type of alternate uniform list, and nothing changes here. The ability to pull off all of the neon blues, pinks, etc. puts them at an unfair advantage. Excellent as usual.
The City Edition makes its on-court debut November 17th at @FiservForum vs. LA.
Minnesota Timberwolves – Kevin Garnett would be proud, and so am I. Nice and easy look, the accent trees on the belt and shorts, with the throwback font as a cherry on top.
Philadelphia 76ers – nice 70’s ABA vibe here. The multi-colored side panel gives off a little Nuggets/rainbow feature as well.
Phoenix Suns – the Suns haven’t posted about their City Edition jerseys at time of writing. But, it doesn’t appear they changed anything from last year. Those were perfect, so if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
This year’s City edition honors three of the most iconic achievements in franchise history – the 1977 NBA Championship and the 1990 and 1992 Western Conference Championships.https://t.co/idNjRbJvjnpic.twitter.com/XJKkSuxC17
Portland Trailblazers – not a huge stray away from their normal threads, but this still plays. How about the argyle-ish side panel, when was the last time we saw that on an NBA uniform?
Sacramento Kings – the lion logo is above par, the rest is fine. I’m going to use my joke from last year’s review (because it was so hilarious), I can see thousands of bros at Bonnaroo and Lollapalooza rocking these bad boys solely because is has “sac” on it, which is approval enough for me.
San Antonio Spurs – all in on these. Bright colors really work when teams try to think outside of the box on uniforms, and the Spurs’ color history works perfect for this.
Toronto Raptors – the Raptors kind of have a Magic/orange obsession with gold; very random. But you have to give some points here for the old school logo. A dinosaur dribbling a basketball, how absurd.
Utah Jazz – no social media post, and based on the picture above it doesn’t look like the Jazz put too much effort into their City Edition jerseys this year, sad!
A mix of the old and the new.
Introducing our 2021-22 NBA City Edition uniform 🔥
Washington Wizards – ending with a winner here. Fairly basic design, love the font from the Washington B*llets days. Well done in our nation’s capital.
Another year, another mediocre City Edition jersey review. This is a fun thing the NBA does every year, and while I’m sure they love the conversation and extra dollars that come with it, the misses are almost always as good as the hits.
A spooky, after dark edition of SSM this week. We take a scary hayrack ride through the week that was in the sports world. Those scrappy bad guy Astros, just keep hangin’ ’round The Braves could have been World Series champs, no king yet has been crowned Atlanta still up 3-2, one more win on the way? They’ll get a chance to become champs this coming Tuesday
The Jets have won a game! What a New Jersey dream Even more impressive, they beat a first place team Tough loss for the Bengals, hopefully a minor stop In what would be a great season while rising to the top
Sticking in the AFC East, but opposite result Dolphins lose their seventh straight, total football insult The Bills bounce back for a win, after a Monday loss Come playoff time, Bills Mafia will not be crossed
The NBA is in full swing, the sports world has no lulls The Eastern Conference has been surprising: Knicks, Hornets, and Bulls Out in the Western Conference, Clippers are 1-4 Hope it will get better, a start the Clips ignore
Got an in state battle, down in East Lansing Sparty came out, beat big brother, totally did their thing A tough loss for Michigan, but they’re still top 10 Another ranked opponent beating Jim Harbaugh again
A really tough two weeks for Iowa football Number two two weeks ago, since then been all fall After losing to Wisconsin, another unranked foe Hawkeyes fall to number 19, there their playoff dreams go
Caleb Williams and the Sooners, rolled up Texas Tech Six touchdowns through the air, Red Raiders saying “what the heck?” Incredible start to a career, the young man is a battler Continues to be special and play over Spencer Rattler
Joakim Noah, the Bulls newest ambassador and one of the NBA’s most interesting men on and off the court, will be properly honored Thursday night in Chicago. The son of a professional tennis player and Miss Universe contestant will get his due at The United Center for his efforts and contributions during his 13 years in the NBA. The Knicks come to town to play the Bulls in a matchup of two of Noah’s former teams for “Joakim Noah Night.”
The Bulls put together a great (long) thank you video outlining what Noah meant during and after his time with the organization.
For anyone who appreciated the Noah/Rose/Boozer/Thibodeau era of Chicago basketball, this whole week has been a nostalgic blur. The Bulls Twitter account has been full of content and pictures that will bring any fan back to an incredible time.
Here at UDS, we would like to join the party in heaping praise on Joakim. Some of his greatest career highlights (in our opinion) are below.
Draft Day
One of the GOAT pictures in NBA, if not all of history.
Where do we even start?
Every single aspect of this picture brings joy. The tan pinstripe suit, the draft day hat barely containing the glorious hair, the gap-toothed infectious smile, the oversized bow tie.
The overall complete contrast next to David Stern makes Noah’s draft day picture one of the greatest of all time.
After his time in Chicago, Noah signed with the Knicks in 2016.
An unfortunately unsuccessful tenure that only lasted three injury-filled seasons.
In an interview with Chris Vernon, Noah admitted: “I can look back at it and say I was ready for New York City…[b]ut I wasn’t. Not just the pressure. I remember after the first game I had 60 people in my house. I’m too lit to play in New York City.”
The blunt honesty is something so rare we get as fans, and Noah should be applauded for being so sincere on such a public failure.
So Jo, Sticks, Mr. Noah, Stickity, and any other loving name we can use, thank you. Your energy, openness, and general vibe made you one of the most entertaining players the NBA has had in its history.
Eighteen former NBA players were charged and brought into custody Thursday after authorities discovered an insurance fraud plan aimed at the league’s Health and Welfare Benefit Plan.
The charges allege that the group of retired players attempted to defraud the plan of approximately $4 million dollars in awards. The plan allegedly involved submitting fake invoices for medical services or equipment needed by players after their service in the NBA had ended.
Pretty serious shit. The list of all 18 players can be found in the link above. The three biggest names in the list of fraudsters was Tony Allen, Glen “Big Baby” Davis, and Darius Miles. Allen played 14 seasons between the Celtics, Grizzlies, and Pelicans. Davis was in the league for nine years with the Celtics, Magic, and Clippers. Miles was an eight year veteran with the Clippers, Cavs, Trail Blazers, and Grizzlies.
This had to have been the biggest steal in all three of these guys’ careers, right? According to basketball reference, Allen averaged 1.4 steals/game in his career, Davis 0.7, and Miles a shade under a full steal per game at 0.9.
No individual stats were immediately available on how much each of these three received from the scam before being caught. But, if we’re going by pre-retirement compared to post-retirement careers, all three are right around their playing days’ stealing average.
After today, all three of their post-retirement numbers sit at 1.0 steals/retirement. Compared to their on court careers, Allen dips a bit, but marked improvement by both David and Miles.
You often hear that even though professional athletes bodies may break down during their playing careers, their competitive drives never leave. Props to these three for continuing working on their stealing ability post-career.
Here we are again, friends. We have reached the end of another week, and we’re here to review in the latest Sunday State of Mind.
Of all the good stories this year, and there are aplenty My favorite of them all may be Trey Mancini Fought and beat cancer last year, but missed the entire season I’ll be watching the Derby this year, and he’s the only reason
Even more destroying of baseballs, the big guy Kyle Schwarber When he steps into the box, pitcher’s crouch in horror Thirteen home runs in fifteen games, guy is on a tear When he’s in the zone like this, it’s almost just unfair
Another no hitter was thrown this week, Dodgers looking like scrubs After starting Zach Davies and throwing three relievers, got no hit by the Cubs It’s the seventh no-no in 2021, tying a major league mark You never know what you’ll see day to day, at the old ballpark
Can’t forget the NBA, Conference Finals in full swing Bucks and Hawks are tied 1-1, Suns are doing their thing The Clippers are missing their guy Kawhi, sidelined by a knee If he doesn’t get back soon, eliminated they will be
We do have one Finals match set, in the NHL Montreal and Tampa Bay, let the excitement swell Will Lord Stanley reside up north? Will Tampa Bay repeat? Looking forward either way for how the season will complete
Happy Father’s Day! Read this week’s SSM to Dad since he was probably napping in his recliner during all the action.
Madden 22 has released their latest cover Two goats, one game, great for football lovers Brady and Mahomes are your newest cover boys On the video game that has given all of us years of joy
Spider Tack introduced itself into the public eye MLB cares all the sudden, truly wonder why No chance that it could be because batting’s now a joke Anything they can do to fix a sport that’s nearly broke
Suns and the Clippers, finals in the West Phoenix and LA going to see who is the best Bucks advanced in the East to face the 76ers or Hawks Philly or Atlanta in game seven, loser has to walk
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