The Masters

The Best Masters Preview You Will Ever Read

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Photo: Amazon

The fake bird chirps…the spray painted grass…The Masters.

The best weekend in golf is here, and so is our dumb preview.

Last year we were piiiiiiissed at the first and second round pairings. This year, much like Phil Mickelson, we’re so excited we can’t feel our face.

So let’s dive in to some notable playing groups we’ll see Thursday and Friday at Augusta.

10:06AM/1:12PM.: Patrick Cantlay, Min Woo Lee, Rickie Fowler: truly hope Min Woo and Rickie are in for the fastest round of their lives!

10:18AM/1:24PM: Hideki Matsuyama, Will Zalatoris, Justin Thomas: we will take any reason we can find to relive Hideki’s caddy bowing to the course.

10:30AM/1:36PM: Jon Rahm, Matt Fitzpatrick, Nick Dunlap: if Rahm plays poorly this week, he may just use his LIV money to buy and bulldoze Augusta.

10:42AM/1:48PM: Scottie Scheffler, Rory McIlroy, Xander Schauffele: Scottie’s on baby watch, if he wins this weekend you have to name that kid August, right?

10:54AM/2:00PM: Wyndham Clark, Viktor Hovland, Cameron Smith: this group is interesting because you have two incredibly rich sounding names and then a dude who might be the best of the three who looks like a cigarette butt.

11:42AM/8:36AM: Vijay Singh, Si Woo Kim, Emiliano Grillo: speaking of names, here we have the group with the widest gap between funnest names to say and most boring to watch.

12:48PM/9:36AM: Patrick Reed, Sungjae Im, Kurt Kitayama: despite Reed being the leader in career earnings by a long shot in this group, we would highly advise Sungjae and Kurt to keep a close eye on their wallets.

1:24PM/10:18AM: Tiger Woods, Jason Day, Max Homa: we’re not going to make the boring no sex joke about Tiger here…but honestly being around a couple hotties like Jason and Max for a few days might pop that chastity belt right off.

1:36PM/10:30AM: Brian Harman, Brooks Koepka, Tom Kim: if Brooks doesn’t make the cut he might be as wide eyed as Phil.

The Masters is the perfect comedown from March Madness, something the sports Gods give us every year to wean us off the hard stuff like a heroine detox center. But with all of these pairings, we’re ready to relapse.

Sunday State of Mind: April 3rd-April 9th

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Photo: Southern Living

It’s Easter Sunday, John Rahm is the Masters champion, and SSM is here.

We start at Augusta, they did it again
Jon Rahm is the champion, a green jacket win
Took over in the final round, took it away from Brooks
Lost it in the end, and Rahm gave him the hook

Hottest start in baseball, your Tampa Bay Rays
Won their first nine game and did it in so many ways
Best start to a baseball season since 2003
Rays sitting at 9-0, start drinking the tea

The NBA is winding down, almost playoff time
Play will start to ratchet up, they’ll actually try
Milwaukee and Denver will be your one seeds
Regular season sucks, postseason’s what we need

We love college hockey, we say it all the time
No mention of Quinnipiac, it would be a crime
NCAA champions, won in overtime
Beat the Golden Gophers, has to feel sublime

The Masters Pairings Are Out and They STINK

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Photo: Logos World

It’s Masters Week, folks.

First and second round pairings have been released, and we’ve got opinions.

As always, there’s great groups and bad groups. To golf fans collective chagrin, the majority of these groups are substandard, unsatisfactory, and dreadful…or so says the synonym list for “bad.”

8:12 a.m. – Vijay Singh, Scott Stallings, Matthew McClean (A): Vijay is still somehow doing it…just locked in the amateur to finish higher than him and that ticket will CASH.

9:48 a.m. – Bubba Watson, Seamus Power, Mateo Fernandez de Oliveira (A): this group has taken the early Masters lead for best collective names.

10:18 a.m. – Tiger Woods, Viktor Hovland, Xander Schauffele: probably the strongest group we’ll get, and will definitely be an episode of Full Swing season two.

10:42 a.m. – Justin Thomas, Jon Rahm, Cameron Young: another robust group, only missing the greatest golfer of all time like the previous group mentioned above.

12:24 p.m. – Phil Mickelson, Tom Hoge, Si Woo Kim: one of LIV’s biggest and reddest faces is paired up with a collective five PGA Tour wins.

1:12 p.m. – Dustin Johnson, Corey Conners, Justin Rose: this group actually plays. Two big names and the guys who carded a sixth place finish in last years Masters.

2:00 p.m. – Jordan Spieth, Tommy Fleetwood, Tony Finau: strong name recognition in the last group of Day 1; advantage to Fleetwood here if his body’s still on European time.

The Masters always seems to come at just the right time, almost like they planned it. The weather’s getting warmer, college basketball is over, and the post Opening Day excitement of baseball has already faded. So fill your work calendar with bogus meetings, check your inbox once an hour, and enjoy the beautiful sights and fake bird chirps of Augusta once more.

Sunday State of Mind: April 4th-April 10th

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Photo: Masters.com

Hello friends…it’s Sunday. More importantly, Sunday at The Masters. One of sports most beautiful, peaceful events deserves prose just as alluring and tranquil. That’s where SSM comes into play.

Big Scottie Scheffler, got his green jacket
Beat the entire field, won the golfer’s bracket
The number one ranked player, lived up to his grade
Adding to his closet, and also got paid

Of course the other story, Eldrick “Tiger” Woods
Bringing all of us back to our nostalgic childhoods
Results weren’t exactly there, but he finished the race
It’s a special thing seeing that guy at that place

Onto other sports, baseball is back!
Summer just around the corner, lookin’ like a snack
Ready for some ballgames, hot dogs pretzels and beer
After an offseason and lockout, we’re glad baseball’s here

Nikola Jokic, big man can do it all
Shoot, rebound, and pass, he knows his basketball
Became the first to score 2k, and grab 1k rebounds
Also 500 assists, MVP all but crowned

Sunday State of Mind: April 5th-April 11th

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Photo: Pixels Talk

We’ve reached the end of a week that was chalked full of sports. We review in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

Another gorgeous weekend at Augusta National
The best golf weekend of the year, not irrational
Hideki Matsuyama is your first time Masters winner
He wins the green jacket and will host next year’s champions dinner

We had our first no-hitter this week against the Texas Rangers
Joe Musgrove made opposing hitters his baby, put them in the manger
It was the first no hitter thrown in Padres history
Musgrove moved to 2-0 this year, great second victory

Another sad chapter in the Jacob DeGrom story
The NY Post crushed the Mets and their chronic purgatory
Fourteen K’s, one mistake, and zero run support
Yet another hard loss to swallow, for one of the best in the sport

A wild cross-sport story, baseball to basketball
Alex Rodriguez breaking the bank as well as the ownership wall
He’s partnering with his boy Marc Lore to buy the Timberwolves & Lynx
The sale is reported to be $1.5 billion, back up the Brinks!

Sunday State of Mind: November 9th-November 15th

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Photo: Vlad Hilitanu on Unsplash

Another weekend come and gone…let’s reflect on the week that was in this weeks SSM.

The Miami Marlins, shattering the ceiling
The team has hired the first female GM, an absolute awesome feeling
Kim Ng has been hired to run the show for the Marlins
Here’s hoping it all goes well, and she leads the team to many wins

The 2020 Masters was as always a treat
Dustin Johnson, simply could not be beat
Yes DJ took home his first green jacket
He’s the #1 golfer in the world, in his own bracket

The Bills and Cardinals, holy shit
Kyler to DeAndre, Cards didn’t quit
On the last extra point, the Cards took a knee
An incredible cover, for those who had Buffalo +3

The Tompa Bay Bucs got back on track
TB12 with four touchdowns, put the team on his back
Ronald Jones went yard with a 98-yard score
The Buccaneers are gelling more and more

We’ve Got Pairings for Thursday at The Masters and We’re Hyped

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Photo: Sports & Entertainment Nashville

Hello friends…we’re so close. Thursday marks the beginning of the 2020 Masters. We’ve dealt with a lot of shit this year, and we deserve it. Yesterday afternoon, the PGA dropped Thursday pairings that we’ll see get going at the always pristine Augusta National Golf Club. There are some incredibly interesting groups we’ll see on Thursday and it’s got us like:

Jon Rahm, Bryson DeChambeau, Louis Oosthuizen

At 7:33, Jon Rahm, Bryson DeChambeau, and Louis Oosthuizen will get their rounds started. While still looking for his first major, Rahm has remained one of the most consistent golfers on tour since turning professional in 2016. DeChambeau is, of course, the scientific freak of nature currently terrorizing golf balls wherever he goes. It will be interesting to see how his powerful game meshes with Augusta.

Photos: Albany Herald, Bro Bible, The South African

Adam Scott, Collin Morikawa, Tyrrell Hatton

Adam Scott tees off with Collin Morikawa & Tyrrell Hatton at 11:38. Scott won The Masters in 2013, and his last major in 2018. Can he get back to playing elite level golf and add another green jacket? Only time will tell. Morikawa is a baby, both in terms of his PGA career and in real life, coming into the 2020 Masters at 23 years old. He exploded onto the scene while winning the 2020 PGA Championship. This will be Morikawa’s first Masters Tournament.

Photos: Zimbio, Bleacher Report, Sky Sports

Dustin Johnson, Patrick Cantlay, Rory McIlroy

In the group with the most name recognition; Dustin Johnson, Patrick Cantlay, and Rory McIlroy tee off at noon sharp. With five majors between DJ and Rory (Cantlay really not pulling his weight here), this group has a ton of fire power. No Masters wins can be found between these three, with DJ coming closest with a second place finish in last years tournament. Rory’s best Masters finish came in 2015 (4th), and Cantlay’s best finish came in 2019 when he finished 9th.

Photos: CBS Sports, LA Times, Sky Sports

Tiger Woods, Shane Lowry, Andy Ogletree

With all due respect to Shane Lowry & Andy Ogletree…Tiger Woods tees off at 7:55. What else can we say about Tiger that hasn’t already been said? Fifteen majors, 82 career PGA Tour wins, the clear cut best to ever do it. Last years Masters tournament, in which Tiger won after carding a -13, was one of the greatest moments we’ve seen in sports, and the conclusion of a huge, huge, comeback story.

Photo: Mirror

We hope you all relish and savor this years Masters Tournament. Enjoy it while it’s here, it always seems to go by way too fast. Even better news: if this years tournament doesn’t quite quench your golf thirst, the 2021 Masters is right around the corner, scheduled for April 2021.

Sunday State of Mind: August 10th-August 16th

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Photo: Shifaaz shamoon on Unsplash

Hello, and welcome to this week’s SSM.

The NBA playoffs are ready to go
The postseason tournament starts tomorrow
The champions will pop some champagne bottles
Big loss for the players though, no Instagram models

We already know The Masters have been pushed back
But come November, golf fans will be jacked
Unfortunately, Augusta announced this week
No fans due to COVID this year, not one in-person peek

The COVID ravaged Cardinals actually played a game!
Their first since July 29th, what a shame
They swept the White Sox in a double header
Hopefully lesson learned, and the players will be better

Ohio State QB Justin Fields, not a quitter
Started a MoveOn.org petition, asking the B1G to reconsider
A continued push of the #WeWantToPlay movement
If this petition goes anywhere, we could see some college football improvement