LeBron James

Spotify Loves A Good List as Much as We Do

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Photo: Prescription PR

Days like today make the internet not the worst place ever.

Spotify dropped a new feature allowing us to rank our #SpotifyTop5 Taylor Swift Eras. A very smart play by the folks running all of our favorite place to stream music and podcasts.

For the hundreds of millions who have been reading us since the start, you know we love a good ranking.

So, let’s get meta AF with it, yeah? Here’s our #UDSTop5 ranking of things to rank.

5. Athletes

Automatic conversation starter.

LeBron/MJ, Mahomes/Allen, Ohtani/Ruth; it’s a never ending conversation with zero correct answers.

By the way, the correct answers are MJ, Mahomes, and Ohtani.

4. Airports

Traveling is great; airports are not.

We’ve all had bad airport experiences that had nothing to do with airlines. Some are clearly better than others.

All I hope for is that you never find yourself stuck in Minneapolis–Saint Paul International Airport.

3. Streaming Services

Where do you most prefer to snort your hours and hours of entertainment?

Will you sacrifice a shittier user interface for slightly better content?

FWIW, my favorite streaming service is Peacock…it’s the one platform that properly defines the main function of the penis.

2. Seasons

A slightly condensed ranking here. Only four options, but fierce opinions whatever you prefer.

Of course, the only correct order is Summer, Spring, Fall, Winter. Fight me.

1. Food

Unlike seasons, there are thousands of food takes and opinions out there. Plenty of sustenance discourse to be had.

For those of you new here: breakfast sucks.

What Should Shannon Sharpe Do Post Skip Bayless?

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Photo: Awful Announcing

Shannon Sharpe and Skip Bayless are headed towards their inevitable divorce.

Fox Sports announced this week that Sharpe would be leaving the daily two and a half hour yelling fest after the NBA Finals. Sharpe’s ears and vocal chords could not be reached for comment, but released a statement saying they are looking forward to some R&R.

So, what options does Sharpe have for his immediate future now that he’s leaving Bayless all alone in the Fox Sports studios in LA?

Most likely, we’re looking at a move to another network or continuing his podcast. Sharpe previously worked for CBS before hopping over to Fox, so a potential reunion there. Maybe ESPN, who knows. A lot of options out there in the content game.

Coaching is always a possibility. Sharpe had a Hall of Fame career with the Broncos and Ravens, so he knows a thing or two about a thing or two about football.

Sharpe is absolutely ripped, like shredded from marble. Why not look into the security industry? Uncle Shannon rides as hard as anyone for LeBron James. A guy like James can always use protection; it may be a perfect fit for an absolutely jacked retired athlete with some free time on his hands. He also basically already applied for the job.

Finally, Sharpe could get daily colonoscopies for medical research. This would be a fine option, due to the fact that it could help scientific research and sounds more enjoyable than spending 12.5 hours with Skip Bayless every week.

We’re Calling Bullshit on the Memphis Grizzlies

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Photo: NBA.com

The Memphis Grizzlies just announced that Dillon “The Villain” Brooks will not return to the team “under any circumstances.”

I mean…my God, dramatic much?

Unless you don’t watch the NBA or live on Mars, Brooks certainly had himself an April. After unconscionably shitting on LeBron James, subsequently getting shit on by LeBron in comedically quick fashion, and choosing the route of being a glass house coward and not facing the media, Brooks is out of a job.

It’s hard to remember an organization being so overt in announcing their roster decisions. We as a society of sports fans need to be better at holding our teams accountable.

With that in mind, can we really believe the Memphis Grizzlies wouldn’t bring back Brooks back under ANY circumstance?

If they really needed a big body who knew their system, and the free agency pool and trade market wasn’t flush with opportunities, you’re telling me the Grizz wouldn’t sign him? Hmmm…

What if NBA commissioner Adam Silver made a rule that every team needed a 6’6 Canadian who went to the University of Oregon on their roster? You’re telling me that’s a community flush with NBA talent that the Grizzlies could just pick one of the litter? I don’t know…

It feels like the world’s been on the brink of ending for the last five years or so, right? What if the entire universe crumbled, and all that was left was Memphis, Tennessee? They’ve got to fill that roster somehow, right? Sounds like Brooks would still be available to re-sign in that circumstance.

All I’m saying is…never say never. Dillon Brooks has spent his entire career with the Grizzlies up to this point. To not give this man a proper sendoff and publicly squashing any chance of a reunion just seems mean…also not 100% true.

Sunday State of Mind: April 17th-April 23rd

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Photo: UNEP

Unlike Ben Simmons…we’re not sitting this round out. SSM is live.

Bring out the brooms in Philly, Sixers roll the Nets
Beat Brooklyn on Friday to win the series in straight sets
Injuries and suspensions became the big headline
A first round series sweep is the perfect design

The hottest team in baseball, you will never guess
It’s usually a team who by this time’s always a mess
A team who’s name is usually followed by the word “sucks”
It’s the Pittsburgh Pirates, seven game win streak for the Bucs

We shouldn’t give it more attention than it really deserves
But all we have to say about Dillon Brooks is, THE NERVE
Tried to come at LeBron, was thoroughly embarrassed
A poorly failed attempt to gain some ground on The King’s terrace

Doing Some LeBron Math

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Photo: CNN

If you don’t have the internet, you may not have heard that LeBron James broke Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s all-time NBA scoring record last night.

An incredible feat of both talent and longevity, Kareem was attendance in the third quarter when LeBron heroically rose above Kenrich Williams and hit a jump shot that put him over the previous record of 38,387 career points.

That’s a lot of points. We wanted to put in perspective what kind of numbers we’re talking about here:

  • Incredibly, after all these points, he’s only won one season scoring title. That’s the same number of times he returned to Cleveland to bring the Cavs a championship.
  • LeBron’s played for three different franchises, the Cavs, Heat, and Lakers. If you divide his total career points (38,390) and divide it by the number of teams he’s played for, you get 12,796…or the same number of teammates LeBron has traded away in his career.
  • LBJ has deservedly made the All-Star game 19 out of his 20 NBA seasons; that’s an astonishing 95% mark…that matches the same percentage of all of us that laughed at the “Maybe It’s Me” tweet he sent last week when the Lakers didn’t go out and grab Kyrie Irving.
  • The King has won four NBA championships in his incredible career. If you multiply his career points by the amount of championships won, you get 153,560…or the same amount of rings he promised to bring to Miami during that introduction party he had with Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh.

This is obviously a huge accomplishment for LeBron, who has done plenty of dumb stuff to make fun of him about as well as great things to be admired. Times like these where career achievements are met are just the perfect vehicle to make fun of him for it all.

Sunday State of Mind: January 23rd-January 29th

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Photo: National Parks and Wildlife Service

The Super Bowl is set, we all know that. But what else happened in sports this week other than the Eagles and Chiefs advancing? SSM knows, and now you will too.

Streep, Denzel, Robert De Niro, best actors today
A new entry has joined the group, also plays in LA
A small slap of the wrist, felt like a broken arm
LeBron threw a hissy fit, keeps adding to his charm

More NBA antics, a bad repeat offender
Bad boy of the league Steph Curry, big fine money spender
Ejected from the game on Thursday, a disgusting act
Threw his mouthpiece on the ground, we all should feel attacked

Don’t look up to athletes kids, they’ll always let you down
Stetson Bennett had a night, then acted like a clown
A few too many Miller Lites and things can go awry
One month you’re a champion, the next you’re the bad guy

Phil was feeling feisty, on the internet
Cracking jokes between placing million dollar bets
Fashion trends and travel plans were in his stand up set
The internet did their job though, people don’t forget

It Gets Better, Laker Fans

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Photo: The Spun

Laker fans…we’re here to help.

As LeBron, AD, and the boys fell to 0-4 on Wednesday night in Denver, we knew you would need us. It’s low right now, we won’t lie. Times are tough. But you know what, you can’t have sunshine without a little rain, right?

Who cares if you’ve lost three of four by 11+ point margins, that you’re second to last and last in three point and shooting percentage, respectively, or that you have one of the most unhappy superstars of all time in a bench role he hates?

You know what, things can only go up from here, right?!

…right?

Hey, your Cowboys are looking decent! Cooper Rush really held down the fort while Dak Prescott was injured. Number four came back and looked OK against the Lions, that’s always great. Don’t even worry about the fact that they’ve only won three playoff games since 1998. You’ve got Micah Parsons!

How could we forget about your Yankees? Season just ended, understood. But Aaron Judge took all of baseball on a hell of a ride to only come up 11 home runs short of Barry Bonds. Something none of us will soon forget. You have to love the “World Series or bust” attitude…even if you’ve only won one in the last 21 years. It’s still a great feat!

Well, hopefully this helps. Lakers fans, you are some of the best and most dedicated in all of sports. I’m sure this season will turn around eventually. LeBron will right the ship, Russell will get shipped, and it’ll be back to The Lake Show in no time.

…right?

A Full List of LeBron’s Demands After Claiming the Future NBA Franchise in Las Vegas

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Photo: Heavy

The King has called dibs.

In a wildly brash answer during a press conference in Las Vegas, LeBron James called out NBA Commissioner Adam Silver regarding the NBA potentially expanding to Sin City.

“He probably sees every single interview and transcript that comes through from NBA players…so, I want the team here, Adam.” said James.

Of course, LeBron is (AKA earned the right to be) the only current player in the NBA to come out and say something so bold while, obviously, still being on a roster. Even so, hearing a guy outwardly planning his next career move in Vegas while still having a lot of work to do for the Lakers is worth noting

While The King’s begging of the commissioner is getting the headlines, there were a number of other demands the 37-year-old James made during the Q&A session:

  • Officially outlawing traveling.
  • Requiring the entire NBA to activate “Zero Dark Thirty-23” during the playoffs.
  • All Klutch Sports clients provided a seventh foul before being fouled out of games.
  • Evolving “All-Star Weekend” to “All-Star Month and a Half.”
  • Any references to receding hairlines meriting a 41-game suspension.
  • LeBron provided an eighth foul before being fouled out of games.

A pretty burdensome list from LeBron. Without question he still has enough sway going into his 20th season to effect some changes in the NBA in the spirit of improving the league as a whole, and definitely not just himself.

Sunday State of Mind: August 22nd-August 28th

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Photo: Good Fon

The dog days of summer are about to come to an end, and this week’s SSM is about to begin.

Week zero college football, back in a minor way
Next week all of the big boys, will come out to play
Still great to have real games, that actually count
I think we all missed college football quite a large amount

The sad downside of football, injuries occur
The rough part of the game that none of us prefer
You never want to see a player get carted off the field
But Poe was hurt, really bad, hope he will soon heal

A monster baseball contract, pen to ink this week
Julio Rodríguez wins again, continues his hot streak
Fourteen years, $200 mil, that much is guaranteed
Seattle is a great sports town, this is the guy they need

Big weekend for the Mariners, and their GOAT Ichiro
Inducted to their Hall of Fame, should’ve happened years ago
The baseball Hall of Fame is not far down the road
An incredible player with everything he showed

A bad break for the Thunder, and their big draft pick
Chet Holmgren’s gonna miss the season, Oklahoma sick
It happened in a pro-am, trying to guard The King
LeBron hit him a little hard, made Chet’s little foot sting

Sunday State of Mind: August 15th-August 21st

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Photo: Peta Pixel

This week’s SSM has it all; mystery absences, crumbling baseball teams, and pro-am basketball.

The GOAT of quarterbacks, Mr. Tom Brady
Has been away for some time now, kind of seems shady
Assuming everyone is fine, the best theory has come
That he’s been filming Masked Singer, if true how great and dumb

Speaking of TB12, what could’ve been in Vegas
Apparently the deal was done, not much more to discuss
Jon Gruden nixed a package deal for Gronk and the QB
Would’ve had two more Super Bowls by now, maybe three

Whose fans feel the worst right now, the White Sox or Yankees
Yanks can’t win a game, La Russa’s brain is filled with bees
New York is at least still leading a tough AL East
Every day Chicago’s playoff chances just decrease

Pro-am basketball has become a hit this summer
The latest was The Crawsover, event was not a bummer
LeBron, Tatum, Holmgren, the lineup was real deep
A cool environment to get to see the big boys leap