Let’s Learn About the Teams in the MLB Playoffs

October 1, 2024 Chris CookAtlanta Braves, Baltimore Orioles, Cleveland Guardians, Dallas Cowboys, Detroit Tigers, Houston Astros, José Ramírez, Kansas City Royals, Los Angeles Dodgers, Los Angeles Lakers, Milwaukee Brewers, MLB, New York Mets, New York Yankees, Nick Sirianni, Philadelphia Eagles, Philadelphia Phillies, Ryan Braun, San Diego Padres, Shohei OhtaniLeave a comment

Photo: MLB.com

October is here, which means playoff baseball.

The MLB Playoffs kick off today, and they usually deliver. Baseball’s still a long season that makes it hard to keep up with, so why don’t we learn a few fun facts about each team?

Los Angeles Dodgers – the NL’s number one seed spent just over twelve trillion dollars on this year’s roster.

New York Yankees – the top dog in the AL is hoping to bring home World Series number 27 for all of the Lakers and Cowboys fans out there.

Philadelphia Phillies – Eagles head coach Nick Sirianni has come out in huge support of the Fightin’ Phils…anything to take the attention off of how bad his team looks so far this season.

Cleveland Guardians – José Ramírez fell one home run short of joining the 40/40 club this season, “he should be sent down to the minors for such a piss poor effort,” said Shohei Ohtani.

Milwaukee Brewers – the Brew Crew is the ultimate scrappy, lower budger franchise you love to root for…except they employed Ryan Braun so we all have to hate them, it’s the law.

Houston Astros – the trash can bangers are back in business baby, don’t let the rule book hit you on the way out.

San Diego Padres – the perfect city with the perfect alternate uniforms. If they don’t wear these at least four times in the playoffs they have no shot.

Baltimore Orioles – the last time the Orioles were in back to back playoffs was in 1996-1997, at which point nine of their current players were not even born.

Atlanta Braves – the exact opposite of the Orioles, the Bravos are in for the seventh straight year. Not sure if this is accurate or not, but scientists note that since the last time the Braves missed the playoffs, the Earth has gone around the Sun seven times. Science is crazy.

Kansas City Royals – if I had a gun to my head and was told to name the Royals manager, I would not be sitting here writing this blog. Matt Quatraro is his name. The skipper never made it to the majors, but was a .286 hitter with 23 home runs and 202 RBI in his minor league career.

New York Mets – The Metropolitans snuck in yesterday after splitting a double header with the Braves. Do you think Mr. and Mrs. Met celebrated appropriately?

Detroit Tigers – I was as surprised as you to see the Tigs on the above bracket, but make no mistake they are a playoff team. Since Javy Báez had season ending surgery on August 26th, they are 21-10…that is simply a true statistic, and not a comment on the fact that as much as we love Javy, he would swing and miss sand if he were at the beach.

We love playoff baseball, and we hope you do to. If you don’t like playoff baseball, then you suck as much as Ryan Braun.

Ohtani? Bellinger? Nah…Ichiro.

November 21, 2023November 21, 2023 Chris CookAlex Anthopoulos, Atlanta Braves, Ben Cherington, Boston Red Sox, Brian Cashman, Cody Bellinger, Ichiro Suzuki, Miami Marlins, MLB, New York Yankees, Rich Hill, Seattle Mariners, Shohei OhtaniLeave a comment

Photo: The Ringer

The MLB Hot Stove is really Hot Stovin’. A free agent class led by Shohei Ohtani, Cody Bellinger, and as always…Rich Hill.

But there’s an old familiar face that no one seems to be paying attention to…Ichiro.

Footage dropped Tuesday of Ichiro’s most recent outing, and it did not dissapoint:

50-year-old Ichiro Suzuki pitched a complete-game shutout on 116 pitches against a high school girls team today. He had nine strikeouts, topping out at 86 MPH

He went 2-for-5 at the plate with a double pic.twitter.com/p1Mu1PiOWN
— Talkin’ Baseball (@TalkinBaseball_) November 21, 2023

I mean…that’s insane.

In the age of Ohtani, what Ichiro’s doing at 50 may just be more impressive. A 50 year old throwing a complete game, almost hitting 90 on the gun, all while going 2-5 at the plate? Guy’s still got it!

Shohei’s probably going to get a half a billion dollar contract. While baseball doesn’t have a salary cap, why wouldn’t a forward thinking GM go chess not checkers and pinch a few pennies by getting a slightly older player who can also pitch and hit?

If you’re a Brian Cashman, Ben Cherington, or Alex Anthopoulos sitting in your hoity toity GM office right now reading this…let’s chat, our DM’s are open.

Finally, the Diarrhea Plane Genre Reaches Sports

September 6, 2023 Chris CookDan Le Batard, David Sampson, Fred Wilpon, Miami Marlins, MLB, New York Mets, New York Yankees, Randy LevineLeave a comment

Photo: The Tab

A story Paul Pierce would get in a wheelchair for…a tale that would make Lamar Jackson waddle to the locker room mid game…an anecdote that Odell Beckham Jr. would consider mile high club erotica.

On Wednesday’s Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz; former Marlins president and human Valvoline bottle David Sampson let an incredible story losse about current Yankees president Randy Levine breaking the number one rule on former Mets owner Fred Wilpon’s private jet.

"I have one of the great poop stories in all of baseball…." – @DavidPSamson unleashes an all-time story about the current president of the New York Yankees after the show discussed how a plane was diverted because of diarrhea recently. 😂😂

📺 https://t.co/XPzq5fM85c pic.twitter.com/AgwilULetg
— Dan Le Batard Show with Stugotz (@LeBatardShow) September 6, 2023

Anytime we can hear about billionaires having to deal with shit (literally) on private jets that us peasants run(s) into while we’re stuffed into an overcrowded Southwest tube is always satisfying.

The Yankees and Mets both stink this year. I’m sure both fanbases want to evacuate themselves from this season as quickly as possible, and void their insides of any bad feelings their teams have provided them in 2023. Both organizations are likely to excrete certain particles of themselves after the hind end of the season is over in order to feel relief from this year ending up in the toilet.

It Gets Better, Laker Fans

October 27, 2022 Chris CookAaron Judge, Anthony Davis, Cooper Rush, Dallas Cowboys, Detroit Lions, LeBron James, Los Angeles Lakers, NBA, New York Yankees, NFL, Russell WestbrookLeave a comment

Photo: The Spun

Laker fans…we’re here to help.

As LeBron, AD, and the boys fell to 0-4 on Wednesday night in Denver, we knew you would need us. It’s low right now, we won’t lie. Times are tough. But you know what, you can’t have sunshine without a little rain, right?

Who cares if you’ve lost three of four by 11+ point margins, that you’re second to last and last in three point and shooting percentage, respectively, or that you have one of the most unhappy superstars of all time in a bench role he hates?

You know what, things can only go up from here, right?!

…right?

Hey, your Cowboys are looking decent! Cooper Rush really held down the fort while Dak Prescott was injured. Number four came back and looked OK against the Lions, that’s always great. Don’t even worry about the fact that they’ve only won three playoff games since 1998. You’ve got Micah Parsons!

How could we forget about your Yankees? Season just ended, understood. But Aaron Judge took all of baseball on a hell of a ride to only come up 11 home runs short of Barry Bonds. Something none of us will soon forget. You have to love the “World Series or bust” attitude…even if you’ve only won one in the last 21 years. It’s still a great feat!

Well, hopefully this helps. Lakers fans, you are some of the best and most dedicated in all of sports. I’m sure this season will turn around eventually. LeBron will right the ship, Russell will get shipped, and it’ll be back to The Lake Show in no time.

…right?

Sunday State of Mind: October 17th-October 23rd

October 23, 2022 Chris CookBryce Harper, Carolina Panthers, Christian McCaffrey, Houston Astros, Kansas City Chiefs, Kyle Schwarber, Los Angeles Lakers, MLB, NBA, New York Yankees, Philadelphia 76ers, Philadelphia Phillies, poetry, San Diego Padres, San Francisco 49ers, SSM, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tom Brady, Utah Jazz, Zack WheelerLeave a comment

Another week where sports just unmercifully punched us in the face…and we liked it. Let’s review the pounding with prose in this week’s SSM.

Your NL pennant winners, those pesky Fightin’ Phils!
Took the Padres out, this team is full of thrills
Harper, Schwarber, Wheeler, the list goes on and on
If they play the Astros, series won’t be a yawn

Something rare happened this week, an NFL trade
Niners’ Christian McCaffrey, Frisco not afraid
Made his debut today, got a few plays in
Chiefs came to The Bay however, got themselves the win

Speaking of the Panthers, took it to the Bucs?
Hard to say but it seems like Tampa Bay just sucks
Lot of season left for TB and the boys
Don’t be shocked if they come back and make postseason noise

The NBA is back, first games have come and gone
Just another sport this time of year loves to add on
Some early surprises, Sixers and the Lakers blank
The Jazz keep winning even though they’re clearly trying to tank

Sunday State of Mind: October 10th-October 16th

October 16, 2022 Chris CookAlabama Crimson Tide, Atlanta Braves, Cleveland Guardians, Green Bay Packers, Hendon Hooker, Los Angeles Dodgers, MLB, NCAA, New York Jets, New York Yankees, NFL, Philadelphia Phillies, poetry, San Diego Padres, SSM, Tennessee VolunteersLeave a comment

This week in sports has been absolutely banana sandwich. SSM is here to relive it all.

Alabama/Tennessee, singing Rocky Top
Volunteer offense was rolling, and refused to stop
Hendon Hooker and the boys put up 52
Bama defense, usually good, but last night they blew

Playoff baseball heating up, and upsets galore
Dodgers out, Braves out, who surprised you more?
NLCS matchup of the Padres and the Phillies
Yes you read that matchup right, no not joking, really

Over in the AL, Astros wrecked the M’s
A 3-0 series sweep, Houston played a gem
Guardians and Yankees play to see who gets the ‘stros
Yankees ahead at time of writing, can the bombers close?

We have to ask the question: are the Jets for real?
Went on the road and got a dub down at Lambeau Field
Impressive for a young team, tough place to play for sure
And against Aaron Rodgers, a win they procure

Sunday State of Mind: September 19th-September 25th

September 25, 2022 Chris CookAaron Judge, Aaron Rodgers, Albert Pujols, Green Bay Packers, Indianapolis Colts, Kansas City Chiefs, Matt Ryan, Miami Hurricanes, MLB, MTSU Blue Raiders, NCAA, New York Yankees, NFL, poetry, SSM, St. Louis Cardinals, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tom Brady1 Comment

Save for a few more games, the sports have completed their sportsing this weekend. Let’s look back together at all the happenings in this week’s SSM.

The Albert Pujols show, big episode this week
Joined the 700 club, not bad for an antique
He did it in style, two bombs out in LA
The Yankees home run record keeping Aaron Judge at bay

Tough week in Miami, The U indeed not back
MTSU came to town, Hurricanes blue and black
First year, new coach for the ‘canes, so this isn’t the end
Another upset like this though, things may just start to bend

TB12 and A-Rod, who’s your favorite old QB
On field goat debate, what a thing to see
Could not care less who won the game, what matters to us most
Was how the hell did a bee swarm end up on the goal post?

Colts and the Chiefs, thought this would be easy
By the end of the game Kansas City fans were queasy
Big upset for Indy, Matt Ryan won a big one
Tough loss for the Chiefs, Andy Reid had no fun

Sunday State of Mind: September 12th-September 18th

September 18, 2022 Chris CookAaron Judge, Baltimore Ravens, Becky Hammon, Cleveland Browns, Las Vegas Aces, Miami Dolphins, MLB, New York Jets, New York Yankees, NFL, poetry, SSM, Tua Tagovailoa, WNBA1 Comment

Another week of sports has come to an end. Another edition of SSM is about to begin.

New York Jets a huge comeback, the Browns just could not close
Jets fans feeling the win, there are so few of those
Down two scores, two minutes left, Cleveland had it all but won
Mental errors and screwups, all their hard work undone

Another comeback winner, Fins Up Dolphin fans
Ravens thought they had the win, Tua had other plans
Six touchdowns, a ton of yards, Miami 2-0
Coach McDaniel and the Fins putting on quite a show

All rise for Aaron Judge, just continues to rake
Fifty nine home runs this year is clearly no mistake
He should catch Ruth, Maris, and Sosa, probably not Bonds
Sixteen games left on the year, let’s see how he responds

The Las Vegas Aces, WNBA champs
Took the series 3-1, put Connecticut in clamps
Becky Hammon, rookie coach, didn’t mean a thing
Did what she does best, coached hard, and got herself a ring

Sunday State of Mind: August 15th-August 21st

August 21, 2022 Chris CookChet Holmgren, Chicago White Sox, Jamal Crawford, Jayson Tatum, Jon Gruden, Las Vegas Raiders, LeBron James, MLB, NBA, New York Yankees, NFL, poetry, Rob Gronkowski, SSM, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tom Brady, Tony La RussaLeave a comment

This week’s SSM has it all; mystery absences, crumbling baseball teams, and pro-am basketball.

The GOAT of quarterbacks, Mr. Tom Brady
Has been away for some time now, kind of seems shady
Assuming everyone is fine, the best theory has come
That he’s been filming Masked Singer, if true how great and dumb

Speaking of TB12, what could’ve been in Vegas
Apparently the deal was done, not much more to discuss
Jon Gruden nixed a package deal for Gronk and the QB
Would’ve had two more Super Bowls by now, maybe three

Whose fans feel the worst right now, the White Sox or Yankees
Yanks can’t win a game, La Russa’s brain is filled with bees
New York is at least still leading a tough AL East
Every day Chicago’s playoff chances just decrease

Pro-am basketball has become a hit this summer
The latest was The Crawsover, event was not a bummer
LeBron, Tatum, Holmgren, the lineup was real deep
A cool environment to get to see the big boys leap

The Official UDS 2022 Baseball Preview

April 7, 2022 Chris CookArizona Diamondbacks, Atlanta Braves, Baltimore Orioles, Benny Agbayani, Boston Red Sox, Carlos Baerga, César Izturis, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Cincinnati Reds, Cleveland Guardians, Colorado Rockies, Detroit Tigers, Fernando Vina, Gregg Zaun, Hee-Seop Choi, Houston Astros, Jeromy Burnitz, Jerry Hairston Jr., José Macías, José Valentín, José Vidro, Julio Lugo, Kansas City Royals, Los Angeles Angels, Mark Grudzielanek, Mark Kotsay, Matt Lawton, Matt Stairs, Miami Marlins, Mickey Morandini, Miguel Cairo, Mike Cameron, Milwaukee Brewers, Minnesota Twins, MLB, New York Mets, New York Yankees, Oakland Athletics, Philadelphia Phillies, Pittsburgh Pirates, Pokey Reese, Ron Coomer, Royce Clayton, Ryan Klesko, San Diego Padres, San Francisco Giants, Scott Brosius, Scott Spiezio, Seattle Mariners, St. Louis Cardinals, Tampa Bay Rays, Texas Rangers, Tony Womack, Toronto Blue Jays, Trot Nixon, Washington Nationals1 Comment

Hope springs eternal. It’s finally here, folks; it’s baseball season. Summer is around the corner, and we’ll all soon be sitting in the sun at our favorite ballparks inhaling hot dogs and ice cold beer.

Everyone is doing prediction content, we know that. But our official 2022 prognostications will be coming via the reminiscing route.

Who doesn’t love a good baseball name from from the 90’s or early aughts? So that’s how we’re giving our picks, via our favorite throwback name from each team.

AL East

Toronto Blue Jays – Gregg Zaun, C
Boston Red Sox – Trot Nixon, RF
Tampa Bay Rays – Miguel Cairo, 2B
New York Yankees – Scott Brosius, 3B
Baltimore Orioles – Jerry Hairston Jr., 2B

AL Central

Chicago White Sox – José Valentín, 3B
Minnesota Twins – Matt Lawton, CF
Cleveland Guardians – Carlos Baerga, 2B
Detroit Tigers – José Macías, 3B
Kansas City Royals – Mark Grudzielanek, 2B

AL West

Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim – Scott Spiezio, 1B
Houston Astros – Julio Lugo, SS
Seattle Mariners – Mike Cameron, CF
Texas Rangers – Royce Clayton, SS
Oakland A’s – Matt Stairs, DH

NL East

Philadelphia Phillies – Mickey Morandini, 2B
Atlanta Braves – Ryan Klesko, RF
New York Mets – Benny Agbayani, LF
Miami Marlins – Hee-Seop Choi, 1B
Washington Nationals – José Vidro, 2B

NL Central

St. Louis Cardinals – Fernando Vina, 2B
Milwaukee Brewers – Jeromy Burnitz, RF
Chicago Cubs – Ron Coomer, 3B
Cincinnati Reds – Pokey Reese, 2B
Pittsburgh Pirates – Tony Womack, SS

NL West

Colorado Rockies – Dante Bichette, RF
San Francisco Giants – Benito Santiago, C
Los Angeles Dodgers – César Izturis, SS
San Diego Padres – Mark Kotsay, CF
Arizona Diamondbacks – Lyle Overbay, 1B

God, that was amazing…I think I need a cigarette. So many great names, so much boring baseball to have on in the background until October. Let’s go.

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