Author: Chris Cook

Sunday State of Mind: July 11th-July 17th

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Photo: Marina Reservation

The summer sports calendar can sometimes feel slow, but there’s always enough to recap the week that was in our latest edition of SSM.

The Old Course at St. Andrews, another major done
Thought it was Rory’s weekend; but Cam Smith was the one
Big weekend for the Aussie, and he’s a sight to see
We’ll see if he can repeat in 2023

Chris Sale just can’t catch a break, hurt in his second start
Since coming off the injured list, now again will depart
A big investment for the Sox, so far has had no luck
As far as we can read, no players or coaches struck

Juan Soto is a different case, no contract yet for him
Turned down a big payday, future with the Nats is grim
A bold decision to turn down $440 million bucks
Whoever pays the man will have to bring one or two Brinks trucks

Hope you had LeBron James and DeMar DeRozan
On your Drew League fantasy team, both played like the chosen
In Saturday’s game, both filled up the stat book
Can you imagine if LeBron chose him over Westbrook?

Space Draft: Webb Telescope Photo Rankings

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Photo: nasa.gov

An absolute banner day for space nerds like us here at Untimed Down.

NASA finally released first images from the James Webb Space Telescope, which they describes as “the world’s largest and most powerful space telescope…ready to begin its mission to unfold the infrared universe.” Goosebumps.

We’ve all likely seen the four images released by now, if not you can find them here. But the real question is, who’s number one?

Our draft board is below:

4. Stephan’s Quintet

Draft Analysis: solid prospect, decent vision. While this is an incredible picture of a bundle of five completely separate galaxies, have to say the wow factor isn’t 100% there.

3. SMACS 0723

Draft Analysis: major pro is that this looks like a poster from every stoner from the 70’s bedroom. Lot of pop here, the versatility of color and shape makes this pick a high ceiling selection. Only downside to consdier is the name projects some potential off field issues.

2. Southern Ring Nebula

Draft Analysis: this one looks the part. When you think of groundbreaking intergalactic imaging, this is it. If the shining star in the middle isn’t enough for you, the spectrum of color would make any team crave that kind of utility.

1. Carina Nebula

Draft Analysis: an absolute, sure fire hall of famer here. A star forming region that looks like the most beautiful mountain range you’ve ever seen? Get out of town. There was never a doubt this nebula was going at the top of our draft; a flawless prospect that checks off all boxes when considering cosmic imaging.

All we can do at this point is enjoy these remarkable scientific portraits until we get the next round, which can’t come soon enough. If we don’t want to do that, we can always embrace debate and argue over which picture is best. Either way, sign me up for the first available shuttle to see these locales in person.

Sunday State of Mind: July 4th-July 10th

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Photo: Pixels Talk

We’re back from a two week summer hiatus! Honestly, the only appropriate return to content is our weekly recount of the week that was in sports; Sunday State of Mind.

The Championships Wimbledon, tennis’ best
Crowned two champs Sunday, better than the rest
Novak won his seventh, Rybakina’s first
Kyrgios was the star for his evaluation of this lady’s thirst

The nightmare is over for Baker Mayfield
His hate for the Browns no longer concealed
The Panthers new QB; ready to roll
Don’t think this will end at the Super Bowl

Damian Lillard, the Portland Trailblazer
Signed a two year extension, talk about a fundraiser
The deal keeps him in Portland until ’27
Trailblazer fans must feel like they’re in heaven

The Detroit Tigers had a winning streak!
Six games in a row, ended this week
Good to see a young team string together some wins
But still far behind the first place Twins

Sunday State of Mind: May 20th-June 26th

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Photo: Wallpaper Access

Some major sports developments in the past seven days. Thank goodness for SSM to remind of us all that was good in sports this week.

Hey Lord Stanley’s Cup, Colorado’s your new home
Avs are your new champs, sitting on top of the throne
Beat the Bolts in six, won it down in Tampa Bay
Lotta young pups on that squad, call it child’s play

Men’s college world series, time to talk some ping
Ole Miss and Oklahoma came out and did their thing
No action through five, then the runs came pouring in
Three run rally in the eighth gave the Rebs the win

Another baseball battle, this one in The Show
Had some real fists fly between the M’s and the Halos
Unwritten rules of baseball, as old as they are dumb
Real baseball fights are rare though, nice to see a scrum

NBA Draft on Thursday, dreams being made
Not too many surprises, they pick and we grade
Kind of a boring watch, most picks are gonna miss
Give it two or three years, guys are bound for the abyss

A Proper Farewell to Gronk

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Photo: SB Nation

The end of an era. Actually, a second era after a retirement from the first era and a few years off to party, wrestle, and party some more.

The picture & intro above is the perfect tornado of anarchy that was/is Rob Gronkowski. One of, if not the greatest tight end of all time officially (maybe, probably?) called it a career on Tuesday.

After putting up Hall of Fame numbers in his nine years in New England, retirement one came in 2019 after winning his third Super Bowl ring. In a year that was surely full of self reflection, meditation, and inward study, we were without the polar bear in pads. But we weren’t without athletic Frankenstein’s Monster for long. A few years in Tampa Bay with one of his buddies tacked on another ring for shits and giggles.

Now comes what seems like the real end of the on field road for Gronk. Trying to picture what a structure free, commitment-less life is going to look like for this real life Ivan Drago is like trying to access the dark web; you could probably get there…but you might regret what you see.

Other than the normal beer crushing, hip gyrating, and tongue waggling, what else might there be? Hollywood could be a landing spot, but he’s already proven in those Subway commericials that he can’t remember his lines. What about the crypto game? Gronkcoin sounds like something that definitely wouldn’t tank. Stand up comedy? He would always be guaranteed at least one laugh, that being his own, which is a great laugh, by the way.

Whatever the guy wants to do, he’ll do, and he’ll probably be successful at it. So farewell to one of the greats. Thanks for the entertainment and for always being yourself in an industry that for some reason often shuns that behavior. As always, keep on party rockin’.

Sunday State of Mind: May 13th-June 19th

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Photo: Nature & Garden

It’s a special Juneteenth and Father’s Day edition of SSM.

Only one place to start, and that’s out in The Bay
The Warriors are champions again as of Thursday
Steph Curry was the MVP, a well earned award
The stupid “No Steph with KD” talk can now be ignored

The Colorado Avalanche are the perfect name
The Lightning are the target, and they’ve got perfect aim
Up 2-0 in the series, looking absolutely tough
Only two wins away from hoisting Lord Stanley’s Cup

The Atlanta Braves, 14-game winning streak
Weekend series in Chicago, Cubbies looking bleak
Baseball did the baseball thing, Cubs won the series
After losing 10 in a row, beat Atlanta two of three

Sunday State of Mind: May 6th-June 12th

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Photo: Farmer’s Almanac

Guess who’s back? SSM, that’s who.

We’ve got our first pink slip handed out in MLB
The Angles fired Joe Maddon during a losing spree
The Halos started strong this year, formerly first place
Twelve straight losses gets you canned, an unfortunate case

Another manager made waves, and not the calming kind
Tony La Russa made a move and seemed to lose his mind
Gave Trea Turner a free base, the count was 1-2
Any way you look at it, that call really blew

The NBA Finals are tight, all tied at two a piece
Both teams are two wins away from making the series cease
Steph Curry’s a monster, but we all knew that
He’s all the Warriors have, rest of the team’s been flat

The battle for Lord Stanley is now set in stone
Lightning and the Avalanche for the hockey throne
Tampa Bay will go for their third straight championship
Colorado’s young, could be champs in their first trip

A Farewell Letter to Bryson and Patrick

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Photo: Sports Illustrated

Dearest Bryson and Patrick,

I cannot believe our time together is coming to an end. With your recently announced departure to The LIV Golf League; we wanted to compose a proper goodbye…this will be hard.

Bryson, how will we go on without your constant endearing chats with rules officials? That quintuple bogey at The Memorial in 2020 was so unfair! Hard to believe you were unjustly ruled against by one official, and when you asked a second official, he also ruled against you. How could that happen?!

Don’t even get us started on those life threatening ants at the WGC FedEx St. Jude Invitational, a mere two weeks later. You were so in the right pulling out Rule 16.2(a) from the USGA Rulebook: “a “dangerous animal condition” exists when a dangerous animal…near a ball could cause serious physical injury to the player if he or she had to play the ball as it lies.” Let he who could possibly manage hitting a golf ball with a few ants on the ground cast the first stone.

Patrick…sweet Patrick. Don’t we all love a perfect lie on our golf shots? That 2019 Hero World Challenge should have been a win, not a worthless third place finish, if not for the unjust cheating allegations. Listen, sand can move with a slight wind, or a club head, but mostly anything else. The fact that you were penalized two strokes for possibly improving your lie was cruel and inexcusable.

Or how about that 2021 Farmers Insurance Open? You may have picked up your ball to improve your lie, you may not have. Who knows? What does it really matter? You were blowing everyone out of the water anyways, we all knew you were going to win. Maybe it helped, maybe it didn’t. Those who think it did can suck an egg. You won that tournament fair and square.

So this is farewell to you two gentlemen of the game. We will miss you as we try to continue on without seeing you in PGA events. We know you will bring your dominance and mental toughness to The LIV. The mental ability to block accepting blood money and still be able to look yourselves in the mirror proves to all of us that you will be able to make this very worthwhile career move.

Give ’em hell, boys!

Sunday State of Mind: May 30th-June 5th

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Photo: Wallpaper Boat

The weather has turned as we are past the unofficial opening of summer. The beautiful forecast calls for some beautiful sports poetry.

The NBA Finals, Boston and The Bay
Warriors and Celtics are here to play
Al Horford and the boys took game one on the road
If they win again tonight Draymond might explode

Capital One’s The Match, the QB edition
Four of our top quarterbacks in the competition
Brady, Rodgers, Patty, Josh, young guns verse the old
ARod and TB12 took it to them for the gold

Baseball staying relevant, thanks to the NFL
Tommy Pham’s a wildcard, we’re saying “what the hell?”
Who hasn’t wanted to slap a fellow league member
Fantasy football means a lot, Tommy’s got a temper

Avalanche and Rangers, not a lot of spoilers
Both looking for a sweep against the Lightning and the Oilers
Only a few shots left for Tampa and Edmonton
If they don’t get it in gear both squads will soon be done

Oh Shit, the Heard v. Depp Verdict is In

Chris Cook, , 2 Comments
Photo: E! News

The final defecation, I mean decision has been handed brown, I mean down.

After an absolute shit-show of a trial, the jury finally decided in favor of Johnny Depp in the Amber Heard v. Johnny Depp he sued, she sued defamation trail that had $150M being sought between the two.

Man, this case absolutely went in the toilet. The whole thing smelled foul, and seemed repugnant from the start. The fact that cameras were allowed in the court room, and this whole case was dumped on us for a month and half stinks. The entire thing was a contest of who could sling the most mud out about the other person. It was total crap.

Luckily, the post-argument deliberation was short, and the jury decided not to squat on it for too long. They got up off their asses and logged their delivery as quickly as possible. They did not choose to sit on their throne and fart around; what was inside all of them was put it on paper in a brisk fashion. Kudos to them.

After all of this, I’m exhausted. I’d like to build a log cabin and hide. This whole case was annoying, like a dog scratching at my back door. I’m glad we can finally put this all behind us and stick this drama where the sun don’t shine.