Miami Dolphins

NFLPA Report Cards are Out and THE SHADE

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Photo: Pro Football Talk

The NFLPA does a lot of good things, but their yearly report card might be the best.

The one time each year that players get to anonymously eviscerate their teams without worry. The 2024 edition is finally here, and there is some SHADE.

Treatment of Families

“F” grades: Bengals, Chargers, Patriots, Steelers, Buccaneers, Commanders.

We should not be surprised the Commanders received a “F” in anything.

“A” grades: Cowboys, Dolphins, Vikings, 49ers.

The Cowboys nail this one because I assume Jerry Jones hits on every single mom that comes around.

Food/Cafeteria

“F” grades: Bengals, Chargers, Saints

Of course the Bengals failed this; OF COURSE.

“A” grades: Texans, Dolphins, Eagles, 49ers

The Eagles had to up their food game after drafting Jordan Davis this year.

Nutritionist/Dietician

“F” grades: Bengals, Chiefs

I know Double Jeopardy is illegal, but I support the Bengals being charged twice.

“A” grades: Falcons, Texans, Raiders, Dolphins, Vikings

A true representation of Josh McDaniels’ time in Las Vegas.

Locker Room

“F” grades: Cardinals, Falcons, Chiefs, Chargers, Steelers, Commanders

Falcons have failed this every year since they built their sphincter stadium.

“A” grades: Bears, Cowboys, Jaguars, Raiders, Dolphins, Vikings

Again, Josh McDaniels has always been a perfect locker room guy.

Training Room

“F” grade: Commanders

The Commies are the only team to receive a failing grade in this category, and we’re always here for anything that further confirms Dan Snyder being a human puddle of garbage water.

“A” grades: Jaguars, Dolphins, Vikings

The Dolphins deserve this A for somehow managing to get Tua to play all 17 games this season.

Training Staff

“F” grades: Chiefs, Commanders

The only time the Chiefs and Commanders will be uttered in the same breath.

“A” grades: Panthers, Falcons, Dolphins, Giants, Eagles

Only two of these teams made the playoffs; are training staffs even important?

Shoutout to the NFLPA for allowing the boys to anonymously spill the tea every year, and shoutout to the Dolphins for getting A’s in every single category. More importantly, shoutout to the Commanders for locking down four out of six F’s.

The Jets’ Achilles Heel Tore His Achilles – Now What?

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Photo: SB Nation

Jets’ fans Super Bowl dreams were dashed in four plays last night when Aaron Rodgers’ achilles exploded.

The roster is in place for a run right now, but since no one loves Zach Wilson like we do, reports are already surfacing that the Jets are making calls on other quarterbacks:

The roster has been impeccably assembled, and the main reason that Rodgers came to New York in the first place.

So, lets hash out the Jets’ best options.

Marcus Mariota

The current backup in Philadelphia has plenty of not terrible starting experience.

Sitting behind Jalen Hurts is a pretty good gig, but another shot to start after things didn’t end well in Atlanta might be tempting.

Cooper Rush

Rush showed he was more than capable while subbing in for noted weirdo Dak Prescott last year.

If he could do that with a good Dallas roster, who says he can’t recapture the magic with the Jets?

Tom Brady

Obviously, the photoshops are already there…hay’s in the barn as they say.

This would be the funniest result, especially after the suck fest the Patriots and TB12 just had a few days ago.

If Brady’s not coming back with the Jets, he’s coming for Jimmy Garoppolo (again) anyways.

Dan Marino

You’re telling me this mf who was throwing for almost 50 tuddy’s and 5,000 yards in the 80’s couldn’t stand back and sling it in 2023?

Marino to the Jets is at LEAST 10-7, guaranteed.

A Fire Hydrant

This roster is so stupid good this thing to the left could stand back there and lead Gang Green to their first Lombardi Trophy since 1969.

When You Think AFC Championship Game You Think Atlanta

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Photo: Mercedes Benz Stadium

If you’re not a Bengals, Jaguars, Chargers, Ravens, or Dolphins fan, odds are that you’re hoping to see the Bills and Chiefs play in the AFC Championship Game.

Mahomes v. Allen, Bills Mafia v. Chiefs Kingdom, McDermott vs. Big Red Andy Reid; this matchup would have the most storylines by far of any AFC pairing we as football fans could get for a shot to go to the Super Bowl.

Well, it appears if our collective dreams are answered, there’ll be one more: the game will be played in the most logical place of all, Atlanta.

Yes, beautiful Atlanta. The A. The Dirty. Home of the NFC South’s own Falcons who haven’t seen the playoffs in six years. Whose most memorable postseason is still meme’d to death almost a decade later.

There has to be one of the dozens of Falcon fans out there that really hopes this potential AFC Championship game being held in their stadium is going to brainwash the internet into forgetting that the Falcons blew a 28-3 lead against the Patriots. If you are that person and are reading this, please reach out to chris@untimeddown.com; I would love to speak with you and get inside your brain.

For now, let’s all enjoy Super Wild Card Weekend and root for the Dolphins not to pull the biggest upset in playoff history by beating the Bills on Saturday. Because if they do, all of this Atlanta mess will be for not and me writing and you reading this blog will have been a massive waste of time.

Sunday State of Mind: November 28th-December 4th

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Photo: Wallpaper Access

Folks, we did it again. Another week in the books and more sports than we could handle. Our latest SSM is here to review it all.

College football playoff, final four is set
Ohio State and Georgia, could we see an upset?
Other side of the bracket, Michigan vs. TCU
Sad we only have three more college games to go through

Potential Super Bowl preview, a game all wanted
Dolphins and 49ers, two teams deep bonded
It wasn’t meant to be, you see, game just fell quite short
Both QBs ended up the injury report

Jacob deGrom, your newest Texas Ranger
AL West hitters are about to be in danger
Big hit for the Mets, another big arm gone
Had so many off years, Mets fans want to stay on

Jose Alvarado! We don’t know him either
Thirty eight on Sunday, didn’t take a breather
Undrafted to bucket getter, a great sports story
Pelicans are basking in some rarely found glory

Sunday State of Mind: October 31st-November 6th

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Photo: Wallpaper Access

We had the last sports equinox of the year this week. That and more in our latest SSM.

World Series is over, new kings have been crowned
Astros win another one, and are parade bound
No trash can drama this time, at least no rumors yet
If you were to wager though, might not be a bad bet

Some major programs going down in college football
Alabama lost again, Tennessee also did fall
Clemson also lost to an unranked Notre Dame
This part of the football season never comes up lame

We got vintage Tom Brady against the LA Rams
Still trying to beat the notion that the Bucs are shams
Come back win, fourth quarter drive, TB played the right cards
Also became the first QB with 100k yards

Other end of the spectrum, one guy just getting started
Justin Fields running the ball at a level uncharted
Broke the rushing record for a QB in a game
One hundred seventy-eight yards, left the field aflame

The biggest story of the week, what else can we say
The Nets made the right move by keeping Kyrie at bay
Terrible post, terrible week, he doesn’t seem to care
The constant act this guy gives us is starting to wear

Sunday State of Mind: October 3rd-October 9th

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Photo: Northern Virginia Magazine

There’s a fall chill in the air, which means playoff baseball and midseason football. All of that and more in this week’s SSM.

A big win out in London, New York beat Green Bay
The New York Football Giants, feeling some type of way
Starting the season 4-1, football’s biggest surprise
Lamar Jackson comes in next week, they may just get baptized

Speaking of baptisms, Jets dunked on the ‘Fins
Miami started 3-1, left with the same amount of wins
Jets have won two straight, sit a game behind the Bills
New York’s cold dead football hearts may be getting filled

Even without their quarterback, ‘bama is the best
Beat Texas A&M, could probably beat the rest
Of the country’s teams, Saban is just that good
The best to ever do it, that is understood

A team worthy of mention, your Kansas Jayhawks
Dream start to the season, some undefeated talks
Hung tough with TCU, but just fell short by seven
Even with a loss, Kansas football fans in heaven

As mentioned in our opening, playoff baseball is here
MLB Wild Card weekend, get your hot dogs and beer
Three game sets were over quick, Cleveland Seattle Philly
Having so much sports at once is absolutely silly

Sunday State of Mind: September 12th-September 18th

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Photo: Redbook

Another week of sports has come to an end. Another edition of SSM is about to begin.

New York Jets a huge comeback, the Browns just could not close
Jets fans feeling the win, there are so few of those
Down two scores, two minutes left, Cleveland had it all but won
Mental errors and screwups, all their hard work undone

Another comeback winner, Fins Up Dolphin fans
Ravens thought they had the win, Tua had other plans
Six touchdowns, a ton of yards, Miami 2-0
Coach McDaniel and the Fins putting on quite a show

All rise for Aaron Judge, just continues to rake
Fifty nine home runs this year is clearly no mistake
He should catch Ruth, Maris, and Sosa, probably not Bonds
Sixteen games left on the year, let’s see how he responds

The Las Vegas Aces, WNBA champs
Took the series 3-1, put Connecticut in clamps
Becky Hammon, rookie coach, didn’t mean a thing
Did what she does best, coached hard, and got herself a ring

Sunday State of Mind: September 5th-September 11th

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Photo: Dreamstime

We continue a longstanding tradition here at UDS by dedicating an entire SSM to Week One NFL action.

Big start on Thursday night, Rams and the Bills
Pregame program was legit, full of fluff and frills
The game was in LA, but plenty Bills fans there
Josh Allen and the boys came out and won the game with flair

Sunday start in the dirty, Falcons and the Saints
Start of football season, we have no complaints
Something so familiar, Falcons had an early lead
They coughed it up and lost, almost guaranteed

Browns and the Panthers, Baker revenge bowl
He wanted to win this game with his entire soul
Browns came out and played, got a surprising win
Panthers almost came back, there’s a positive spin

The San Francisco 49ers are used to good weather
The conditions in Chicago, they were different all together
It rained and rained and rained some more, really came down strong
A nice win for the Bears in a season that might be long

Steelers and the Bengals, an AFC North tilt
Bengals came in walking tall, like a man on stilts
Five turnovers for Joe Burrow, not like him at all
Even so, we had OT, but the Bengals did fall

Eagles and the Lions, closer than we expected!
Coming into the day, thought this game would be neglected
Lions got down early, then almost came back
Lot of money on the Eagles, banks almost attacked

Texans and the Colts, folks we have a tie
Same score in regulation, OT, and then the game died
Feels like a win for Houston, Indy can not be psyched
Have to think a blowout win is what they would’ve liked

Patriots and Dolphins, Miami’s brand new look
Mike McDaniel’s offense had Bill Belichick’s D shook
Tua looked OK, Tyreek and Waddle balled
Dolphin fans ecstatic, Pats fans are appalled

Ravens and the Jets, Flacco revenge game
Cool Joe did play pretty well, can’t give him much blame
Lamar Jackson’s on a mission, wants to get that big money
Three touchdowns and Ravens win, L-Jack sweet as honey

Jags and the Commanders, this game just seemed weird
First game for Carson Wentz in DC, brought his big red beard
Jaguars were close to grabbing a week one win
At least until week two for victories to begin

Giants and the Titans, King Henry and Saquon
The Titan bruised along, Giant looked like a swan
Another crazy comeback, as New York did their job
Titans played tough in the first half, but ended like slobs

Cardinals and the Chiefs, and a new look KC
Went to Arizona, first opportunity
To see if they still had it after losing some big stars
Five tuddy’s for Pat Mahomes, he did not go too far

Chargers and the Raiders, matchup in LA
Justin Herbert is a stud, and he was on display
Three touchdowns and no picks, his team is 1-0
Raiders have a nice roster, only upwards to go

Vikings and the Packers, A-Rod needs to some talent
He can’t go out and win himself, they guy’s only so gallant
Story is not about him though, Vikings looked pretty good
Kirk Cousins was really sharp, was he misunderstood?

Buccaneers and Cowboys, Sunday night in Dallas
Jerry Jones must love it when we’re focused on his palace
Tough break for Big Jer, as Tom Brady is still here
TB12 wins again, will for 100 years

Panthers Hire Noted Sex Symbol Ben McAdoo as Their New Offensive Coordinator

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Photo: NY Daily News

Look at him, drink in every inch of that perfectly tailored suit.

The NFL got better on Friday when the Carolina Panthers announced the hiring of Ben McAdoo as their new offensive coordinator. Before Pete Davidson was the sexiest man in New York, Coach McAdoo held that title. The former Giants head coach last prowled the sidelines in 2017 with the G-men, and had been in consulting roles with the Jaguars and Cowboys since he was unjustly fired in New York.

An undervalued offensive mind, Big Bad Ben brings the twisted steel and sex appeal the Panthers were looking for in their search. The titillating teacher of offense graced the Giants with his beautiful brain during an incredible run that started in 2016 and unfortunately ended in 2017.

According to Pro Football Reference and The Football Database, this polymath of passing and play action’s highlights include, but are not limited to:

  • 2016: ranked 26th in scoring offense, ahead of juggernauts like the Bears, Jets, and Browns
  • 2016: ranked 29th in rushing, beating out dependable runners like Theo Riddick of the Lions and Jerick McKinnon of the Vikings
  • 2016: ranked 17th in passing, out-throwing big arms like Ryan Tannehill of the Dolphins and Brock Osweiler of the Texans
  • 2017: ranked 31st in scoring offense, blowing the Browns out of the water (just like 2016)
  • 2017: ranked 26th in rushing, a huge improvement from 2016 and outrushing big hitters like Kerwynn Williams of the Cardinals and Samaje Perine of the Washington Football Team
  • 2017: ranked 19th in passing, this extremely slight drop from 2016 can easily be explained by the improved rushing attack and becoming a more balanced offense. Even with all of that, that stellar offense had more passing yards than Joe Flacco’s Ravens and Jacoby Brissett’s Colts

Absolute fireworks. If you’re a Carolina Panther fan today, I don’t know how you’re containing your excitement. Go buy those season tickets because they’ll be flying off the shelf after this announcement. Go out and get that “Panthers Super Bowl Champs 2023” tattoo. Name your next born “Benjamin.” There are no rules after organization shifting hires like Coach McAdoo.

You’ve got yourself a stud…ride that pony all the way to the Lombardi Trophy.

Sunday State of Mind: January 3rd-January 9th

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Photo: Techno Crazed

Like an old friend, SSM is back to review the week that was in sports.

First week 18 in NFL history
Helped solved some teams playoff mysteries
Titans and Packers are number one seeds
Lead the AFC and NFC, respectively

Big upset that changed some plans
Jags beat the Colts, now they’re playoff banned
Indy won’t move on, their season is done
An all time choke, they were on such a run

A football tradition, all gas and no breaks
Dolphins beat the Pats in a game with no stakes
A one year playoff hiatus for the Pats
But they’re back in the dance, and that is that

In the “coaches probably fired” Super Bowl
Vikings beat the Bears, Skol skol skol
Mike Zimmer and Matt Nagy, things looking grim
Both coaches and their staffs may get trimmed