New York Giants

Hey NFL, Cut the Shit

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Photo: Biggest Decal Shop

Despite all of us knowing 99% of it, the NFL schedule release is technically tonight.

The National Football League continues to give us fans a breadcrumb here, a flirty tweet there, just knowing we’ll lap everything up like a dog at its bowl after a long walk.

Well, we’ve had enough.

No issues making a huge deal out of the schedule release. But stop with the single game releases a week in advance. The London games are fine, just don’t dedicate an entire day to just telling us who’s playing there. I swear, we’ll all be just as excited for Bengals/Chiefs week one if you release it with the other 17 weeks all at the same time.

Also, we’re now getting an “offseason” version of Hard Knocks with the Giants. Do we really need to know what Daniel Jones is doing in early June? HBO usually knows what it’s doing with their programming, but Brian Daboll renewing his car registration might not be must see TV.

We were in a real groove, NFL. Just give us one schedule release, one Hard Knocks, one simplified plan where we all can keep up with what you already know we’re going to gobble up.

While we’re at it, just tell us who Tom Brady’s signing with for a playoff run this year.

NFLPA Report Cards are Out and THE SHADE

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Photo: Pro Football Talk

The NFLPA does a lot of good things, but their yearly report card might be the best.

The one time each year that players get to anonymously eviscerate their teams without worry. The 2024 edition is finally here, and there is some SHADE.

Treatment of Families

“F” grades: Bengals, Chargers, Patriots, Steelers, Buccaneers, Commanders.

We should not be surprised the Commanders received a “F” in anything.

“A” grades: Cowboys, Dolphins, Vikings, 49ers.

The Cowboys nail this one because I assume Jerry Jones hits on every single mom that comes around.

Food/Cafeteria

“F” grades: Bengals, Chargers, Saints

Of course the Bengals failed this; OF COURSE.

“A” grades: Texans, Dolphins, Eagles, 49ers

The Eagles had to up their food game after drafting Jordan Davis this year.

Nutritionist/Dietician

“F” grades: Bengals, Chiefs

I know Double Jeopardy is illegal, but I support the Bengals being charged twice.

“A” grades: Falcons, Texans, Raiders, Dolphins, Vikings

A true representation of Josh McDaniels’ time in Las Vegas.

Locker Room

“F” grades: Cardinals, Falcons, Chiefs, Chargers, Steelers, Commanders

Falcons have failed this every year since they built their sphincter stadium.

“A” grades: Bears, Cowboys, Jaguars, Raiders, Dolphins, Vikings

Again, Josh McDaniels has always been a perfect locker room guy.

Training Room

“F” grade: Commanders

The Commies are the only team to receive a failing grade in this category, and we’re always here for anything that further confirms Dan Snyder being a human puddle of garbage water.

“A” grades: Jaguars, Dolphins, Vikings

The Dolphins deserve this A for somehow managing to get Tua to play all 17 games this season.

Training Staff

“F” grades: Chiefs, Commanders

The only time the Chiefs and Commanders will be uttered in the same breath.

“A” grades: Panthers, Falcons, Dolphins, Giants, Eagles

Only two of these teams made the playoffs; are training staffs even important?

Shoutout to the NFLPA for allowing the boys to anonymously spill the tea every year, and shoutout to the Dolphins for getting A’s in every single category. More importantly, shoutout to the Commanders for locking down four out of six F’s.

A Factual List of Currently Employed Coaches After The Titans Fired Mike Vrabel

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Photo: Music City Miracles

The Titans fired Mike Vrabel today, a shock in the NFL coaching carousel not a lot of us saw coming.

Vrabel’s easily a top 10 coach; many teams would fire their current head coach right now and replace them with Vrabes if they could. Because of agents, contracts, etc., that unfortunately cannot happen.

What can happen, however, is provide a factual list of coaches who are still currently employed at the time of publishing of this blog.

That’s right: Giff Smith, while interim, is still indeed employed by the Chargers. Human bowling ball Brian Daboll is on the payroll. Matt Eberflus might just be hiding under the radar with all of the decisions the Bears have to make this offseason. Dennis Allen is still with the Saints, unless Jamies Winston decides otherwise. Finally, yes, even though his team is currently in the playoffs, Todd Bowles is still gainfully employed.

This is simply a list of still employed coaches, just a randomly selected bunch of guys who are current leaders of organizations in the NFL, unlike Mike Vrabel.

Football is weird.

1989 (Sports Version)

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Photo: TMZ

Unless you live under a rock under a mega yacht under a skyscraper, you know Taylor Swift announced 1989 (Taylor’s Version) is on the way.

T-Swift, as her friends call her, is well known for the Easter eggs she loves to drop. With that in mind, what sports takes from the soon to be re-released song titles is Taylor giving us?

All You Had to Do Was Stay

Is TS taking the side of Bill Belichick in the Tom Brady divorce? We all had an opinion of who was right and wrong here, she does too.

TB12 went on to win a Super Bowl without BB, but it sounds like TS wanted TB and BB to be together forever…can’t blame her for believing in love, folks.

Wildest Dreams

One of the greatest sports photos of all-time; Muhammad Ali (then still Cassius Clay) upset Sonny Liston as a 8-1 underdog.

A fine tribute by one of today’s biggest entertainers to one of the most polarizing athletes and performers in history.

Bad Blood

Who doesn’t remember the Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton story?

A nice throwback by Tay Tay to teammates casually pulling loaded guns on each other in the actual locker room.

Blank Space

Taylor’s pretty New York adjacent; and for her to take the time to write and dedicate an entire song to former Giants’ quarterback Eli Manning’s face is a touching tribute.

Out of the Woods

In 2016, the Chicago Cubs broke their 108 year World Series drought lead by Anthony Rizzo, Kris Bryant, and Jon Lester, among others.

Even if the team has mostly been disbanded at this point, they brought generations of fans and an entire franchise out of the woods.

If we’ve learned anything, it’s that sports and entertainment are forever intertwined. It’s no surprise that one of the largest names in modern entertainment has so many blatant sports takes that are totally correct and in no way made up for blogging purposes.

Sunday State of Mind: January 16th-January 22nd

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Photo: Good Fon

Chiefs, Eagles, Bengals, 49ers win; Jaguars, Giants, Bills, and Cowboys lose. SSM reviews the NFL Divisional Round.

Started out in KC, a scary injury
Mahomes got folded up weird, seemed to hurt his knee
It was a ankle sprain, says he’ll play next week
Jags lost to the Chiefs but their future isn’t bleak

One blowout this weekend, an NFC East bout
Eagles railed the Giants, really left no doubt
Danny Dimes was bad, Jalen Hurts was good
The one seed in the NFC playing just like they should

Bengals and the Bills, snow globe in Buffalo
One QB was on his game and that was Joe Burrow
A rematch with the Chiefs for a trip to Arizona
Talking grad school NFL, winner gets a diploma

An all-time uni matchup, 49ers and Cowboys
Brock Purdy did it again with his offense full of toys
Next one on the docket, big one against the Eagles
Football was so good this weekend it should be illegal

NFL Coaches as Pizza Toppings

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Photo: Pinterest

In a world where no one can agree on anything, if there are two things we as Americans can get close to seeing eye to eye on is our love for pizza and football.

On Tuesday afternoon, Eagles coach Nick Sirianni brought these two magical worlds together with the below clip:

Millionaire NFL coaches…they’re just like us! Just a couple a coworkers getting together, flipping on the game, and firing up an order for some stuffed crust from the Hut.

Which of course begs the question…if each of the remaining coaches left in the NFL were pizza toppings, what would they be?

Nick Sirianni/Brian Daboll – Pepperoni & Sausage

Sirianni’s the pep, and Daboll is clearly the sausage in this scenario.

A good old fashioned NFC East matchup that we can rely on to fulfill our appetite for good playoff football.

Andy Reid/Doug Pederson – Cheeseburger & Kielbasa

Old buddies getting together when the Chiefs take on the Jags this weekend.

We all know Coach Reid loves his cheeseburgers, and Pederson just seems like a guy who likes to say “kielbasa” when he orders.

Mike McCarthy/Kyle Shanahan – Bacon & Arugula

It’s hard to find a pairing where both coaches seem to be at the total opposite ends of the spectrum. Well, here we are.

McCarthy seems like a guy to double or triple up the pig toppings, while Shanahan has big “let’s get some ‘za, but try and keep it as clean as possible” energy.

Zac Taylor/Sean McDermott – Garlic & Alfredo Sauce

While there is not one coach of color left in the playoffs, this is the whitest of the white we have left.

Bengals/Bills should be a fun game, but my god these two guys are translucent.

Sunday State of Mind: October 3rd-October 9th

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Photo: Northern Virginia Magazine

There’s a fall chill in the air, which means playoff baseball and midseason football. All of that and more in this week’s SSM.

A big win out in London, New York beat Green Bay
The New York Football Giants, feeling some type of way
Starting the season 4-1, football’s biggest surprise
Lamar Jackson comes in next week, they may just get baptized

Speaking of baptisms, Jets dunked on the ‘Fins
Miami started 3-1, left with the same amount of wins
Jets have won two straight, sit a game behind the Bills
New York’s cold dead football hearts may be getting filled

Even without their quarterback, ‘bama is the best
Beat Texas A&M, could probably beat the rest
Of the country’s teams, Saban is just that good
The best to ever do it, that is understood

A team worthy of mention, your Kansas Jayhawks
Dream start to the season, some undefeated talks
Hung tough with TCU, but just fell short by seven
Even with a loss, Kansas football fans in heaven

As mentioned in our opening, playoff baseball is here
MLB Wild Card weekend, get your hot dogs and beer
Three game sets were over quick, Cleveland Seattle Philly
Having so much sports at once is absolutely silly

Sunday State of Mind: September 5th-September 11th

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Photo: Dreamstime

We continue a longstanding tradition here at UDS by dedicating an entire SSM to Week One NFL action.

Big start on Thursday night, Rams and the Bills
Pregame program was legit, full of fluff and frills
The game was in LA, but plenty Bills fans there
Josh Allen and the boys came out and won the game with flair

Sunday start in the dirty, Falcons and the Saints
Start of football season, we have no complaints
Something so familiar, Falcons had an early lead
They coughed it up and lost, almost guaranteed

Browns and the Panthers, Baker revenge bowl
He wanted to win this game with his entire soul
Browns came out and played, got a surprising win
Panthers almost came back, there’s a positive spin

The San Francisco 49ers are used to good weather
The conditions in Chicago, they were different all together
It rained and rained and rained some more, really came down strong
A nice win for the Bears in a season that might be long

Steelers and the Bengals, an AFC North tilt
Bengals came in walking tall, like a man on stilts
Five turnovers for Joe Burrow, not like him at all
Even so, we had OT, but the Bengals did fall

Eagles and the Lions, closer than we expected!
Coming into the day, thought this game would be neglected
Lions got down early, then almost came back
Lot of money on the Eagles, banks almost attacked

Texans and the Colts, folks we have a tie
Same score in regulation, OT, and then the game died
Feels like a win for Houston, Indy can not be psyched
Have to think a blowout win is what they would’ve liked

Patriots and Dolphins, Miami’s brand new look
Mike McDaniel’s offense had Bill Belichick’s D shook
Tua looked OK, Tyreek and Waddle balled
Dolphin fans ecstatic, Pats fans are appalled

Ravens and the Jets, Flacco revenge game
Cool Joe did play pretty well, can’t give him much blame
Lamar Jackson’s on a mission, wants to get that big money
Three touchdowns and Ravens win, L-Jack sweet as honey

Jags and the Commanders, this game just seemed weird
First game for Carson Wentz in DC, brought his big red beard
Jaguars were close to grabbing a week one win
At least until week two for victories to begin

Giants and the Titans, King Henry and Saquon
The Titan bruised along, Giant looked like a swan
Another crazy comeback, as New York did their job
Titans played tough in the first half, but ended like slobs

Cardinals and the Chiefs, and a new look KC
Went to Arizona, first opportunity
To see if they still had it after losing some big stars
Five tuddy’s for Pat Mahomes, he did not go too far

Chargers and the Raiders, matchup in LA
Justin Herbert is a stud, and he was on display
Three touchdowns and no picks, his team is 1-0
Raiders have a nice roster, only upwards to go

Vikings and the Packers, A-Rod needs to some talent
He can’t go out and win himself, they guy’s only so gallant
Story is not about him though, Vikings looked pretty good
Kirk Cousins was really sharp, was he misunderstood?

Buccaneers and Cowboys, Sunday night in Dallas
Jerry Jones must love it when we’re focused on his palace
Tough break for Big Jer, as Tom Brady is still here
TB12 wins again, will for 100 years

Panthers Hire Noted Sex Symbol Ben McAdoo as Their New Offensive Coordinator

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Photo: NY Daily News

Look at him, drink in every inch of that perfectly tailored suit.

The NFL got better on Friday when the Carolina Panthers announced the hiring of Ben McAdoo as their new offensive coordinator. Before Pete Davidson was the sexiest man in New York, Coach McAdoo held that title. The former Giants head coach last prowled the sidelines in 2017 with the G-men, and had been in consulting roles with the Jaguars and Cowboys since he was unjustly fired in New York.

An undervalued offensive mind, Big Bad Ben brings the twisted steel and sex appeal the Panthers were looking for in their search. The titillating teacher of offense graced the Giants with his beautiful brain during an incredible run that started in 2016 and unfortunately ended in 2017.

According to Pro Football Reference and The Football Database, this polymath of passing and play action’s highlights include, but are not limited to:

  • 2016: ranked 26th in scoring offense, ahead of juggernauts like the Bears, Jets, and Browns
  • 2016: ranked 29th in rushing, beating out dependable runners like Theo Riddick of the Lions and Jerick McKinnon of the Vikings
  • 2016: ranked 17th in passing, out-throwing big arms like Ryan Tannehill of the Dolphins and Brock Osweiler of the Texans
  • 2017: ranked 31st in scoring offense, blowing the Browns out of the water (just like 2016)
  • 2017: ranked 26th in rushing, a huge improvement from 2016 and outrushing big hitters like Kerwynn Williams of the Cardinals and Samaje Perine of the Washington Football Team
  • 2017: ranked 19th in passing, this extremely slight drop from 2016 can easily be explained by the improved rushing attack and becoming a more balanced offense. Even with all of that, that stellar offense had more passing yards than Joe Flacco’s Ravens and Jacoby Brissett’s Colts

Absolute fireworks. If you’re a Carolina Panther fan today, I don’t know how you’re containing your excitement. Go buy those season tickets because they’ll be flying off the shelf after this announcement. Go out and get that “Panthers Super Bowl Champs 2023” tattoo. Name your next born “Benjamin.” There are no rules after organization shifting hires like Coach McAdoo.

You’ve got yourself a stud…ride that pony all the way to the Lombardi Trophy.

Local Millennial Takes Big Career Leap from Cleveland to Los Angeles

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Photo: Fashion Week

After what can now be defined as a disastrous two seasons in Cleveland, Odell Bechkham Jr. has officially moved on.

It only took not talking to his quarterback, having his Dad and LeBron James both eviscerate the Browns organization, and a waiver period in which zero out of the 32 teams claimed him for OBJ to land in Hollywood.

Sean McVay and his perfect hair, Matthew Stafford and his rocket arm, and Aaron Donald and his 0.0% body fat were waiting in the wings, and were the lucky winners of the “Free Odell” movement.

Plenty of reasons OBJ picked LA. Beautiful weather, ability to go boating year round, and a pretty good football team. Who could blame him? One would assume he still has a good amount left in the tank to give to the all in Rams in their Super Bowl run.

The only question left is, will he shack up at LeBron’s crib now that he helped his buddy get out to LA? Only time will tell.