The NFL Went Banana Sandwich on This Schedule Release

May 11, 2023 Chris CookBaltimore Ravens, Chicago Bears, Dallas Cowboys, Green Bay Packers, New England Patriots, New York Jets, NFL, Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh SteelersLeave a comment

Photo: YouTube

Those crazy bastards at NFL HQ have done it again.

The 2023 schedule release has been dropped, and there are some absolute bangers we’re in for next season.

After crunching the numbers and reviewing the entire history of NFL schedule releases, we are flabbergasted at how the NFL came up with some of these matchups.

Patriots vs. Jets – Week 3

I mean, holy shit. This is insane!

The New England Patriots and New York Jets. So much history between coaches, players, and regional hate.

Two franchises that have both had Bill Parcells and Bill Belichick as head coaches at one point in time.

The fact that those crazy fucks from the NFL came up with this matchup is borderline psychotic.

Ravens vs. Steelers – Week 5

You didn’t think the NFL would be this maniacal? You’re wrong, jabroni. These schedule makers are sadistic AF.

You really throw the record book out when these two teams get together. The fact that it happens so rarely makes it even better when we get this clash.

The uniform combos are pure, the defenses are always tough, and we are shook that we get to see these two light it up next year.

Cowboys vs. Eagles – Week 14

They can’t really get away with this, can they?

These NFL schedule makers are just going to schedule Bears/Packers and act like they just didn’t pull of a miracle?!

Both of these teams are loaded with talent. This matchup may just be decided by who’s fanbase can be more unbearable by the fourth quarter, when it counts.

Bears vs. Packers – Week 1

Light me on fire, slap me in the face, and throw me over a cliff, this matchup is deranged.

The Packers have had some serious playoff woes, coming off another first round exit last season.

In fact, Green Bay has lost nine postseason matchups since 2011 (the Bears losing only twice in that span), but this early season matchup may set the tone for both of these franchise’s 2023-2024 seasons.

At this point, the NFL schedule reveal is overwhelming. They’re just pounding us over the head with wackadoodle pairings that I’m not sure we as football fans deserve, nor will be able to handle. The NFL is king, and they proved it once again today.

Sunday State of Mind: May 1st-May 7th

May 7, 2023 Chris CookBaltimore Ravens, Boston Celtics, Bryce Harper, Bussin' With The Boys, Denver Nuggets, Dr. James Andrews, Golden State Warriors, Lamar Jackson, Los Angeles Lakers, Miami Heat, MLB, NBA, New York Knicks, NFL, Philadelphia 76ers, Philadelphia Phillies, Phoenix Suns, Taylor Lewan, Tennessee TitansLeave a comment

Photo: Good Fon

NBA Playoffs are raging, NFL court cases are blazing, MLB players are healing. All this and more in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

Every series, NBA, looking pretty even
All eight teams remaining still have something to believe in
No 3-0 series leads, every team is on the board
The Larry O’Brien Trophy is what were looking toward

Bussin’ With The Boys? More like bringing law suit noise
Taylor Lewan is suing cause he’s no longer employed
Feel bad for the guy, his career may be cooked
Sounds like Dr. Andrews didn’t take a second look

Speaking of injuries, other side of the stick
Bryce Harper is back in a period quicker than quick
Less than six months post op, the big one Tommy John
Already mashin’ taters, hitting bombs just like a Don

An awkward time is over out in Baltimore
Lamar Jackson wanted his contract, and he finally scored
Two hundred sixty million, is what was settled on
Lamar returning now is a conclusion that’s foregone

When You Think AFC Championship Game You Think Atlanta

January 12, 2023 Chris CookAndy Reid, Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore Ravens, Buffalo Bills, Cincinnati Bengals, Jacksonville Jaguars, Josh Allen, Kansas City Chiefs, Los Angeles Chargers, Miami Dolphins, New England Patriots, NFL, Patrick Mahomes, Sean McDermottLeave a comment

Photo: Mercedes Benz Stadium

If you’re not a Bengals, Jaguars, Chargers, Ravens, or Dolphins fan, odds are that you’re hoping to see the Bills and Chiefs play in the AFC Championship Game.

Mahomes v. Allen, Bills Mafia v. Chiefs Kingdom, McDermott vs. Big Red Andy Reid; this matchup would have the most storylines by far of any AFC pairing we as football fans could get for a shot to go to the Super Bowl.

Well, it appears if our collective dreams are answered, there’ll be one more: the game will be played in the most logical place of all, Atlanta.

Yes, beautiful Atlanta. The A. The Dirty. Home of the NFC South’s own Falcons who haven’t seen the playoffs in six years. Whose most memorable postseason is still meme’d to death almost a decade later.

There has to be one of the dozens of Falcon fans out there that really hopes this potential AFC Championship game being held in their stadium is going to brainwash the internet into forgetting that the Falcons blew a 28-3 lead against the Patriots. If you are that person and are reading this, please reach out to chris@untimeddown.com; I would love to speak with you and get inside your brain.

For now, let’s all enjoy Super Wild Card Weekend and root for the Dolphins not to pull the biggest upset in playoff history by beating the Bills on Saturday. Because if they do, all of this Atlanta mess will be for not and me writing and you reading this blog will have been a massive waste of time.

Sunday State of Mind: October 3rd-October 9th

October 9, 2022 Chris CookAlabama Crimson Tide, Baltimore Ravens, Buffalo Bills, Cleveland Guardians, Green Bay Packers, Kansas Jayhawks, Lamar Jackson, Miami Dolphins, MLB, NCAA, NCAAF, New York Giants, New York Jets, New York Mets, NFL, Philadelphia Phillies, poetry, San Diego Padres, Seattle Mariners, SSM, St. Louis Cardinals, Tampa Bay Rays, TCU Horned Frogs, Texas A&M Aggies, Toronto Blue JaysLeave a comment

There’s a fall chill in the air, which means playoff baseball and midseason football. All of that and more in this week’s SSM.

A big win out in London, New York beat Green Bay
The New York Football Giants, feeling some type of way
Starting the season 4-1, football’s biggest surprise
Lamar Jackson comes in next week, they may just get baptized

Speaking of baptisms, Jets dunked on the ‘Fins
Miami started 3-1, left with the same amount of wins
Jets have won two straight, sit a game behind the Bills
New York’s cold dead football hearts may be getting filled

Even without their quarterback, ‘bama is the best
Beat Texas A&M, could probably beat the rest
Of the country’s teams, Saban is just that good
The best to ever do it, that is understood

A team worthy of mention, your Kansas Jayhawks
Dream start to the season, some undefeated talks
Hung tough with TCU, but just fell short by seven
Even with a loss, Kansas football fans in heaven

As mentioned in our opening, playoff baseball is here
MLB Wild Card weekend, get your hot dogs and beer
Three game sets were over quick, Cleveland Seattle Philly
Having so much sports at once is absolutely silly

Sunday State of Mind: September 12th-September 18th

September 18, 2022 Chris CookAaron Judge, Baltimore Ravens, Becky Hammon, Cleveland Browns, Las Vegas Aces, Miami Dolphins, MLB, New York Jets, New York Yankees, NFL, poetry, SSM, Tua Tagovailoa, WNBA1 Comment

Another week of sports has come to an end. Another edition of SSM is about to begin.

New York Jets a huge comeback, the Browns just could not close
Jets fans feeling the win, there are so few of those
Down two scores, two minutes left, Cleveland had it all but won
Mental errors and screwups, all their hard work undone

Another comeback winner, Fins Up Dolphin fans
Ravens thought they had the win, Tua had other plans
Six touchdowns, a ton of yards, Miami 2-0
Coach McDaniel and the Fins putting on quite a show

All rise for Aaron Judge, just continues to rake
Fifty nine home runs this year is clearly no mistake
He should catch Ruth, Maris, and Sosa, probably not Bonds
Sixteen games left on the year, let’s see how he responds

The Las Vegas Aces, WNBA champs
Took the series 3-1, put Connecticut in clamps
Becky Hammon, rookie coach, didn’t mean a thing
Did what she does best, coached hard, and got herself a ring

Sunday State of Mind: September 5th-September 11th

September 11, 2022 Chris CookArizona Cardinals, Atlanta Falcons, Baltimore Ravens, Buffalo Bills, Carolina Panthers, Chicago Bears, Cincinnati Bengals, Cleveland Browns, Dallas Cowboys, Denver Broncos, Detroit Lions, Green Bay Packers, Houston Texans, Indianapolis Colts, Jacksonville Jaguars, Kansas City Chiefs, Las Vegas Raiders, Los Angeles Chargers, Los Angeles Rams, Miami Dolphins, Minnesota Vikings, New England Patriots, New Orleans Saints, New York Giants, New York Jets, NFL, Philadelphia Eagles, Pittsburgh Steelers, poetry, San Francisco 49ers, Seattle Seahawks, SSM, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Tennessee Titans, Washington Commanders1 Comment

We continue a longstanding tradition here at UDS by dedicating an entire SSM to Week One NFL action.

Big start on Thursday night, Rams and the Bills
Pregame program was legit, full of fluff and frills
The game was in LA, but plenty Bills fans there
Josh Allen and the boys came out and won the game with flair

Sunday start in the dirty, Falcons and the Saints
Start of football season, we have no complaints
Something so familiar, Falcons had an early lead
They coughed it up and lost, almost guaranteed

Browns and the Panthers, Baker revenge bowl
He wanted to win this game with his entire soul
Browns came out and played, got a surprising win
Panthers almost came back, there’s a positive spin

The San Francisco 49ers are used to good weather
The conditions in Chicago, they were different all together
It rained and rained and rained some more, really came down strong
A nice win for the Bears in a season that might be long

Steelers and the Bengals, an AFC North tilt
Bengals came in walking tall, like a man on stilts
Five turnovers for Joe Burrow, not like him at all
Even so, we had OT, but the Bengals did fall

Eagles and the Lions, closer than we expected!
Coming into the day, thought this game would be neglected
Lions got down early, then almost came back
Lot of money on the Eagles, banks almost attacked

Texans and the Colts, folks we have a tie
Same score in regulation, OT, and then the game died
Feels like a win for Houston, Indy can not be psyched
Have to think a blowout win is what they would’ve liked

Patriots and Dolphins, Miami’s brand new look
Mike McDaniel’s offense had Bill Belichick’s D shook
Tua looked OK, Tyreek and Waddle balled
Dolphin fans ecstatic, Pats fans are appalled

Ravens and the Jets, Flacco revenge game
Cool Joe did play pretty well, can’t give him much blame
Lamar Jackson’s on a mission, wants to get that big money
Three touchdowns and Ravens win, L-Jack sweet as honey

Jags and the Commanders, this game just seemed weird
First game for Carson Wentz in DC, brought his big red beard
Jaguars were close to grabbing a week one win
At least until week two for victories to begin

Giants and the Titans, King Henry and Saquon
The Titan bruised along, Giant looked like a swan
Another crazy comeback, as New York did their job
Titans played tough in the first half, but ended like slobs

Cardinals and the Chiefs, and a new look KC
Went to Arizona, first opportunity
To see if they still had it after losing some big stars
Five tuddy’s for Pat Mahomes, he did not go too far

Chargers and the Raiders, matchup in LA
Justin Herbert is a stud, and he was on display
Three touchdowns and no picks, his team is 1-0
Raiders have a nice roster, only upwards to go

Vikings and the Packers, A-Rod needs to some talent
He can’t go out and win himself, they guy’s only so gallant
Story is not about him though, Vikings looked pretty good
Kirk Cousins was really sharp, was he misunderstood?

Buccaneers and Cowboys, Sunday night in Dallas
Jerry Jones must love it when we’re focused on his palace
Tough break for Big Jer, as Tom Brady is still here
TB12 wins again, will for 100 years

Sunday State of Mind: August 22nd-August 28th

August 28, 2022 Chris CookBaltimore Ravens, Chet Holmgren, Ichiro Suzuki, Julio Rodríguez, LeBron James, MLB, NBA, NCAA, NFL, poetry, Seattle Mariners, SSMLeave a comment

The dog days of summer are about to come to an end, and this week’s SSM is about to begin.

Week zero college football, back in a minor way
Next week all of the big boys, will come out to play
Still great to have real games, that actually count
I think we all missed college football quite a large amount

The sad downside of football, injuries occur
The rough part of the game that none of us prefer
You never want to see a player get carted off the field
But Poe was hurt, really bad, hope he will soon heal

A monster baseball contract, pen to ink this week
Julio Rodríguez wins again, continues his hot streak
Fourteen years, $200 mil, that much is guaranteed
Seattle is a great sports town, this is the guy they need

Big weekend for the Mariners, and their GOAT Ichiro
Inducted to their Hall of Fame, should’ve happened years ago
The baseball Hall of Fame is not far down the road
An incredible player with everything he showed

A bad break for the Thunder, and their big draft pick
Chet Holmgren’s gonna miss the season, Oklahoma sick
It happened in a pro-am, trying to guard The King
LeBron hit him a little hard, made Chet’s little foot sting

Panthers Hire Noted Sex Symbol Ben McAdoo as Their New Offensive Coordinator

January 21, 2022 Chris CookArizona Cardinals, Baltimore Ravens, Ben McAdoo, Carolina Panthers, Chicago Bears, Cleveland Browns, Dallas Cowboys, Detroit Lions, Indianapolis Colts, Jacoby Brissett, Jerick McKinnon, Joe Flacco, Kerwynn Williams, Miami Dolphins, Minnesota Vikings, New York Giants, New York Jets, NFL, Pete Davidson, Ryan Tannehill, Samaje Perine, Saturday Night Live, Theo Riddick, Washington Football Team1 Comment

Look at him, drink in every inch of that perfectly tailored suit.

The NFL got better on Friday when the Carolina Panthers announced the hiring of Ben McAdoo as their new offensive coordinator. Before Pete Davidson was the sexiest man in New York, Coach McAdoo held that title. The former Giants head coach last prowled the sidelines in 2017 with the G-men, and had been in consulting roles with the Jaguars and Cowboys since he was unjustly fired in New York.

An undervalued offensive mind, Big Bad Ben brings the twisted steel and sex appeal the Panthers were looking for in their search. The titillating teacher of offense graced the Giants with his beautiful brain during an incredible run that started in 2016 and unfortunately ended in 2017.

According to Pro Football Reference and The Football Database, this polymath of passing and play action’s highlights include, but are not limited to:

2016: ranked 26th in scoring offense, ahead of juggernauts like the Bears, Jets, and Browns
2016: ranked 29th in rushing, beating out dependable runners like Theo Riddick of the Lions and Jerick McKinnon of the Vikings
2016: ranked 17th in passing, out-throwing big arms like Ryan Tannehill of the Dolphins and Brock Osweiler of the Texans
2017: ranked 31st in scoring offense, blowing the Browns out of the water (just like 2016)
2017: ranked 26th in rushing, a huge improvement from 2016 and outrushing big hitters like Kerwynn Williams of the Cardinals and Samaje Perine of the Washington Football Team
2017: ranked 19th in passing, this extremely slight drop from 2016 can easily be explained by the improved rushing attack and becoming a more balanced offense. Even with all of that, that stellar offense had more passing yards than Joe Flacco’s Ravens and Jacoby Brissett’s Colts

Absolute fireworks. If you’re a Carolina Panther fan today, I don’t know how you’re containing your excitement. Go buy those season tickets because they’ll be flying off the shelf after this announcement. Go out and get that “Panthers Super Bowl Champs 2023” tattoo. Name your next born “Benjamin.” There are no rules after organization shifting hires like Coach McAdoo.

You’ve got yourself a stud…ride that pony all the way to the Lombardi Trophy.

Sunday State of Mind: September 20th-September 26th

September 26, 2021 Chris CookBaltimore Ravens, Chicago Cubs, Dallas Cowboys, Detroit Lions, Justin Tucker, La'el Collins, MLB, NFL, PGA, St. Louis Cardinals, Steve Stricker, The Ryder CupLeave a comment

Weeks come and weeks go. The only constant is change; and Sunday State of Mind.

La’el Collins, what the bloody hell?
Bid any chance truthfulness a nice and quick farewell
He tried to bribe his drug test taker, because he broke the rules
Confirming he’s a liar, thought he could take us all for fools

The St. Louis Cardinals are hot as can be
They cannot be stopped, and are 1,000 degrees
Playing their best baseball at the perfect time
To a Cubs fans like me, this equates to a crime

The Ryder Cup, finally has returned to the States
Steve Stricker’s squad selections played better than great
Europe had won four of five, the cup resided there
The time has finally come for USA to have their share

We saw a new record, in the NFL
Justin Tucker of the Ravens, who kicks the football well
Hit a game-winning field goal, a 66 yard boot
Tough beat for the Lions, still in a victory pursuit

Who Wore it Best? 29-20

August 25, 2021 Chris CookAdrian Beltre, Arizona Cardinals, Atlanta Falcons, Atlanta Thrashers, Baltimore Orioles, Baltimore Ravens, Barry Bonds, Barry Sanders, Bert Blyleven, Boston Celtics, Boston Red Sox, Brian Dawkins, Brooklyn Nets, Chicago Bears, Chicago Blackhawks, Chicago Bulls, Chicago Cubs, Chicago White Sox, Cincinnati Reds, Clayton Kershaw, Cleveland Cavaliers, Cleveland Guardians, Colorado Avalanche, Curtis Martin, Dallas Cowboys, Darrell Green, Deion Sanders, Denver Broncos, Detroit Lions, Detroit Red Wings, Detroit Tigers, Devin Hester, Ed Reed, Eddie George, Elgin Baylor, Emmitt Smith, Frank Robinson, Fred Biletnikoff, Gary Payton, Houston Astros, Houston Rockets, Houston Texans, Indianapolis Colts, Ken Dryden, Ken Griffey Jr., Kevin Garnett, LaDanian Tomlinson, Las Vegas Golden Knights, Las Vegas Raiders, LeBron James, Los Angeles Angels, Los Angeles Chargers, Los Angeles Dodgers, Los Angeles Lakers, Los Angeles Rams, Manny Ramirez, Marc-André Fleury, Marshall Faulk, Miami Heat, Miami Marlins, Michael Jordan, Miguel Cabrera, Mike Schmidt, Milwaukee Bucks, Minnesota Timberwolves, Minnesota Twins, MLB, Montreal Canadiens, Montreal Expos, Nashville Predators, New England Patriots, New York Jets, New York Mets, New York Yankees, NFL, Oakland Athletics, Peter Forsberg, Philadelphia Eagles, Philadelphia Flyers, Philadelphia Phillies, Pittsburgh Penguins, Pittsburgh Pirates, Rick Barry, Roberto Clemente, Roger Clemens, Ryne Sandberg, San Antonio Spurs, San Diego Padres, San Francisco 49ers, San Francisco Giants, Scott Rolen, Seattle Mariners, Seattle Seahawks, Seattle Supersonics, St. Louis Cardinals, Tampa Bay Rays, Tennessee Titans, Texas Rangers, Tim Duncan, Toronto Blue Jays, Vladimir Guerrero Sr., Wade Boggs, Washington Football Team, Washington Wizards, Willie MaysLeave a comment

We’ve arrived at an incredibly important edition of “Who Wore It Best.” In our latest, we’re digging into the roaring 20’s. Let’s find out together who made the cut in this extremely paramount, career-defining list.

29 – Eric Dickerson

His athletic excellence barely surpassed that of the rec specs. Dickerson put together the greatest single season rushing the football in 1984, going for an NFL record 2,105 yards. He wasn’t just a one season wonder, however. Before being inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1999, Dickerson was a five time first team All-Pro, four time rushing leader, has his number 29 retired by the LA Rams, and is in the Indianapolis Colts Ring of Honor.

Honorable Mentions: Adrian Beltre, Ken Dryden, Marc-André Fleury

28 – Marshall Faulk

Back to back running backs who played for the Rams and Colts. Much like Dickerson, Faulk both has his number retired by the Rams as well as being a member of the Colts Ring of Honor. Unlike Dickerson, Faulk has a Super Bowl ring. He also tacked on a MVP, three offensive player of the year awards, as well as three first team All-Pro selections.

Honorable Mentions: Bert Blyleven, Curtis Martin, Darrell Green

27 – Vladimir Guerrero Sr.

Vlad the Impaler was a 2018 Hall of Fame inductee. He earned his spot in Cooperstown after winning the 2004 MVP, hitting 449 career home runs while maintaining a .318 career batting average, and winning an incredible eight Silver Slugger awards.

Honorable Mentions: Eddie George, Scott Rolen

26 – Rod Woodson

Rod Woodson was one of the best ball hawks to ever do it; picking off 71 balls in his 17 NFL seasons. He was also a vital member of one of the greatest defenses of all time, the Super Bowl XXXV champion Baltimore Ravens. All of this (and more) cumulated in an induction to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 2009.

Honorable Mention: Wade Boggs

25 – Barry Bonds

Even before he went to the Giants and things…changed; Barry Bonds was one of the greatest players in baseball. In his seven seasons in Pittsburgh before moving to San Francisco, Bonds was a three time NL MVP, won five Gold Gloves, and five Silver Slugger awards.

Honorable Mention: Fred Biletnikoff

24 – Willie Mays

Absolute stacked number here, but Mays takes the cake. The stats are gawdy; 660 home runs, 1,903 RBI, and 338 stolen bases. Along the way Mays made 24 All-Star games, won twelve Gold Gloves, two NL MVPs, and a World Series in 1954.

Honorable Mentions: Ken Griffey Jr., Rickey Henderson, Miguel Cabrera, Manny Ramirez, Rick Barry, Champ Bailey, Chris Chelios

23 – Michael Jordan

Next question.

Honorable Mentions: LeBron James, Ryne Sandberg, Devin Hester

22 – Emmitt Smith

Emmitt Smith did it all in his 15 NFL seasons. The league’s all time leading rusher (18,355 yards) won three Super Bowls, the 1993 NFL MVP, was a four time first team All-Pro, and lead the NFL in touchdowns three separate seasons.

Honorable Mentions: Clayton Kershaw, Elgin Baylor, Roger Clemens

21 – Deion Sanders

The swagiest swag that ever swagged. Deion was, and still is, one of the most raw athletes we’ve ever seen. He wasn’t too bad on the field either. Prime’s got two Super Bowl rings, six first team All-Pro selections, and is a member of both the 90’s All-Decade and NFL 100th Anniversary Teams. Oh, and he also played in the MLB for nine seasons. He was a .263 career hitter, with 39 home runs, 168 RBI, and 186 stolen bases. Absolute baller.

Honorable Mentions: Roberto Clemente, Tim Duncan, Kevin Garnett, LaDainian Tomlinson, Stan Mikita, Peter Forsberg

20 – Barry Sanders

The twitchiest running back we’ve ever seen, just absolutely stupid stuff. A combo Heisman winner and NFL MVP, the four time first team All-Pro ran for over 15,000 yards and almost 100 touchdowns. Pretty good for a guy who retired early.

Honorable Mentions: Frank Robinson, Mike Schmidt, Gary Payton, Ed Reed, Brian Dawkins

The numbers get lower, and the lists get better. How about 24 and 21 just absolutely cleaning house? All four major sports represented on each. This was a great edition of “Who Wore It Best,” and we can only assume the names will get hotter the next time around.