Author: Chris Cook

Another Failed Shot: This Time at Love

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Photo: People

Mere hours after Valentines Day, terrible news coming out of the world of love.

According to Buzzfeed/the entire internet, Aaron Rodgers and Shailene Woodley have called of their engagement:


Total annihilation of the heart. Woodley indicated that Rodgers was too football-focused to be committed to their relationship. Now whether that’s a Big Little Lie or not, we may never know. All we can ascertain at this point is that she has become Divergent of the relationship with the Packers quarterback. We aren’t here to put The Fault on either of these Stars.

Rodgers, one of the best to ever do it, has seen this play out before. It, of course, being losing family. The reigning NFL MVP will now get a Discount Double Check on meals as he’ll no longer be paying for two. After today’s excruciating news, Rodgers will not be adding a wedding ring to his one Super Bowl ring; and has been immunized from being in a relationship.

With the status of his engagement no longer in Jeopardy, will the NFL’s Most Valuable Player commit to another year of football? Only time will tell.

Sunday State of Mind: Super Bowl LVI

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Photo: Marca

It is with profound sadness we write this week’s SSM, as the football season is officially over. Since we don’t want to see football go, we’re recapping the game that just happened; with the Los Angeles Rams winning the Lombardi Trophy in Super Bowl 56.

First quarter some action, a 7-3 score
An OBJ touchdown, but there would be more
Bengals mustered a field goal, but scoring was not hearty
Final score in mind, may have kept them from the Lombardi

A busy second quarter, plenty to talk about
Cooper Kupp scored once, Bengals ended their end zone drought
Terrible sight to see, Odell Beckham hurt his knee
Rams were down a playmaker after the injury

Maybe better than the game, the Pepsi Halftime Show
A collection of nostalgia singing songs that we all know
Snoop and Dre were great, Em, Kendrick, Mary J
How about Mr. In Da Club, please give us a replay

Cincinnati came out hot after the halftime break
A Burrow bomb to Higgins, would LA start to shake?
The 75 yard touchdown would be the highIight here
Other than trading field goals, the game’s ending was near

Only one score in the final frame, but it was the winner
Stafford to Cooper Kupp a second time, chicken dinner
With that touchdown the Rams secured a Super victory
Cemented themselves as champions, NFL history

What If NBA Trades Were Clothing Items? Untimed Down’s NBA Trade Deadline Special

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Photo: NBA.com

Deadline Day in the NBA has come and gone. With it, countless useless names moving from city to city that will have little to no impact on anything.

BUT, there are a few moves every year that draw interest. For every Daniel Thies or George Hill there’s a Pau Gasol or Carmelo Anthony. This year was no different; the league was dressed head to toe with deadline deals.

Another trade deadline day for the league with the most fashion forward athletes did not disappoint. With that in mind, what would some of the trades we saw today be if they were clothing items?

Kings/Bucks/Clippers/Pistons: Donte DiVincenzo, Trey Lyles, Josh Jackson, Serge Ibaka, two second round picks, Rodney Hood, Semi Ojele, Marvin Bagley III:

Rainbow Toe Socks

Photo: The Socks Emporium

A lot going on for something that is essentially useless.

It doesn’t really matter which players are ending up where in this deal. Just an absolute assembly of disarray happening here for a considerable amount of impracticability.

Mavericks/Wizards: Kristaps Porzingas for Spencer Dinwiddie:

Propeller Hat

Photo: CGTrader

These have to be two of the funnest names to say in the NBA; and they were traded for each other.

Spencer Dinwiddie sounds like a cartoon protagonist from a 90’s Nickelodeon show. Kristaps Porzingas sounds like a sommelier who takes his job way too seriously.

Just fun all around.

Nets/76ers: James Harden for Ben Simmons, Seth Curry, Andre Drummond and two first round picks

Fleece Sweatshirt

Photo: Russell Athletic

Look at those names above. The Nets gave up an aging forward who can’t stay in once place for too long and got a superstar point guard, a three point sniper, a top five rebounder, and reloaded on draft picks.

There’s nothing else to say here; the 76ers got fleeced.

One more year of Woj bombs and Shams slams at their peak deadline day performance. Now we have the buyout market, and a flurry of other big name moves that likely won’t change anything down the stretch either. This league!

Sunday State of Mind: January 17th-January 23rd

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Photo: Touchdown Trips

And then there were four. It’s NFL Divisional Playoff Weekend. We recap in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

The Cincinnati Bengals, also known as Cinderella
Their quarterback Joe Burrow sure is one talented fella
Bengals went down to Nashville, beat up on the Titans
A young team with big talent, NFL should be frightened

Another major upset, Niners over Green Bay
Defense and special teams for San Francisco saved the day
Jimmy Garoppolo has got to be better next week
Otherwise the Niners Super Bowl chances sure look bleak

An NFC West battle, the Super Bowl’s the prize
The Rams came down to Tampa and stuck it in their eyes
Matt Stafford and that defense ended Tom Brady’s year
Rumors are a-floating, will he end his career?

The best for last, Chiefs and Bills
Regulation not enough, overtime thrills
Time and time again, Mahomes comes out a winner
Andy Reid earned himself a nice triple steak dinner

Panthers Hire Noted Sex Symbol Ben McAdoo as Their New Offensive Coordinator

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Photo: NY Daily News

Look at him, drink in every inch of that perfectly tailored suit.

The NFL got better on Friday when the Carolina Panthers announced the hiring of Ben McAdoo as their new offensive coordinator. Before Pete Davidson was the sexiest man in New York, Coach McAdoo held that title. The former Giants head coach last prowled the sidelines in 2017 with the G-men, and had been in consulting roles with the Jaguars and Cowboys since he was unjustly fired in New York.

An undervalued offensive mind, Big Bad Ben brings the twisted steel and sex appeal the Panthers were looking for in their search. The titillating teacher of offense graced the Giants with his beautiful brain during an incredible run that started in 2016 and unfortunately ended in 2017.

According to Pro Football Reference and The Football Database, this polymath of passing and play action’s highlights include, but are not limited to:

  • 2016: ranked 26th in scoring offense, ahead of juggernauts like the Bears, Jets, and Browns
  • 2016: ranked 29th in rushing, beating out dependable runners like Theo Riddick of the Lions and Jerick McKinnon of the Vikings
  • 2016: ranked 17th in passing, out-throwing big arms like Ryan Tannehill of the Dolphins and Brock Osweiler of the Texans
  • 2017: ranked 31st in scoring offense, blowing the Browns out of the water (just like 2016)
  • 2017: ranked 26th in rushing, a huge improvement from 2016 and outrushing big hitters like Kerwynn Williams of the Cardinals and Samaje Perine of the Washington Football Team
  • 2017: ranked 19th in passing, this extremely slight drop from 2016 can easily be explained by the improved rushing attack and becoming a more balanced offense. Even with all of that, that stellar offense had more passing yards than Joe Flacco’s Ravens and Jacoby Brissett’s Colts

Absolute fireworks. If you’re a Carolina Panther fan today, I don’t know how you’re containing your excitement. Go buy those season tickets because they’ll be flying off the shelf after this announcement. Go out and get that “Panthers Super Bowl Champs 2023” tattoo. Name your next born “Benjamin.” There are no rules after organization shifting hires like Coach McAdoo.

You’ve got yourself a stud…ride that pony all the way to the Lombardi Trophy.

Sunday State of Mind: January 10th-January 16th

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Photo: Wallpaper Cave

One of the best weekends in sports, Super Wildcard Weekend. We’ve still got plenty to go, but in case you missed anything, let’s review in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

Raiders and the Bengals, first game yesterday
Joe Burrow and the boys from Cincy for sure had their way
Vegas made it close, almost tied it at the end
After the season the Raiders had, we all should commend

Bills and the Pats, Saturday’s nightcap
This one was over early, an expeditious wrap
Bills Mafia came in force and saw their team ball out
Beat the Pats two out of three, some AFC East clout

Bucs and the Eagles, champions verse Philly
TB12 and the boys made them look silly
The Eagles never got it going, and it really showed
Hard to beat the buzzsaw Brady when in playoff mode

An upset down in Big D, Niners and the boys
San Fran’s offense was too much, really brought the noise
Another big playoff loss for Jerry Jones’ team
Ever since the late 90’s that has been their theme

Other Suggestions from Bart Scott

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Photo: ESPN

This is a hard conversation to have.

On Thursday, ESPN’s always riveting morning show Get Up held what we’ve all come to expect; lively debate with hard hitting analysis.

During another exhilarating conversation, the panel moved to this week’s opening round of the NFL playoffs. While talking about Josh Allen’s issues with cold weather, Bart Scott gave his best suggestion to improve the Bills quarterback’s chances to lead his team to victory over the Patriots:

After this clip aired, Scott continued his diatribe and provided some additional tips:

  • “Soup. Find your best soup place in Buffalo and down that super bowl of broth and noodles.”
  • “Layer, layer, layer. Throw on 3-4 long sleeves under your shoulder pads to guarantee warmth.”
  • “Take a shot of hot sauce. Tobasco, Cholula, Frank’s Redhot; anything will do.”
  • “Halftime shower. X’s and O’s be dammed; in game adjustments pale in comparison to body heat. Boil up a pot of water to 425 degrees, strip down, and engulf yourself in some blazing H20.”
  • “The cold can cause joint and muscle pain, we all know that. Take some IcyHot, and jam it in any and all orifices of your body. Both nostrils, eyeballs, buttcrack. Stick it in to win is what I always say.”
  • “This is probably obvious, but train in the ancient art of fire eating.”

It’s always interesting to see the inside tips and tricks that professional athletes do to ensure premium performance. Really looking forward to the playoffs this weekend to see which of these pointers work out for Allen and the Bills.

Sunday State of Mind: January 3rd-January 9th

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Photo: Techno Crazed

Like an old friend, SSM is back to review the week that was in sports.

First week 18 in NFL history
Helped solved some teams playoff mysteries
Titans and Packers are number one seeds
Lead the AFC and NFC, respectively

Big upset that changed some plans
Jags beat the Colts, now they’re playoff banned
Indy won’t move on, their season is done
An all time choke, they were on such a run

A football tradition, all gas and no breaks
Dolphins beat the Pats in a game with no stakes
A one year playoff hiatus for the Pats
But they’re back in the dance, and that is that

In the “coaches probably fired” Super Bowl
Vikings beat the Bears, Skol skol skol
Mike Zimmer and Matt Nagy, things looking grim
Both coaches and their staffs may get trimmed

Bucs at a Crux With Their Roster In Flux

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Photos: CBS & Sports Crunch

Who could’ve seen it ending this way?

After a sideline dispute and an all-time walk off, Antonio Brown has been released by the Buccaneers. We’re all familiar by now with the he said he said of the dispute between Brown and Bruce Arians. We’re not here to debate who’s right and who’s wrong; but to make fun of all involved.

Antonio Brown is an asshole. Bruce Arians is an asshole. They’re both larger than life characters with flaws. To get to the top of their respective professions means they’re both world class at what they do; but that doesn’t mean we can’t laugh at them when a disaster of magnificent proportions like this happens in front of our eyes.

Brown’s history is just too funny not to look back and reminisce on. Despite the fact that he’s Tom Brady’s old roommate; he’s an eccentric oddball who was literally a homeless person that turned himself into one of the most physically gifted receivers we’ve ever seen. That amazing fact cannot stop us from remembering he habitually does not pay anyone for services rendered, threw furniture out of his 14th story apartment in a childish fit of rage, and rips farts in doctor’s faces. Grade A terrible and comedic behavior for anyone.

Arians is simply funny to look at. He looks like the owner of a shitty bar and grille called “Bruce’s Buoy Bar” in the Florida Keys that offers two for one Landsharks during happy hour. He also looks like the kind of guy who had his stomach pumped twice as a kid for drinking paint; not once…twice. Wrap all of this together with his trademark Kangol hat as a cherry on top, and you’ve got yourself a cartoon character for the ages.

It will be interesting to see how all of this will play out between the Buccaneers and Brown. The NFLPA will inevitably get involved, some more mud slinging will happen between the two sides, and maybe we’ll get a few more funny behind the scenes stories we don’t currently have. Will Brown get another shot in the NFL? Honestly, who cares. Let’s enjoy the shit show we have in front of us now and worry about that another day.

Sunday State of Mind: December 13th-December 19th

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Photo: Without A Hitch

The sports really sported this week, didn’t they? We review in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

Another Jake Paul fight, a real heavyweight bout
Round 2 with Tyron Woodley, knocked his ass out
Hard to argue with another knockout blow
For the YouTube star, he does put on a show

On the undercard, another wild fight
Deron Williams and Frank Gore, yeah you heard that right
If I had to choose one side, I’d be on Frank Gore’s team
But holy shit he got knocked out, even became a meme

Big upset in the NFL, Lions win again!
Not a matter of if they’ll bite, but really only when
A second win for Dan Campbell, and a tie to boot
Still like Kyler and the Cardinals, that little guy can scoot

The heat’s on in Miami, the Dolphins cannot lose
Six straight wins after today, team is set to cruise
Their record’s evened up, seven up and seven down
Will we see the much familiar late season letdown?

Staying down in Florida, surprise of the season
Urban Meyer has been fired for 1,000 reasons
We all saw this coming, was a total shit show
Funny that the tipping point was kicking Josh Lambo

A fresh new face to lead the Mets in 2022
Thinking way outside the box for the orange and blue
Super shocking hire, a clean slate as they say
Bright eyed 65 year old Buck Showalter to save the day!

The race is hot the in the NBA, who has COVID the most?
Cavs, Nets, and the Hawks currently have the rights to boast
The virus not just affecting the world of basketball
NFL has issues too, rescheduling and all