Sunday State of Mind: October 31st-November 6th

Photo: Wallpaper Access

We had the last sports equinox of the year this week. That and more in our latest SSM.

World Series is over, new kings have been crowned
Astros win another one, and are parade bound
No trash can drama this time, at least no rumors yet
If you were to wager though, might not be a bad bet

Some major programs going down in college football
Alabama lost again, Tennessee also did fall
Clemson also lost to an unranked Notre Dame
This part of the football season never comes up lame

We got vintage Tom Brady against the LA Rams
Still trying to beat the notion that the Bucs are shams
Come back win, fourth quarter drive, TB played the right cards
Also became the first QB with 100k yards

Other end of the spectrum, one guy just getting started
Justin Fields running the ball at a level uncharted
Broke the rushing record for a QB in a game
One hundred seventy-eight yards, left the field aflame

The biggest story of the week, what else can we say
The Nets made the right move by keeping Kyrie at bay
Terrible post, terrible week, he doesn’t seem to care
The constant act this guy gives us is starting to wear

Sunday State of Mind: October 24th-October 30th

Photo: Wallpaper Cave

This week, SSM stands for Spooky Spooky Memories. It’s Halloween week and we remember the past seven days of scary sports.

A horrifying football game
Out in Virginia, what a shame
Four OTs, no TDs, frightening thing to see
Petrifying football from UVA and Miami

‘Phils and ‘Stros, baseball’s best
Tied at one, no time to rest
World Series shaping up to be
A scary good watch for you and me

Tractorcito running strong
Scarred the Texans all day long
Titans rolling, looking tough
With Henry running, chilling stuff

Christian McCaffrey, holy shit
Just kept scoring, wouldn’t quit
Ran one, caught one, threw one more
Rams got wrecked, ruthless gore

Lakers and Nets, appalling starts
From winning games, they’re far apart
LeBron, AD, Kyrie, KD
Combined wins is less than three

It Gets Better, Laker Fans

Photo: The Spun

Laker fans…we’re here to help.

As LeBron, AD, and the boys fell to 0-4 on Wednesday night in Denver, we knew you would need us. It’s low right now, we won’t lie. Times are tough. But you know what, you can’t have sunshine without a little rain, right?

Who cares if you’ve lost three of four by 11+ point margins, that you’re second to last and last in three point and shooting percentage, respectively, or that you have one of the most unhappy superstars of all time in a bench role he hates?

You know what, things can only go up from here, right?!

…right?

Hey, your Cowboys are looking decent! Cooper Rush really held down the fort while Dak Prescott was injured. Number four came back and looked OK against the Lions, that’s always great. Don’t even worry about the fact that they’ve only won three playoff games since 1998. You’ve got Micah Parsons!

How could we forget about your Yankees? Season just ended, understood. But Aaron Judge took all of baseball on a hell of a ride to only come up 11 home runs short of Barry Bonds. Something none of us will soon forget. You have to love the “World Series or bust” attitude…even if you’ve only won one in the last 21 years. It’s still a great feat!

Well, hopefully this helps. Lakers fans, you are some of the best and most dedicated in all of sports. I’m sure this season will turn around eventually. LeBron will right the ship, Russell will get shipped, and it’ll be back to The Lake Show in no time.

…right?

Liz Truss Follows Sports Greats After Resigning 44 Days Into Regime

Photo: CNN

Liz Truss, the new/former UK Prime Minister, has resigned after a 44-day rollercoaster ride leading Great Britain’s government.

Truss’ short reign as leader sure sounded like a smooth, exiting time in the UK. However, all good things must come to an end. With the major announcement this morning, Truss joins some of the greatest/shortest leadership occupancies in sports.

5. Lane Kiffin, Tennessee Volunteers

Look at how happy the Lane Train was in Knoxville!

Kiffin is one of the longer tenured head coaches on our list; lasting an entire season with the Volunteers, going 7-6 in 2009.

4. Magic Johnson, Los Angeles Lakers

After becoming one of the greatest Lakers of all time on the court, why wouldn’t Magic want to lead The Lake Show as head coach?

Well, he did; racking up a stellar 5-11 record in 1994 before resigning and giving us some of the the greatest foreshadowing in history.

3. Lou Holtz, New York Jets

Before Lou Holtz was spitting on all of us on ESPN from 2005-2015, he was actually a pretty good coach.

Not in 1976, however. Holtz took the head coaching job for the New York Jets. He lasted one breathtaking season, killing it with a 3-11 record.

2. Billy Donovan, Orlando Magic

As you can see to the right, Billy Donovan pulled a Magic trick on Orlando back in 2007.

One of the greatest coaches in franchise history, he never lost a game; only because talked Orlando into releasing him from his contract five days after putting pen to paper.

1. Bill Belichick, New York Jets

Two of the rarest images to find on the internet: Bill Belichick with the Jets, and Bill Belichick smiling.

In what clearly changed the history of the NFL, Belichick resigned after being head coach of the Jets for one day in January 2000.


So fear not, Liz Truss. No one laughed at any of the above coaches after or since these jobs. I’m sure no one’s laughing at you after your historical reign in the UK.

Sunday State of Mind: October 10th-October 16th

This week in sports has been absolutely banana sandwich. SSM is here to relive it all.

Alabama/Tennessee, singing Rocky Top
Volunteer offense was rolling, and refused to stop
Hendon Hooker and the boys put up 52
Bama defense, usually good, but last night they blew

Playoff baseball heating up, and upsets galore
Dodgers out, Braves out, who surprised you more?
NLCS matchup of the Padres and the Phillies
Yes you read that matchup right, no not joking, really

Over in the AL, Astros wrecked the M’s
A 3-0 series sweep, Houston played a gem
Guardians and Yankees play to see who gets the ‘stros
Yankees ahead at time of writing, can the bombers close?

We have to ask the question: are the Jets for real?
Went on the road and got a dub down at Lambeau Field
Impressive for a young team, tough place to play for sure
And against Aaron Rodgers, a win they procure

In Light of Dan Snyder’s Threats, We’d Like to Confess

Alright, alright…you win Mr. Snyder.

On Thursday, ESPN dropped an incredible story that the owner of the Washington Commanders and human skin tag Dan Snyder was ready to go full snitch on his fellow NFL owners.

With his back seemingly against the wall and facing the possibility of having to sell his team, Snyder’s ready to go down with the ship and take the other 31 billionaire NFL owner’s with him.

Well, we’re not going to call his bluff. If one man can take out 31 of the most powerful people in the country, who says he won’t come after a dumb amateur sports satire blog next? With that in mind, we have a confession that we’d like to send Mr. Snyder.

We think you’re the least handsome owner in the NFL East***.

In a division full of Jerry Jones, Jeffrey Lurie, and John Mara…you simply cannot match this much sex appeal:

Photos: The Spun, NFL.com, SB Nation.

Look at these striking beasts. Stunning, gorgeous, well proportioned. You honestly can’t even blame Mr. Snyder for his position in our rankings with competition this stiff.

Wow…feels great to get that off of our chest.

***we are a satire site, please do not sue us. You seem like the kind of guy to do that sort of thing.

Sunday State of Mind: October 3rd-October 9th

There’s a fall chill in the air, which means playoff baseball and midseason football. All of that and more in this week’s SSM.

A big win out in London, New York beat Green Bay
The New York Football Giants, feeling some type of way
Starting the season 4-1, football’s biggest surprise
Lamar Jackson comes in next week, they may just get baptized

Speaking of baptisms, Jets dunked on the ‘Fins
Miami started 3-1, left with the same amount of wins
Jets have won two straight, sit a game behind the Bills
New York’s cold dead football hearts may be getting filled

Even without their quarterback, ‘bama is the best
Beat Texas A&M, could probably beat the rest
Of the country’s teams, Saban is just that good
The best to ever do it, that is understood

A team worthy of mention, your Kansas Jayhawks
Dream start to the season, some undefeated talks
Hung tough with TCU, but just fell short by seven
Even with a loss, Kansas football fans in heaven

As mentioned in our opening, playoff baseball is here
MLB Wild Card weekend, get your hot dogs and beer
Three game sets were over quick, Cleveland Seattle Philly
Having so much sports at once is absolutely silly

Sunday State of Mind: September 19th-September 25th

Save for a few more games, the sports have completed their sportsing this weekend. Let’s look back together at all the happenings in this week’s SSM.

The Albert Pujols show, big episode this week
Joined the 700 club, not bad for an antique
He did it in style, two bombs out in LA
The Yankees home run record keeping Aaron Judge at bay

Tough week in Miami, The U indeed not back
MTSU came to town, Hurricanes blue and black
First year, new coach for the ‘canes, so this isn’t the end
Another upset like this though, things may just start to bend

TB12 and A-Rod, who’s your favorite old QB
On field goat debate, what a thing to see
Could not care less who won the game, what matters to us most
Was how the hell did a bee swarm end up on the goal post?

Colts and the Chiefs, thought this would be easy
By the end of the game Kansas City fans were queasy
Big upset for Indy, Matt Ryan won a big one
Tough loss for the Chiefs, Andy Reid had no fun

Grandfather Finds Exciting Hobbies in Retirement

Photo: WDAM

No matter the profession, it’s hard for anyone to transition from professional life to retirement.

Your mind can wander, finding things to fill more time than you’ve ever had, and keeping active can become a whole job in itself!

Brett Favre, a 52-year old grandfather of three spent 20 years working an extremely physical job. His career took him from Atlanta, Green Bay, New York, Minnesota, and everywhere in between. An expert in his field, Favre put his body on the line for years with a competitiveness and excitement rarely seen in his industry.

When he decided to retire in 2010, Favre decided to keep his mind and body active. While he may not have been able to perform at the physical level he did pre-retirement, the want-to to remain mobile is quite the admiral feat.

Technology

We’ve all heard the jokes about the elder generation and the ever-evolving world of technology. Laptops, iPhones, Twitter; who can keep track?

Mr. Favre can! Getting a start right after retiring in 2010, Brett sat down and learned all about his iPhone. He even mastered how to send pictures via text, which he really enjoyed. After the picture texts were conquered, he gained a following on Cameo and did great there as well.

Politics

One of the most admirable thing one can do is give back to where they came from. Mississippi, much like many places in America, can use all of the help they can get.

Favre, seeing a weakness, dedicated himself to get involved in local politics. His actions showed a sincere vision for how to manage the Mississippi Department of Human Services Welfare Fund. On top of his passion for those in his state sincerely needing assistance, he’s a family man.

With those two passions in mind, he fully threw himself into a project that lead to diverting millions of dollars from poor families to build a new volleyball facility at a local university. By sheer luck, the university just so happened to be the same institution his daughter attends. Even crazier; she actually plays volleyball!

It’s great when people help people. Local southern gentleman Brett Favre is both the ultimate competitor and unifier. We should all be so lucky to live amongst such altruistic, selfless being. A proud Mississippian that exudes self-sacrifice, decency, and nobility.

Sunday State of Mind: September 12th-September 18th

Photo: Redbook

Another week of sports has come to an end. Another edition of SSM is about to begin.

New York Jets a huge comeback, the Browns just could not close
Jets fans feeling the win, there are so few of those
Down two scores, two minutes left, Cleveland had it all but won
Mental errors and screwups, all their hard work undone

Another comeback winner, Fins Up Dolphin fans
Ravens thought they had the win, Tua had other plans
Six touchdowns, a ton of yards, Miami 2-0
Coach McDaniel and the Fins putting on quite a show

All rise for Aaron Judge, just continues to rake
Fifty nine home runs this year is clearly no mistake
He should catch Ruth, Maris, and Sosa, probably not Bonds
Sixteen games left on the year, let’s see how he responds

The Las Vegas Aces, WNBA champs
Took the series 3-1, put Connecticut in clamps
Becky Hammon, rookie coach, didn’t mean a thing
Did what she does best, coached hard, and got herself a ring