Author: Chris Cook

Sunday State of Mind: December 5th-December 11th

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Photo: Toppr

If your job was to be a good sports fan, you’d be great at your work. But we can’t keep up with everything right? Don’t fret, SSM is here.

Big matchup in NoCal, Niners and the Bucs
Late round QB matchup that was not deluxe
Brock Purdy and Tom Brady, six and seventh rounders
Niners blew them out, Bucs continue to flounder

You can say this sentence now: the Lions are good
Won five of their last six, winning games they should
Also ones they shouldn’t, beat the big bad Vikings
Sent Kirk Cousins and his not great roster hiking

MLB free agency, most big names are signed
Billions worth of contracts, pockets have been lined
Carlos Correa is the last big name to sign a deal
Going to be a huge contract, teams will have to kneel

A Philly 50 burger, for Joel Embiid
Singlehandedly made the Charlotte Hornets bleed
Twenty nine for Scary Terry, Kelly Oubre too
Not nearly enough for what the Hornets tried to do

Willson Contreras Joins a Not So Exclusive Club

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The MLB Hot Stove is Hot Stovin’!

On the heels of Aaron Judge signing his mega deal with the Yankees, Willson Contreras signed with the St. Louis Cardinals on a four year, $87 million dollar deal. One of the last remaining members from the 2016 World Series team now will take over for Yadi Molina in St. Louis for the rival Cardinals.

The best rivalry in baseball (Yankees/Red Sox, Dodgers/Giants can suck it) has a surprisingly long history of players playing for both sides. Per Baseball Reference, there have been 324(!) players to don both the North Side pinstripes and red bird logos.

With this in mind, we get to play one of our favorite games…nostalgia. We all know the Jason Heywards and John Lackeys of the world. We live in the muck, the lesser known names that worked both sides of this double edge sword.

Here’s our favorites.

  • Lou Brock: Cubs 1961-1964, Cardinals 1964-1969
  • Miguel Cairo: Cubs 1997-2011, Cardinals 2001-2007
  • Cupid Childs: Cardinals 1899, Cubs 1900-1901
  • Mark DeRosa: Cubs 2007-2008, Cardinals 2009
  • Delino DeShields: Cardinals 1997-1998, Cubs 2001-2002
  • Dennis Eckersley: Cubs 1984-1986, Cardinals 1996-1997
  • Jim Edmonds: Cardinals 2000-2007, Cubs 2008
  • Joe Girardi: Cubs 1989-2002, Cardinals 2003
  • Mark Grudzielanek: Cubs 2003-2004, Cardinals 2005
  • Cesar Izturis: Cubs 2006-2007, Cardinals 2008
  • Jamie Moyer: Cubs 1986-1988, Cardinals 1991
  • Rick Sutcliffe: Cubs 1984-1991, Cardinals 1994
  • So Taguchi: Cardinals 2002-2007, Cubs 2009
  • Ryan Theriot: Cubs 2005-2010, Cardinals 2011
  • Todd Zeile: Cardinals 1989-1995, Cubs 1995

Look at those names! Where else in sports media are you going to get a discussion including Cupid Childs and So Taguchi? Nowhere, that’s where.

Sunday State of Mind: November 28th-December 4th

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Photo: Wallpaper Access

Folks, we did it again. Another week in the books and more sports than we could handle. Our latest SSM is here to review it all.

College football playoff, final four is set
Ohio State and Georgia, could we see an upset?
Other side of the bracket, Michigan vs. TCU
Sad we only have three more college games to go through

Potential Super Bowl preview, a game all wanted
Dolphins and 49ers, two teams deep bonded
It wasn’t meant to be, you see, game just fell quite short
Both QBs ended up the injury report

Jacob deGrom, your newest Texas Ranger
AL West hitters are about to be in danger
Big hit for the Mets, another big arm gone
Had so many off years, Mets fans want to stay on

Jose Alvarado! We don’t know him either
Thirty eight on Sunday, didn’t take a breather
Undrafted to bucket getter, a great sports story
Pelicans are basking in some rarely found glory

Von Miller is On IR and That Stinks

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Photo: Buffalo Rumblings

On Thursday, the Buffalo Bills announced Von Miller was headed towards the IR with a bum knee.

The team is hoping this isn’t the end of their best edge rusher for the season, and that he’ll be back for what Bills Mafia is hoping will be a deep playoff run. A minor setback for a major comeback, as they say.

While it is awful that we won’t see big number 40 out there for a month, that’s not really why we’re writing this blog. We are using this, as we will any opportunity, to remind you all of how bad Von Miller farts.

That’s right, he’s a habitual breaker of wind, a heinous back blaster, a brutal booty bomber…and he’s got the receipts to prove it.

A quick Google search shows THREE separate occasions in which Miller has been fined for his cheek squeaks. First in 2015 with the Broncos, the next year by his “Dancing with the Stars” partner, and became a repeat offender in Denver in 2018.

This dude is a hiney honking, britches burping, rear ripping maniac…and you have to appreciate the self confidence.

So here’s to a quick recovery for Von; and if he needs surgery, strong medical masks for his nurses.

Sunday State of Mind: November 21st-November 27th

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Photo: House Beautiful

The only thing better than the food during Thanksgiving week is the sports. Feast week in college basketball, rivalry week in college football, and more, all in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.

Feast week brings the upsets, in college basketball
Early in the season, and number one did fall
Friday night the Cyclones upset UNC
Iowa State resumé building early victory

After all these years, feeling like big brother
Recently there seems to be a bigger, better, other
Two years in a row now, and they’re feeling great
Two straight wins for Michigan over Ohio State

A rare win for the Raiders, and even better yet
Josh Jacobs set all the records that ever could be set
Over 300 yards between rushing and receiving
Every time he touched the ball, defenders he was leaving

A NBA homecoming, loving all around
Ben Simmons came back to play in his old stomping grounds
His favorite fans in Philly, I’m sure it felt so warm
He had a double double so at least he did perform

Drawing Up Our USA/Wales World Cup Recap Blog

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Photo: New York Times

Well, that was…something.

After jumping out to an early lead by way of a 36th minute goal by Timothy Weah, the US Men’s National Team and seemingly every fan on Twitter thought they were on their way; not only to an easy win over Wales, but the entire World Cup.

A flurry of yellow cards and a bad decisions later, Gareth Bale put a bulge in the onion bag in the 82nd minute via penalty kick that sent the US and Wales into draw territory, giving each side a point in Group B.

Phew. We have fully flexed our soccer muscles and knowledge. Did that sound convincing?

No matter the result, (which this wasn’t a terrible one, wasn’t a great one), the World Cup is awesome and we’re happy the USMNT is back as a part of it.

Now everyone rest up, get some water, and eat your orange peels…we’ve got a Revolutionary War rematch on Friday.

Sunday State of Mind: November 14th-November 20th

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Photo: Wallpaper Crafter

It’s a cold hard fact that the sports week is coming to an end. We review in this week’s SSM.

Let’s start with the world’s game, AKA jogo bonito
The World Cup is finally back, a fact you cannot veto
Always great to see the best footballers, smooth like butter
The only question left; do you say it Qatar or Qatar?

Cowboys and the Vikings, game of the week potential
Result of this game is without question consequential
Thought it would be a good one, battle of some studs
Cowboys blew them out, Vikings may be duds

Patriots and Jets, setting football back
Decades with this one, neither team on track
Pats won on a walk off, a punt return touchdown
Jets punted 10 times, offense full of clowns

It is time we talk about the best NBA team
These guys just come out every night with a head full of steam
They’ve won six straight, are very hot, doing some crazy things
Our current favorite team is the Sacramento Kings

A brutal crash and burn for Tennessee football
Big tumble for a team that was just standing so tall
Lost their starting quarterback, and the game by 25
Any playoff chances for them are no longer alive

Who’s Next on the Eagles Free Agent List?

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Photo: Fansided

The Philadelphia Eagles took their first loss this season harder than any NFL team in history.

After taking an L to Taylor Heinicke and those feisty Washington Commanders on Monday Night Football, Howie Roseman and the boys upstairs in Philadelphia went to WORK. On Wednesdsay they signed Linval Joseph, and Thursday followed up with more beef in signing former head bashing person stomper Ndamukong Suh.

With all this action going on in The City of Brotherly Love, we tapped into our sources to see who else the 8-1 Eagles may be looking to add for a deep playoff run that they hope ends in Glendale in February.

Odell Beckham Jr.

The Eagles traded for AJ Brown in the offseason, addressing a huge hole in their roster configuration. Why not keep adding?

All 32 teams would love a fresh OBJ for the long run, but the Eagles may just be the right fit.

Johnny Manziel

Manziel, the current QB for the legendary FCF Zappers of the Fan Controlled Football League, could bring some stability to the QB room.

Sources indicate Manziel could be interested in a NFL comeback if the fit seems right.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

While Manziel is currently (?) an active football player, Johnson has had experience in the past.

The owner of The XFL, seen here celebrating reading his first entire magazine article, would be a great fit even after recently turning 50 years old.

League circles say The Rock’s recent statements confirming he wouldn’t run for president came from a yearning to make it in the NFL.

Jesus Christ

The carpenter from Bethlehem has recently had his team leak information to teams that he may finally be ready to join an NFL roster.

Christ did not immediately return our request for comment.

Some big names floating around the rumor mills these days. One thing about the NFL, it’s never boring. It will be incredibly interesting to see how these free agents and others fit in as the season progresses.

Sunday State of Mind: November 7th-November 13th

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Photo: Dreamstime.com

Like real seasons, sports seasons come and go. We’re halfway home on the NFL season and almost done with college football. This week’s SSM is another celebration of that and more.

Big weekend for college football
Some big blowouts, some big teams fall
Bruins down, Ducks lose, Wildcats too
Another fun week in 2022

Raiders and Colts, the big debut
Jeff Saturday, what would he do?
Vegas was the perfect place
Colts win, Raiders a disgrace

A football first in Germany
For the Bucs and Tom Brady
Beat the Seahawks and Geno
Brady is the goat, we know

Bills and Vikings, holy shit
This game was great, every bit
Big win for Minny, the boys are buzzin’
Here comes iced out jacked Kirk Cousins

Our Third Annual NBA “City Edition” Jersey Analysis

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Photo: NBA.com

It’s that time of year! For the third consecutive season, the fashion department here at UDS has been called upon to make stupid jokes about the latest versions of the NBA “City Edition” jerseys. Let’s get right down to business.

Atlanta Hawks – slick font, but use the peach font you cowards.
Boston Celtics – very cool to hit copy and paste from the Bucks normal uni’s.
Brooklyn Nets – just like last years, using the “Friends” font makes this jersey dumb…but there’s not much the Nets could’ve done that’s worse than what’s going on with that organization right now.
Charlotte Hornets – more like Charlotte Hornys, amirite?

Chicago Bulls – I think the designer for this one forgot the assignment was due at midnight and remembered at 11:53PM.

Cleveland Cavaliers – these jerseys are giving an original Mario level feel; for that reason this one gets a pass.
Dallas Mavericks – another good effort here. Still irrationally angry that a player as great as Luka Dončić wears number 77.
Denver Nuggets – we may have our annual winner of “high school team from a Disney movie” uniforms.
Detroit Pistons – eh, this is an L. Just give us the Grant Hill throwbacks and call it a day.
Golden State Warriors – very cool to dip the bottom of your jerseys in pollen; bumblebees everywhere loving this.
Houston Rockets – same look as last year, same result. These are a winner.
Indiana Pacers – we have enough shortages in this country; the Pacers have now added a thread shortage to the list.
Los Angeles Clippers – uh…these are at least the best uniforms in LA.
Los Angeles Lakers – there needs to be a federal investigation into why the Lakers keep trying to incorporate black into their uniforms.
Memphis Grizzlies – very lazy to copy the Vlade Divac/Peja Stojaković era Kings uniforms.
Miami Heat – these are pretty similar to last year, but Miami wins this race every year and they’re right up there again.
Milwaukee Bucks – these are a mix of last year’s uniforms and the Kevin Garnett era Timberwolves…yucky.
Minnesota Timberwolves – speaking of the T’wolves…these are like the rough draft of the Nets uni’s.
New Orleans Pelicans – these are fine…would be way better if there were sewed on beads across the front.
Oklahoma City Thunder – this poor organization has never done this well; so not much to expect here. Much like the Pistons, they should just do the Supersonics uniforms.
Orlando Magic – while these aren’t a huge jump from their normal ‘fits, the fact that they didn’t incorporate orange this year like they have in the past is a win.
Philadelphia 76ers – as good as these are, the fact that they’re sponsored by a crypto website make these super sus.
Phoenix Suns – the Suns have nailed these in the past; but I think the Spurs have a case for copyright infringement with these bad boys.
Portland Trailblazers – these are like the away jerseys of the Suns jerseys, and should be included in the Spurs lawsuit. Big year for teal in the NBA.
Sacramento Kings – these are the “high school team from a Disney movie” runner ups, boring.
San Antonio Spurs – exhibit A in the aforementioned legal action suggested in this blog. These are the winners.
Toronto Raptors – so the Bulls designer also worked with the Raptors? Got it.
Washington Wizards – some very flowy flowers heavily featured here…can we start the Wizards to Hawaii rumors?

Wow…another year, another set of middle-of-the-road uniforms with even worse jokes to go with them. Thanks for the opportunity to create content, NBA.