It’s that time of year! For the third consecutive season, the fashion department here at UDS has been called upon to make stupid jokes about the latest versions of the NBA “City Edition” jerseys. Let’s get right down to business.
Brooklyn Nets – just like last years, using the “Friends” font makes this jersey dumb…but there’s not much the Nets could’ve done that’s worse than what’s going on with that organization right now.
Oklahoma City Thunder – this poor organization has never done this well; so not much to expect here. Much like the Pistons, they should just do the Supersonics uniforms.
Orlando Magic – while these aren’t a huge jump from their normal ‘fits, the fact that they didn’t incorporate orange this year like they have in the past is a win.
Portland Trailblazers – these are like the away jerseys of the Suns jerseys, and should be included in the Spurs lawsuit. Big year for teal in the NBA.
Sacramento Kings 2022-23 Nike NBA City Editing Uniform – a tribute to Fans and City
As LeBron, AD, and the boys fell to 0-4 on Wednesday night in Denver, we knew you would need us. It’s low right now, we won’t lie. Times are tough. But you know what, you can’t have sunshine without a little rain, right?
Who cares if you’ve lost three of four by 11+ point margins, that you’re second to last and last in three point and shooting percentage, respectively, or that you have one of the most unhappy superstars of all time in a bench role he hates?
You know what, things can only go up from here, right?!
…right?
Hey, your Cowboys are looking decent! Cooper Rush really held down the fort while Dak Prescott was injured. Number four came back and looked OK against the Lions, that’s always great. Don’t even worry about the fact that they’ve only won three playoff games since 1998. You’ve got Micah Parsons!
How could we forget about your Yankees? Season just ended, understood. But Aaron Judge took all of baseball on a hell of a ride to only come up 11 home runs short of Barry Bonds. Something none of us will soon forget. You have to love the “World Series or bust” attitude…even if you’ve only won one in the last 21 years. It’s still a great feat!
Well, hopefully this helps. Lakers fans, you are some of the best and most dedicated in all of sports. I’m sure this season will turn around eventually. LeBron will right the ship, Russell will get shipped, and it’ll be back to The Lake Show in no time.
Another week where sports just unmercifully punched us in the face…and we liked it. Let’s review the pounding with prose in this week’s SSM.
Your NL pennant winners, those pesky Fightin’ Phils! Took the Padres out, this team is full of thrills Harper, Schwarber, Wheeler, the list goes on and on If they play the Astros, series won’t be a yawn
Something rare happened this week, an NFL trade Niners’ Christian McCaffrey, Frisco not afraid Made his debut today, got a few plays in Chiefs came to The Bay however, got themselves the win
Speaking of the Panthers, took it to the Bucs? Hard to say but it seems like Tampa Bay just sucks Lot of season left for TB and the boys Don’t be shocked if they come back and make postseason noise
The NBA is back, first games have come and gone Just another sport this time of year loves to add on Some early surprises, Sixers and the Lakers blank The Jazz keep winning even though they’re clearly trying to tank
Liz Truss, the new/former UK Prime Minister, has resigned after a 44-day rollercoaster ride leading Great Britain’s government.
Truss’ short reign as leader sure sounded like a smooth, exiting time in the UK. However, all good things must come to an end. With the major announcement this morning, Truss joins some of the greatest/shortest leadership occupancies in sports.
5. Lane Kiffin, Tennessee Volunteers
Look at how happy the Lane Train was in Knoxville!
Kiffin is one of the longer tenured head coaches on our list; lasting an entire season with the Volunteers, going 7-6 in 2009.
4. Magic Johnson, Los Angeles Lakers
After becoming one of the greatest Lakers of all time on the court, why wouldn’t Magic want to lead The Lake Show as head coach?
Well, he did; racking up a stellar 5-11 record in 1994 before resigning and giving us some of the the greatest foreshadowing in history.
3. Lou Holtz, New York Jets
Before Lou Holtz was spitting on all of us on ESPN from 2005-2015, he was actually a pretty good coach.
Not in 1976, however. Holtz took the head coaching job for the New York Jets. He lasted one breathtaking season, killing it with a 3-11 record.
2. Billy Donovan, Orlando Magic
As you can see to the right, Billy Donovan pulled a Magic trick on Orlando back in 2007.
One of the greatest coaches in franchise history, he never lost a game; only because talked Orlando into releasing him from his contract five days after putting pen to paper.
1. Bill Belichick, New York Jets
Two of the rarest images to find on the internet: Bill Belichick with the Jets, and Bill Belichick smiling.
In what clearly changed the history of the NFL, Belichick resigned after being head coach of the Jets for one day in January 2000.
So fear not, Liz Truss. No one laughed at any of the above coaches after or since these jobs. I’m sure no one’s laughing at you after your historical reign in the UK.
In a wildly brash answer during a press conference in Las Vegas, LeBron James called out NBA Commissioner Adam Silver regarding the NBA potentially expanding to Sin City.
“He probably sees every single interview and transcript that comes through from NBA players…so, I want the team here, Adam.” said James.
Of course, LeBron is (AKA earned the right to be) the only current player in the NBA to come out and say something so bold while, obviously, still being on a roster. Even so, hearing a guy outwardly planning his next career move in Vegas while still having a lot of work to do for the Lakers is worth noting
While The King’s begging of the commissioner is getting the headlines, there were a number of other demands the 37-year-old James made during the Q&A session:
All Klutch Sports clients provided a seventh foul before being fouled out of games.
Evolving “All-Star Weekend” to “All-Star Month and a Half.”
Any references to receding hairlines meriting a 41-game suspension.
LeBron provided an eighth foul before being fouled out of games.
A pretty burdensome list from LeBron. Without question he still has enough sway going into his 20th season to effect some changes in the NBA in the spirit of improving the league as a whole, and definitely not just himself.
We’ve reached a pretty great part of the sports calendar. Top flight college basketball, NBA heating up, baseball right around the corner, and more. It’s all here in this week’s Sunday State of Mind.
Final Four weekend, blue blood city Tar Heels made Duke’s weekend shitty Kansas beat ‘Nova, the final game’s set UNC and KU, lock in those bets
Let’s not forget the women, guess who’s back South Carolina starting a trophy stack Took out Louisville, then beat up UConn Lady Gamecocks have been nothing but on
Can you feel it folks, baseball’s almost here Hot dogs, popcorn, pretzels, beer Warm weather’s coming, so grab your gloves It’s baseball season and we’re in love
NBA regular season is winding down Almost playoff time, handing out a new crown Two big name teams are in serious trouble Nets and Lakers down bad, need wins on the double
It’s Sunday, there were sports this week, and we’re in a certain State of Mind.
A special week in Indy, the NFL Combine A chance for NFL prospects to jump, run, and shine Some major workout numbers, athletic freaks galore NFL coaches and GMs jaws dropping to the floor
Surprise news out of Dallas about one of their best Amari Cooper likely gone, Cowboys fans must be stressed The wideout’s too expensive for Jerry Jones’ liking So now their number one receiver will be gone, sent hiking
Still in a holding pattern in the MLB The lockout continues as both sides will not agree On a new CBA, games continue to be lost The longer this goes on, more baseball games get tossed
We talked last week about big scores in the NBA Repeating this week, Jayson Tatum and LBJ JT scored 54 tonight, Bron 56 on Saturday Defenses sat on the sideline and watched the big dogs play
We’ve got our first few tickets punched in the NCAA March Madness is so close, let’s get this underway Murray State, Longwood, and Loyola Chicago You know what that means; Sister Jean’s ready to roll!
With our Super Bowl hangovers cured, it’s time to move along in the sports calendar. This week’s SSM reviews the week that was in sports.
Baseball’s continued locked out, two sides can not agree Between the player’s union and owners from the MLB Spring Training scheduled for last week, of course that’s a no go Hopefully resolve comes soon so we can see The Show
NBA All-Star Weekend, they always do it right Skills, three point, and dunk contest happened Saturday night Cavs, KAT, and Obi, winners respectively Team LeBron beat Team Durant tonight on TNT
College basketball fight! But not between the players Michigan’s Juwan Howard was the slap conveyor Wisconsin winning big, but called a late timeout Pissed off the Wolverines and lead to the postgame coach bout
A sad day for Lakers, Clippers, Sparks, and Kings fans.
On Monday, pictures surfaced of the famous red blocked “Staples Center” signage being removed from the arena in Los Angeles. The de-signing took place after it was announced the venue would undergo a name change to Crypto.com Arena, with an official name change marked for Christmas Day.
We’re talking Hollywood here, land of entertainment and retreads. So, there has to be some kind of creative venture for these now-homeless letters to stick around LA, right?
What kind of next life could be in store for our old friends S-T-A-P-L-E-S-C-E-N-T-E-R?
Escapees
Escape rooms have really come on in popularity in the past few years. If you’re looking to get into the industry, what better way to get some foot traffic through your doors than naming your business “Escapees,” all while flaunting the caveat that the letters came from Staples Center?
Etcetera
Can we be done with the phrase “Thrift Shop?” For what is indeed a great business, it sounds so degrading. Donators always have more in their closets than they need…some would go as far as to call unmentioned, extra items “Etcetera,” correct? What if those looking for some cheap second hand clothes walked into “Etcetera,” the hottest new co-op downtown?
Pacesetters
Lot of runners out there. Those psychopaths who knock out marathons like it’s their jobs. Doesn’t “Pacesetters” sound like a bar that these physically-gifted freaks could gather and talk about shin splints, nipple chafing, and whatever else happens when you run for extended periods of time?
Caprese
Upscale salad bar, enough said.
Actress
I’m no big time Hollywood agent, but I do know that our entertainers in the TV and movie industries do these things calls “head shots.” If I’m an aspiring actress trying to stand out from the crowd at an audition, I’m buying the Staples Center sign, posing right in front of “Actress,” and watch the bank account overflow.
Teen Crap
Zodiac rings, BTS posters, Tik Tok ideas. Everything you need for your favorite youth all in one place. Come on in to “Teen Crap” and let your favorite 13-19 year old max out your credit card on totally worthwhile stuff!
Relapse
This absolutely sounds like an insensitive name to call a bar in LA. We wouldn’t make that joke though, totally tasteless.
Los Angeles, there you go. Your homework is done for you, you’re welcome. It’s up to you now to make sure the letters of “Staples Center” do not fade into memory as a worthless and out of date member of society…kind of like the actual store Staples.
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